I am not really in the mood to write but that is always something about saying something in here, mutely.
That is also the reason I did have blog in the very first place; to let certain people know the thing that I don’t usually say out loud in each daily or casual conversation between you and I, or between them and me.
Words can reach farther than we usually think, and often we doubt its strength to speak the voices in our heads. Never mind, it’s always different of how we look at things.
Today, yet again I realized that sometimes it’s not someone or something stands in our way, but we just let ourselves stand still without any movement. Simple thing to ponder; when I don’t even move, how am I possibly going to reach to where I want to be? I know this fact all along, but to drag a foot is like pulling wall of bricks, then how am I going to expect myself walking briskly with two feet? Hence, the only chance left is to re-navigate my mindset to think of walking freely instead of dragging the old wall of bricks.
Mindset, that’s a big big thing for a big big girl.
Second thing. I just don’t quite sure how to put this into words because I seriously bad in expressing love or appreciation but having few nice people with blessed souls to love me unconditionally is really a big matter in my life. really. They give without any expectation in return, and they never failed to stand there right beside me whenever I was about to stumble to the ground; nose first. Despite if I stumbled to the ground with nose first and hurt like hell, which came with a package of embarrassment and humiliation to walk again, they stood there and were always ready to pick me up regardless how long I took time to cry my heart out. I’m one blessed little girl, am I not? All I could manage to say all this while is thank you; which I supposed is never enough when love itself is enough. For each one of those few nice people with blessed souls that love me unconditionally, I say thank you and I promise I’ll be better. There’re always rooms for improvement. I’ll pull one of the doorknobs and get in. I promise.
Third thing. Some people are easily forgive but hardly forget or vice-versa. I’m not going to label anyone on that because I, myself have specifically my own term when it comes for me to forgive and forget. Whatever it is, deep down my heart I know I will eventually forgive or forget because that’s how always things are unless you keep watering your heart with refusal then it might take you forever to just do the simple thing; forget and forgive. So don’t take forever for just two simple things. I know they are big words for some but hey by the end it’s always between you and god.
And one reminder to myself and perhaps you too if you forget: sometimes I see girls (muslim girls) are always dreaming/planning to be isteri/ibu mithali (good, dutiful wife and mother). That’s a very good intention indeed. however, that’s the future responsibility (for those who have yet married), and the present responsibility is still to our parents to be anak solehah (good, dutiful daughter); the two whom we often/seldom call, share updates with them/keep updates to ourselves and such. Little things like that are always neglected which I believe are should not.
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| my father asked me to read dictionary when i was 8.hehe. hence, the love for words. |
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| my mother is a strong-willed lady. yeah, no kidding :) |
