louder, louder and we'll run forward.

it's been a while since the last book. it's been a while since the last written post. it's so long since i quit loving myself the way i used to. and it's been so long too.

impact.
impression.
poetic.
adrenaline rush.
heart beats faster.
pile of works.
favourite drink. favourite food. favourite ayam goreng.
good books.
and, Lucas Scott.

i seem to forget what was my first intention to blog.
maybe i dont really dwell on my past. maybe i just want to move forward without looking back. because it all the same, anyway. whether i look back the memory lane or not, i still am carrying the silence, disappointment. being hopeful to drop those along the way. like i used to do.

a quick post

have a nice dayyy.
well i'm blogging directly from my office. can you imagine that? i should be doing my work at this freaking hour, that was the intention at the very first place. reached office quite early today, half geared-up to finish up my work, yet i ended up here.
it feels so nice be home. i mean, here.

well, life's been good. alhamdulillah. just missed out friend's engagement due to unforeseen reason. but gain another sweet memories by spending time with my bestfriend from school; the one that is close to my heart, knew my never-ending tales. basically, yeah, i dont know what i ever did to deserve such a sweet and wonderful friend. hence, thank you Allah.

life's hard to the core at times, and feel like giving up. but hey, this is life. take it or leave it. and as long as i'm still breathing then i know, i shall take it all the way. insyaAllah.

have a nice day people!

i'm letting go..

love. and that, leaves a memory that time can't steal.

a dot

Once, I’ve read somewhere about there’ll be a point in life when a girl starts to question everything. Almost everything; faith, career, boyfriend, family, life, passion, hobbies, and most of it would be about herself.

From that day onwards, I always knew that one day I’ll question about my life, myself and I think that “one day” is recently. HDT was right. One must lost herself/himself, so that she/he’ll start to find her/his self once again. to understand. To learn.

I’m not going to be all philosophical, because I know I’m not. I’m just a girl who still is trying so hard to find myself in all these noises. For once, it’s time for me to close my eyes and ears, and start to feel thing from within. Those questions I’ve asked, only I could answer. insyaAllah.

So yeah, there’ll be a point when a girl will start to question everything in her life. and when you reach there, your faith will help you through. My faith will help me through. insyaAllah…

Alquran 06:59. Go figure

light up, light up, as if you have a choice.

light up, light up

as if you have a choice,

even if you cannot hear my voice,

i'll be right beside you, dear.

run, snow patrol.

i told myself to at least write a single honest entry.
just a simple and honest.
and for that, i tend to blog about my favourite songs. i think most of my readers (i doubt if there is any) are getting annoyed by my out-loud humming of Run and Littlest thing. truth is, those two are my fave. always have and always will.

it's far from reality, really. i dont know if you could such songs could suffocate you, but it sure does to me. i guess, i'm just emotional.

i'm about to hunt down to kill a mockingbird but refused to. most of the reviews say it's a thumb-up. being different and always on contrary belief side from people's view, i decided to hold that thought. i'm quite at loss reading catcher in the rye, last year and could not find any sparks of magic in it, contrariwise from the reviews. i'm sorry if we don't see the same horizon regards to books.

a week passed, and i'm still with shadow of the wind. how am i going to make a huge progress, bila saban malam aku menelaah pretty little liars? hehs.

i'm sleepy. good night :)



just believe in your heart, and mind that: i can do it.

shadow of the wind

i am quite into photo blogging right now. that's one obvious reason for my absence in blogspot; put aside my lack of idea/ability to convey my strewed thoughts into words. nothing much really.

unify is here. thus, the constant of online movies and tv series. it's pretty little liars, for now. after all, there's not a spark of charm left for one tree hill. goshh, i used to dote upon the main characters as much i could clearly remember. tree hill is definitely one. and once in a lifetime, at that. i shall resume watching. till then peeps.

by the way, for readers out there who necessitate for a spellbound work of fiction, i recommend you; the shadow of the wind. yeap, it's a translated novel. the original one is in spanish which obviously i won't buy as much as i wanted to. but rest assured, the translator did a good job i, i think. have a try.
i read only few pages and fell right into it. gahhhhhh

 i need a new bookshelf. a pink one.

image from google 

of today

when i was done with my cooking for lunch's lauk pauk, only then i realized i haven't set the rice cooked. that's how clumsy i am in the kitchen. after all, kitchen has never been really my favorite place. i prefer couch in front of a tv. that feels more like home. my home. yet i ditched the imaginary couch (since we've yet to purchase any for this apartment that i'm sharing with other 3 girls) and off i went to prepare myself meals to eat. nothing much really. the simplest stuffs you could find if you flipped through your cooking memories. lets not go deeper on that side of skills as i might end up cook up a loads of excuses, justifying my deficiency in handling pans and cutlery.

oh before i forgot, happy deewali to my indian friends.

i decided to set my foot in the office on a public holiday like today (yeah, whatta hell. i seem to forget the meaning of it), only to find out i have no such energy/mood minimal point to work on such a fine day. stayed there, motionless and doing nothing until i concluded for a better way to spend the time. one freaking hour had been wasted there, in the decision making process. i hate vacillating which i seem to own. i settled for a visit to Kino. that becomes my sanctuary recently and it seems to welcome my frequent sojourn as well. for me, it's quite impossible not to go out empty-handed. i smiled with purchases i made- one that has been in my to-read list for quite a while; the shadow of wind.
on contrary belief, i was hooked at popular science section for as far as i'm concern, science reading has never been fell into my liking. however, the Einstein's theory of relativity compelled me to spend almost an hour there. i really should widen my reading scope.

whatelse?

oh, experienced another episode of LRT breakdown which was very nearly stripped away my good feeling. instead of longer waiting, i hailed a cab at the driveway.

i reached home safely and i guess it's time to sleep. all of sudden, thursday feels like monday. yeah, it sure does since i have shiteloads of datelines due to my improper time management. long live syazana!

i doubt if he ever found out this blog. but i still wana say this:

i love you. and i know i will always in love with you, abah :)

there, i said it.

you know, we had our times of arguments. father-daughter arguments are most unlikely inevitable. it's written in the book of fate. regardless what happen, you still are the man that is surely in my prayers day and night.

funny. i could simply text my friends if i ever miss them but i keep it all at heart when it comes to you. nope, it's not ego. it's just the way it is it; between him and me. he's never good in showing emotions but i guess most men are like that. they feel it at heart.

good night, abah.

people=human beings. that includes me and you.

if they dont talk to you, they practically talk about you. yeah, digest that bittersweet facts. it's reality that we live in such community. dont tell me you're excluded because you and i both know, you're lying if you claim so.

i happened to plan this weekend to be fulfilled by high dosage of reading. however, as usual, if i plan to, then i'd end up doing something else. blogsphere is much more interesting with the existence of tumblr. facebook bores me to death with its new layouts and everything. too advance for a simple mind, or to be precise for a such bigot like yours truly. nevertheless, i still love you mark zuckerberg. dont you worry.

candidly speaking, i genuinely in denial about my feelings about my work. you got what i mean? well, some says this is just a transition. i'd say this is an alien transition from student world to adult world where i've to carry my very own responsibility which obviously not really is my favourite. how to put this nicely? i just dont have any idea to do so. lets just leave this here. gahhhhsss. another proof of my poor articulation.

i'm in the middle of reading Paolo Coelho's Aleph. courtesy of a friend who presented me the book as my birthday present.thank you very much. i try my best to figure at least a single engaging episode of my life which might be beneficial for you readers like books review or something, but this brick mental block of mine doesnt seem to melt away by time. with that, i shall wave good bye and pull down the curtain for now.

good night. in less couple of hours, weekend'll be over. hello monday. please be nice.

just sayin'

I am easily influenced, just like that. listening to slank’s ku tak bisa; and this reminds me a lot of my uni years. I think I am that emotional, sometimes. truth to be told,i have to admit that I listen to this song quite too often on a weekend night, before I decided to buzz my good friend for a late night walk. I was a buzzer, an interrupter of a solitude night because I, myself felt forlorn to the core. Those nights, those walks, that boulevard, the same good friend. How could I forget? you tell me. apparently, years later, which happens to be today; on a weekend night, I’m listening to these same songs; Slank’s ku tak bisa and Snow Patrol’s Run. Only that I’ve no one to buzz for a walk at this freaking midnight hour! I’ve never really had a problem with distance, but right now this moment it’s a subject of my detestation. It sure is.

I want more of viva la vida of a kind, please. Not like the recent of every teardrop is a waterfall. If you’re one of coldplay’s millions fans, you utterly grasp what I’m talking about.

the story

what would you do when you see one by one your dream is finally coming true or did actually come true? the feeling you've got when you can cross one of your to-do list is such a satisfaction. hence, today i wanna share with you a story. a lame one. a boring one. but surely, matters to me.

i dream big dreams. i have big dreams. so with what i could link right now is, success which i can classify as goals are not a destination. it comes with responsibility. i take myself for example;
once upon a time, i dreamed of getting PETRONAS scholarship. eventually, it did happen. but that was not just it. that comes with responsibility which is to study well. it's called amanah. i went down the memory lane during the speech given by beloved TM this morning. he makes me think. am i really holding tight the responsibility, the amanah my scholar had entrusted on me or should i be precise that the amanah that Allah has blessed me with. was i amanah enough? was i? i know the answers. i had great time in UTP. really really a great time. the blessings were uncountable. but i doubt if i ever carried my responsibility wholeheartedly. even so, the continual blessing that Allah keeps sending upon me and my family is something i should really be grateful for.

take another example. for all my life, i think subjects i hate most are structured programming and reservoir simulation. i did. i truly did. because learnt those two subjects were like learning physics in greek. seriously. but when i rethink back, hey. those subjects were also part of my amanah. why would i still grumble. why would not i take it wholeheartedly and gave my best? like, studying more. it's amanah. it's part of my amanah. and it'll be questioned back future.

hence friends, lets take care full responsibility of our amanah. for muslims, the core amanah by Allah like solah, parents, and whatever He has bestowed upon us; may you like it or not that's amanah. way to go people.

today marked another dot in my life.

happy sunday

i don't understand Careless Whisper.

:(

what shall i cook today?

it's sunday, people :)

run.
don't look back in anger.
viva la vida.

i judge songs. music is quite a big part in my life. the portion is not that big, i said quite big. the point of this entry is i wanna tell you on how much i'd like to blog about run.
but i never did.
the ideas are just not there. perhaps, a cup of cappucino is all i need to fuel my creative writing. to at least boost my spirit. but hey, who am i kidding. all i need are heartfelt prayers to the Almighty, the Great Architect of the universe; Allah swt.

i seldom watched tree hill. i used to re-watched the episodes over and over again. watching one tree hill is like reading a book you know.
imagine myself staring blank at the hoop by the riverside court. just like in the tv on a certain day. i'll be doing just that. just I wait and see. the trick is to keep trying and trying until i get there. i dont know about you but i think "stop complaining and work harder" motto is working for me.

off to watch one tree hill.again.

thoughts

when i see someone has successfully realized their dreams, i started to wonder, what is wrong with mine? why they are not becoming real? or at least the feeling that i got close to them. at least. and the moment i think of that, i should slap my face. hello, those twin buildings were once your dream. those talks were once your dream too. hence, stop complaining work harder. and thats what im gonna do.

something happened few years back. it was late at night. i was in need to find old clothes or maybe a torchlight. i went into tok's (nickie for grandparents) room and the sight og my grandfather's old blue baju melayu made me sit on the bed and cried. that was after five years he left us. five years. and still, the emptiness is still the same. the void is replaceable. he has not gone anywhere though. he just answered the creator's call. when we cry right there and then for a simple thing like the old blue baju melayu for example, i knew right away how lucky i was to have the chance to spend 15 years with him. that, is such a blessing. thank you Allah.

he used to ride me around. he used to send/fetch me to/from school. he used to tell me stories. and above all, he gave me my very first al-quran when i was a seven year old girl. what people say is true about how important a gift is. gifts should be selected. so that the one who receives it would always remember you and your values. And as for me, no matter how hard works could be, i know whenever i come back from home, there's the red quran on my bookshelf; reminds me Allah is there, and yeap, there was someone who is always there too eventhough he's so far away from my eyes. that is blessing. and blessing fuels me. so give up is really not an option.

of today. of my birthday

assalamualaikum wbt
and hii people.

i love it when it's my birthday. i wish everyday is my birthday. i love the attention. and maybe that is one of the reasons why i am so much in love with events and weddings and such. you're the centre of so called attention and attraction.

i won't say much on the storyline of my birthday. i'm turning 23. two three. can you believe that. one of my closest friends called all the way from New Zealand yesterday. we talked like forever. it's amazing because whenever i am with my good friends, i never run out of topics. the conversation is never really turning to dry one. i think that might be due to the fact that we dont really see each other much and talk everyday. oh Allah, i do truly love my circle of good friends. they're just great. the bond is just unbreakable. thank youuuu.

i spent quite much on books these last few weeks.the loss of iphone is actually a blessing in disguise. well, you know, when i had one, it was be always with me. i go through feeds on facebook every few minutes. and other websites too. i've neglect my needs for reading for which i'd say, reading is actually oxygen for my mind to breathe new perspective. if not, i feel stagnant. and nothing is worse than a stagnant mind.

here's the list of books i've read for the past 2 months:
1. Brida. bought it the day after i lost my iphone
2. The lost Symbol.
3. Five People You Meet in Heaven.
4. The Alchemist

Current reading:
1. The Last Lecture
2.A Doctor in the House. (i should've finish it before my graduation. on my graduation day, i plan to smile widely and sweetly and say to TM "I finished reading your book. and you're such my inspiration")
3.The Message from Water.

i hate to be labelled as bookworm. but guess i just am. for my birthday, i wish i could spend my time and have the strength to read more on economics.

this is not a good time for a book review because i'm gripped by laziness to elaborate on what i've read, but seriously, A doctor in the House is a must-read. go get a copy or you can simply borrow from me.

see,my thoughts are scattered all around. the birthday post is turninh into book review. hehe..

till then peeps.
till then.

bubly

1. happy birthday google :)

i'm listening to the radio. relaxing my mind from whatever is flying it. one of them is, how i can change so much within these years. the last time i remember, as clear as the polished crystal glass is the image of stubborn and arrogant me walking around without a crack of smile on my face. that girl is not a around anymore. thinking of that, i've to admit that people could not have all bad sides. human being; regardless how annoying they are, how naughty they are, we still do possess some good side. so, if you hate certain people, think back. you might only dislike one of their attitudes but remember they also have the good side.

i'm walking away from anger.

i try to live. i try to appreciate things more. i am trying. there are so much more to learn. there are so many good books to read yet the are so little time.

i think i better resume my reading. this site consumes my time so much already.

words of the day: walk out from anger, hatred and such. they are actually a good teacher once you master them. at least, i'd like to believe so.

TM, you inspire me.

procrastination is indeed a thief. a dangerous one.
this is what i've learnt for the past weeks and i pray Allah will forgive me for all that i've procrastinated.

off to sleep.

this weekends

hi all.
whoaaa it's been a while since the last time i blog. nothing much happened really for the past 2 weeks. works are piling up aligning with the responsibilities to hold too. not in the mood to whine on that because i know no matter what, it's life and like it or not, i do still need to entertain those said responsibilities. so leave it there and i shall let myself to learn bit by bit from it

yesterday was awesome. as early as 11 am (early??) we headed off to siti's open house. i swear her mother's rendang ayam was undeniably delicious. then, we went to alamanda to see Johnny English which obviously hilarious, dinner at Johnny. later that night, stuck around at intan's place- had a catch-up session with her mother. and i found myself home around midnight.

today is nothing much too, i pre-planned to re-watched Up however the clumsy me left my red hard disk in the office. what a klutz. oh by the way, for those of you, who haven't watched the smurfs, go lah watch the movie. it's very nice you know.

so now, i'm just with Robert Langdon to know more on the lost symbol. for the curious, well it's the book i'm talking about. go get a copy if you don't have one. seriously, best.

till then for now

p/s: Dan Brown's books are meant for reading, i think. since when it goes into movie like the previous two; The da vinci code and Angels and demons are just simply..hmmm less interesting. so please, read!

till then!

the voice and updates that come with it.

i was just about to blog concerning the voice. yeah, that reality show featuring together Adam Levine, Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo and Blake Shelton. i'm not so much into reality show. i watched few episodes of akademi fantasia back in school because my friends did. you know, seriously, the only fun you'd have in high school (read: boarding school and all girls at that) is when you're with your close girlfriends. hence i usually just tagged along. not that i looked down on local music industry, but simply it was out of my interest. i dont really watch american idols either. i dont understand what they habitually fuss about when the season is here. but i believe, different people have different perspective on things.

however, since i have this short holiday that finally comes to a halt tomorrow, it's just hard to leave home this time around. the voice hooked me. like, really. and i dont even have tv in KL. we have yet to decide whether we should buy it or not. plus, the unify is coming soon. additional cash out items in my cashflow. lets just hope, i can get over my phase as an IT illiterate and can actually download the voice episodes on my own. they have this so-called blind audition where these four supposed to be mentors will just listen to their singing and push the red button if they like what they hear. basically, the decision made based on the quality of their voice. so i guess, thats why it's called the voice in the very first place. besides, whats not to love about the voice? (read: adam levine). hahaaa.. i browsed through his page just now, of which my initial intention is to "like" the page, however feel a bit of reluctant when his walls are full of "marry me" and the kinds from fans. well, i expect his page at least have some sort of constant updates of his music activities instead of mostly covered with mushy love notes on the wall.maybe i havent found the right page. hehee..

what else? i dont wanna talk about breakouts on my face. sad! it's a tragic and horrible breakouts i've ever had in my entire life. frankly speaking, not that i really care though. bring it on, hormones!

source: google image.

1. the hairdo!
2. the dress. only if its a long dress, i could buy a black cardigan and wear it on my graduation day.
3. back to december is magnetic. to my ears.

soundtrack

Besides reading, I watched movies/series a lot. I think I’ve mentioned that in my previous entry about how easy peasy it was to download movies back in my uni. The longest time consumed for a movie to finish download was approximately 5 minutes. Tell me, how can I not love my uni? One of the huge concrete reasons, needless to mention the best teh ais evahh!

Okay now back to point.

Besides the abovementioned hobbies, I listen to music a lot too! some are like vinyl of moments in my life. you know the kind you would say to yourself whenever you listen to certain particular song “ahh, this reminds me of…” I’m super excited when GreenDay released their new single although only to discover myself listening to one or two songs continually. Nahh, talking about selective reading, might as well apply to selective type of music for casual playing on my playlist. And selective twaddle characters for a qualified boyfriend.duhhh!

-bad day (Daniel Potter): the late night talk I had with a cluster of friends after playing volleyball (errr or squash) in our first year in uni. Speaking of that, I had no chance to gain weight as we would go out sweat on weekends night to play whatever sport available. Sounds athletic much? I was just kidding. We practically only swollen our arms by digging (spike?) the ball. Well,while in the middle of conversation, in the middle of the night, my father did call. Oh!mau tercabut jantung aku! Bad day was my ringtone at that time. father’s instinct. He asked my whereabout,and I did tell him the truth though. I said I was hanging out with my some of my friends waiting for sahur. His voice sounded like it was okay, but advised me not to do that often.

-littlest things (Lily Allen): I listen to it right after watching that movie. Ermm what its title again? the one which the elder sister died due to cancer. The younger sister sued her mom or so. The storyline itself was sad to the core. Haih, it’s not even the soundtrack of the movie. I couldn’t find the connection either. heeheheeee

-rolling in the deep (Linkin Park Live): I swear Adele couldn’t beat this!

-tonight (Reamon): the 8-months internship in Miri. Specifically my housemates back there. once, we were fanatical towards a Spanish artist, who featured with Reamon during one of his live performances. He’s a hot dude. Hotter than JT,the love of my life (read: justin timberlake).blueks

-larut (Dewa): a friend of mine asked me to listen to this song. I said I would and I did 4 years later.I assumed it was when he realized he was in love for how-many-times (dude, was it the first time? heheeee) I’m not sure, but I surely knew he totally fell in love with someone at that point of time.

-takkan ada cinta yang lain (Dewa): flipping through lecture notes for geoscience lab test that morning. my roommate looked at me and smiled. I asked her why, then she replied “are you in love?” hell yes, I was!

-hilang (garasi soundtrack): one of those mornings in foundation year. While walking back to/from chancellor hall for physics paper, we decided it’d be good to have some fun at sunway lagoon. We packed our bags, and off we went for a short trip to KL. Having fun is so much fun if we do it spontaneously.

-written in the stars (Tinie Tempah): last minute revision with two of my classmates for Drilling paper. Ans we laughed hard as soon as we figured his name. but this song is undeniably nice.

Enough of my real-life stage musical example. Lets end this post with a sip of hot nescafe in the morning.

Till then!