I love reading. I love listening to the instrumental music;
alone in my room, preferably raining outside. I’m not sure if people would call
me a dork if they know about this fact, it is what it is. Since I am so much in
love with reading, I can start reading 3 books all at the same time, well you
know it’s quite long to finish ‘em. Actually, I do have my own reason for that.
If you know me for quite some time, you will notice that I am not someone who
can focus into one thing for a long time. I’m blessed with this fickle mind
towards liking on something, but thank god, not a fickle heart.
If you know me a while longer, then you would notice that I talk
quite a lot. I talk about silly things, not a very important stuffs I would say
and I also laugh on average jokes or might be considered not in the same code
of funny zone. Hopefully, I can improve on this matter. Maybe, start talking
about serious stuffs. I don’t know. We’ll see how it goes.
A good friend of mine pointed out that I can get really
emotional, at times. In my defence, I said I am not. I said that I could bear
long distance relationship and I didn’t expect my future husband; whoever he
is, to be with me all the time. Let’s face it. I lied to myself. That was my
presumption for myself few years back when I was still a teenager who only
weighed about 50 kgs and the most crucial thing to think about at that time was
SPM. As I am evolving into more matured woman (hopefully!) with more
responsibilities to carry on my shoulder, I do realize now that I need support.
I foresee it’s not that easy to raise kids all alone because without proper
time management, support and love situation can go whirlwind. It might be due
to aging factor, I do feel tired most of the time after working hours now. I’ve
been doing some reading on it, and I realized I might not fully utilize my
energy into the right portion. Like, waking up early, sleep early, reading
quran continuously and such. I should
experiment those activities before it’s too late to become habits. Amiin!
Oh my god! (read it loud with the highest tone!)
I NEVER EVER thought moving on/getting over someone would be
this damn hard. The first time experience was not so much due to the fact we
were in different continents with not so much things to worry about because I was
still a student (young and dangerous, somemore). However, still, the first time
taught me a lot and Alhamdulillah I managed to pull through. This time around
is different scenario. The fact that I have to see the face that you want to
get over every single day, it’s kinda hard. Alhamdulillah, I’m blessed with a
few souls that I can trust and told me this is a phase that I will eventually
get through. I know I will. All of sudden, one theory that I refused to take into
consideration in the first place comes floating into my mind and I think his
view is quite relevant.
His theory is like this: you’re not actually got over
someone unless you find someone new.
It’s quite true, nay?
I’m not particularly sure about the detail of his point of
view, but I think that someone new is not a replacement. That someone new is
actually someone you think you can start a life with, someone who loves you
back; someone who is meant to be with you for the rest of your life, to improve
together. (that sounds sweet!) I do really need to do adjustment in my
emotional department. so maybe this is my pursuit to happiness? Nope! I’m
already happy. Maybe this is a challenge Allah puts me through to test and strengthen
my heart and to prov one of the “ayats” in the quran that stated Allah knows
best while we are not. J
