Testing

Hi,
Testing. Well im now blogging directly from my ipad. Alhamdulillah. I made my mind and seriously best gile. Go getttt oneeee!!!

hope

Hope.

Pause.

I wrote about it not a long time ago. And tonight, for some reasons I’m going to write about it again. In different manner and maybe different ideas. Let’s see how it goes.

Hope is sharp. It cuts deep in your veins and keeps you bleeding. Hope is not something that people around you can easily snatch it away from you, throw it far until you couldn’t see. it won’t be gone the next minute or next hour after you decided to get rid of it. No! it doesn’t work that way. It takes habit to purge from the falls hopes. It takes conscious mind and time. Time is the healer which owns the power. In this case “eventually” is a big word. Huge word.

Hence, choose your hopes wisely. Do hope wisely. And put your hopes in His hands because only He knows best.

midnight talk

My mother is one of the coolest people I’ve ever known in my entire life. My father might kill me for this statement but sorry abah, even you is not cool like mom. Hehe..peace.

I can talk for hours with her, about almost everything. That includes; crush/potential boyfriends. I don’t like keeping my emotion bottled up inside especially whenever I had rough days. After all, she’s just a phone call away evethough we’re physically miles away.

Tonight I realized that I’ve been away from home since I was 13. Since my birthday is on October, basically I left home when I was 12. For the first few months were the toughest time of my life in boarding school. I cried almost every night, alone. This is the thing. If you are a happy person, easily amused and laugh for not so funny jokes, you prefer to cry alone rather than show it to others. I’ve read it somewhere. I’m not a cry baby but lets be honest, people do cry sometimes. We cry when we sad or disappoint and sometimes because we feel so grateful. That’s what people do – cry when they need to.

So here’s the thing about my mother. I’m very close to her. I think in her eyes, I’m still 10 although I know I don’t even look like one. But regardless how difficult my life at some point (frankly, I couldn’t quite figure why I’m so emotional at times and felt life is difficult when it actually not a biggie) I never cried to her. Maybe because I have this level of reserved ego, or maybe I just have this tendency not to share my sadness with others. There’s nothing fun grieving on problems. Talking about/grieving about problems are two distinctly different things you know. You’d better define it correctly or people will eventually get bored listening to your ranting. For god sake, people can just listen; they can’t do anything about it. It’s you who decides. The power is in your hand. But I know, it feels nice to vent out about worries to others. I’m a girl. I know how does it feel and work. We like to complicate simple things. Well, that’s normal.

I’m learning and still absorbing the fact that my decisions or plans are not always right and the best. Experiences tend to prove this theory. At first I thought, my lack of judgement incurred all of this dissatisfaction. Then, I learn about the fact everything happens for reasons. Not because Allah doesn’t love or abandon us, but it’s one way to teach me a very good lesson and proof what’s been said in Quran is true ; An-Nisa’;19. (it may be you dislike a thing but Allah brings through it a great deal of good).  Lets hold on to that and become a better muslim. Off the record, for now, I dislike excel. Yeah, that Microsoft excel. But through it there’s gonna be good thing for me. insyaAllah.

songs

My baby you

Do you know that this song is actually dedicated for his daughter named Arianna? If you didn’t, now you know right.

Well, I have ears for good songs with good lyrics. Be it funky songs, sad/melancholy songs. I know I got this from my mom. She loves listening to radio so much. You have no idea. I don’t really like to admit it, but I think I have a soft heart. I could even cry just by listening to a good song because hey, how could someone compose such a beautiful melody.

There are a few songs that I can never get over with. One of them would be Keroncong Untuk SyazANA. Lol. This definitely a very beautiful song but I wish it will never be dedicated to me from any guys. Dude, this song is real sad and the meaning is deep. Hopefully no one would love me that much if it’s written I would never return his feeling.

I first came to know about this song back in 2004 when Adam (AF2) had to perform during the show. Let’s be honest. He literally butchered the song since it’s not his genre. Few years later, I started to like it when I downloaded the real version of this song and I fell in love with it right there and then.

Post note: there was this one guy who introduced me as Ana to his friends. I thought that’s Very sweeeeeet okayh but a friend of mine who was there found it annoying and according to her that nickname does not suite me at all. Haha..One of the reasons thermodynamics class/tutorial was never missed. Sadly, the feeling comes and goes. No matter how excited I was in the beginning, it fades away. Well, younger days. ;D