daily crumbles!

"...Again, during the commonwealth Heads of government meeting in Edinburgh, Scotland, in 1997, I met Tony Blair, who had only just become Prime Minister of Britain. I explained the effect of currency trading to him at length and asked him to take it up with the IMF, but my efforts came to nothing." -Page 671 (Currency Crumble), A Doctor In The House.

" I went to work today. i dont understand about entitlement issues. I sorted out emails and realized there are two pending projects which the deadlines are next week. i did nothing/ haven't started anything about it. and there goes, my so-called ex crush; the one that i'm still struggling to move on from came and joked about funny stupid things." Me, of today January 30th.

I know. I shouldn't compare myself with our ex-prime minister but i hope you can see my point here. this is not about comparison but this is more about values that i hold onto, how i look on my responsibilities be it small or big. responsibility is a big word, really. it's never about the result, it's more the efforts. the kind of thing that i'm lacking. the one thing that i should be struggling more instead of struggling with the abovementioned.

that, makes me think; as a human/as a person/ as a muslim who believes that i'll be standing in front of Allah to be judged i really should prioritize my struggling on which responsibilities. shouldn't I? Shouldn't we?

i'll have a long way to learn. the point of perfection will never be reached, hopefully those points of betterment will be crossed from time to time. Insyaa Allah.

Good night! :)

Definitely maybe.

At this stage, it still is undefined. No. The right word would be uncertain.

#1
It was Thursday. Second day at work. I was still bored because I knew no one, I could not talk and stay silence for a long time. People who are dear to me know well how bad i am in dealing with silence.

An hour passed. Later that morning, the other newcomers told me there would be a class that i could join. Yeay! At least something to do! And i thought i was done with class after graduation. That seemed wrong. There were 5 or 6 of us. I could not remember then there he was; with that not so-friendly smile you could get from a stranger, the hairdo which was obviously nowhere to be defined to be my liking and the most opposite attribute of my usual term to be my crush - he was with a pair of glasses!

Right there and then, "ouch!!!"- my heart shrieked! I fell hard. For you.

#2
It was sunday. I was late and everyone including teachers were waiting for me at the jetty. I ran frantically to the counter, afraid if i might miss the ferry. My eyes sought after the familiar faces and no one could match. I nearly cried when i saw my friends waved at me. I was so relieved.

We reached Pulau Tuba about an hour later. We were divided into groups and mine was called chedar. I knew nothing what that was. Then right there he stood, with folded sleeve of maroon shirt. I blinked twice. I thought to myself "wow. This is the boyfriend material". Who could blame me? I was 16.

As much as i wanted to say they are the options, too bad because that would be a total lie. And i refuse to live in a lie.

My name is Ana. The abovementioned stories are non-fictional. But no! I didnt fall in love with 2 guys in the same time. #2 is definitely a history. #1 is teaching me life lessons.

I am just glad.

Maulidur rasul story

I hope the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is to say Alhamdulillah.

I hope the first person that will enter my mind will be Muhammad SAW.

recently, i've made one of the most important decision in my life thus far. and that actually hurts me a deeply. as much as i hate to portray feelings in my entries, i had to say this. whatever stupid/hurting phase that you're enduring, it shall pass and comes to an end. hence, usually each morning i would feel sad and the first thing entered my mind was the decision i made. that hurts me! so today, i woke up with the same feeling but mind you eventho the pain had subsided. then, i realized it's actually maulidur rasul and i feel so very very very much ashamed of myself and to Allah and Nabi Muhammad SAW. seriously syazana? the very first human being that should enter your mind is not the one who brings you suffering but the one should really be our prophet who loves his ummat unconditionally and pray for us even before we were born! subhanallah. and now, i feel so much much better.

alhamdulillah. 

and i know i made the right decision :)

Night talk

Today has been a rollercoater ride of emotion for me. With my current mood swing due to PMS, it's harder to keep focus in one piece, let alone to rationalize.

Anyways,

Have you ever felt so stupid that makes you wanna punch someone in the face? Well i did today. I dont know where was the strength coming from, but i did manage to lighten my mood later in the afternoon. And actually, laughed about the thing that i was stressed about.  Funny how hormones work.

So now before i drifting off into slumberland, i try to count my blessing. The things that attached most in my life now.

1. My bed. You have no idea how much i love my bed.
2. To have places called home.
3. To have a mom that understands my craziness.
4. To have a dad who loves you in silence without not much word but you know he prays for you. InsyaaAllah.
5.to have sisters that are close to you and love you.
6. To taste the sweetness of frienship
7.my laptopppp
8.time!!! To pray, to read.
9. Supplies of reading material.
10. Enough money to live as comfortably.
11. A job that translates into pahala if i do it sincerely.

And the list goes on.

So talking about being angry for not having that one thing? I dont think i wanna trade the abovementioned for it. After all, whats planned for us is always the best. Let me have the solid faith, o Allah.

Silver Lining

Inspired from Silver Lining Playbook.

Dear A,

thank you. I love(d) you since the first time I met you couple of years back. I'm sorry it took me so long to admit and put your chapter in this sanctuary before because I got stuck and I was in denial.

I thank you for you because through you I know I could fall in love again. You don't have to be sorry for you not having the mutual feeling towards me. I still will thank you, by the way. As much as I know how a heart could never be forced to love, that would be as much as I don't blame you for not loving me back. it's your right and I respect that.

I always believe prayers are the best thing ever we could offer to someone. So please, include me in yours and worries not, you're in mine. May the depth of our love towards Allah, our beloved prophet Muhammad saw and parents deepening each day for their love is incomparable and blessings to us. May we always remember that one day we'll stand before Allah and will be asked for every single deed that we do in this world. And I pray we find contentment and happiness in this world till jannah. insyaAllah.

-S-

so this is it :)

Ranting ranting kayu

Tadi,Anis ada sebut pasal masa yang dicuri. Tentang kita yang seringkali pandang belakang. Menyesal. Atau juga terlalu bimbang memikirkan masa depan. Yang nyata, itu semua pencuri masa. Tipu kalau aku bilang aku mampu menjaga masaku tanpa 1% pun dicuri. Tapi sekurang-kurangnya kalaupun terbazir aku harap bukan banyak jumlahnya.

Jam 1107 malam. Dan aku baru menapak kaki ke rumah. Dalam hati berdoa setahun dari sekarang jika berdua aku harapkan rutin sebegini tiada. Biar sesibuk mana pun. Biar kerja menimbun pun, aku doa-doa aku tahu tanggungjawab mana yang utama. Setiap kali aku fikir angan-angan untuk jadi isteri solehah, secara tak langsung ingatkan aku tentang tanggungjawab sebagai seorang baby kepada emak abah. Sudah cukup sempurnakah? Sempurna itu mustahil, utk diperbaiki lagi tentang role yang satu itu insyaaAllah.

Doalah utk kebahagiaan ibu bapa. InsyaAllah tak putus rezeki. Hehe..

Goodnight.

Happy New Year 2013!

This is a reflection. Not anticipation; that, I’ll save to myself first.

2012 is a year full of surprises.

I can barely remember how it started. I can’t remember where I was on January 1^st this year, but what I do remember is I wished you Happy New Year and you wished me back.

Looking back, there were a lot of things happened in my life. I took the experiences bit by bit and struggled hard to understand the hidden meaning for highlights of the year. Obviously I couldn’t put everything into words, all in one entry for what had been occurred the last 365 of earth rotation. One thing for sure, some events managed to turn my life upside down.

One:

For career-wise, it has been a wonderful year with wonderful those wonderful people around. You know, when you stuck to do something that obviously is not your first sight love it’s kinda hard. It takes a lot of struggles and reminders from your own-self to be sincere. Since sincerity comes from within, I do wish I’m sincere enough when my mind and lips agreed to it. I’m blessed to have people around who constantly harking to my whines, offering and sharing their opinions. I’m forever thankful and indebted. It just gets better.

Two:

Transition from student life to working life is not that scary. I find it a lot more fun because I’m handling my very own money. There are few adjustments needed, of course and also the way I think and such. All in all, at this current phase, I’m actually meeting a lot of new different people. my opinions towards certain issues changed gradually. I hope for more positive side. my spending habit is not in a good state. I mean, you cannot spend huge amount of money for different fragrances in 2 weeks. That; clearly need improvement.

Three:

I finally found a real replacement for the lost Iphone 4 last year. Alhamdulillah. It’s Samsung Galaxy Note 2, people! very nice! Like, really really really really nice and suits me the most. *to the moon and back*

Four:

I made a clean slate with someone from my past. I should’ve made it a long time ago but the teenage me couldn’t bear the thought opposite to what I wanted hence the delay. However, it’s a big achievement and I’m eternally thankful to Allah for all the lessons that came with it. That’s the thing about life. Sometimes, we are too afraid to face our own fear, afraid of what others might think of us, afraid to be different. I know I still have a lot to learn but one thing for sure, I refuse to lead the same pattern of life for the rest of my life.

Five:

Letting go is never easy. Thus, I’m praying hard that we all do possess the ability to let go things that are liabilities to us and focus more on something that is more beneficial for us to keep. Please be reminded that for every obstacle we have to endure, Allah knows. Never ever give up on Him because that’s the only way we will never ever give up on ourselves. Let’s strive to be better in every aspect of life eventho the changes might be slow. It’s okay as long as we’re not stagnant, right?

Last but not least, Happy New Year 2013!!!

love you like a love song baby

it’s weekends already. Week-end! That means Saturday and Sunday. I should’ve just applied annual leave on Monday but something came up, something is always coming up hence I decided not to.

I almost forgot how it feels to be all sweat, working out. The feeling that comes with it is just so amazing. Excuses built up based on false foundation of not having time to jog or to play squash melted away when I read about commitment few days back. We are human being. We actually have to commit to ourselves. I still half-heatedly believe in all those unleash potential thingy but well, why not give it a try. Like, doing something you don’t really like to do. Why don’t you try if it’s obviously harmless and legal?

If we manage to wake up early, then we’ll have yoga first thing in the morning tomorrow. Life, isn’t it just wonderful? I miss my mom!

Good night.

Friday Night!

You heard it right.

You read it right.

I lost my phone. Again.

So friends, be mindful when you’re in LRT. Zip your bag, and make sure you hug it tightly! Like, seriously.

Instead of pondering with self-pity or regret or sadness, I could not decipher what was my emotion back then, hence I decided to buy a new phone. End of the world’s problem. Solved. Right there and then. Alhamdulillah.

I don’t know about you, but I do wake up every morning with a smile on my face. Like, a real, wide smile. The kind of smile carved on your face when you’re thinking something funny or something that makes you happy. And for the smile that is on my face, each morning, I feel truly blessed. Alhamdulillah. So you see, life can knock us pretty hard sometimes, leaving us with the swollen bump on the forehead but hey, for the bread and nutella on the table, I think it’s more than enough to be thankful for. Once, I’ve heard people say, count your blessing. I even tried that, and surely it’s uncountable. So there.

Good night.

PD weekends

I’ve made my mind.

This little space of mine will be something that will be forever immortalized my memories, so that my daughters and sons and hopefully grandkids actually can benefit something from all sort of experiences.

Hence, before the recent memories that were carved beautifully in Port Dickson botching up, I’d rather put them in simple writing.

Off we went to Port Dickson for my department teambuilding. That was not the first time. I’ve been there a few times before, too many that I almost forgot to count. Obviously, PD is my scholar’s favourite place to hold this kind of event. Remember Soaring The Eagle, anyone?

my group.

Theme Dinner!

I’m not going to detail up each activity that we have to go through. Frankly, I saw it as something that can be tension-releaser. Most of the activities were about the same thing-teamwork and what we actually can apply those at work. As for me, I define it as a reminder of my intention why do I work, choose to be part of the department at the very first place when there was another opportunity knocked on my door once but I chose to say – no, thank you.

The merry of the weekends continued on when I crashed my friends’ teambulding which was held in PD too. Told ya. PD is a fave place for this kind of thing.

Hijacked their Dinner Night.

well, with the Artis Jemputan.

Banananananaaaaa boat!

Highlight of the weekends was clearly the banana boat experience. I’ve been longing ride that since forever.

Saying goodbye

I decided to walk away from all the pain and sadness that seems to be endless.

Just a few days back, i was all alone in a hotel room, wishing and waiting for s shooting star, for a comet to actually sprinkle its magical powder over me. Overwhelmed by sadness, i asked god where would be the end of all of the self-inflicted pain that handed in my life tray. I asked Him For a little more patience and persistence and determination to walk away. I asked a lot, really.

Today. Well, woke up in a different hotel room with one big, happy, cheerful heart. I asked so many things but i almost forgot to say thank you.
So here it is.

Dear Allah,
Alhamdulillah for all the blessing. Be it for something that i understand, or something with hidden meaning within.

Goodbye, Port Dickson. For now.

After all, life is a box of chocolate.

Leap Sunday

Sunday is beautiful when i can laze around, sipping coffee while browsing through feeds fromFacebook and Tumblr.

My phone beeped. And there were notifications of missed calls, and few instant messages sent from my darling sister. Without hesitation,i browsed through the conversation thread and pictures she sent me - of her and a castle. My eyes were tearing up right there and there, not a second late. What a beautiful pictures of a ruined castle, with her in it.

Frankly, i think tears were rolling mainly because
1. I miss my darling sister so much, you cannot even imagine. Since we are all girls in the house, we clicked just like that.
2. Thats the ruined castle from one of my most favourite movies- Leap Year.
3. I've always wanted go to UK region, there are so many places that are so much beautiful. Really!

and suddenly i miss reading so much. As much as i wanted for this beautiful weekends to stay still for me to embrace it, i am longing to go to the office and do my routine.

The effect of Teambuilding i guess. Haha

why do we blog

Why we blog?

Why did I blog in the first place?

I have a lot going on in my mind right now. Needless to mention, the workloads I have at the office, the pace that requires my time and energy; which one of the reasons I come back home with sleepy eyes and flat on my bed at 9 PM once in a while. And usually, at 11, I’d usually started my walking in slumberland. No kidding. No life. Hence, I have to blog- to distract my mind from thinking the thing called work. I still am adapting and adjusting to it. After all, I have 8 solid hours plus during the day to spend my precious time for it.

Back to the question.

Why do I blog? Why did I blog at the very first place.

I believe for every action that we do, there must be a reason behind it. Be it noble or not, it has always been a reason for something. I’m not going to jog down the memory lane, digging buried artefacts of silent memories of when was the point I started to inhibit blogspot.

I did blog because I wanted to. I was tempted to see the art of writing our own thoughts in our own website and secretly hoping my friends or the ones that matter, which worth my time read piece of mind. There, I said it. I’m pretty sure that was one of the many reasons why did I decide to launch my very own missile of thoughts, letting people into my mind; knowing the consequences that I might be constantly judged by some readers. I did it anyway. Because that was what I wanted to do; to write. Hopefully, somewhere in not so distant future, when I already have daughters/sons of my own who are big enough to read and understand, I will share my thoughts written here with them. Just so I wait.

The point is, be aware of our intention in every single thing that we do. Even the first requirement in sollah is intention. Hence, make sure our intention is always right. In syaa Allah.

PMS!

I wasn’t a firm believer in PMS. I didn’t. Back in school days, I think girls got the signs of PMS almost every day. I mean, my friends would usually say “ I’m in PMS mode. That’s why I’m hungry.” Or “I can’t study today. PMS” or those weird cravings. I seriously could not fathom what were they saying!

Science subject in form 3 changed a bit of my perspective towards PMS. By then, I knew it’s true. There are signs of PMS stated in that think green SASBADI reference book. One of the symptoms was mood swing. I was a happy kid, you know. I can barely remember I had mood swing back then, that’s pretty true. Still, until that time, I didn’t use PMS as the reason if I ever felt like sleeping the whole Saturday the whole weekend. I just knew that I was lazy to study. I even forced myself to sleep. Hehe. However, I rarely opted to behave such way since the word of PMR exam could make us shiver. What was the big deal about it, I still couldn’t measure. 8A was a very big deal to everyone.

Source::Google

So now, as years went by, I changed a bit. I started to feel uneasy a week before having the menstrual; the laziness, the cravings and such. I’m still wondering whether those are the symptoms of PMS or is it just me giving excuses to myself when I’m not in the mood to do something. That makes me think, what a bad habit I do possess if my action is according to my mood. Logically thinking, it’s still sinful if I skip my prayer because I am so lazy. Hence, I should force myself a bit right. To at least do what I need to do for the sake of I have to do it and that is my responsibility. 

I came out with the idea of this because at times, I feel like giving myself too many excuses and cut myself too much slacks. And that’s not good for my own growth. I realize now that as we age, our responsibilities become more. I’m a grown up. (Freaking surprise face!) plus, I pay my own bill! 

Good night pretties! Assalamualaikum wbt.

Istanbul Aku Datang

okay. the title speaks for itself.

it's true that i watched this movie at cinema for two times, already. i believe when the online movie is out, then i will sitting idly, all smiling in front of my laptop, watching, i also believe that one day, when i have daughters of my own, i'll spend our movie-time together some time during weekends, laugh through out the funny scenes. Reverse a bit, i will also practically force their dad to watch this movie with me. seriously.

Sunday morning is beautiful as always. despite, some drama added to it, that too, still failed to wash away the harmonious feeling. truthfully, i am thankful for having certain problem in my life, because from there it's a sweet reminder for me not to do these little improper things to the guests. it's just not nice behaving like that. i pray that one day, you and me will have the courage to pluck out all these bad behaviors lie in our hearts. ameeen.. InsyaAllah.

back to Istanbul Aku Datang.

Frankly speaking, i admire Dian. she's an optimistic girl with very determined determination. i couldn't remember when was the last time i really hope for something as much as she did. the only slack was, she put all her hopes into human, not the Almighty. there were some bitter memories i had to go through few years back which frankly, made me think it'd be better to just follow the flow instead of hoping too much. however i think it's okay to be hopeful, as long as we put our hope in the right place.

besides all the cliche the love triangle that is portrayed in this movie, the whole story is realistic. it shows how a boy would behave if he already lost interest in the girl he used to love.

hint; when the girl says "I love you", he would hesitantly replies "I love you too" or just "me too".

never been there. never done that. but some of my friends can attest to this statement.

so you guys out there, if you still haven't watched this movie, lets do it!

take away from Istanbul Aku Datang.

1. Macbook is so tempted. i might as well get it one day. InsyaAllah.
2. Couldn;t believe myself that i actually watched this movie 2 times in the cinema. this only happen for transformers before.
3. If you love someone, Doa the best for both of you. insyaAllah, Allah will show the way.
4. Istanbul is really a nice place. with a beautiful scenery.

these two

1. I hope everyone, each and everyone of you lovely and handsome people will enjoy listening Cough Syrup, Melanie Martinez's version as much as I do. really.

i surrender to the sound of drum. in addition to that, there's lyrics saying "a wet world aches for a beat of a drum". so now tell me, how can possibly on earth i won't love this song? when the favourite word and sound collide together.

2. Akan Datang- Tomok.

all smiling, hugging heart-shape red pillow. looking like a girl who is terribly in love. truth is, in love with none but herself. for now. so while i'm at it, it's worth your money if you decide to spend on a movie ticket for Istanbul Aku Datang. this movie is definitely lifting up malay movie to another different level. frankly, for someone who roots for chic-flick comedy drama like yours truly, it's a thumb up.

good night.

Little Experience

Bismillah..

Lately I’ve found myself occupied with many other things, hence the shortage of time to write. I mean, to really write instead of just posting a few quickies from copy-paste interesting stories that I’ve found from internet.

This morning, I decided to spare sometime to write on something that I think worth sharing.

Firstly, it’d be very nice if you could read through this article. It’s true indeed.

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2009/11/13/is-this-love-im-feeling/

TV plays an important role in shaping our mind, without we even realized it. Without I even realized it. Believe it or not, I used to believe that true love is the kind of love I saw in hindi movies. Oh yes, I am from the era when hindi movies overflowing our entertainment industry. As the time passed by, I’ve found reading, and then my perception of love changed accordingly to the books I’ve read. So you see, what we see, read, hear (through songs) indirectly shape our mind and how we look at things.

I am blessed to feel this so-called love myself. Really. But the thing is, it’s not really “love” after all. I felt miserable and down whenever the thought of him struck my mind. Maybe it’s due to the one-sided love that I felt hence I couldn't focus. He is the kind of guy that I thought was ideal to be a boyfriend or even a husband. However, we have to bear in mind, just like as we learnt in physics or chemistry, ideal doesn’t mean real. Ideal is based on our interpretation which is humanly and more often than not is wrong. From there I knew that I built up false interpretation of love. When the love was not there anymore, what’s left was obsession and urge to have it. To have him. I forgot for a while that he is human being with feeling. Not an expensive desk or chair or perfume that I could work hard for and keep for the rest of my life. The constant calls that sometimes he would not pick up or instant messages that he would not reply were stupod thing to do yet proved how hard I tried. Along the way, I also lost him as a friend he once was. 

Alhamdulillah, reading helped me a lot, in many ways. And time, too, played a very important factor to actually reshape my mental attitude towards love. I soon realized all the pain was my own self-inflicted. I could walk away from that.

 It was a huge struggle to get rid of the urge of wanting to have and keep him. I could say that was one of my biggest struggles I’ve encountered so far. I know it might be insignificant to some, but surely not for me. Alhamdulillah, I’ve finally find a way to let go and move on.

You know sometimes in life, we don’t really see beyond of what happen. Allah knows and even mentioned in the Quran. This kind of experience is also actually a helping hand for me to fully understand and apply the meaning of tawakkal and redha which I would say two simple words with great depth of meaning and not that easy to apply. When we lost something, it will be replaced with something better.InsyaAllah. Deep in myself, I knew I wasn't really scoring with flying colours, but looking back how my opinions towords this issue changed from the past years, I think I did not fail and InsyaAllah there's a huge room for improvement.

When there's no more love to offer, as a friend, prayers are all I have to replace. Insyaa Allah.

While waiting.take five

1.stressful period:either break you and re-shape your character.always choose to re-shape.
2.time is so valuable than money.choose your deeds wisely and enjoy moment to the fullest.
3.a thankful and grateful heart will always feel enough,and strive to be better.
4.read quran and its translation everyday because it is light in our life.
5.love our parents more than anyone else because by loving them we're rewarded with pahala.insyaAllah.

Salam Maal Hijrah

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Salam Maal Hijrah :)

semoga kisah hijrah rasulullah saw yang kita cintai lebih dari semalam dan semoga cinta untuk baginda bertambah pada hari-hari mendatang dapat kita jadikan teladan bersama hendaknya. InsyaAllah.

azam tahun baru?

1. semoga tahun depan boleh jadi tetamu di rumah Allah

source: yahoo image

tolong doakan ye.

2. dapat memikul tiap-tiap tanggungjawab dan amanah yang ada dengan sebaik-baiknya.

3. dan azam-azam tahun lepas yang kena carry forward ke tahun ni;semoga semuanya dapat dilaksanakan. amiin..

till then!

rumah manis

rumah.
memang adalah tempat paling best.

seriously.

i think the saying is true-home is where the heart is. i add somemore;home is where the heart and loved ones is.

sungguh. bahagia itu datang dalam banyak cara.tak perlu rumah besar gah macam istana, cukup dengan sederhana tapi ada muka-muka yang boleh tambah pahala dan penuh kasih sayang.

setakat ni, balik rumah is the best therapy.

so yeah, lets enjoy!