daily crumbles!

"...Again, during the commonwealth Heads of government meeting in Edinburgh, Scotland, in 1997, I met Tony Blair, who had only just become Prime Minister of Britain. I explained the effect of currency trading to him at length and asked him to take it up with the IMF, but my efforts came to nothing." -Page 671 (Currency Crumble), A Doctor In The House.

" I went to work today. i dont understand about entitlement issues. I sorted out emails and realized there are two pending projects which the deadlines are next week. i did nothing/ haven't started anything about it. and there goes, my so-called ex crush; the one that i'm still struggling to move on from came and joked about funny stupid things." Me, of today January 30th.

I know. I shouldn't compare myself with our ex-prime minister but i hope you can see my point here. this is not about comparison but this is more about values that i hold onto, how i look on my responsibilities be it small or big. responsibility is a big word, really. it's never about the result, it's more the efforts. the kind of thing that i'm lacking. the one thing that i should be struggling more instead of struggling with the abovementioned.

that, makes me think; as a human/as a person/ as a muslim who believes that i'll be standing in front of Allah to be judged i really should prioritize my struggling on which responsibilities. shouldn't I? Shouldn't we?

i'll have a long way to learn. the point of perfection will never be reached, hopefully those points of betterment will be crossed from time to time. Insyaa Allah.

Good night! :)

Definitely maybe.

At this stage, it still is undefined. No. The right word would be uncertain.

#1
It was Thursday. Second day at work. I was still bored because I knew no one, I could not talk and stay silence for a long time. People who are dear to me know well how bad i am in dealing with silence.

An hour passed. Later that morning, the other newcomers told me there would be a class that i could join. Yeay! At least something to do! And i thought i was done with class after graduation. That seemed wrong. There were 5 or 6 of us. I could not remember then there he was; with that not so-friendly smile you could get from a stranger, the hairdo which was obviously nowhere to be defined to be my liking and the most opposite attribute of my usual term to be my crush - he was with a pair of glasses!

Right there and then, "ouch!!!"- my heart shrieked! I fell hard. For you.

#2
It was sunday. I was late and everyone including teachers were waiting for me at the jetty. I ran frantically to the counter, afraid if i might miss the ferry. My eyes sought after the familiar faces and no one could match. I nearly cried when i saw my friends waved at me. I was so relieved.

We reached Pulau Tuba about an hour later. We were divided into groups and mine was called chedar. I knew nothing what that was. Then right there he stood, with folded sleeve of maroon shirt. I blinked twice. I thought to myself "wow. This is the boyfriend material". Who could blame me? I was 16.

As much as i wanted to say they are the options, too bad because that would be a total lie. And i refuse to live in a lie.

My name is Ana. The abovementioned stories are non-fictional. But no! I didnt fall in love with 2 guys in the same time. #2 is definitely a history. #1 is teaching me life lessons.

I am just glad.

Maulidur rasul story

I hope the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is to say Alhamdulillah.

I hope the first person that will enter my mind will be Muhammad SAW.

recently, i've made one of the most important decision in my life thus far. and that actually hurts me a deeply. as much as i hate to portray feelings in my entries, i had to say this. whatever stupid/hurting phase that you're enduring, it shall pass and comes to an end. hence, usually each morning i would feel sad and the first thing entered my mind was the decision i made. that hurts me! so today, i woke up with the same feeling but mind you eventho the pain had subsided. then, i realized it's actually maulidur rasul and i feel so very very very much ashamed of myself and to Allah and Nabi Muhammad SAW. seriously syazana? the very first human being that should enter your mind is not the one who brings you suffering but the one should really be our prophet who loves his ummat unconditionally and pray for us even before we were born! subhanallah. and now, i feel so much much better.

alhamdulillah. 

and i know i made the right decision :)

Night talk

Today has been a rollercoater ride of emotion for me. With my current mood swing due to PMS, it's harder to keep focus in one piece, let alone to rationalize.

Anyways,

Have you ever felt so stupid that makes you wanna punch someone in the face? Well i did today. I dont know where was the strength coming from, but i did manage to lighten my mood later in the afternoon. And actually, laughed about the thing that i was stressed about.  Funny how hormones work.

So now before i drifting off into slumberland, i try to count my blessing. The things that attached most in my life now.

1. My bed. You have no idea how much i love my bed.
2. To have places called home.
3. To have a mom that understands my craziness.
4. To have a dad who loves you in silence without not much word but you know he prays for you. InsyaaAllah.
5.to have sisters that are close to you and love you.
6. To taste the sweetness of frienship
7.my laptopppp
8.time!!! To pray, to read.
9. Supplies of reading material.
10. Enough money to live as comfortably.
11. A job that translates into pahala if i do it sincerely.

And the list goes on.

So talking about being angry for not having that one thing? I dont think i wanna trade the abovementioned for it. After all, whats planned for us is always the best. Let me have the solid faith, o Allah.

Silver Lining

Inspired from Silver Lining Playbook.

Dear A,

thank you. I love(d) you since the first time I met you couple of years back. I'm sorry it took me so long to admit and put your chapter in this sanctuary before because I got stuck and I was in denial.

I thank you for you because through you I know I could fall in love again. You don't have to be sorry for you not having the mutual feeling towards me. I still will thank you, by the way. As much as I know how a heart could never be forced to love, that would be as much as I don't blame you for not loving me back. it's your right and I respect that.

I always believe prayers are the best thing ever we could offer to someone. So please, include me in yours and worries not, you're in mine. May the depth of our love towards Allah, our beloved prophet Muhammad saw and parents deepening each day for their love is incomparable and blessings to us. May we always remember that one day we'll stand before Allah and will be asked for every single deed that we do in this world. And I pray we find contentment and happiness in this world till jannah. insyaAllah.

-S-

so this is it :)

Ranting ranting kayu

Tadi,Anis ada sebut pasal masa yang dicuri. Tentang kita yang seringkali pandang belakang. Menyesal. Atau juga terlalu bimbang memikirkan masa depan. Yang nyata, itu semua pencuri masa. Tipu kalau aku bilang aku mampu menjaga masaku tanpa 1% pun dicuri. Tapi sekurang-kurangnya kalaupun terbazir aku harap bukan banyak jumlahnya.

Jam 1107 malam. Dan aku baru menapak kaki ke rumah. Dalam hati berdoa setahun dari sekarang jika berdua aku harapkan rutin sebegini tiada. Biar sesibuk mana pun. Biar kerja menimbun pun, aku doa-doa aku tahu tanggungjawab mana yang utama. Setiap kali aku fikir angan-angan untuk jadi isteri solehah, secara tak langsung ingatkan aku tentang tanggungjawab sebagai seorang baby kepada emak abah. Sudah cukup sempurnakah? Sempurna itu mustahil, utk diperbaiki lagi tentang role yang satu itu insyaaAllah.

Doalah utk kebahagiaan ibu bapa. InsyaAllah tak putus rezeki. Hehe..

Goodnight.

Happy New Year 2013!

This is a reflection. Not anticipation; that, I’ll save to myself first.

2012 is a year full of surprises.

I can barely remember how it started. I can’t remember where I was on January 1^st this year, but what I do remember is I wished you Happy New Year and you wished me back.

Looking back, there were a lot of things happened in my life. I took the experiences bit by bit and struggled hard to understand the hidden meaning for highlights of the year. Obviously I couldn’t put everything into words, all in one entry for what had been occurred the last 365 of earth rotation. One thing for sure, some events managed to turn my life upside down.

One:

For career-wise, it has been a wonderful year with wonderful those wonderful people around. You know, when you stuck to do something that obviously is not your first sight love it’s kinda hard. It takes a lot of struggles and reminders from your own-self to be sincere. Since sincerity comes from within, I do wish I’m sincere enough when my mind and lips agreed to it. I’m blessed to have people around who constantly harking to my whines, offering and sharing their opinions. I’m forever thankful and indebted. It just gets better.

Two:

Transition from student life to working life is not that scary. I find it a lot more fun because I’m handling my very own money. There are few adjustments needed, of course and also the way I think and such. All in all, at this current phase, I’m actually meeting a lot of new different people. my opinions towards certain issues changed gradually. I hope for more positive side. my spending habit is not in a good state. I mean, you cannot spend huge amount of money for different fragrances in 2 weeks. That; clearly need improvement.

Three:

I finally found a real replacement for the lost Iphone 4 last year. Alhamdulillah. It’s Samsung Galaxy Note 2, people! very nice! Like, really really really really nice and suits me the most. *to the moon and back*

Four:

I made a clean slate with someone from my past. I should’ve made it a long time ago but the teenage me couldn’t bear the thought opposite to what I wanted hence the delay. However, it’s a big achievement and I’m eternally thankful to Allah for all the lessons that came with it. That’s the thing about life. Sometimes, we are too afraid to face our own fear, afraid of what others might think of us, afraid to be different. I know I still have a lot to learn but one thing for sure, I refuse to lead the same pattern of life for the rest of my life.

Five:

Letting go is never easy. Thus, I’m praying hard that we all do possess the ability to let go things that are liabilities to us and focus more on something that is more beneficial for us to keep. Please be reminded that for every obstacle we have to endure, Allah knows. Never ever give up on Him because that’s the only way we will never ever give up on ourselves. Let’s strive to be better in every aspect of life eventho the changes might be slow. It’s okay as long as we’re not stagnant, right?

Last but not least, Happy New Year 2013!!!