reflection

if i'm so wrong how can you listen all night long

2012-02-13T23:26:00.000+08:00

hi there.

i feel like deleting this whole thing. i mean, this blog. seriously. what should i say in here? i'm left with no words and nothing to say more out loud. maturity is kicking in, y'all. might as well forget the existence of this blog until my granddaughters/grandsons find it in the future. who knows.

well, if you like running on the treadmill or jogging, pretty please download all MCR's songs. it just feels so good and right to run/jog with a playlist of just their songs.

off to read.

...and sleeep.

good night.

the things u dont have to bother reading

2012-02-08T21:19:00.000+08:00

i'm getting lazy to write day by day.
day in day out. not the same routine.
i wanted to come out with a long entry. but sharing my feelings is little too personal, for me to bear these days. this is an aging sign. it has to be because i was the kind that could not keep things on my own. well now, look how far i've reached.

i had severe headache today. some girls are lucky because they dont have to go through monthly period pain. but it's not that easy when the replacement is terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible headache. not fun. not fun. not fun.

so that's all the momentum that i have for now. off to sleep.

good night.

louder, louder and we'll run forward.

2012-01-30T23:35:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since the last book. it's been a while since the last written post. it's so long since i quit loving myself the way i used to. and it's been so long too.

impact.
impression.
poetic.
adrenaline rush.
heart beats faster.
pile of works.
favourite drink. favourite food. favourite ayam goreng.
good books.
and, Lucas Scott.

i seem to forget what was my first intention to blog.
maybe i dont really dwell on my past. maybe i just want to move forward without looking back. because it all the same, anyway. whether i look back the memory lane or not, i still am carrying the silence, disappointment. being hopeful to drop those along the way. like i used to do.

a quick post

2011-12-22T08:56:00.000+08:00

have a nice dayyy.
well i'm blogging directly from my office. can you imagine that? i should be doing my work at this freaking hour, that was the intention at the very first place. reached office quite early today, half geared-up to finish up my work, yet i ended up here.
it feels so nice be home. i mean, here.

well, life's been good. alhamdulillah. just missed out friend's engagement due to unforeseen reason. but gain another sweet memories by spending time with my bestfriend from school; the one that is close to my heart, knew my never-ending tales. basically, yeah, i dont know what i ever did to deserve such a sweet and wonderful friend. hence, thank you Allah.

life's hard to the core at times, and feel like giving up. but hey, this is life. take it or leave it. and as long as i'm still breathing then i know, i shall take it all the way. insyaAllah.

have a nice day people!

2011-12-07T00:31:00.000+08:00

i'm letting go..

love. and that, leaves a memory that time can't steal.

a dot

2011-11-20T17:47:00.000+08:00

Once, I’ve read somewhere about there’ll be a point in life when a girl starts to question everything. Almost everything; faith, career, boyfriend, family, life, passion, hobbies, and most of it would be about herself.

From that day onwards, I always knew that one day I’ll question about my life, myself and I think that “one day” is recently. HDT was right. One must lost herself/himself, so that she/he’ll start to find her/his self once again. to understand. To learn.

I’m not going to be all philosophical, because I know I’m not. I’m just a girl who still is trying so hard to find myself in all these noises. For once, it’s time for me to close my eyes and ears, and start to feel thing from within. Those questions I’ve asked, only I could answer. insyaAllah.

So yeah, there’ll be a point when a girl will start to question everything in her life. and when you reach there, your faith will help you through. My faith will help me through. insyaAllah…

Alquran 06:59. Go figure

light up, light up, as if you have a choice.

2011-11-09T23:42:00.000+08:00

light up, light up

as if you have a choice,

even if you cannot hear my voice,

i'll be right beside you, dear.

run, snow patrol.

i told myself to at least write a single honest entry.
just a simple and honest.
and for that, i tend to blog about my favourite songs. i think most of my readers (i doubt if there is any) are getting annoyed by my out-loud humming of Run and Littlest thing. truth is, those two are my fave. always have and always will.

it's far from reality, really. i dont know if you could such songs could suffocate you, but it sure does to me. i guess, i'm just emotional.

i'm about to hunt down to kill a mockingbird but refused to. most of the reviews say it's a thumb-up. being different and always on contrary belief side from people's view, i decided to hold that thought. i'm quite at loss reading catcher in the rye, last year and could not find any sparks of magic in it, contrariwise from the reviews. i'm sorry if we don't see the same horizon regards to books.

a week passed, and i'm still with shadow of the wind. how am i going to make a huge progress, bila saban malam aku menelaah pretty little liars? hehs.

i'm sleepy. good night :)

just believe in your heart, and mind that: i can do it.

shadow of the wind

2011-10-31T22:45:00.000+08:00

i am quite into photo blogging right now. that's one obvious reason for my absence in blogspot; put aside my lack of idea/ability to convey my strewed thoughts into words. nothing much really.

unify is here. thus, the constant of online movies and tv series. it's pretty little liars, for now. after all, there's not a spark of charm left for one tree hill. goshh, i used to dote upon the main characters as much i could clearly remember. tree hill is definitely one. and once in a lifetime, at that. i shall resume watching. till then peeps.

by the way, for readers out there who necessitate for a spellbound work of fiction, i recommend you; the shadow of the wind. yeap, it's a translated novel. the original one is in spanish which obviously i won't buy as much as i wanted to. but rest assured, the translator did a good job i, i think. have a try.
i read only few pages and fell right into it. gahhhhhh

i need a new bookshelf. a pink one.

image from google

of today

2011-10-27T00:02:00.000+08:00

when i was done with my cooking for lunch's lauk pauk, only then i realized i haven't set the rice cooked. that's how clumsy i am in the kitchen. after all, kitchen has never been really my favorite place. i prefer couch in front of a tv. that feels more like home. my home. yet i ditched the imaginary couch (since we've yet to purchase any for this apartment that i'm sharing with other 3 girls) and off i went to prepare myself meals to eat. nothing much really. the simplest stuffs you could find if you flipped through your cooking memories. lets not go deeper on that side of skills as i might end up cook up a loads of excuses, justifying my deficiency in handling pans and cutlery.

oh before i forgot, happy deewali to my indian friends.

i decided to set my foot in the office on a public holiday like today (yeah, whatta hell. i seem to forget the meaning of it), only to find out i have no such energy/mood minimal point to work on such a fine day. stayed there, motionless and doing nothing until i concluded for a better way to spend the time. one freaking hour had been wasted there, in the decision making process. i hate vacillating which i seem to own. i settled for a visit to Kino. that becomes my sanctuary recently and it seems to welcome my frequent sojourn as well. for me, it's quite impossible not to go out empty-handed. i smiled with purchases i made- one that has been in my to-read list for quite a while; the shadow of wind.
on contrary belief, i was hooked at popular science section for as far as i'm concern, science reading has never been fell into my liking. however, the Einstein's theory of relativity compelled me to spend almost an hour there. i really should widen my reading scope.

whatelse?

oh, experienced another episode of LRT breakdown which was very nearly stripped away my good feeling. instead of longer waiting, i hailed a cab at the driveway.

i reached home safely and i guess it's time to sleep. all of sudden, thursday feels like monday. yeah, it sure does since i have shiteloads of datelines due to my improper time management. long live syazana!

2011-10-23T23:09:00.000+08:00

i doubt if he ever found out this blog. but i still wana say this:

i love you. and i know i will always in love with you, abah :)

there, i said it.

you know, we had our times of arguments. father-daughter arguments are most unlikely inevitable. it's written in the book of fate. regardless what happen, you still are the man that is surely in my prayers day and night.

funny. i could simply text my friends if i ever miss them but i keep it all at heart when it comes to you. nope, it's not ego. it's just the way it is it; between him and me. he's never good in showing emotions but i guess most men are like that. they feel it at heart.

good night, abah.

2011-10-23T22:22:00.000+08:00

people=human beings. that includes me and you.

if they dont talk to you, they practically talk about you. yeah, digest that bittersweet facts. it's reality that we live in such community. dont tell me you're excluded because you and i both know, you're lying if you claim so.

i happened to plan this weekend to be fulfilled by high dosage of reading. however, as usual, if i plan to, then i'd end up doing something else. blogsphere is much more interesting with the existence of tumblr. facebook bores me to death with its new layouts and everything. too advance for a simple mind, or to be precise for a such bigot like yours truly. nevertheless, i still love you mark zuckerberg. dont you worry.

candidly speaking, i genuinely in denial about my feelings about my work. you got what i mean? well, some says this is just a transition. i'd say this is an alien transition from student world to adult world where i've to carry my very own responsibility which obviously not really is my favourite. how to put this nicely? i just dont have any idea to do so. lets just leave this here. gahhhhsss. another proof of my poor articulation.

i'm in the middle of reading Paolo Coelho's Aleph. courtesy of a friend who presented me the book as my birthday present.thank you very much. i try my best to figure at least a single engaging episode of my life which might be beneficial for you readers like books review or something, but this brick mental block of mine doesnt seem to melt away by time. with that, i shall wave good bye and pull down the curtain for now.

good night. in less couple of hours, weekend'll be over. hello monday. please be nice.

just sayin'

2011-10-23T11:16:00.002+08:00

I am easily influenced, just like that. listening to slank’s ku tak bisa; and this reminds me a lot of my uni years. I think I am that emotional, sometimes. truth to be told,i have to admit that I listen to this song quite too often on a weekend night, before I decided to buzz my good friend for a late night walk. I was a buzzer, an interrupter of a solitude night because I, myself felt forlorn to the core. Those nights, those walks, that boulevard, the same good friend. How could I forget? you tell me. apparently, years later, which happens to be today; on a weekend night, I’m listening to these same songs; Slank’s ku tak bisa and Snow Patrol’s Run. Only that I’ve no one to buzz for a walk at this freaking midnight hour! I’ve never really had a problem with distance, but right now this moment it’s a subject of my detestation. It sure is.

I want more of viva la vida of a kind, please. Not like the recent of every teardrop is a waterfall. If you’re one of coldplay’s millions fans, you utterly grasp what I’m talking about.

the story

2011-10-16T17:46:00.000+08:00

what would you do when you see one by one your dream is finally coming true or did actually come true? the feeling you've got when you can cross one of your to-do list is such a satisfaction. hence, today i wanna share with you a story. a lame one. a boring one. but surely, matters to me.

i dream big dreams. i have big dreams. so with what i could link right now is, success which i can classify as goals are not a destination. it comes with responsibility. i take myself for example;
once upon a time, i dreamed of getting PETRONAS scholarship. eventually, it did happen. but that was not just it. that comes with responsibility which is to study well. it's called amanah. i went down the memory lane during the speech given by beloved TM this morning. he makes me think. am i really holding tight the responsibility, the amanah my scholar had entrusted on me or should i be precise that the amanah that Allah has blessed me with. was i amanah enough? was i? i know the answers. i had great time in UTP. really really a great time. the blessings were uncountable. but i doubt if i ever carried my responsibility wholeheartedly. even so, the continual blessing that Allah keeps sending upon me and my family is something i should really be grateful for.

take another example. for all my life, i think subjects i hate most are structured programming and reservoir simulation. i did. i truly did. because learnt those two subjects were like learning physics in greek. seriously. but when i rethink back, hey. those subjects were also part of my amanah. why would i still grumble. why would not i take it wholeheartedly and gave my best? like, studying more. it's amanah. it's part of my amanah. and it'll be questioned back future.

hence friends, lets take care full responsibility of our amanah. for muslims, the core amanah by Allah like solah, parents, and whatever He has bestowed upon us; may you like it or not that's amanah. way to go people.

today marked another dot in my life.

happy sunday

2011-10-09T16:40:00.000+08:00

i don't understand Careless Whisper.

:(

what shall i cook today?

it's sunday, people :)

2011-10-07T23:35:00.001+08:00

run.
don't look back in anger.
viva la vida.

i judge songs. music is quite a big part in my life. the portion is not that big, i said quite big. the point of this entry is i wanna tell you on how much i'd like to blog about run.
but i never did.
the ideas are just not there. perhaps, a cup of cappucino is all i need to fuel my creative writing. to at least boost my spirit. but hey, who am i kidding. all i need are heartfelt prayers to the Almighty, the Great Architect of the universe; Allah swt.

i seldom watched tree hill. i used to re-watched the episodes over and over again. watching one tree hill is like reading a book you know.
imagine myself staring blank at the hoop by the riverside court. just like in the tv on a certain day. i'll be doing just that. just I wait and see. the trick is to keep trying and trying until i get there. i dont know about you but i think "stop complaining and work harder" motto is working for me.

off to watch one tree hill.again.

thoughts

2011-10-05T23:29:00.000+08:00

when i see someone has successfully realized their dreams, i started to wonder, what is wrong with mine? why they are not becoming real? or at least the feeling that i got close to them. at least. and the moment i think of that, i should slap my face. hello, those twin buildings were once your dream. those talks were once your dream too. hence, stop complaining work harder. and thats what im gonna do.

something happened few years back. it was late at night. i was in need to find old clothes or maybe a torchlight. i went into tok's (nickie for grandparents) room and the sight og my grandfather's old blue baju melayu made me sit on the bed and cried. that was after five years he left us. five years. and still, the emptiness is still the same. the void is replaceable. he has not gone anywhere though. he just answered the creator's call. when we cry right there and then for a simple thing like the old blue baju melayu for example, i knew right away how lucky i was to have the chance to spend 15 years with him. that, is such a blessing. thank you Allah.

he used to ride me around. he used to send/fetch me to/from school. he used to tell me stories. and above all, he gave me my very first al-quran when i was a seven year old girl. what people say is true about how important a gift is. gifts should be selected. so that the one who receives it would always remember you and your values. And as for me, no matter how hard works could be, i know whenever i come back from home, there's the red quran on my bookshelf; reminds me Allah is there, and yeap, there was someone who is always there too eventhough he's so far away from my eyes. that is blessing. and blessing fuels me. so give up is really not an option.

of today. of my birthday

2011-10-02T16:04:00.000+08:00

assalamualaikum wbt
and hii people.

i love it when it's my birthday. i wish everyday is my birthday. i love the attention. and maybe that is one of the reasons why i am so much in love with events and weddings and such. you're the centre of so called attention and attraction.

i won't say much on the storyline of my birthday. i'm turning 23. two three. can you believe that. one of my closest friends called all the way from New Zealand yesterday. we talked like forever. it's amazing because whenever i am with my good friends, i never run out of topics. the conversation is never really turning to dry one. i think that might be due to the fact that we dont really see each other much and talk everyday. oh Allah, i do truly love my circle of good friends. they're just great. the bond is just unbreakable. thank youuuu.

i spent quite much on books these last few weeks.the loss of iphone is actually a blessing in disguise. well, you know, when i had one, it was be always with me. i go through feeds on facebook every few minutes. and other websites too. i've neglect my needs for reading for which i'd say, reading is actually oxygen for my mind to breathe new perspective. if not, i feel stagnant. and nothing is worse than a stagnant mind.

here's the list of books i've read for the past 2 months:
1. Brida. bought it the day after i lost my iphone
2. The lost Symbol.
3. Five People You Meet in Heaven.
4. The Alchemist

Current reading:
1. The Last Lecture
2.A Doctor in the House. (i should've finish it before my graduation. on my graduation day, i plan to smile widely and sweetly and say to TM "I finished reading your book. and you're such my inspiration")
3.The Message from Water.

i hate to be labelled as bookworm. but guess i just am. for my birthday, i wish i could spend my time and have the strength to read more on economics.

this is not a good time for a book review because i'm gripped by laziness to elaborate on what i've read, but seriously, A doctor in the House is a must-read. go get a copy or you can simply borrow from me.

see,my thoughts are scattered all around. the birthday post is turninh into book review. hehe..

till then peeps.
till then.

bubly

2011-09-27T22:49:00.000+08:00

1. happy birthday google :)

i'm listening to the radio. relaxing my mind from whatever is flying it. one of them is, how i can change so much within these years. the last time i remember, as clear as the polished crystal glass is the image of stubborn and arrogant me walking around without a crack of smile on my face. that girl is not a around anymore. thinking of that, i've to admit that people could not have all bad sides. human being; regardless how annoying they are, how naughty they are, we still do possess some good side. so, if you hate certain people, think back. you might only dislike one of their attitudes but remember they also have the good side.

i'm walking away from anger.

i try to live. i try to appreciate things more. i am trying. there are so much more to learn. there are so many good books to read yet the are so little time.

i think i better resume my reading. this site consumes my time so much already.

words of the day: walk out from anger, hatred and such. they are actually a good teacher once you master them. at least, i'd like to believe so.

TM, you inspire me.

2011-09-25T22:43:00.000+08:00

procrastination is indeed a thief. a dangerous one.
this is what i've learnt for the past weeks and i pray Allah will forgive me for all that i've procrastinated.

off to sleep.

this weekends

2011-09-17T14:57:00.000+08:00

hi all.
whoaaa it's been a while since the last time i blog. nothing much happened really for the past 2 weeks. works are piling up aligning with the responsibilities to hold too. not in the mood to whine on that because i know no matter what, it's life and like it or not, i do still need to entertain those said responsibilities. so leave it there and i shall let myself to learn bit by bit from it

yesterday was awesome. as early as 11 am (early??) we headed off to siti's open house. i swear her mother's rendang ayam was undeniably delicious. then, we went to alamanda to see Johnny English which obviously hilarious, dinner at Johnny. later that night, stuck around at intan's place- had a catch-up session with her mother. and i found myself home around midnight.

today is nothing much too, i pre-planned to re-watched Up however the clumsy me left my red hard disk in the office. what a klutz. oh by the way, for those of you, who haven't watched the smurfs, go lah watch the movie. it's very nice you know.

so now, i'm just with Robert Langdon to know more on the lost symbol. for the curious, well it's the book i'm talking about. go get a copy if you don't have one. seriously, best.

till then for now

p/s: Dan Brown's books are meant for reading, i think. since when it goes into movie like the previous two; The da vinci code and Angels and demons are just simply..hmmm less interesting. so please, read!

till then!

the voice and updates that come with it.

2011-09-03T17:07:00.000+08:00

i was just about to blog concerning the voice. yeah, that reality show featuring together Adam Levine, Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo and Blake Shelton. i'm not so much into reality show. i watched few episodes of akademi fantasia back in school because my friends did. you know, seriously, the only fun you'd have in high school (read: boarding school and all girls at that) is when you're with your close girlfriends. hence i usually just tagged along. not that i looked down on local music industry, but simply it was out of my interest. i dont really watch american idols either. i dont understand what they habitually fuss about when the season is here. but i believe, different people have different perspective on things.

however, since i have this short holiday that finally comes to a halt tomorrow, it's just hard to leave home this time around. the voice hooked me. like, really. and i dont even have tv in KL. we have yet to decide whether we should buy it or not. plus, the unify is coming soon. additional cash out items in my cashflow. lets just hope, i can get over my phase as an IT illiterate and can actually download the voice episodes on my own. they have this so-called blind audition where these four supposed to be mentors will just listen to their singing and push the red button if they like what they hear. basically, the decision made based on the quality of their voice. so i guess, thats why it's called the voice in the very first place. besides, whats not to love about the voice? (read: adam levine). hahaaa.. i browsed through his page just now, of which my initial intention is to "like" the page, however feel a bit of reluctant when his walls are full of "marry me" and the kinds from fans. well, i expect his page at least have some sort of constant updates of his music activities instead of mostly covered with mushy love notes on the wall.maybe i havent found the right page. hehee..

what else? i dont wanna talk about breakouts on my face. sad! it's a tragic and horrible breakouts i've ever had in my entire life. frankly speaking, not that i really care though. bring it on, hormones!

source: google image.

1. the hairdo!
2. the dress. only if its a long dress, i could buy a black cardigan and wear it on my graduation day.
3. back to december is magnetic. to my ears.

soundtrack

2011-09-03T07:23:00.000+08:00

Besides reading, I watched movies/series a lot. I think I’ve mentioned that in my previous entry about how easy peasy it was to download movies back in my uni. The longest time consumed for a movie to finish download was approximately 5 minutes. Tell me, how can I not love my uni? One of the huge concrete reasons, needless to mention the best teh ais evahh!

Okay now back to point.

Besides the abovementioned hobbies, I listen to music a lot too! some are like vinyl of moments in my life. you know the kind you would say to yourself whenever you listen to certain particular song “ahh, this reminds me of…” I’m super excited when GreenDay released their new single although only to discover myself listening to one or two songs continually. Nahh, talking about selective reading, might as well apply to selective type of music for casual playing on my playlist. And selective twaddle characters for a qualified boyfriend.duhhh!

-bad day (Daniel Potter): the late night talk I had with a cluster of friends after playing volleyball (errr or squash) in our first year in uni. Speaking of that, I had no chance to gain weight as we would go out sweat on weekends night to play whatever sport available. Sounds athletic much? I was just kidding. We practically only swollen our arms by digging (spike?) the ball. Well,while in the middle of conversation, in the middle of the night, my father did call. Oh!mau tercabut jantung aku! Bad day was my ringtone at that time. father’s instinct. He asked my whereabout,and I did tell him the truth though. I said I was hanging out with my some of my friends waiting for sahur. His voice sounded like it was okay, but advised me not to do that often.

-littlest things (Lily Allen): I listen to it right after watching that movie. Ermm what its title again? the one which the elder sister died due to cancer. The younger sister sued her mom or so. The storyline itself was sad to the core. Haih, it’s not even the soundtrack of the movie. I couldn’t find the connection either. heeheheeee

-rolling in the deep (Linkin Park Live): I swear Adele couldn’t beat this!

-tonight (Reamon): the 8-months internship in Miri. Specifically my housemates back there. once, we were fanatical towards a Spanish artist, who featured with Reamon during one of his live performances. He’s a hot dude. Hotter than JT,the love of my life (read: justin timberlake).blueks

-larut (Dewa): a friend of mine asked me to listen to this song. I said I would and I did 4 years later.I assumed it was when he realized he was in love for how-many-times (dude, was it the first time? heheeee) I’m not sure, but I surely knew he totally fell in love with someone at that point of time.

-takkan ada cinta yang lain (Dewa): flipping through lecture notes for geoscience lab test that morning. my roommate looked at me and smiled. I asked her why, then she replied “are you in love?” hell yes, I was!

-hilang (garasi soundtrack): one of those mornings in foundation year. While walking back to/from chancellor hall for physics paper, we decided it’d be good to have some fun at sunway lagoon. We packed our bags, and off we went for a short trip to KL. Having fun is so much fun if we do it spontaneously.

-written in the stars (Tinie Tempah): last minute revision with two of my classmates for Drilling paper. Ans we laughed hard as soon as we figured his name. but this song is undeniably nice.

Enough of my real-life stage musical example. Lets end this post with a sip of hot nescafe in the morning.

Till then!

taylor swift

2011-09-03T04:35:00.000+08:00

I’ve never been a big fan of Taylor Swift. Yes, I do download a few of her songs that are frequently played on radio. I listen then that’s it. She’s never really speaking right to me. I mean, her songs. Not until I heard her version of Viva La Vida (originally its coldplay) and one of the sweetest songs ever composed; two is better than one. Lately, I’m glued to back to December.

She really has a beautiful voice. She does. and her hair is just, well, let just say I love it!

I came to know almost of her songs are written on her own. I googled some of them, and found out that there is actually a hidden story behind each of her song. Nice one, Swift. Mind you, it’s not really about the emotional nostalgic connection between my mood or anything that has been there in my life attached to the lyrics or whatever. hehssss

now i can go to her facebook fan page and click the "like" button. i officially announce that i, Syazana is one of her millions fans. thanks!

regards,

Syazana Izz

mwahhhhxxxxx

have a little faith?

2011-09-02T01:35:00.000+08:00

You know, I never good in dealing with emotions. It’s not that I’m real bad at it, but yeah, I usually acted like such a weirdo and psycho when it comes to it. I’m learning though. I’m learning to be better.

do you remember when an evening when we spent our time together; walking by the beach at Casa Rachado, watching sunset, jumping into the swimming pool. We had a care-free lifestyle, yes?

Remember the night when I told you about the love of my life, went far far away, chasing his dreams and left me behind with mine so that I had the solid focus I needed to chase mine too? we were like a bunch of crazy kids when we had the late night talk with some of our groupmates. We talked about life, love, future, present and past? Those were the days. All of sudden, those memories gushing through my mind, relentless, and I’m drowned in them. They’re fresh memories, of which I could smell them like the newly baked croissants, fresh from the oven. Delicious and hot.

Then I closed my eyes. The reality struck me right on my forehead. I am no longer in that care-free zone. I am anxious, almost in everything. I wish I could be more sincere in my writing. I wish I would have twice or thrice those captured moments that I locked up and kept safely in my heart all these years; you know the moments that matter. Those that you wish are real instead of just collective memories and the kind of you wish the people in it, the ones that were part of it are real too. Hence, you can laugh away your tears or bad days with them.

Hope is a big thing. Being hopeful is another. But to choose to be static and hopeless are the two things I avoid most, even when life blows the hurricanes into my way. I am not saying I’m strong because deep down I know I’m not. all I have is that sufficient strength to get through. All I have is I know I’m cut out for this; this test or trial or whatever word dictionary may put it.

2011-09-01T13:15:00.001+08:00

first and foremost,
selamat hari raya aidilfitri.

secondly, i'm gonna come out with a long entry. just you wait :)

Angel.

2011-08-18T23:14:00.000+08:00

1. i still keep one of my good friends' tshirt. the orange one. i borrowed it on the last day of high school. even knowing the fact that we would be leaving the next day and knew the fact that she wouldn't get it back, she still lend it to me. :) the beauty of friendship.

2. i dont make wishes. i want my wish come true. and i don't dare dreaming about base jumping at Angels Fall. nevertheless, i hope one day i make it there. Venezuela.

3. and maybe skywalking at grand canyon.

basically, it's true. if we open our eyes, there are so many blessing around us. it's not just about what's troubling you but it's more to what makes you happy and your heart feels lighter. and i, i wish to have some drops of jupiter in my palm, so i can hand it to you.

talking about craps, and fiction.

i fill myself with a little dosage of fiction. it feels good to have a normal life again. -normal- as in my case where i sit silently and read novel. or where, i doze off while reading. thats normal, at least for me.

2011-08-15T23:07:00.001+08:00

i did something that i wasnt proud of.

i wanna read Brida and drift off to sleep.

night.

of weekend.

2011-08-13T12:40:00.000+08:00

finally i have some time for myself. this weekend. i plan to treasure alone weekend here. to do what i like to do most.

reading.
listening to instrumental
no nescafe in the morning. it's ramadhan.
reading again.

now i realized that i have pile of dusted, untouched books in line on that bookshelf.
i used to love reading so much until i cant even breathe if i'm not indulging myself in them. those days are gone. i realized that in this present moment i prefer sleeping more than anything. i need to change that habit. i know.

i wanna say hello to squash. and gym. and volleyball. but the usual cliques to do all of the previousmentioned aren't here. i'm gonna find the new cliques.

anyways, it's true. i cannot be in love and wise all in the same time. am planning to challenge the fact; that i can be in love, and wise all in the same time.

we'll see.
bring it on!

oh by the way, i bought Brida.
i left my "Have a little Faith" at home.

6th Ramadhan

2011-08-06T11:36:00.000+08:00

have you ever watched Leap Year? if you didnt, then i suggest you to. not because of the cheesy love story line in it, not too because of the Irish actor in it, but simply because the scenery.

i wanna go to UK since forever. and i doubt if i ever go there, i will ever come back. lol..

so yeah, UK is the destination for now. where and when are still uncertain. however listening to Still Water makes me wanna go there even more. the inexplicable relationship between music and desire and dream. i need to do some laundry, and head to office, then-after. will have the break-fast event with some of my friends during PIPE.

seriously, I wanna change. I wanna be the change i wanna see. Dear Allah, please let this be the month of changes. ameen.

word of the day: no one can pick you up but yourself.

no title

2011-08-03T22:00:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry if m\y blog does not reflect much. as much as its title. like i told you before, or it's actually the excuse i'm trying to live with, is that i dont have that passion to blog. even on the matter i frequently did or the things that excites me. hmm.. the story of my life.

to cut it short, the only thing i'm looking forward each day is to lie on my bed, listening to the sound of piano (repeatedly of all my life and wonderful tonight. and yeap, still water. those three are all time instrumental favourite of mine. no one can take them away from me. heheee

i've started reading. again.

happy birthday, dearest Saiey.

2011-08-01T00:32:00.000+08:00

semoga Ramadhan kali ini lebih diberkati.

amiinnn...

2011-07-28T22:41:00.000+08:00

i was mentally blogging when i was on the train this evening. i had so many things to share but all of them evaporated and faded away. the beauty of short term memory, it seems.

please tell me 24 is an ideal age to get married. i plan to but face the fact syazana, you dont financially, mentally, emotionally stable for all of that. the rest of my life is a long time you know. hence, to find someone to walk along with me is one huge task. big deal, big deal. for teenagers, they may define crush as love as i used to, but since my teenage life has already passed by, then i need to reconsider my definition. i think.

well, thats not a biggie for now. i think.

i'm sleepy. night.

snippets of the day

2011-07-27T00:02:00.000+08:00

i had good dose of laughing today watching- the hangover 2. seriously. i think it's funnier than the first movie, well it might be due to my lack of attention while watching the first one. i think.

i cant even define what blog to me really is these days. to say that i'm all caught up with works, it'd be a complete lie. it's just that, day in day out. same routine.

i'll update when there's something interesting to share ok.

and yeah, i tried badminton. it sucks. no, i did. hehe. wasnt born for that.

p/s: i miss uni years more than my high school years. thats not an overstatement but still, all i have is now.
bear that in mind, syazana.

happy birthday my dearest sister; achik. loveeee you.

2011-07-22T00:02:00.000+08:00

thing is, i wish i could be more sincere in my writing. especially what's going on in my mind. you know, i barely speak my mind, let alone my heart these days. i never wired to be good at keeping my personal secret but the reasons on why i gradually changed is still inexplicable.

i want a long gooooood sleep. and 4 sons and a daughter, please. yeah, i'm kidding. i cant barely take care of my own self. :(

night. happy friday to you

2011-07-21T23:53:00.000+08:00

are we friends now? :)

hey monday

2011-07-17T23:12:00.000+08:00

where's my cryptic vibes? doubt if i ever had one.

monday comes again. it knocks on my door at 12 am sharp.
welcome. welcome. with all cheerful smiles i greet you, Monday. i love ya.

updates

2011-07-10T11:27:00.000+08:00

hello people.

1. i bought iphone.
2. i hate myself. not much, just a bit.
3. i got over him.
4. i tried cream and fudge with natrah the other day. sungguhhhh sedap ok.
5. i love my friends.
6. now i know i have a fickle heart and mind.
7. i dont read quran as frequent as before. maybe thats explains my emotional imbalanced.
8. i wanna have ikan keli bakar for lunch today.
9.i love my mom. i wanna call her!
10. my room is in mess, and my life too :(
11. i'm very good at faking a smile. and faking a mood. i'm really good at it.
12. i'm starting to lose myaself to this new self which i dont recognize.
13. there's a thin line between friendship and love but i dont think thats true.
14. i want my mom's kari daging.
15. i neeeeed to retune my mood.

adios!

2011-06-23T23:42:00.001+08:00

hi people im blogging from my friends iphone!!actually still plannig and thinkig whether wanna buy iphone or blackbrry....still thinking..please lemme be firm in my choice dear god...

just

2011-06-22T23:50:00.000+08:00

"you can erase someone from your mind. getting them out from your heart is another story."

nope. i'm not in love with someone besides ma famille. i know i still far away from it. the wall that i built is still thick. i can offer you a friendship, but relationship is like, a different story.
the saying above has nothing to do with what i feel. only that, it's the truth. doncha think?

another truth is, yeah, you can get them out from your heart too.

life as it is.

2011-06-21T23:01:00.001+08:00

rough days- they are all here with me since last week.

best of friends are hard to find. seriously.

"constant talking isnt necessarily communicating"
-Clementine; Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind-

i wish i have that eternal sunshine. i wish i have at least few spotless memories where i could directly jump into everytime rough days or pieces of my heart is everywhere. if i look deeper, i guess i have few. i guess.

woke up this morning later than usual. i actually felt very draggy and so not motivated. the sun rises, but i did not. thanks to Amizah's message that fueled my heart with love. someone still care :) sorry babe, i didnt reply. so caught up with works....and thoughts. my fault. happy wednesday to you :)))

then, on the way to work, my phone rang. a call from another good friend of mine. just to check whether i am okay. that call; lighten up my day.

during lunch, had quite enough of laughters.

see, life is hard sometimes, but the way Allah keeps sending good things in our way is what im grateful for.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i dont know for how many times i've watched Eternal Sunshine of spotless mind and it still magically leaves its mark in my heart. everytime.
i mean, seriously, all the perfection that some movies tend to portray which is so unrealistic is evaporated why this kind of movie. it's real but still magical. so yeah, i agree some people were born to be actors. like Winslet. no other actresses can ever play Clementine better than her. no one. no question about Jim Carey. he's good. real good.

lets get some sleep. maybe thats where my eternal sunshine is :)

bebel 2

2011-06-19T01:44:00.000+08:00

i dont understand why do i have to tell the whole world about this just as like i dont understand certain portions and elements of economics. for example;

-my room is in total mess. shirts on the floor. hangers on the bed.
thats not gonna change anything. u dont come clean my room even if u read this right. so whats the point of telling. but i guess thats what people use to these days. shouting this and that on facebook status, but dudes, no one gonna help u if u dont help urself.

i'm waiting for a day when i can clearly see my priorities. nope, scratch that. it happened but all i need now is the day when i can finally brave enough to choose my priorities. for example;
i have works to be done. however, i just couldnt resist the temptation to go hang out with bunch of my friends. demmit. my works remain undone. i think im wired like that all along :(

i am plain simple and plain stupid. i think. *teardrops*

random talking

2011-06-15T22:43:00.000+08:00

hari ini perasaan untuk blog membuak2. oh yes, yes. alhamdulillah hari ni macam hari makan sedunia. aku yg kononnya mahu diet tapi makan nasi lemak ayam goreng kau. alhamdulillah. huhu..mungkin aku patut tiru orang buat detox diet tu.

oleh sebab tak ada perkara yang kusut, jadi dalam beberapa hari ni ak telah mengusutkan kepala aku dengan berfikir nak beli iphone ke nak beli blackberry? tolong lah weh. aku konfius. walhal bukan nak beli esok pun. aku baru je plan (tapi memandangakan aku ni spontaneous tahap tak fikir panjang kuasa lapan, kan amizah?) jadi mungkin jugak dalam masa terdekat. tp kalau excitement aku tu tak membuak2 mungkin jugak tahun depan pun belum tentu. i'm wired like that (favourite ayat masa kini).

economics susah dowhhhhhh. aku tak taw cemana aku nak survive :( dengan ada test untuk uji tahap kefahaman kita semua2 tu, mungkin aku patut consider lecturer jurusan economics mana2 universiti tempatan utk dijadikan calon suami. hoho..goodbye handsome and gorgeous pilots.

tapi bak kata aan, where there's a will, there's a way. so holding onto that, i'm trying to make it through. apa yang Allah kasik tu perlulah disyukuri. ye tak?terima kasih Ya Allah.

"i like it when its difficult and hard in what i do" memanglah tak relevan dalam vocab hidup ak sekarang. i wonder where's the old me. that girl grows up lah, syazana. only that the new version is not that strong and excited and fun. (and with acnes on her face). thank you heartbreak, thank you very much. :)) at least, after going through that, i know i actually have some other emotions besides being excited and strong. ecewahh.

aku pandang sepi je Jeffrey Archer nih. errr buku Jeffrey Archer. huuuuuuuu...asal lah kudrat untuk membaca tak ada nih?

good night ler kengkawan :)

a letter to a wise man

2011-06-14T22:52:00.000+08:00

dear TM,

with all respect and buckets and bundles of hopes, i do truly wish you will be there on my graduation day. it has been a pleasant dream all along to receive the scroll (my scroll) from you. i've seen my seniors went through that experience and with the look on their faces i knew how proud they were on that day. after all, that was one of the solid reason i did choose to further my studies at UTP from the beginning.

a dear friend of mine informed me that you are now well enough, unlike last year where your condition was not that good, hence your absence on 2010 graduation. however this year, i hope you can make it to UTP, Tronoh because besides my family, you're the main important person on that day. i know this all sounds silly since i never knew you in person, let alone ever talking to you (oh i did, indirectly because i asked you a question during one of your speeches years ago), but due to my admiration towards you, hence the hope, my hope. at least a girl can dream, right TM?

p/s: i always visualize me have a long talk with you over teh tarik and roti canai, overlooking klcc :)) ahhh, thats so nonsense to be true yet still, a girl can dream. only that, i think some i can work it out to be reality while some remain as dreams ;/

sincerely,
syazana Izzati Zakaria.

message in a bottle

2011-06-13T01:57:00.001+08:00

i dedicate this entry to someone dear to my heart.

dear friend, i know you've been through a lot. i admire your courage, your belief and everything you set out to be. only that, i hope you know what is right and what is wrong. people say, set your priorities right and truth to be told, i also dont know how. just yet. but i know you'll find your way. you can go surfing if life gives you hurricanes. i'm sorry for not looking at you, let alone to look up on you. i am in my own bubbles. and my bubbles are in mess. i'm trapped in my own thoughts, trying hard to distinguish which is which.

i see you're becoming more and more like the old version of me. don't.
you should respect yourself as much as i respect you as a human being.
you should keep on walking even if you keep stumbling.
i might not be there to offer my hand, to pull you up, or to be with you in getting through all that, but i you have your own strengths to do all that. you can help yourself.

sincerely,
your friend.

p/s: if i could state one thing about my chapter that involves you, here it is: sometimes, we have to let go to make ourselves complete. it's not only about keeping it :) true, very true. you can try to do the same, if you want to.

bebel

2011-06-12T22:37:00.000+08:00

okay now, when was the last time i really, truly blog? i mean like really blog, like venting things into a very long essay till you feel like puking reading it or you might as well crying due to the exaggeration of my lame story. hoho..as if i ever did that. gahhh..whatever.

for those of you who are reading this, that know me since school or earlier UTP days, please dont ask about my acnes if you ever bumped into me. like seriously. i definitely won't entertain your questions. *piece no wat*

i am sick of procrastinating. i swear i wont do that ever again. i wish i have a veryyyyyyyy strong will to do so. huhu

i made nescafe today but well well well, and now i have a dizzy head. degilllll. nothing lasts forever, so it seems. even my love for nescafe is also fading away. i'm sorry. thanks for accompanying me all this while. the feelings for you is now gone with the wind. no longer inspires me, no more. errr..double meaning much? yes, yes it is. :D

my shopping mood is seasonal. what i mean is, i am not in constant mood to shop. i think i'm just wired like that because thats how i observe myself, my purchases and such. when the mood is there, god, i wanna but every singe thing that grabs my attention. huhu...but when it doesnt, sale lah macam mana pun, sorry, not interested. however, lately i think the mood is frequent. this might due to my adjustment of working life. i hate that word, WORKING. hate it.

why?

because i cant escape it whenever i feel like to. i cant have my beauty sleep in the afternoon. by 10 pm i am flat into bed, swimming in the dreamland. my reading whereabouts remain unknown. i cant even remember which page i've read in Cat O' Nine Tales. i miss Jeffrey Archer. i do, i really do. i miss reading his words, dude. for that, i dont have any concrete reasons on why that particular good habit of mine went haywire. you tell me. i'm giving myself too much excuses..

for the past 2 months, i think i watched too many movies in the cinema. huh..mom are not very happy about this. well, she always against in watching movies in the cinema. i dont know why. mak, kakak pergi dengan kawan-kawan. bukan bf :)

ermm..what else? oh yes. i browsed through the past chat history with certain friends of mine and can't thank Allah more for all the blessing. Alhamdulillah. dont wanna complain much because i have so much. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah

last but not least, good night. have a good following weekdays.

2011-06-09T20:47:00.000+08:00

1. coffee made me felt dizzy for the whole day. :(( dude, i cant have more caffeine. my body wont tolerate it. for now.

2. its not even 9 and i just wanna sleep.

good night

kung fu panda

2011-06-05T14:39:00.000+08:00

please watch.

i know i know. for those who are close to me, you may find my statement as a surprise. syazana doesnt watch cartoon EXCEPT Up. yes yes. you are so RIGHT. i dont watch cartoons. i HATE watching cartoons. no one can ever forces me to watch cartoon with them including my dearest sisters.
however, last friday night, my sister and friend managed to influence me to watch Kung Fu Panda. after loads of persuasion the seemed to be endless, i agreed. that was because tickets for XMEN FIRST CLASS are sold out. so yeah, the sole choice that left was Kung Panda. we picked 3D.

huaaaaa. i couldnt know believe myself that i enjoyed the whole movie so much. like, seriously you guys should go and watch. there are lines of funny conversations and that movie inspired me a bit. for someone who procrastinates as much as me, one of the memorable quote from the movie that i remembered most is;

"whats important is NOW"

reality check!

2011-06-05T14:19:00.000+08:00

fianally i changed this blog name. yeah. done.

i went through my friend's wedding photos. awesome. congratulations to both of you. :) may you live happily ever after untill in Jannah. insyaAllah.

this grown-ups thingies scare the hell out of me. huuhuu. work-life, marriage, financial, savings, cooking, house chores, lacks of mapley night, lacks of late night talk and walk, less star-gazing, house chores (again), having kids, uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. i'm not ready for all of these. never thought i would ever be. please help me. i stuck in my teenage world. talking about kids, how can i handle another miniature of me? huu i might end up slapping her cheeks till swollen. dear mom, how can u be so patient handle me and all of us? i think raising girls is harder than boys. and we have four at home. mom, for the love for me, please lend me some of your patience when the time comes for me to go through the phase as a selfless human being- being a mother.

inhale, exhale.

okay, now lets think something happy. bowling/squash/xmen anyone? :))

loyal

2011-05-29T19:45:00.000+08:00

young and dangerous. this picture dated on 1998. thanks to mr google.

so yeah, the one of the solid reasons why i watched the social network till the end. hehs..
and yeap, waiting for friends for benefits. i watched the trailer just now and it looks typical but again, so what. been ok with typical all this while.

i love you JT, says the 10 year-old girl in me.
mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

aku dan bola sepak

2011-05-29T05:15:00.000+08:00

okay now i know why my life is colourful because i watch football. because i was a chelsea fan since god knows when, but decided to move on with liverpool and just got back to chelsea. i'm wired like that. not to go with the flow but when it comes to football, it's all about Torres. and so yeah, i'm loyal like that. duhh

i dont understand why i dont like man u so much eventho CR was with them. hehs..i definitely know the reason. needless to mention here but well, i'm a happy girl to sleep with victory tonight. Barca is so great. bak kata status kt FB-Barca dah tak layak main dekat bumi. hoho..great game, great game. just satisfied my need of a good football game which my favourite team won. just what i needed on a good day like this. :))

happy sunday people. happy sunday.

2011-05-26T23:22:00.000+08:00

i'm hitting my lowest point where constant communication is very much important. i'm not good with gestures, hence i never expect from others too.

erm..there was signboard on the road stated; (insert a girls name), will you marry me?

and everybody was like, waaaa..very sweet. but why didnt i feel that way? huuu..i'm weird like that. it explains why i dont mango juice. errr...

bits

2011-05-25T22:43:00.000+08:00

1. stop faking, and start being your true self.
when i say true self, it means all the goods in you and another that comes with it. thats fitrah. if we dont seem to find it anywhere nearer, then seek for it until we see the glow.

2. when you like someone so much, bear in mind that one day he/she might be not as that special to you anymore. not that your love for him/her is depreciating, but seriously, we cant really foresee the future. so dont get surprised for what you may encounter.

3.im tired. body and mind. off to sleep.

p/s: antara bintang paling terang is a lame name. i need a new one :) feel free to suggest.

Lily Allen - Littlest Things

2011-05-19T22:31:00.000+08:00

favourite?

yes

on a day like this

2011-05-17T17:23:00.000+08:00

you know, a day like today is rarely come in my life. the kind of day where i dont feel folding cloths is a burden, mopping the room happily. so yeah, this is one of those special days, so how i classify.

i swear i've written up a post during walking back from the train station. i had so many things to share, some stories are even funny, but now i could not recall any. oh my brain, please be active. i should upgrade my brain. i really should. :PP

what else?

huh...

nothing else. how dull this post could be? because it has already the dull-EST. gosh, i need to scratch my head for some decent ideas to write.

signing off.

ding!
just when i was about to click the "publish post" icon, this particular thought hit me. hehe..anyways, i've been craving to play squash since forever and no one wants to play with me. the usual cliques back in UTP, who used to play this sport together are just right here in KL BUT they're so LAZYYYYY. for god sake, dudes, we're not even that far away. petang2 boleh main kot squash tu kat bawah. ish! why lah these guys are so busy with futsal till they forgot that I, Syazana, am their friend and need somebody to play squash with! i know i suck in squash, but still, fun kot. hence, if any of you guys read this, especially kau yang kt level 13 tu, jom ler kite turun gelanggang, ecewah.

oh, to those girls who have yet to watch HE'S NOT JUST THAT INTO YOU, please do so. because once you do, then all of assumption bubbles about the guy you like will just evaporate. and with that, you can clearly see the reality. alex and gigi are so sweet. beth and neil are just inseparable and honest and are so meant for each other. (thats not me who's speakin. thats my hormones!)

so okay for now. i miss you girls badly. yeah, you GIRLS. you know who you are. take care

mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhxx

littlest things

2011-05-15T11:11:00.000+08:00

when i do have something that seems to draggy for me to do, i'll be so lazy waking up in the morning. yeah, thats true. i'm not sure when this sort of normal but negative habit dveloped in me, because for all what i knew, i'm sure i was a positive girl. now, it's all unsaid and uncertain.

so yeah, i woke up this morning feeling bad. i dont know why and i dont know why i tell you here. i think i just want to be sincere with my writing. thats it. so yeah, i woke up feeling bad, took a cold shower, switched on the laptop, go thorough feeds on facebook, and glued to a story that keeps me thinking. so basically, my spirit is a bit lifted than i felt the moment i opened my eyes or during i took the shower.

its funny how a person that you rarely see in person, or comment on his/her status, can tell you to have a little faith, hold on there longer, start to live, start reach out, indirectly. just by a simple story. thats the effect of a perfect stranger.

and yeah, these reminders of imam Ghazali are absolutely gonna be on my wall. just in case i forgot. just in case i feel like i'm at the end of the world, or just because.

1.perkara paling jauh adalah masa yang telah berlalu.
2.perkara paling berat adalah amanah
3.perkara paling ringan adalah meninggalkan solat.
4.perkara paling dekat adalah mati.
5.perkara paling tajam adalah lidah manusia.
6.perkara yang paling besar adalah hawa nafsu.

good day people. good day. insyaAllah.

random

2011-05-14T12:28:00.000+08:00

my memory is selected. yes, it is. i tend to remember good things than bad things. however at certain time, i remember the bad ones mostly. i am not sure about myself, really.

i read a blog. a girl's blog. she's confused but i think she's sincere whenever she writes her take. i think. i am not sure either.

to talk about selective memories, those senior years in SSP are the core ones. i could still feel the fresh morning breeze when i walked to class. the assembly. the school song. funny. i can sing my school song up until now without fail but hardly memorize certain important l

those years bring me to the fact that i should, i really or maybe probably should forgive myself for my weak judgement. it's never too late to apologize, especially to yourself. the hard thing is, you know what?, is to forgive yourself. yeah, i think so. naah, i am not sure either.

now i think i am full of uncertainty, and left behind. for that matter, i'm not sure either. i think i am lost.

like i mentioned earlier, my judgment is weak. very weak. as if like, it's weakening by days. well, i hope not. but thats what i feel.

i'm speechless, clueless.

disenchanted!

speechless

2011-05-12T15:15:00.000+08:00

LANCER. i do truly need one of these.

she's just so beautiful. she is.

;(

2011-05-12T14:56:00.000+08:00

i'm sick.
huhu...

and when i questioned myself why did you change that much, that reflects how i too did change as much.
i think it's part of growing up. i hope we both can learn as much as we can along the way.

so much of using this word; much.

the lady doctor said i should really get some rest. i think i should.

what happen

2011-05-08T22:43:00.000+08:00

what happened to writing while overlooking Eiffel Tower?
what happened to reading a book per month as i started working, at least?

and yeah, what happened to you, man?????? where's the boy i knew? i'm not in the hope for you to resurrect the young boy once you've been, but still, ah come on, you can do a whole lot much better. i pray for you from afar, old friend.

missing u

2011-05-03T22:56:00.000+08:00

i know ive been neglecting my position as a good friend of yours. i didnt wish on your first day of working. babe, i am sooooooooo sorry. i remembered. happy working amizah azid. i miss you more than you could ever imagine. i seriously do. i miss those "gazing-stars" nights and late night walk. god, now i think i miss UTP terribly. there's no free sport complex here. there's not tasik. there's no seniors. well, there are seniors, i think u get what i meant. hehee..remember our target in our first year? those seniors with cars. hehe.. memories..they're just so sweet, arent they? alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah

till then~~

unlike the G6

2011-04-19T22:51:00.000+08:00

rocketeer is way much better. i never really like their first hit, like a G6.

good night.

p/s: I break my own heart.

kerinduan

2011-04-12T23:40:00.000+08:00

they say, if you have passion, you'll find the time to do what you love to do.
i do have time. i just dont have company to do what i love with.


:)

good night.

2011-04-11T20:55:00.000+08:00

i salute to all working mothers.
i really do. seriously.
because it's tiring being at work even when you dont have much to do. and all of sudden, the job scope of being a wife with the word "house" in front of it does sound so appealing and interesting. still, you have house chores to take care of if you're one. and if you're working, then the burden/bless is double. hmmm...

what the? i'm only a week old in this new phase and already complaining this tired. okay, i take it all back.

remember, i've debts to pay for my scholarship. syazana, up up!

zzzzzzz

nak ke tak nak

2011-04-10T15:33:00.000+08:00

nak mesin basuh yg automatik.
nak mak. bosan ah food sini.
nak tv
nak sarah. so that ptg2 bole maen squash
nak baby. kakak misses you so much.
nak achik. kakak misses you so much
nak angah.
nak rumah.
nak utp
nak v3
nak v5
nak balik
nak longer weekends

tak nak monday!!

run

2011-04-09T19:02:00.000+08:00

loving you was an idea, not an act.
so lets move on, shall we?

between ideal and real, i choose the latter. and with that, farewell :)

101

2011-04-08T01:33:00.000+08:00

oh my 101st post. hehe

nways people, seriously what you've done in the past will haunt you back in the present. grrr... i am talking about myself. i remember being 17and full of stories and dreams to share and, i got a crush at that time. and i told everyone about him. literally, everyone that i knew or close. that was a stupidddd thing to do when now my friends are in the same course with him and can definitely recognize that particular person from my stories few years back. lucky enough,she didnt blurt out stupid line like this "eh my friend liked you dulu". duhhh. even so, he knew that since forever. needless to mention that point laaa. memalukan betol.
then my good friend reminds me not to mention about anyone i like in front of random people anymore. just to the ones i trust (i.e her). lol. after all, i dont think i'm in a phase of crush-ing boys. that was so ancient. hahaa..it's time to get serious and get married. okay, cancel the married part cause everybody knows how i define that topic as boring. as boring as reservoir simulation.

on separate note, my close friends are mostly doing medic. they're very busy people you know. even as a student. so, everytime i call them or they call me, i'd usually say "this is going to take 5 mins only" and still end up after at least 1 hour. thus, i will never ever convert to postpaid. until theyre all finish with their studies.

2011-04-04T00:25:00.000+08:00

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..

just update

2011-03-31T22:40:00.000+08:00

i'm not sure whether this is just a phase i have to go through, or simply put i am no longer have the keen interest in blogging like i used to.

i truly need to shed down some kilos. you know what 3 months at home could do to you especially when your mom is a very excellent cook. so yes, been there and i ate a lot.

my first day was just nice. everything was smooth. alhamdulillah

so i guess this is it for tonight.
have a pleasant night everyone!

march 12 06

2011-03-28T18:12:00.000+08:00

after having so much fun bowling at alamanda, my friend told us that she was hungry. i was even hungrier. yeah, seriously. so we went to see if McD was still open. to my surprise, gushing of memories flooded my mind. i've never been to McD at there for quite some time.
then, at a corner of a room, i saw an empty seat, that empty table. i pretty much sure there was where i sat when i cried my heart out, after receiving my result. i cried a lot that day. very. you couldn't even imagine. syui was there, and she witnessed all of it. it was more than pain. it was more.

there i was. after 6 years, standing at the counter while looking at that crying spot, smiling. 6 years ago, i thought my life was over. i thought i couldnt be happier. but there i was, standing and smiling, looking back at those days. so yeah, i never can really predict what the future may bring. the only thing i can do is to keep standing and moving. my dream might be broken once, but well a single drop of hope pushed all this while.

and i have Allah, to be thankful to for all that have been blessed in my life.
thank you Allah. alhamdulillah.

p/s: a post from one of my juniors triggered me to blog on this matter. she's right. SPM might be a huge thing to deal with but well, there are line up of bigger ones awaiting.just keep on moving as long as you've the chance to do so.

as of now

2011-03-19T23:11:00.003+08:00

i see a glimpse of my future here. will be working hard from this point

insyaAllah..

haven't i told you that this is one of all i ever wanted since i was still a school kid?
yes, you heard it right :)

today

2011-03-16T01:56:00.000+08:00

alhamdulillah.
today, i'll be stepping on another level of commitment.
today, is the first day counted for the first pay. insyaAllah. so how they say :P

best of luck, syazana! best of luck, best of luck.
amin..amiinn...amiiiiinnnn

Dialah tuhan yang menguasai timur dan barat, tiada tuhan melainkan Dia, maka jadikanlah Dia yang menjaga urusanmu.
(Alquran, Surah Muzammil, Ayat 9)

bits of this, bits of that

2011-03-14T00:37:00.000+08:00

Less than 2 days, I’ll be heading to Kuala Lumpur for one of my life’s commitment. Hence, the urge to write beautiful essays or to at least come out with a lengthy entry which at least worth some of your time consumed loading my page is absolutely not a dazzling idea for me to hold on to. for now.

My life has been pretty hectic physically and emotionally for the passing two days. Had a long arguments, an intellectual one I would say, because the subjects gyrated around economics-which I only had the very slightest idea of it, and to launch my career in petroleum economics department is a sweet nightmare-, some on political ideas, and sociology, civilization and such. Frankly, yes, we were in the middle of shouting and screaming to each other and were interrupted twice by my father and grandmother. the next hour we were good then the next hour we were fighting like crazy women over these issues. Haha.. a day later, all is forgotten and forgiven. I even miss her being around now.

Air dicincang takkan putus.

I spent the day out, hunting for some decent cloths to wear to the office. Nothing to fuss about though ‘cuz I’m not really a big fan of shopping. I’m a lame shopping partner as well since I’d tell you every color is suitable for you, every combination of pants and blouses are just appealing to be elegant before my eyes. Trust me. you do not want to me to shop with you. don’t bother to ask me to unless, you have no one else to look out for then I’m all here.

What else? oh yes. This is just my humble opinion to this very statement and please do take note that I’m not trying to be bias or sarcastic here, insyaAllah.

Statement:

alah, buat apa nak pakai tudung. Orang yang pakai tudung pun lebih kurang je perangai, malahan ada yang lebih teruk siap ada lovebite semua lagi. Jangan ingat orang pakai tudung baik gile.

Translation:

huh, for what reason to cover my head. Those girls who do are some as bad as the ones who did not and some even worse. Don’t think that all girls with tudung/veils/shawls are innocent.

Firstly, I think this statement is based on personal anger or dissatisfaction. And is supported by a bunch of people who apparently are emotionally connected to this. One thing that all of us should always remember, nobody in this whole universe is absolute perfect without slightest flaws in whatever terms. Trust me on that. then, to those hold dear to this statement, oh yes you are right by pointing out not every muslim girl who covers their head properly is not all purely innocent. Yes, because no one is in the nearest zone of perfection. But, the only thing that I want to comment here is the first sentence.

Buat apa nak pakai tudung.

thats because your Creator asks you to in the very first place.

Hai anak Adam^[530], sesungguhnya Kami telah menurunkan kepadamu pakaian untuk menutup auratmu dan pakaian indah untuk perhiasan. Dan pakaian takwa^[531] itulah yang paling baik. Yang demikian itu adalah sebahagian dari tanda-tanda kekuasaan Allah, mudah-mudahan mereka selalu ingat.

O children of Adam! We have bestowed raiment upon you to cover yourselves and as adornments, and the raiment of righteousness, that is better. Such are among the evidences, proofs of Allah, that they may remember.

(Al-A’raf:26)

Katakanlah kepada wanita yang beriman: "Hendaklah mereka menahan pandangannya, dan kemaluannya, dan janganlah mereka menampakkan perhiasannya, kecuali yang (biasa) nampak dari padanya. Dan hendaklah mereka menutupkan kain kudung kedadanya, dan janganlah menampakkan perhiasannya kecuali kepada suami mereka, atau ayah mereka, atau ayah suami mereka, atau putera-putera mereka, atau putera-putera suami mereka, atau saudara-saudara laki-laki mereka, atau putera-putera saudara lelaki mereka, atau putera-putera saudara perempuan mereka, atau wanita-wanita islam, atau budak-budak yang mereka miliki, atau pelayan-pelayan laki-laki yang tidak mempunyai keinginan (terhadap wanita) atau anak-anak yang belum mengerti tentang aurat wanita. Dan janganlah mereka memukulkan kakinyua agar diketahui perhiasan yang mereka sembunyikan. Dan bertaubatlah kamu sekalian kepada Allah, hai orang-orang yang beriman supaya kamu beruntung.

And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at the forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off their adornments except that only which is apparent (like palms of hands or one eye or both eyes for necessity to see the way) and to draw their veils all over their bosom, and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband’s fathers, their sons, their husband’s sons, their bothers, their brother’s son or their sister’s son or their muslim women or their slaves who their right hands possess or old man servants who lacks vigour and small children who have no shame of sex. And let them not to stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, o believers that you may be successful.

(An-Nuur:31)

Since the revelation of His words and from there onwards till the end of time, it is something we should obey. It’s not very okay for you to just object and let your hair sway freely on windy days and I respect that because the choice is yours. no one forces you. however, I think that’s just plain stupid when some even dare to question what has been there in the holy book. so yes, now I truly agree with the hadith on why we should guard our tongue. Very true indeed.

To my friends, I’m sorry if this piece of opinion might’ve hurt your feelings. Since I’ve disabled the comment section, you may as well email me your opinions or objection or addition or for further clarification. (and discussion perhaps?)

p/s: talking about do not have the urge to write a lengthy post. so yeah, i think i'm in the mood for it. hehe

insyaAllah

2011-03-12T03:21:00.000+08:00

a couple of years ago, someone told me this,

if you think you're in the middle of bleakest crisis, just imagine yourself climbing a very tall tree. imagine you stay there till dawn approaching. gradually, you'll see the early morning light far far away. so at that particular moment, just remember, there's always a light to your problem.

for now, insyaAllah

issues

2011-03-09T02:06:00.000+08:00

I salute to the one who came out with this saying- history keeps repeating/ might repeat itself.

Yeah, it sure does if we are not aware of our own history. Addition to that, if we choose staying ignorant to the current issues; happening inside or outside the country. Frankly, I’m not that pious enough to talk about religious thingy if you do ask around to whom that constantly judge me, but still, I think this is a free speech country or at least in the blog-sphere where I can point out a few of my concerns.

hitherto, there are just a lot of cases regard to gay-lesbian. What saddens me the most is, some women who claim themselves as muslims got married in Islamic way where there is solemnization ceremony and all. This couple was interviewed by some foreign reporters and they happily informed that they are now fighting for their right.

As a human being, attached with human nature consisting of sympathy, I am fully conscious of the “corrective rape” is cruel to these gays and lesbians of which now in current practice by certain mob of people in certain countries. (you may refer to cases of corrective rape in google). even in islamic teaching itself, it is never written/mentioned the law to rape or victimize these group of people. we actually have the different way to treat them which is to confine them in a room alone, far from others.

Reminders are all stated in the Quran.

So when Our Commandment came, we turned the town upside down and rained on them stones of baked clay piled up

Marked from your Lord, and they are not ever far from the evil-doers.

Maka apabila datang (Masa perlaksanaan) perintah kami, Kami jadikan negeri kaum Lut itu diterbalikkan (tertimbus Segala Yang ada di muka buminya) dan Kami menghujaninya Dengan batu-batu dari tanah Yang dibakar, menimpanya bertalu-talu.

Batu-batu itu ditandakan di sisi Tuhanmu (untuk membinasakan mereka), dan ia pula tidaklah jauh dari orang-orang Yang zalim itu.

(AlQuran, Hud:82-83)

And we rained on them a rain (of torment) and how evil of the rain of those that had been warned.

Verily this is indeed a sign, yet most of them are not believers.

Verily, your Lord, He is indeed The Almighty, and the most merciful.

Dan Kami hujani mereka Dengan hujan (azab Yang membinasakan); maka amatlah buruknya hujan azab Yang menimpa kaum Yang telah diberi amaran.

Sesungguhnya peristiwa Yang demikian, mengandungi satu tanda (yang membuktikan kekuasaan Allah); dan Dalam pada itu, kebanyakan mereka tidak juga mahu beriman.

Dan Sesungguhnya Tuhanmu (Wahai Muhammad), Dia lah sahaja Yang Maha Kuasa, lagi Maha Mengasihani.

(AlQuran, As-Shura:173-175).

It’s heartbreaking to know the history, and can do nothing to prevent it from recurring. All I can offer is my prayers.insyaAllah.

smirk!

2011-03-08T15:06:00.000+08:00

There are so many things to talk about, yet so little time to write about it.

That is the statement that you probably often hear, but not typically applied in my case. Hehe.. the statement works otherwise for me.

i think i’ll just settle into reading instead of writing. Seriously, day in day out, my life is occupied with the same routine. Nothing much. But I like it tho. Like and adore it very much.

Till then.

Ok people, please tag me so that i’ve solid points to scream in here. hehe

wonderful tonight

2011-03-06T02:14:00.000+08:00

Thank you to Liz (Eat, Pray, Love), cuz I’m now stuck in Time’s Travel section. So yes, now I think, travelling is a must do for me besides hunting for the right guy to spend my life with. Hehs. Kidding. There’s none I could do to entitle myself for a great guy except praying to Allah and being great for myself and others first.

Perempuan yang baik adalah untuk lelaki yang baik. insyaAllah.

But but but, there are a lot of things I can do to ensure myself visiting a few interesting places listed out from the travel section. So for now, all I need to do is working more on money part. Oh, it feels so great to have something to look for while living the moments to the fullest.

I feel wonderful tonight. So here a wonderful tale within this wonderful song :)

It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."

We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that's walking around with me.
And then she asks me, "Do you feel all right?"
And I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight."

I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize how much I love you.

It's time to go home now and I've got an aching head,
So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed.
And then I tell her, as I turn out the light,
I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight.
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight."

i like the simple yet meaningful lyrics. :) thank you eric clapton and michael Kamen for Wonderful Tonight.

drops of jupiter

2011-03-04T18:39:00.002+08:00

some people who matter in my life always think i don't care. truth is, i actually do. i really do. it's just that i flunk in my oratory skill of expressing feelings through my very own voice. i do so much better in written words, or actions. but sometimes, my actions depict otherwise too. it's hard to be me, really. haha

the key point here, if you think you're close enough to me, know all my darkest secrets then i just wanna let you guys know you do matter in my life despite my view does not coincide or my opinion does not concur with yours. we've got different brain, dudes. deal with it.

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there’s time to change, hey, hey, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey, hey, hey
hey, hey, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

But tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Now that she’s back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey, hey
mmmm.....
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there’s room to grow, hey, hey, hey, hey
yea...

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
I’m afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you, even when I know you’re wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone
Conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself

nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day

nah nah nah nah nah nah
nah nah nah nah nah nah

And did you fall for a shooting star
Fall for a shooting star

nah nah nah nah nah nah
nah nah nah nah nah nah

Are you lonely looking for yourself out there

(drops of jupiter:Train,2001.)

the bold lines are my favourite :)

by the way, i can't imagine life without love, pride and deep fried chicken. let alone, without a best friend like you to whom i confide in during endless telephone calls.

i sure am lonely wandering singly around the mystical universe. and i dealt with it.

His words

2011-03-04T00:21:00.000+08:00

It is not for the sun to overtake the moon, nor does the night outstrip the day. They all afloat each in each orbit. (36:40)

matahari tidak mudah baginya mengejar bulan, dan malam pula tidak dapat mendahului siang; kerana tiap-tiap satunya beredar

terapung-apung di tempat edarannya masing-masing.

So glorified is He and Exalted above all that they associate with Him (Subhanallah), and in Whose hands is the dominion of all things, and to him you shall be returned. (36:83)

Oleh itu akuilah kesucian Allah (dengan mengucap: Subhaanallah!) - Tuhan Yang memiliki dan Menguasai tiap-tiap sesuatu, dan kepadaNyalah kamu semua dikembalikan.

between stars and boulevards 1

2011-03-03T01:55:00.001+08:00

I heard voices echoed in my head. Those were my thoughts. oh well, I didn’t listen to any of it. yeah, I could be such an ignorant like that.

Tried to finish have a little faith by tonight, however already occupied myself with something else. nope, not a reading material. I’ve had enough dosage of that these days. I think laaa.

What else? oh yes, Aida, I am in the need to dispute your assertion regards to my english proficiency or whatever it is people do call it. mine is just as medium as everybody who learns english as their second language. just like you, duchess. heheeee :PP

I’m running out of points to state. My blog is out of touch, doncha think so?

by the way, I’ve downloaded and installed a few internet browsers for today, for fun. hee

opera, firefox, safari and whatnots. Haha. Tak best pon. I’m just gonna stick with google chrome and explorer. I think laaa.

Bosan ah.

Did you ever listen to careless whisper? If not, go download!

apa-apa pon, still water is the best!

bengang

2011-02-28T23:48:00.001+08:00

..sebab kena add semua orang dalam list yahoo messenger balik.
grrrrrrr....

sabar syazana sabarrrrr!!!!!

one gloomy night

2011-02-26T03:04:00.000+08:00

1. if you love two people in the same time, choose the second one. because if you truly loved the first one, then you wouldn't bother to love the second one.

for those who think the second one is just a phase, i think you know yourself better. the first one might be actually a phase.

2.i'm literally hot. yes, i'm down with high fever. sob sob.

3. when was the time i've been serenaded? this i promise you sounds more than enough if you plan to do so.

4. have a little faith by mitch albom is a nice book. get your copy now.

5. have i told you i adore fernando torres that much?

6. i don't have left point to say in here.

off to get some sleep.

what i saw while jogging

2011-02-24T00:12:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah, let’s just say the waiting period finally came to a halt, confirmed by a phone call early this noon. (of which I was barely awake at that time. I do blame my sleeping pattern these days).

Alhamdulillah, with His will, let’s just say my arrow hits the target quite precisely which allows me to further divulge into what I call my interest. Let just see if I made the right choice. Let’s just pray and hope for that.

So now I’m jogging down the memory lane and got surprised of where I have reached to this day. This was all a dream for a 12-year-old girl having a late night conversation with her friend during her stay in Kampung Baru for a school trip, overlooking the twins standing diamonds. This was also a dream for a pre-teen girl who walked down the hillocks from classroom to dormitory without finishing her math and English homework. This was still a dream for the same young girl during her interview for the scholarship. So yeah, basically this girl has so many things to be grateful for. A lot more gain, I could say instead of losing or it’s all actually balanced?

So please give her the shrew’s slap to reality every time she forgets this. Hehe

By the way, the arbitrary consequences i have to front on whenever I persist in jogging down the hill of memory, more often than not, i’d lurch into someone that i’ve tried to forget behind the bush, or someone i that used to gear up my hatred up to ceiling level simpering at me. or perhaps, along the way i’d see the broken dreams of which i hold dearly with my life. So yes, it’s my choice to turn my face from all of those things. It’s enough to know they’re somewhere down there without having a second look. There’s none could be done to alter what has been broken. life is a one way street. No u-turn. So yeah, I’ll keep that in mind.

God, I think my cryptic vibes is all around, hence this entry. But seriously, I love it when it’s around, I feel like there's actually scintillating butterflies all around. Of course with the escort from an endearing pixie(s) just like Tinkerbelle. (is this how they spell her name?hehe)

Off I go watching Barbie and the whatnots (obviously I didn’t know the title), which I download for my youngest sister couple of months back.

Good night.

=_="

2011-02-22T23:23:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna pay a re-visit to road not taken.
i know there's something in it i hadn't notice before.
thanks to someone for her post :)

i don't know how to speak turkey

2011-02-22T01:58:00.001+08:00

I hope this entry has a pair of wings, therefore it could reach to that particular person whom the entry is dedicated to.

Hi. How do you do? I’m just in fine fettle, just so you know.

You know, few years back, we bumped into each other at one baffling crossroad. I smiled, and then you smiled back. truth be told, you were not the friendliest stranger I’ve ever stumbled upon but I just truly glad that I did because from there, I taste the sweetness of friendship which is obviously one of its kind.

Seriously, this should be way lengthy. Hehe..but this is all I could come up.

So now, you’re contemplating of which part to trail on. The paths we take after this might be distinctly poles apart but hey, I unsure of what miraculous hex do I possess but I know I’ll be right there for you to lean on whenever some hurricanes knock you off the track. That’s what best buddy does best.

Put some music on, young duchess!(while you do the thinking, and tell me about it later)

Only one-yellowcard

This is how I disappear- my chemical romance

Famous last word- my chemical romance

Welcome to black parade- my chemical romance

Disenchanted- my chemical romance

Helena- my chemical romance

Sorry- buckcherry

Boulevard of broken dreams- greenday

Broken-seether ft amy lee

Move along- the AAR

Dance inside- the AAR

What hurts the most- rascal flats

Run-snow patrol

Midnight hour-running away

Time is running out-muse

Cant take my eyes off you-muse

Starlight-muse

Umbrella- rihanna

A thousand miles- Vanessa carlton

Drops of Jupiter- train

Wheverever you will go-the calling

this is the mix-tape cover for the above songs :)

petty

2011-02-21T03:18:00.000+08:00

How many times did you hesitate to include news about your ex(s) or whoever in the range of the likes (crush, rejected ones) in your conversation with your friends but threw away the thoughts hastily just because you were afraid that your friends might be misinterpreting you still had feelings for him/her albeit in the actual case, you didn’t?

So yeah, I’ve been there few times so as many girls. for the first few months, might be a little throbbing if we actually were in love with them. It might be up for a year or so. But I don’t think it’d go beyond several years. come on. For once, don’t let outsiders define your feeling. I mean, if it’s true that you’re no longer rooting on how your last scene of fairy-tale will be closing stage and you already accept/swallow the fact that you two are way over long ago, then don’t bother of the trivial matter such as the claim. you friends might point their opinion out on that, but it does not necessarily true.

So yeah, it’s normal for you to hesitate and get afraid of being accused to still have a thing for your ex and the likes if you slip him into the conversation, by chance at that, and once again you should know that you know exactly what you’re feeling more than anybody else does. It’s not like you are talking about him every single day in every single matter, then if that’s the case, you should’ve abandon any thoughts of him because plainly crystal clear- you are not over him/her just yet. Do not worry of that as your time will finally come when you take in the reality of which he’s just like a passing evening breeze. Plain, unseen, just there for a short while, and doesn’t matter.

on separate note, it's monday again, the beginning of weakdays.

lend me a little faith on that, dear god.

i'm not gonna talk about that, neither by tongue or written. full stop.

all i have to do is wait, then wait i shall.

bits of here and there

2011-02-20T02:56:00.001+08:00

1. I’ve found another sanctuary, if we could call it as one, since it’ll become more or less my dumping ground for complicated and unsaid thoughts. the link is below:

second home

2. been thinking of how beautiful Georgina Sparks is, all day at that (a bit exaggeration here) but yeah, I still did think about her seem-to-be flawless complexion and figure in non-lesbie way. Mind you, I chase guys. Blueks

3. can’t believe I’m lured to the glitziness of the upper east side lifestyle that they’re trying to portray in GG. But well, yeah, I’ve been following that series since the first season. It drove me up the wall at times, when everybody dates everybody. I can’t quite define what’s their definition of friendship too, since you could always find Serena claws Blair’s back every now and then. the love triangle and such are pretty much dreary things for me but still yes, I watched every episode of GG. Besides, there’s Georgina and Nate to lighten my mood up, regardless of how bitchy she could convert herself into. but well Nate has always warmed my heart. ecehh..

4. whatever it is, I miss one tree hill. I can’t just bring myself to be all devoted like before to this particular series when all that’s left in me is just driblet of interest, after Lucas and ~~Peyton~~ gone.

5. my lunch on Saturdays is usually happier than usual. The circle is complete with both both of my sisters are home.

6. home is where all my sisters are there and can pull each other’s hair whenever we please to. yes, we are poyo like that.

7. I’m fat. No, this is not a whining. It’s a statement. (…and the song on playlist switched to stay the same. Is it a sign that I should’ve just stay for who I am, no matter how fat and chubby I'll be? Haha..as long as im happy, why the heck not?

:))

Night.

MCR

2011-02-19T07:49:00.000+08:00

Ohhh gimme a break.

Not that I’m talking about anyone, it’s just my burning desire that seems like commanding to blog every single thoughts that occured in my brain. Why am I being like this? Is this the post-regret syndrome? Well I took it well. I knew all along why I DID HAVE TO get rid the previous-cious blog. you get the word that right? I meant to state previous and precious hence the previouscious. Erghhh, see I even write that twice. Duhhh

I’m easily distracted. And now like that’s gonna happen because it won’t, it will not. (yet again, the repetition).

So I’ve been listening to this is how I disappear, repeatedly, for more than two hours now. I didn’t even like this song this much back then. I am averse to admit the exponentially increasing interest in MCR just within this couple of hours, mainly the songs from The Black Parade, besides nostalgically connected to the margin for longing somewhere between the melody. *weak smile*

I know they do have newer albums than this one am listening to, but yes, I’m lame and slow like that. I care not of how old the songs are, I just cherish the melody.

So now, MCR it is.

Rumours alleged that they’re going to disband, or they just did already? whatever.

I need sleep.

1st-please be bothered

2011-02-19T05:04:00.000+08:00

I don’t really possess a decisive mind? do i?

Well, as I just decided to read more on non-fiction, (un)fortunately I pretty convinced my time will be occupied with reading my newly purchase books. Three (3) of them altogether.

1. Mitch Albom; have a little faith

2. Jeffrey Archer; Cat o’ Nine tale

3. Dan Brown; the lost symbol

But hey, I’ve been craving for the lost symbol since forever and tell you what, it was in my list for a long long time. I shouldn’t let myself wait for that long, hence the book on my study table. Hehs

Do I really have to justify myself? Nah.. didn’t think so.

Lets moving on.

Does anybody care to tell me how on earth this yellow song is compelled to be so enthrall and spellbind? Errr..

I have a lot going on in my mind before I finally made myself sit down quietly on the floor, beside my historic study table, and now all I have is a blank mind;forcibly trying to string gushing of words together before the ideas slip away. The problem is my fingers can’t keep themselves from the delete button on the right side of this damn keyboard. So you tell me, how am I supposed to go after my celerity thoughts? huh..another phony excuse for lack of ability to really transform my thought into the form of words.

One good thing I’ve learnt along the years to pursue this one hobby of mine- blogging that is, that I cannot be afraid of what people are gonna say or usually judge on what I wrote. But of course, I must not consciously and purposely write just to sting people’s feeling which I won’t. I think I have a whole lot more to write about than just to entertain the fellow readers with calumnious entries. So there, my point is, usually we bloggers are judged by the way. Don’t take it too deep. It brings nothing but bitter, really.

Every so often, I got asked by some individuals on whether I’d be concerned on the subject of how many readers do I have. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t care less on that matter. I guess, it depends on your purpose of blogging. If you want to be gratified with constant feedbacks (which I don’t classify as bad either) for every post, in that case you may feel troubled if there is no reader. Unlike me, who just blog for fun, sharing morsel of my on-going yarn to some friends and even strangers. It’s good to have someone reading to my endless bellyache and grumble at the end, and it’s better when your good friends personally ask you about it and discuss over the phone or messengers. For what is worth, just do blog based on your intention and heed less on what others may think. if they do judge you, it's based on superficiality only. one can never be so damn honest in writing, revealing everything. and for that matter, they dont know you unless they're close to you personally.

On the other note, I couldn’t care less of my placement. Seriously. Ok, that’s one big fat lie. Of course I do seriously care about it. my life depends on it. haven’t I convinced you guys enough during interview? Now I think I should’ve really winked at one of them and flash million dollar smile. (did i wear lipstick on that day? errr do i ever have lipstick in the very first place??) Just kidding.

I’m just hoping for the best from Allah. He knows best, that’s proven to be true scores of time in the past years. Have a little faith cuz it brings great deal of good.

p/s: just stop thinking what others may think about you, because more often than not they don't. just go on pursuing what you want to pursue, true friends stand by you. it all that matters. the rest, well.. you decide.

babble at dawn

2011-02-18T05:41:00.001+08:00

I’ve developed this detrimental behavior of my sleeping schedule. Between those interweaving cells, my brain somehow confused between day and night. Yeah, seriously. It’s freaking 4.35 am in the morning and this syndrome has gone reaching a week old now. no, anxiousness does not cause me this.

My mother and grandmother gave me a long talk regards to this and don’t think it helps. I guess I’m not physically tired. Mentally? Yeahh a bit. tu pun, just due to the long hours of eying every sentence from the computer screen i.e replying comments on facebook, blogging (now), reading other's blogs, etc etc . just a leisure reading, nothing heavy.

Oh yeah, I’ve also developed partiality on reading the from the computer screen. see, never say never. all talks about how I hated doing it before this is dissolved little by little and the facts I once claimed it to the subject of detestation sounds pretty alien to me now, at this moment. Yeah, again, never say never. We never knew what future brings. Therefore, if you do have interesting links, please do forward them to me. I’m all eyes to read from computer screen.

Have wanted to made at least minor portion of my 24 hours, let’s say 3 hours of reading (and understand) is still a failure. Funny, because every ~~night~~ (morning actually) before letting myself fall off the edge into the slumber-ocean, I doggedly tell myself to finish my reading on knowledgeable book, issues. Not to bury my nose into magazines or fictions. hey, I could do that for half of the day, without any force. Haih.. how can an economics or sociology or (insert any major that is in the same code area) student practically read all those thick books. I believe unlike me, they manage all of that for the knowledge sake. Me? exam-oriented. *head down* No one to blame tho, my forefinger pointed to me. Hehee.. Therefore, I’ll stick to my goals to read (and understand) on global issues. A bit on politics, economics ~~(and large part on who dates who in Hollywood)~~ I should’ve cultivated this habit long time ago. Better late than never. yes! Never say never.

Oh, congratulations saiey. You made it.

Well, for those who miss me in Friendster, trust me I’ll be not going back there. I deleted my account few months back. The cute thing was, (did I say cute? Please excuse my poor vocab) I read all my testimonials all the way back to 2004! And traced down my testimonials/comments to someone, at that.

You don’t have to guess who that human being is because I’ll never ever real his/her name in here. so syui, stop smiling. I know you know about whom I am babbling about. On second ~~(hundredth)~~ thought, intan was so right. I didn’t realize I was falling. Young girl with immature thought, I was. Hehs..

Listening to: this is how I disappear :) ...

let me take you there

2011-02-17T16:37:00.000+08:00

Moving on is somehow felt burdensome in my case. Like, seriously. For some that might be cushy. I guess I’m a faithful and loyal person. Besides, the most-hated word in my dictionary is unfaithful, disloyal or any with the similar meanings. I’ve mentioned that in my previous post.

Due to that, within these past few years, Torres is the only my favorite football player.

Plain White T’s remains as my favorite band ever even though there are so numerous of new bands are bone now, with few good songs too. I’ve to admit that I love those songs, even sing them during taking my shower but well now I’m talking about my favorite at heart. Hence, Plain White T’s, that is.

Speaking of Plain White T’s, the new album is released! Wonders of the younger. It’s still doubtful if it could beat off Every Second Counts record. (I’ve been biased a bit by that album because I just love one of the tracks in it so so so so muchhh- let me take you there). The song itself wasn’t a super-hit in Malaysia since everyone’s eardrums were occupied by Hey There Delilah (another great song from them but Let Me Take You There beats it, in my term) :P

So yeah, why don’t you just download the new single; Rhythm Of Love.

Man, I just hit by a stinging regret. Should you have a blog or personal journals since several years ago, do not ever delete it. Gosh, it feels good to re-read what you’ve been writing all these years and from there you can measure up your achievement. And from there too, you may also define who you really are and see the way of your thinking. You must understand yourself before anybody else does. For me, the saying “she/he understands me more that I do” is for those who reluctant to own up their strengths and weakness. No offense. By the way, how could I be so absentminded to delete all my previous blogs? Grrrr… never mind. I learnt my lesson and will keep this one. isnyaAllah.

Before I end this post and since I’m in the midst of talking about songs and music, I feel so disturbed listening to Tanpamu (Krisdayanti ft Siti Nurhaliza). Not that I loathe this song, but I could feel the sensation of sadness in a great deal by it puffed in the air with no personal reason. That might be due to fact that I often drowned myself in lyrics with deep meaning before reaching out my hands for a grip of reality. Aside from that, this particular song is just another proof that they both are gifted singers. what a great vocal.

P/s:Heart complicates things at times. Surely, not all the time cause if that so, as if like you brain doesn’t function at all. Thus, the best way to do is making sure both are working. Don’t ever decide based on your heart or brain solely, it must both. That’s why God bestowed us with those two. Use them wisely.

korean fever

2011-02-16T17:04:00.000+08:00

Since I am unemployed, I have a lot of free time that I think I can actually post 10 entries per day. But of course, not trying to be so desperate in my own blog, I post on daily basis. Sometimes, it’s up to double or triple posts a day. We’ll see the end of this syndrome sooner or later.

I am not such a big fan of K-pop like one of my close friends back in UTP, Saiey. She knows every bit of Korean news especially when it comes to her favourite bands. There was one time where she succeeded to influence a bunch of girls in our class (including me) to download this particular Korean drama. Have you heard of Boys Over Flower? Yeah.. yeah.. the leading actor was undeniably good looking despite his curly hair. Off the record, I think curly type is only suits to Justin Timberlake but well Lee Min Ho is an exception. Heheee.. it turns out to be an interesting and I was engaged to it till the very last episode. However, without any reason I still much prefer Meteor Garden.

Super Junior will be coming to Malaysia. Yeahhhh…big wide smiles plastered on the faces of their fans all over here. some of my friends decides to go but I’m still in the middle of finding excuses to go. what are the best reasons to tell your parents that you actually want to attend a concert? Personally, I don’t think I can make it. boooooo!

Let just wait and see.

Now I’m stuck with 2PM – I’ll be back. yeah yeah…I know that song is ancient to you, saiey.hehe

p/s: I usually found myself at a loss for words. That might be due to lack of focus on what to blog or simply just one of the aging signs.

Oh wait, how the aging process has to do with this?

duhh

WAJIB BACA (COMPULSORY TO READ)

2011-02-15T02:11:00.000+08:00

assalamualaikum fellow readers,

so yeah..the title speaks for itself. before you read thoroughly, i want you to know there are 2 different forces in physics, as well in life. one of them is resistance force. therefore, for those of you who think that you've read this particular article already and want to leave this page, i hope you to differ.
lets read once again, shall we. it's a good reminder to all of us from our Prophet, Nabi Muhammad SAW.
Thank you.

the last lecture from Nabi Muhammad SAW, conveyed on year 10 of Hijr 9th Zulhijjah at Lembah Uranah, Gunung Arafah.

before that, as you read through, you will find there are certain points that have been not mentioned in the malay version, hence i advise you to read both.

the sources of these articles are:
article 1 -bm version
article 2- english version

Wahai Manusia,dengarlah baik-baik apa yang hendak ku katakan.Aku tidak mengetahui apakah aku dapat bertemu lagi dengan kamu semua selepas tahun ini.Oleh itu dengarlah dengan teliti kata-kataku dan sampaikanlah ia kepada orang-orang yang tidak dapat hadir disini pada hari ini.

Wahai manusia,sepertimana kamu menganggap bulan ini dan kota ini sebagai suci,maka anggaplah jiwa dan harta setiap orang Muslim sebagai suci. Kembalikan harta yang diamanahkan kepada kamu kepada pemiliknya yang berhak.Janganlah kamu sakiti sesiapa pun agar orang lain tidak menyakiti kamu lagi.Ingatlah bahawa sesungguhnya kamu akan menemui Tuhan kamu dan Dia pasti membuat perhitungan diatas segala amalan kamu.Allah telah mengharamkan riba,oleh itu segala urusan yang melibatkan riba dibatalkan mulai sekarang.

Berwaspadalah terhadap syaitan demi keselamatan agama kamu.Dan dia telah berputus asa untuk menyesatkan kamu dalam perkara-perkara besar,maka berjaga-jagalah supaya kamu tidak mengikuti nya dalam perkara-perkara kecil.

Wahai manusia,sebagaimana kamu mempunyai hak keatas isteri kamu ,mereka juga mempunyai hak di atas kamu.Sekiranya mereka menyempurnakan hak mereka ke atas kamu maka mereka juga berhak untuk diberi makan dan pakaian dalam suasana kasih sayang.Layanilah wanita-wanita kamu dengan baik,berlemah-lembutlah terhadap mereka kerana sesungguhnya mereka adalah teman dan pembantu yang setia.Dan hak kamu atas mereka ialah mereka sama sekali tidak boleh memasukkan orang yang kamu tidak sukai ke dalam rumah kamu dan dilarang melakukan zina.

Wahai manusia ,dengarlah bersungguh-sungguh kata-kata ku ini,Sembahlah Allah,Dirikanlah solat lima kali sehari,Berpuasalah di Bulam Ramadan dan Tunaikanlah Zakat dari harta kekayaan kamu.Kerjakanlah ibadat Haji sekiranya kamu mampu.Ketahuilah bahawa setiap Muslim adalah bersaudara kepada Muslim yang lain.Kamu semua adalah sama,tidak seorang pun yang lebih mulia dari yang lainnya kecuali dalam Taqwa dan beramal soleh.

Ingatlah,bahawa kamu akan menghadap Allah pada suatu hari untuk dipertanggungjawabkan diatas segala apa yang telah kamu kerjakan.Oleh itu Awasilah agar jangan sekali-kali terkeluar dari landasan kebenaran selepas ketiadaanku.

Wahai manusia,tidak ada lagi Nabi atau Rasul yang akan datang selepasku dan tidak akan lahir agama baru.Oleh itu wahai manusia,nilailah dengan betul dan fahamilah kata-kataku yang telah aku sampaikan kepada kamu.Sesumgguhnya aku tinggalkan kepada kamu dua perkara,yang sekiranya kamu berpegang teguh dan mengikuti kedua-duanya ,nescaya kamu tidak akan tersesat selama-lamanya.Itulah Al-Quran dan Sunnahku.

Hendaklah orang-orang yang mendengar ucapanku menyampaikan pula kepada orang lain.Semoga yang terakhir lebih memahami kata-kataku dari mereka yang terus mendengar dari ku.Saksikanlah Ya Allah bahawasanya telah aku sampaikan risalah Mu kepada hamba-hamba mu.

english version

"O People, listen well to my words, for I do not know whether, after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore listen to what I am saying to you very carefully and take these words to those who could not be present today.

O People, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as Sacred, so regard the life and property of every Muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Treat others justly so that no one would be unjust to you. Remember that you will indeed meet your LORD, and that HE will indeed reckon your deeds. God has forbidden you to take usury (riba), therefore all riba obligation shall henceforth be waived. Your capital , however, is yours to keep. You will neither inflict nor suffer inequity. God has judged that there shall be no riba and that all the riba due to `Abbas ibn `Abd al Muttalib shall henceforth be waived.

Every right arising out of homicide in pre-Islamic days is henceforth waived and the first such right that I waive is that arising from the murder of Rabi`ah ibn al Harith ibn `Abd al Muttalib.

O Men, the Unbelievers indulge in tampering with the calendar in order to make permissible that which God forbade, and to forbid that which God has made permissible. With God the months are twelve in number. Four of them are sacred, three of these are successive and one occurs singly between the months of Jumada and Sha`ban. Beware of the devil, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things.

O People, it is true that you have certain rights over your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under God's trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Treat your women well and be kind to them, for they are your partners and committed helpers. It is your right and they do not make friends with anyone of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste...

O People, listen to me in earnest, worship God (The One Creator of the Universe), perform your five daily prayers (Salah), fast during the month of Ramadan, and give your financial obligation (zakah) of your wealth. Perform Hajj if you can afford to.

All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves.

Remember, one day you will appear before God (The Creator) and you will answer for your deeds. So beware, do not stray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.

O People, no prophet or messenger will come after me and no new faith will be born. Reason well, therefore, O People, and understand words which I convey to you. I am leaving you with the Book of God (the Quraan) and my Sunnah (the life style and the behavioral mode of the Prophet), if you follow them you will never go astray.

All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness O God, that I have conveyed your message to your people.

sesekali, air mata menitis juga mengenagkan dia yang jauh di mata. bykan sedikit jarak aku dan dia. jauh beribu batu, tahun dan masa. namun aku tahu, setiap sabdanya adalah petunjuk, salah satu penyuluh jalan untuk umat yang tentunya alpa dengan dunia.

janji Allah itu pasti. firman Allah itu benar walau apa pun mereka yang munafik katakan.
dan dia kekasih Allah. selawat ke atasnya membawa syafaat. sebagai pembantu di hari pertemuan dengan tuhan kita yang pasti berlaku satu hari nanti.

2 perkara yang ditinggalkannya:
Al Quran dan sunnahnya.

semoga kita utuh berpegang pada yang dua itu. insyaAllah

p/s:esok juga ada beberapa program di kaca TV yang menyiarkan isu tentang baginda ya Rasulullah. moga2 ada manfaat dan ilmu Allah yang boleh kita perolehi. insyaAllah.

"ya Muhammad yang berjasa, alquran dan sunnah lah pusaka menjadi panduan umat manusia"

the 14th day of February

2011-02-14T22:03:00.002+08:00

February 14^th is approaching again. I didn’t see it coming though since I never celebrated that day in my entire life. A thought popping out in my mind, what if I ever made it to the airport on the same day several years ago? Would everything be different by now? Would a little gesture and thought and determination change the whole series of my life?

I try to push away that thought as I resume my reading, trying to concentrate on sentences in the manuscript in front of me. Since the dateline is drawing nearer, half of 500 pages document is still unedited. Being an editor is not an easy job as I thought it would be. It took a lot of courage in terms of dealing with stubborn writers who undoubtedly put themselves on top of the world when their previous novels or books were sold out. Besides, weekends that are supposed to be well spent with dates or family are fully utilized for the dozen of manuscripts that I bring home every week. Works are piling up, and since my company publishes most of the so called best-sellers then we have to work extra hard, real extra hard.

The last flight out wafted in the air. I rest my tired and ached head on the table while hoping to fall asleep. However, every lyric of the song is dancing across before my soporific eyes. As I am trying to push the thought of him away, it gets bit by bit harder as the melody as if speaking to myself. He is not in my range of thinking for such a long time since we last met on a occasion which divided both of us geographically apart.

As if the memories of him were born yesterday, all of it is still fresh and crystal clear. We were both young at that time, talked about life, felt a tad scared of thinking how the future would bring, laughed to the dull jokes. He used to be defined my interpretation of teenage dream, because for all I know that exactly who he was; my teenage dream. I misread the navigation of our friendship as I wanted it to go further, beyond into “in-relationship” horizon meanwhile all he ever desired was to float on the channel in the name of friendship. I knew I saw it all wrong.

The night he boarded on the plane, I knew I was no longer able to catch his speeding pace to his dream. I plainly understood that I had no dreams to further on with, and even if I had found one later on I knew that it wasn’t the same path as his. The lacking of my will power of letting him go was equal to how much I put pressure on myself, holding me back from the path I should’ve taken. That was a foolish thing to do yet I did. Being trapped in the craphole for a while, taught me whole lot of priceless lessons which has not there in my college course to enroll. I painted my world with sadness for a span of time and while in the darkness I could only see two tunnels; the one that promised a bright light in the end or subdued dimness. I chose the former.

And for now, if I were to answer of some rustic doubts of what would happen if I decided to turn up on the day he was leaving, I don’t have response for that. Not that I purposely unwilling to answer in case I am in neediness of avoidance on that subject but simply because it’s something that shouldn’t be asked in the very first place.

As I flintily made my choice not to leave my room on the day he left on February 14^th , which turned out to be a bless up until now, I shouldn’t question myself because I know for how many answers are there, I’m still unable to alter my history on that day and years after.

I stare out to the starry sky without limitation, I walk to the window; breathing in the cold night air. It feels frigid and sharp as the wind softly slaps both of my cheeks. I close my eyes for a little while, in the meantime my mind fluctuating between to call it a day or proceed with the open manuscript on my study table. I sneeze a few times before closing the window, afraid to get a cold as more manuscripts are in the pipeline for me to edit, just another headache to deal with.

Finally I make my way to my study table, take a couple sips of the cold coffee latte cautiously not wanting to spill it over. I am flipping through the pages when I yawn for the umpteenth time in 15 minutes, then doze off into a deep sleep.

No dreams.

arena

2011-02-13T19:05:00.000+08:00

My sister asked me to send her to school for volleyball practice. The minute she mentioned about volleyball, my mind flooded with exciting and spectacular memories. Seeing the court itself flew me back to the year of Y2K.

you know, at the time when Britney Spears was still a pop princess with her latest album; Ooops I did it again which happened to be my one of my favorite songs of the year. Yeahh, I was her freak fan back then.

Year 2000 was one of the best years I’ve encountered so far. That year marked few significant points of my life like going through tough experience where my friends and I needed to sacrifice most of our time on the fields; be it volleyball, netball or hockey. But of course we prioritized volleyball as it was a tradition to win that game in the district tournament since I-don’t-know-when. For all we knew, we wouldn’t dare to break the record thus we worked out butt off for it. Alhamdulillah, all the efforts was paid well.

This is not a post bragging of our achievements back then but it is more to a closetful memoirs of a lifetime friendship that I know will never dies. In that old court, flowery and sweet-scented memories created as a token for each of us to keep for the rest of our lives. These names that were once carved on the cactus leaves in the school garden will be eternally stamped in my brain cells.

Syazana, Nana, Nurul, Tikah, Zaidatul, Syafiqah, Wahida.

Usually after the evening practice, we went off straight to the stall nearby and ate Laksa. That accompanied with endless of jokes, gossips and interesting topics. By the way, UPSR never made into the conversation. We tend to worry about that subject alone or in the class whenever our teachers reminded us of its approach.

Back then, we didn’t know the bond made on the court will be this strong. We stayed as good friends until now even though most of us are scattered around the map. Nana is in Uniten, doing accountancy, Nurul started her role as tutor in one of the community colleges while Tikah decided to serve the nation by taking the noble job as the teacher. And as for me, all set and ready to drill oil wherever my employer puts me. hehs

All praises to Allah for letting me have these good friends. May our friendship remains until the hereafter. insyaAllah.

p/s:I miss playing volleyball with you guys. Lets do it when we have time. come one, get sweat like we used to.

tak payah baca

2011-02-12T05:41:00.002+08:00

they say, rindu tak berpenghujung. kalaupun ada, bila yang dirindu ada di depan mata.
but for her, he didnt have to show up, rindu itu hilang sendiri.
sah, she was wrong when she said she could love him till the end of time. luckily, he didn't buy what she said back then.

bukan maksudnya dia perempuan jahat, tidak. cumanya dia dulu budak hingusan, fikiran pun cetek sejengkal.
why do i have to explain herself to you when he already understood this long time ago?

percayalah, saya tahu perkara yg paling jauh adalah masa yang telah berlalu. dia juga tahu. and the distance between them is not about geographically miles apart but years apart.

as hard as for you to believe me, thats the truth. he meant something to her, but he means nothing to me.

just a cobweb thought. don't get tangle in it.

my precious gem

2011-02-12T04:22:00.000+08:00

have you ever wanted to write something special for someone that is very much precious in your life but in the end you were just speechless and blank? because they're just like millions diamonds trade would never be enough.

i always see "because you loved me" as a love song but never between a boy and a girl yet it is more between a selfless human being called mother and her child. i know mother's day is not around the corner however for someone who's been there for me, my pillars of strength and never ever looked down on me, the one whose with faith in me regardless how inconsistent my grades could be at times, i thank you very much and eternally grateful to Allah for lending me you.

i'll be starting my career soon, another new phase of my life and looking back you were always there, to catch me whenever i fell and now you are right here still standing beside me. i promise i'll be a good dutiful daughter, insyaAllah.

lapan

2011-02-12T01:13:00.000+08:00

1. Most irritating condition?
- cannot recall :P

2. Most irritating question?
- "you rasa i gemuk tak?" (termasuk diri sendiri yang suka tny orang mcm tu)

3. I can tolerate the sound of baby crying, but I can never tolerate ____?
- the one that cries so loud as if like screaming.

4. As a girl, I always have this weird dream of having _____ in my future house.
- volleyball court.

5. A perfect birthday gift is?
- books.

6. High heels or flat? And why?
- flat. sebab senang nak jalan.

7. A something that you saw others do/wear, you have the slightest idea to try the same thing but you certainly sure you will never do that.
- tight skirt. hoh

8. A thing that you would like to change about yourself?
- perangai buruk saya yg tak matured. hehs

entah

2011-02-11T18:29:00.000+08:00

okay. this is so random thoughts.

i'm happy being home. seriously i am. since the last 10 years, i think this is the longest time i've ever been home. short span of holiday is not weird for those who lives in boarding school and have strict mom who always said this when it came to overnight

"ala kakak. cuti 2 hari tak payah balik lah. KL-Kedah jauh. nnt penat je"

thus i spent approximately 2 months at home for five years in Seri Puteri, then when i was in UTP that; a month and half holidays needed to be cut short due to uni activities. quite a busy bee during my first and second year.
i also did my practical in Miri, which obviously was one more solid reason not to go home as often as i wanted to.

so this is it. the quality i have to be well-spent at home. unfortunately, the other two sisters are away, hence the boredom. teman-teman nak bergaduh dan tarik-tarik rambut takde lah.

anyways, i think i lost track of interest.

(long sigh)

i lost my momentum and less passionate too these days because there's not much thing to do.
due to that, i'll start anew and get things on track. insyaAllah.
till then.

2011-02-11T15:07:00.001+08:00

It was light drizzle that night. The muddy lanes crowded with people; insiders and outsiders. We strolled along the stalls. Sometimes we stopped to look at things, items or food offered for customers. I remembered looking for something or someone but had yet found anything. We just kept on walking, talking and laughing. We even bought balloons, the cutes ones of course.

My look was messy; I wore a pair of cheap slippers, cheap shirt and my favourite quite-expensive pants. I didn’t touch up my face, I usually did not bother. Maybe a bit of lip gloss that appealed to be not so glossy and shiny like a pop star does look. I couldn’t quite recall about my appearance and I guess the above mentioned would do to prove how messy I was.

Blatant sound of music was roaring from the loud speaker the moment we arrived. Like I said, we just walked, talked and laughed. We bought drinks, talked again and my eyes were searching for someone or something. I didn’t find my liking. It was almost midnight when the soft drizzle shifted into showering downpour. We hustled to the nearest booth and gasped for air. while in there, I pretended to be interested in formula one car displayed while the truth was; machines seized the least of my interest.

After a while, rain stopped. We quickly made our way out of the booth. I pushed the door hard but it seemed no movement at all. I tried to push it a few times yet still a failure. Then, only I realized that there was someone outside that door that trying to get in at the same time. I let off my hand from the door handle and by that solved the problem. As the door yawning open, my heart skipped a beat and all I knew my foot were glued to the floor for the next 10 seconds. …….frozen. If our face color could change, mine might as well settle into blue.

As I was in shock condition without movement, one of my friends nudged me. That, kicked some senses into me. The glue under my foot gradually evaporated, I smiled to the person in front of me and fleeted.

We walked back without talking; I smiled all the way while both of my friends with puzzled looks on their faces.

Yeah, I’ve to admit that metaphorically, I saw some fireworks enchanted fusion of captivating colors in the sky the moment he opened the door. guess what happened next? i know what you guys must be thinking but sorry i've to spoil the mood. No, we didn’t meet again for lunch, date, tie the knot and live happily ever after.

by the way, life is about dealing with reality.

and my life is real. Like a reeling movie which I, myself do not know how it’ll end. And about him; is one part of those interesting scenes that long gone since the last few sparks of the firework disappeared into the thin air.

Airport

2011-02-07T14:31:00.001+08:00

..it connects people. Not directly of course, but still it does. If we dig deeper, it functions in both ways; to connect and disconnect.

For passengers in the arrival hall, you know they are going to connect with their family and relatives meanwhile for those in departure hall they sat silently, thinking of the beloved ones they left behind.

Most of us have been there either in arrival or departure hall. And we know how hurting goodbyes could be at times and how we actually want to run into the arms of the loved ones the moment we step down the plane.

That’s my case.

In her case, she cried all the way to the airport because she was afraid of being late. She tried to call her cellphone, wanted to tell her that she might be late. The line was dead.

The minute she reached the airport, her soul friend walked through the aisle to the waiting plane. She tried to call and it went to voicemail. She sat there still and noiseless, her voice cracking and muffled as she left her message.

As the sun set, the plane was soaring high thorough the patches of blending reddish yellow in the cloudless sky.

That’s her case. Pity little girl with one big heart.