keroncong untuk Ana

I have always wanted to blog about this song; this version of Keroncong Untuk Ana.

so tonight, i will.

I remember the first time I listened to it, years ago and thought to myself,

"what a beautiful song with melancholy lyrics."

it's definitely a sad song, really. given the right mood and right time to be deep, this one can burn down the curb of my tears. Adam AF2 didn't do any justice to this song during one of the concerts, the memory which is still fresh in my mind.

i seriously love the starting of this live version. seribu kali suka!

Run.

The smell of fresh baked croissant, fresh from the oven makes me happy.

Just like Run by Snow Patrol. It makes me wanna fly high, remind me that there’s always another version of me and somewhere in near or distant future, things will get better.

This is not the first time I write about Run just like Littlest Things or Yellow or Drops of Jupiter. They do have this one superlative and hypnotic effect on me. Maybe, I’m just sentimentally and emotionally connected in some weird ways to these songs.

The real question is,

how far can you run away?

today and all in it :)

Describe today in one word.

hurm.. i would say; today is more than okay. today is great, actually.

started the day with spilled coffee on my mustard blouse. thus, coffee odor was my fragrance for the whole day. nevertheless, not even that could spoil my good mood, all those positive vibes all around. :)

it has been months since the last time i hit the squash ball to the wall. hey, the squash ball was not made to sit idly in my locker, untouched. hence, i buzzed all of my friends that i think would like to play squash with me. Please let me know if you want to.

what else?

i'm contemplating whether the previous 2 posts is a subject to deletion or otherwise but i think it better stays there, so in the future, i might be laughing when re-read the so-called angry post; Fundamental of Economics. Dude, the hatred does not last, really. I just put a thick line between us, as a precaution. :) some things are better left broken or in my case, left behind.

I could not thank more to few friends that have been a powerful support system throughout. Really, Thank you very much.

Hopefully, tomorrow is as great as today. InsyaAllah.

take-away for today:
1. The powerful of Doa.

JT

Erghhhh! Aah, biggest crush, eye candy ever. Biel (or Mrs Timberlake) is one lucky woman!

Drops of Jupiter

Sunday morning;office;alone.

Gathering ideas for PPA writing. I don't like it much but the need to do and complete it is crucial.

listening to one of the best songs ever; Drops of Jupiter.

i feel home.

i'm just lost in the lyrics just like the first time i listened to it years ago.

so yeah, i wanna be that girl. 

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Yes, the wind did sweep me off my feet.

Yes, i did dance along the light of day

Nope, i didnt go back to the milky way

Nope, Mars blew my mind

Yes, that was everything i wanted to find

I'm still looking for myself and yes i do miss a good friend like you while wondering around the galaxy.

hehs!

Fundamentals of economics.

I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.

Damn.

I know i am too wise to come out with emotional turmoil post. Wise? Yucks. I dont feel near the postcode zone of wise right now. I choose not to. Hence, this entry.

I browsed thru my old posts in blogspot and tumblr. I saw a lot of eiffel Tower pictures, referring to my tumblr posts. That showed how much i wanted to be there and i made it. So you see? I am that kind of girl. The kind of which when i decided my mind on something, i keep thinking about it and deeply have the urge to have no matter how long it takes. But, bear in mind-that does not happen in every aspect of my life, it happened randomly and sometimes my mind set on stupid things that i hardly enough to let go.

Stupidity.

Like right now, i could not believe after a long hours of sleep last night, i woke up with clouded mind with of course the clouded judgement. I felt angry for everything that you have done. That was not sadness anymore but rage. I hate the way you used to look at me and how you spoke. I hate it badly now. I hate the fact that i ever had dreams to stroll along the beach with you, to beat you in games. I hate the fact that i wrote your name in the front page of my favourite books, hoping you would read that book one fine day somewhere in the future. It hurts me much on how you used to joke around that lifted me up on the cloud 9 only later to dive nose first to the ground. I hate the fact you never bothered to care about my feelings. I hate you so much that i cant possibly breathe. All in all i hate you. Really dude. I hate you.

Now i know that if you really care you would not do the things what you have done. If you are a bigger person, you would not play around with my feelings with the assumption i would easily cope just because you see me "fun" on the outside. What really makes me angry is; i dont think you really think of me as a friend. You just didn't care, do you? That saddens me to the core. Even if we dont like something, we dont treat them like rubbish. You should not treat me or any of your friend like that. You know that hurts especially when you knew you meant half of the world for them ( for me). The one that you treated like that might be the one who includes you in their du'a, struggling hard to move on when certain people looked down on them (me) for being naive and stupid to fall for a guy like you until at a point they (me) dont bother to talk about it and bottle up everything inside, unsettling. So you see. I have the solid reason to hate you.

Nevetheless,

I am finding and looking at every corner  for tiny bits reasons not to hate you. Firstly, hatred is negative. I do not want to be stupid enough to bottle up negativity in me. Secondly, this is a phase and this too shall pass. And there is no need to cultivate te hatred towards you because it brings me nowhere but bitterness. Thirdly, because you are my friend. Eventho the way you treated me otherwise, i am firm believer in giving is better. Unlike you, i will not treat you like rubbish, toying around with peoples feelings with the assumption she or he does not care because she or he is a carefree and naive person.

In conclusion, this is what i gathered within me somewhere along the train journey from Swiss to Italy maybe. I had a long thoughts on this matter that kept bothering me and i seemed not to fully let go eventho i decided earlier in May. I hate leaving things unsettling especially when my emotion is at stake, hence the thinking. I guess i never really accepted what you did and kept telling myself that it was ok while it was not.

For me, it was not okay on how you behaved.
For me, it was not okay leading than leaving me hanging.
For me, what you did made me feel like rubbish.

Thus, i figured, the cure is to forgive you, and reminding myself that i forgave you when devils whispers to hate you.

Thus, i figured it is best to forgive myself. Tango takes two to dance. What happened was half of my faults.

wooosh

if i were to blog, then i would have to blog about my trips to Paris, Interlaken, Venice, Rome and few cities in the UK for the past 2 weeks. However, i am just plain lazy to write about all of it on one go, i shall have to allocate certain hours from the 24 i've been given daily for each trip. just you wait. don't you give up on me. i will not promise, i'll make it happen instead.

my biological clock is still in haywire mode. it's past my bedtime and i'm still wide awake, listening to one of my oldest favourite songs- Keroncong untuk Ana and Mustika. Ancient! i like both lyrics; deep and meaningful.

you know what? i used to love reading so much. like much. the kind of "much" where you could see me holding books and read in front of tv, or my bag would be as heavy like carrying stones because there were at least 2 books in it. if you read about my previous post, you shall know how i would start reading 2 books simultaneously so i won't get bored by only focusing in one book. I'm weird like that, i guess. well, everyone is weird in their own way or should rephrase it, everyone is special in their own way.

I'm off work for 18 days was such a bliss. Hopefully, a fresh start for tomorrow. InsyaAllah.

Let me list down a few points that frequently flying in my mind right now.

1. Strolling along the Grand Canal, watching sunset was definitely a must-do when I go there once again.
2. That won't be the last time I visited Interlaken. I will definitely go there again, someday, with the loved ones and I think everyone should put that in their dream place to go for.
while we were on the tram going up to Jungfrou - Top of Alps; my sister mentioned about one of the ways to be closer to God is by seeing the beauty of all of his creation. again, i emphasize Interlaken is just beautiful, like really beautiful. it's so beautiful and i could cry because of it. I pray all of us will find and always stumble upon the beautiful spot. there's always beauty in this world. hence, never give up.


okay for now. i need to get my beauty sleep. tata everyone :)

Lewat petang semalam

Sorry. I promised an entry for each place i visited in the uk. I will update more about my visit ti Oxford and Birmigham.

Words cant describe how beautiful summer is. No, its not hot at all. At least for me. The pang of windy chill air would greet my cheeks everytime i walk out. For someone who likes walking so much like yours truly, Coventry is such a place to walk. Like yesterday, i walked for 3 hours around Warwick near my sister's uni. It was a sunny day, good day to walk. With fresh air to breathe in, you know you are fine.

Cantik kan?

Nope i dont miss hometown at all. At least for now :)

Coventry: beautiful as it seems.

Coventry is a quite place which is very suitable for mind-relaxing.

my sister went off for her exam this morning. i would love to take a stroll around campus but put off the thought since i think it's better off for me to sort out plans for our Euro Trip. I can't wait to see Alps. really.

We had heave dinner last night. Chicken Beriyani from a Pakistani restaurant. I'm not sure whether it's just me who were famish like crazy or the taste of that beriani was so freaking terribly good. Like seriously. Trust me, that is coming from a curry lover like yours truly.

so when they say, UK is beautiful, that is really not a overstated statement. Coming from somewhere like Kuala Lumpur with massive heavy traffic and polluted air, that made me realize how wonderful it is to actually live here like my sister,Ayuni. She said I was saying that because I've just got here, eventually maybe I would get bored. We'll see how. InsyaAllah, if that opportunity comes, then I'll choose London. I crave for a big city to live in. We'll see how it goes.

Frankly, 2 weeks before I got here, there were a lot of things happened in my sweet little life. I cried buckets when a pang of sudden realization hit me right at the face-my current job. I knew I have some fair portion of whining on it, that what makes me sad really. Instead of doing something about it, once in a while I whine. That, won't solve the problem and showed how immature I am for a 25 year-old. My emotional department has also became haywire once in a while. It's never really easy to get over someone even with hundreds tonnes of persuasion and rationalization you input into your brain. The thing is, time still plays a very important role and this phase at times driving me nuts. However, it gets better. :) I had good discussion with a few friends, some close to me, some who are not really but with good opinions on this matter; hence, I came out with a conclusion that sometimes pain can be self-inflicted. I think we always know what we have to do to make things better, but we always succumb to our emotion. maybe it's not you but it what happens to me :). I noticed that and I'll make things better.

During the saddest and bleakest moment, i whatsapp-ed a friend of mine saying;
Where will I go from here...

and he replied;
Pergi bercuti and have fun.

Dude, you have no idea how low I felt at that particular point of time, but your reply really did make me feel
"yeah..why should I dig in sorrow when I'll be leaving for UK in a couple of days". I'm not usually okay with logical answer in this kind of situation, but I think that's the best answer you can give to a friend whose judgement is clouded by irrelevant thoughts, like I did. so thank you, you!

London: talk with the stranger.

I found my way to the bus stop from from the terminal.

Here's the thing about strangers. Some are just so nice and clicked with you just that way. I felt welcomed talking to her about places and such. She sees the world by travelling. That's the whole point of this whole visit, really. To broaden my mind and to see things clearer. To change few perspectives maybe.

Off the bus left for Poole.

So here i am, waiting, for another 20 minutes for my bus. Trust me, its so damn exciting when you are alone in a foreign country. I cannot wait to peel you off UK.

"Opportunities dont come so often. Once they are there, make sure you take them".

London: the journey begins

Hi. Im blogging from thousand feets above the ground. I've been in the air for more than 11 hours now. An hour to go before, hello London.

While doing nothing just now, or maybe between browsing through movie selection or making trips to the lavotory i came out with an idea that i have (must) write daily about my experience while my stay in the uk. InsyaAllah. Knowing the lazy side of me, if i were to wait till i reach home, then you know that'll never been into words.

Ive been watching the fourth movie till now. Been sleeping for hours. Gosh,London is so far far away land! Till then!