You know, I never good in dealing with emotions. It’s not that I’m real bad at it, but yeah, I usually acted like such a weirdo and psycho when it comes to it. I’m learning though. I’m learning to be better.
do you remember when an evening when we spent our time together; walking by the beach at Casa Rachado, watching sunset, jumping into the swimming pool. We had a care-free lifestyle, yes?
Remember the night when I told you about the love of my life, went far far away, chasing his dreams and left me behind with mine so that I had the solid focus I needed to chase mine too? we were like a bunch of crazy kids when we had the late night talk with some of our groupmates. We talked about life, love, future, present and past? Those were the days. All of sudden, those memories gushing through my mind, relentless, and I’m drowned in them. They’re fresh memories, of which I could smell them like the newly baked croissants, fresh from the oven. Delicious and hot.
Then I closed my eyes. The reality struck me right on my forehead. I am no longer in that care-free zone. I am anxious, almost in everything. I wish I could be more sincere in my writing. I wish I would have twice or thrice those captured moments that I locked up and kept safely in my heart all these years; you know the moments that matter. Those that you wish are real instead of just collective memories and the kind of you wish the people in it, the ones that were part of it are real too. Hence, you can laugh away your tears or bad days with them.
Hope is a big thing. Being hopeful is another. But to choose to be static and hopeless are the two things I avoid most, even when life blows the hurricanes into my way. I am not saying I’m strong because deep down I know I’m not. all I have is that sufficient strength to get through. All I have is I know I’m cut out for this; this test or trial or whatever word dictionary may put it.
