Morning talk.

Sorry folks. I just read my previous entries and there were like hundreds of unstructured words with the simplest grammatical errors all over them. Talking about securing an A for GCE paper seems a lie now. Haha.. nevertheless i do have the cerificate to assert the above claim ok. Just in case you wanna bring it up to court. Merepeklah syazana...

Anything to make me feel good for today because i have this presentation pack to finish and hopefully July 30th will come smoothly and steadily without the storms or emotional breakdown. God bless! Just in case it does happen, rest assured that i have your phone numbers to call you up anytime i feel like venting out pressure in my brain. You as in the beautiful abd handsome good friends, that is.

Birthday shout out to one of my collegues; happy belated birthday! Sweet 26th! Secretly i thanked him a lot for the talk that we had during dinner did really open up my views about relationship and such.ehehe.. Eventho i had to go thru in quite emotional rough patches for a strike of a bitter reality afterward, but i did it anyway. So thank you. I pray you are in Allah bless now and hereafter. Amiin...

Have a blessed day people. Stay beautiful and healthy!

thoughts for today :)

I still do wonder how mother-daughter bond does work. I mean, how can after you think you had the pressurized day ever, yet when you talk with your mom everything seems so fine and there’s hope for anything that you’re struggling about. Thank you Allah for mothers. They do really bright our day and I pray to Allah when the time comes I can carry that particular big responsibility as our mothers do because they are so strong and great in their own way. I love you to the moon and back.

The entry about the summary of my Europe trip is almost done. I knew I can never justify to the fullest the beauty of Alps by my writing but I do really hope you get the beauty I’m trying to portray. If not, it’s better for you to check the MAS online tickets to Swiss now and book. Interlaken is such a place to visit. Hold my words on that, please. It’ll be published soon, once the entry is done.

Since I have nothing else to write about my life, let me briefly tell you about the stories and lesson learnt that I’ve read few days back. Here they go;

1.       I was browsing through the internet when the quotes of Umar Al-Khattab (my favourite caliph) caught my attention. it’s more or less about solah, on how as a muslim, the solah (5 times daily prayers) should never be neglected, regardless what because once you lost the feeling of importance of it then you would lose everything. Coming from there, I kept my reading about him during war and such. And there was  a story about this man who went to the war with him, and was badly injured. Then, he killed himself because he couldn’t stand the pain. So when the sahabat addressed this to the prophet, he said that the man will not be together with the syahids (the ones who died during the war) because he killed himself; regardless he had fought wholeheartedly during the war. Thus the point I’m seeing is whatever hopeless and painful the situation is, we can never ever give up on ourselves and Allah.

2.       Then, I read through on my Umar died. He was stabbed 6 times (according to the article) by this merciless man while the sahabats and him were about to perform Subuh (fajr/early in the morning) prayer. But the stabs didn’t stop them to perform the prayer at all, he even asked one of the jemaahs there to be imam, replacing him because he was wounded and bleeding. As the finished their prayer and rushed towards him, the first question that Umar asked to them was “have you finished performing your prayer”? that was the part my tears curb broken down, and there was waterfall overflowing my cheeks. I meant, seriously? So there, we can see the difference of our iman/faith right? And that is something I have to work on very hard and smart on. I told this story right before we had our break-fast, and being me who owns iman as thin as onion skin, (iman senipis kulit bawang),  I just simply finished my pizza, soup and coffee and talked daa daa daa before going up to perform my maghrib prayer. Yes, that was not something that I proud of but hopefully together we work on our solah/prayer all right.

So that’s it. Good night.

Real Deal

One of the reasons I venture into blogging because I used to/still love writing too much and find it too hard to resist. And I’m the type who likes sharing this and that, especially songs/movies/quotes that I think are beneficial and inspired. That is why you can find  a lot of lyrics and and movies promotion in my blog.

Besides that, I love the idea of good writing and hopefully by time my writing skills will get better eventually. There are times when the obscure vibes is all around, and you can write so well, very well until you don’t even know when and where to stop. Every word falls into places and there it is, a very beautiful essay to be read. Satisfaction, which would describe it all.

These days, I’m dealing with the real deals. I’m a grown up now and like most grown-ups, I do carry my very own responsibilities. This is not the phase of which I just have to wait for people to tell me what to read, what to do and such. This is not the phase of passing an exam, or where the teachers have to give you all the spotted questions. At this phase, I’m left with not so many choices unlike the old time when I was in high school of when Biology was not a favourite and I could neglect it because I did have physics to back me up. I meant, I wanted to opt for engineering, anyway. For the time being, I’m given one and only card. If I pass this one, then I know I will go to a better phase. I’m quite surprise I took a while to realize all of this. It’s better late than never, right.

Along the way you apprehend that your perspective changes every now and then. The one thing that used to be so important to us last year, might be something that we don’t even want or need now. The essence of this is to accept changes and learn as much as we can in whatever phase we are in, whether we like it or not because god puts us there for a reason. Yeah, I know easy said than done because I’m too struggling every bone and willpower in my body and soul to get through hurdles that keep coming in my way every so often. There’s always a bright light after the darkest hour.

Just because?

I missed out one important point from previous entry. As much as kids do need attention and love, so do ourselves. Well, i have been neglecting that fact for quite some time since i was so busy loving people around (heh??),  and the thought just hit me. I should love myself too, pay full attention to what i need and build the courage to walk away from some things or some one, in that sense.

Walk away from anger.
Walk away from things that pull us down.

The inertia might be huge, but it's formulated already that it can be overcame. So much of physics. And i do sound a tad like a motivational speaker in the book. Lol. But, you get my point right?

Today was okay. I meant, woke up with two sleepy eyes was not a very happy way to start a day. I practically drag along the whole day. My officemates who sit near to me are awesome. I shall tell my kids one day about funny stories that they told this noon. Serius lawak kuasa sepuluh juta. All in all, dont judge a book by its cover.

Selamat berpuasa esok.

7th Ramadhan recap.

There were few kids around at the surau downstairs just now. They were about 8-9 years old. Very petite and cute. I kept asking my friend if we were that small when we were their age. Well, that’s not the whole point, really. Out of nowhere, I felt touched to see them. I was a kid, too, the one who pestered around my mother, father, grandmother and late grandfather around. When I see those eyes, I wonder if they do get the fatherly love from the first two important men in a girl’s world– the father and grandfather. I hope they do. Kids deserved to be loved and cared and paid the huge amount of attention.

Al-fatihah to my late Wan. I miss him so much especially since Ramadhan is here.

I miss you. thank you for being such a great person in my life.

Still water

Soothing and refreshing.

That’s how I will remember you by, until the next day I shall say hello to you again. Seeing you for the first time was like diving in love, hard. You captivated at the very first glance with those beautiful views that I keep on dreaming at night, wishing I could spend more time with you.

Alps. That is how I remember you by.

Life has not been easy lately. I can say that I am emotionally disturbed by works which I don’t favour doing, but I have to do for the sake of earning some money. Without sincerity, almost everything is a blurry image. And being someone who is constantly reminded of the importance of sincerity, on how we are temporarily living in this world and all our deeds will be questioned later on; in front of the One and Only makes that fuzzy image becomes clearer and unblemished.

Things will get better. They just do.

It’s just plain ungrateful to give up on tiny things when we already see big things like the Alps. That is my personal view on it. It is just so big, covered with snow all year long and looking directly the magnificent beauty of that kind evaporates all my doubts. As if like all the impossible things are possible and we don’t have the right and can’t give up, no matter how hopeless the situation is. So I tell myself over and over again, that things will get better.

my personal favourite :)

I like the idea of “cave-in” whenever we do have problems. That makes me think and evaluate our own actions without interference of others. And when we are ready to talk about it, then we can discuss our views about it and maybe share the lessons too. I don’t know. I think I am becoming more introspective or it’s just my judgement. All in all, from what I’ve learnt thus far, your opinion about yourself matters, first and foremost.

Life as it is

Deep down, i know i am a go-getter. 8 just have to find the right passion to go-get with. Thats what i always thought back then.

Recently, i stumbled onto an article about amanah (responsibility) and it kept me thinking hard. All this while, we always focus to be good and maybe the best at what we wanna do, not what we are given to do. However, we dont always get things that we think best for us. Al-Baqarah 216 (alquran) can attest to my claim. Allah knows best. He knows what is the best for us at that particular time. It doesn't mean you and i are going to stuck at the point which we dont like forever.

Subhanallah
Alhamdulillah
Allahuakbar

I do truly hope and wanna be efforts to be better each day, to strive for jannah with the reminder in mind we'll be facing Allah on the day of judgement.

Ameen...

Venezia-the romantic city by the sea.

Hello.

As i am writing this entry, i'm currently waiting for my salmon fillet (nyummeh!) with my sister, overlooking Grande Canal. such a fantastic view. You know you are in a love city when they do sell bouquet of roses everywhere and there are lots of couple to be seen. Hence, insyaAllah given the chance in the future, i definitely will come visit this city again with my other half. ♥

Venice is not quiet at all which i like still. We started the morning with breakfast at the near cafe to our hotel. The cream croissant was delicious, unlike i never tasted before.

I think i wont forget the feeling of strolling along the canal with my sister, passing through the stalls, trying avoiding dogs everytime we see one along the hallway. We even lost for a while bcause we do walk without maps. But still, it is such a beautiful scenery and experience.

Oh by the way, i stumbled upon the most handsome guy here in Venice. I swore if i were to see him again, i will ask for his number.

What else. Oh yea, we had dinner by the cannal and run along to catch the sunset. I am not really into my cryptic vibes thus i shall stop writing. Till we meet again ;)

Paris: hello love. Hello Eiffel

June 9th.

It was early in the morning as we started our journey from Warwick to London to catch the train to Paris. I was very excited to see what Paris had to offer. The journey from London to Paris took about 3 hours and finally we reached there.

As we stepped outside from the train station, I gulped.

"This is Paris, baby" i whispered to myself.

Paris has always been in my list as one of must-see places if I ever got the chance. With the fact that i learnt french for almost 4 years in high school and how my frech teacher used to tell us stories about Paris are one of the main reasons i've wanted to be there. To at least see the place. Alhamdulillah. Allah made it possible for me.

I felt very "tourist" when i had to pull our trolley bags around the city just to find our hotel. I have no idea that the streets could be so difficult to decipher. With very little frech words that i can still remember, i tried to string the words into one sentence;asking around for direction. It was very tiring but mind you, very much exciting. After half an hour or so, we found the hotel-checked in-off we went to the city.

The Lourve was our first destination. Pictures were taken like crazy outside the museum. I was unsure at first of purchasing ticket to meet La Jaconde (Monalisa) then finally decided to go into the museums and absorb all the paintings especially the star of the day-Monalisa. There were a lot of paintings, nude paintings and sculptures to be specific. We were joking around the painting but worries not, i actually enjoyed at the whole tour. Maybe i am ancient at heart. No wonder i love old building.

Walking around Paris in the cold is something i will not foget for the rest of my life. Have you seen Inception? We actually walked around the route. It was not that the scenery thst is very much breathtaking or what, its just the feeling and satisfaction to actually do what i always wanted to do-strolling along the road in Paris. I practically dragged my sister to follow me because she is not very fond of walking. Weehuuu.. we planned to stay there a bit longer as i wanted to wait till dark just to see the beautiful Eiffel Tower flashing its beauty. We bought the ticket to the top of the tower and up up we went to the top. Basically there are two stations. Depending on you which one do you want. The lift stopped at the first station, and as soon as we stepped outside it wss freezing cold. The chill air slapped my face. It was nice though, trust me.

We were on top of Eiffel for like 2 hours or so till dark. It was almost 10 pm the moment we stepped down. Since the summer is here, it was barely dark. All on all, there is more than meets the eyes of Eiffel Tower. I dont know about you, but i felt just glad, very glad actually to finally be on top of the tower which I treasure it very much. Alhamdulillah.

keroncong untuk Ana

I have always wanted to blog about this song; this version of Keroncong Untuk Ana.

so tonight, i will.

I remember the first time I listened to it, years ago and thought to myself,

"what a beautiful song with melancholy lyrics."

it's definitely a sad song, really. given the right mood and right time to be deep, this one can burn down the curb of my tears. Adam AF2 didn't do any justice to this song during one of the concerts, the memory which is still fresh in my mind.

i seriously love the starting of this live version. seribu kali suka!

Run.

The smell of fresh baked croissant, fresh from the oven makes me happy.

Just like Run by Snow Patrol. It makes me wanna fly high, remind me that there’s always another version of me and somewhere in near or distant future, things will get better.

This is not the first time I write about Run just like Littlest Things or Yellow or Drops of Jupiter. They do have this one superlative and hypnotic effect on me. Maybe, I’m just sentimentally and emotionally connected in some weird ways to these songs.

The real question is,

how far can you run away?

today and all in it :)

Describe today in one word.

hurm.. i would say; today is more than okay. today is great, actually.

started the day with spilled coffee on my mustard blouse. thus, coffee odor was my fragrance for the whole day. nevertheless, not even that could spoil my good mood, all those positive vibes all around. :)

it has been months since the last time i hit the squash ball to the wall. hey, the squash ball was not made to sit idly in my locker, untouched. hence, i buzzed all of my friends that i think would like to play squash with me. Please let me know if you want to.

what else?

i'm contemplating whether the previous 2 posts is a subject to deletion or otherwise but i think it better stays there, so in the future, i might be laughing when re-read the so-called angry post; Fundamental of Economics. Dude, the hatred does not last, really. I just put a thick line between us, as a precaution. :) some things are better left broken or in my case, left behind.

I could not thank more to few friends that have been a powerful support system throughout. Really, Thank you very much.

Hopefully, tomorrow is as great as today. InsyaAllah.

take-away for today:
1. The powerful of Doa.

JT

Erghhhh! Aah, biggest crush, eye candy ever. Biel (or Mrs Timberlake) is one lucky woman!

Drops of Jupiter

Sunday morning;office;alone.

Gathering ideas for PPA writing. I don't like it much but the need to do and complete it is crucial.

listening to one of the best songs ever; Drops of Jupiter.

i feel home.

i'm just lost in the lyrics just like the first time i listened to it years ago.

so yeah, i wanna be that girl. 

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Yes, the wind did sweep me off my feet.

Yes, i did dance along the light of day

Nope, i didnt go back to the milky way

Nope, Mars blew my mind

Yes, that was everything i wanted to find

I'm still looking for myself and yes i do miss a good friend like you while wondering around the galaxy.

hehs!

Fundamentals of economics.

I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.

Damn.

I know i am too wise to come out with emotional turmoil post. Wise? Yucks. I dont feel near the postcode zone of wise right now. I choose not to. Hence, this entry.

I browsed thru my old posts in blogspot and tumblr. I saw a lot of eiffel Tower pictures, referring to my tumblr posts. That showed how much i wanted to be there and i made it. So you see? I am that kind of girl. The kind of which when i decided my mind on something, i keep thinking about it and deeply have the urge to have no matter how long it takes. But, bear in mind-that does not happen in every aspect of my life, it happened randomly and sometimes my mind set on stupid things that i hardly enough to let go.

Stupidity.

Like right now, i could not believe after a long hours of sleep last night, i woke up with clouded mind with of course the clouded judgement. I felt angry for everything that you have done. That was not sadness anymore but rage. I hate the way you used to look at me and how you spoke. I hate it badly now. I hate the fact that i ever had dreams to stroll along the beach with you, to beat you in games. I hate the fact that i wrote your name in the front page of my favourite books, hoping you would read that book one fine day somewhere in the future. It hurts me much on how you used to joke around that lifted me up on the cloud 9 only later to dive nose first to the ground. I hate the fact you never bothered to care about my feelings. I hate you so much that i cant possibly breathe. All in all i hate you. Really dude. I hate you.

Now i know that if you really care you would not do the things what you have done. If you are a bigger person, you would not play around with my feelings with the assumption i would easily cope just because you see me "fun" on the outside. What really makes me angry is; i dont think you really think of me as a friend. You just didn't care, do you? That saddens me to the core. Even if we dont like something, we dont treat them like rubbish. You should not treat me or any of your friend like that. You know that hurts especially when you knew you meant half of the world for them ( for me). The one that you treated like that might be the one who includes you in their du'a, struggling hard to move on when certain people looked down on them (me) for being naive and stupid to fall for a guy like you until at a point they (me) dont bother to talk about it and bottle up everything inside, unsettling. So you see. I have the solid reason to hate you.

Nevetheless,

I am finding and looking at every corner  for tiny bits reasons not to hate you. Firstly, hatred is negative. I do not want to be stupid enough to bottle up negativity in me. Secondly, this is a phase and this too shall pass. And there is no need to cultivate te hatred towards you because it brings me nowhere but bitterness. Thirdly, because you are my friend. Eventho the way you treated me otherwise, i am firm believer in giving is better. Unlike you, i will not treat you like rubbish, toying around with peoples feelings with the assumption she or he does not care because she or he is a carefree and naive person.

In conclusion, this is what i gathered within me somewhere along the train journey from Swiss to Italy maybe. I had a long thoughts on this matter that kept bothering me and i seemed not to fully let go eventho i decided earlier in May. I hate leaving things unsettling especially when my emotion is at stake, hence the thinking. I guess i never really accepted what you did and kept telling myself that it was ok while it was not.

For me, it was not okay on how you behaved.
For me, it was not okay leading than leaving me hanging.
For me, what you did made me feel like rubbish.

Thus, i figured, the cure is to forgive you, and reminding myself that i forgave you when devils whispers to hate you.

Thus, i figured it is best to forgive myself. Tango takes two to dance. What happened was half of my faults.

wooosh

if i were to blog, then i would have to blog about my trips to Paris, Interlaken, Venice, Rome and few cities in the UK for the past 2 weeks. However, i am just plain lazy to write about all of it on one go, i shall have to allocate certain hours from the 24 i've been given daily for each trip. just you wait. don't you give up on me. i will not promise, i'll make it happen instead.

my biological clock is still in haywire mode. it's past my bedtime and i'm still wide awake, listening to one of my oldest favourite songs- Keroncong untuk Ana and Mustika. Ancient! i like both lyrics; deep and meaningful.

you know what? i used to love reading so much. like much. the kind of "much" where you could see me holding books and read in front of tv, or my bag would be as heavy like carrying stones because there were at least 2 books in it. if you read about my previous post, you shall know how i would start reading 2 books simultaneously so i won't get bored by only focusing in one book. I'm weird like that, i guess. well, everyone is weird in their own way or should rephrase it, everyone is special in their own way.

I'm off work for 18 days was such a bliss. Hopefully, a fresh start for tomorrow. InsyaAllah.

Let me list down a few points that frequently flying in my mind right now.

1. Strolling along the Grand Canal, watching sunset was definitely a must-do when I go there once again.
2. That won't be the last time I visited Interlaken. I will definitely go there again, someday, with the loved ones and I think everyone should put that in their dream place to go for.
while we were on the tram going up to Jungfrou - Top of Alps; my sister mentioned about one of the ways to be closer to God is by seeing the beauty of all of his creation. again, i emphasize Interlaken is just beautiful, like really beautiful. it's so beautiful and i could cry because of it. I pray all of us will find and always stumble upon the beautiful spot. there's always beauty in this world. hence, never give up.


okay for now. i need to get my beauty sleep. tata everyone :)

Lewat petang semalam

Sorry. I promised an entry for each place i visited in the uk. I will update more about my visit ti Oxford and Birmigham.

Words cant describe how beautiful summer is. No, its not hot at all. At least for me. The pang of windy chill air would greet my cheeks everytime i walk out. For someone who likes walking so much like yours truly, Coventry is such a place to walk. Like yesterday, i walked for 3 hours around Warwick near my sister's uni. It was a sunny day, good day to walk. With fresh air to breathe in, you know you are fine.

Cantik kan?

Nope i dont miss hometown at all. At least for now :)

Coventry: beautiful as it seems.

Coventry is a quite place which is very suitable for mind-relaxing.

my sister went off for her exam this morning. i would love to take a stroll around campus but put off the thought since i think it's better off for me to sort out plans for our Euro Trip. I can't wait to see Alps. really.

We had heave dinner last night. Chicken Beriyani from a Pakistani restaurant. I'm not sure whether it's just me who were famish like crazy or the taste of that beriani was so freaking terribly good. Like seriously. Trust me, that is coming from a curry lover like yours truly.

so when they say, UK is beautiful, that is really not a overstated statement. Coming from somewhere like Kuala Lumpur with massive heavy traffic and polluted air, that made me realize how wonderful it is to actually live here like my sister,Ayuni. She said I was saying that because I've just got here, eventually maybe I would get bored. We'll see how. InsyaAllah, if that opportunity comes, then I'll choose London. I crave for a big city to live in. We'll see how it goes.

Frankly, 2 weeks before I got here, there were a lot of things happened in my sweet little life. I cried buckets when a pang of sudden realization hit me right at the face-my current job. I knew I have some fair portion of whining on it, that what makes me sad really. Instead of doing something about it, once in a while I whine. That, won't solve the problem and showed how immature I am for a 25 year-old. My emotional department has also became haywire once in a while. It's never really easy to get over someone even with hundreds tonnes of persuasion and rationalization you input into your brain. The thing is, time still plays a very important role and this phase at times driving me nuts. However, it gets better. :) I had good discussion with a few friends, some close to me, some who are not really but with good opinions on this matter; hence, I came out with a conclusion that sometimes pain can be self-inflicted. I think we always know what we have to do to make things better, but we always succumb to our emotion. maybe it's not you but it what happens to me :). I noticed that and I'll make things better.

During the saddest and bleakest moment, i whatsapp-ed a friend of mine saying;
Where will I go from here...

and he replied;
Pergi bercuti and have fun.

Dude, you have no idea how low I felt at that particular point of time, but your reply really did make me feel
"yeah..why should I dig in sorrow when I'll be leaving for UK in a couple of days". I'm not usually okay with logical answer in this kind of situation, but I think that's the best answer you can give to a friend whose judgement is clouded by irrelevant thoughts, like I did. so thank you, you!

London: talk with the stranger.

I found my way to the bus stop from from the terminal.

Here's the thing about strangers. Some are just so nice and clicked with you just that way. I felt welcomed talking to her about places and such. She sees the world by travelling. That's the whole point of this whole visit, really. To broaden my mind and to see things clearer. To change few perspectives maybe.

Off the bus left for Poole.

So here i am, waiting, for another 20 minutes for my bus. Trust me, its so damn exciting when you are alone in a foreign country. I cannot wait to peel you off UK.

"Opportunities dont come so often. Once they are there, make sure you take them".

London: the journey begins

Hi. Im blogging from thousand feets above the ground. I've been in the air for more than 11 hours now. An hour to go before, hello London.

While doing nothing just now, or maybe between browsing through movie selection or making trips to the lavotory i came out with an idea that i have (must) write daily about my experience while my stay in the uk. InsyaAllah. Knowing the lazy side of me, if i were to wait till i reach home, then you know that'll never been into words.

Ive been watching the fourth movie till now. Been sleeping for hours. Gosh,London is so far far away land! Till then!