little bit of advice

oops! this is against the title of the previous post. but I just can't resist to write about this. something useful i bet to some out there.

anyways, if you're applying for any scholarships or in the process of choosing what course to pick to pursue, the very first thing to do is to know what you really want to do. this is to avoid us to blame others if anything goes wrong in the future since more often than not, we tend to point out to others if something ugly came up. from my little experience in life, doing what we love to do is most enjoyable experiences eventho i might as well endured some bitter moments but yeah, all we need to do in times like that is to keep on going, no matter what.

secondly, some people have their own aim to work for certain company of their choice based on whatever reasons they've got, such as the leading oil and gas company in malaysia, PETRONAS then what are you waiting for? go on and apply the scholarship, then who knows you'll get be the new faces to continue the legacy. (ehemm, as if talking for myself. haha). on the other hand, if you want to do medic or economics if that's where your interest lies, go for it, give the best that you can.

and in the mean time, never ever let the action of praying to Allah for what's best slip away. after all, we often lack of judgment, and as much as we know ourselves there's Allah who know every of our intention and dream and understands us more than ourselves, there is one mighty hand that is always guiding us if we often beseech for his forgiveness and redha. He brings us to what's best to us after we put all the efforts to our goal. hence, doa adalah senjata orang mukmin. do pray, plan and if it's written what we want to be ours, they'll be.

oops. my battery is going to be flat very soon. good luck to all of us with job interviews and scholarships. may Allah shows us the right way. ameen.

end post of 2010

Thank you Allah for every single thing, for the air I breathe in and out, for the supportive parents, beloved and funny sisters, beautiful and wonderful boyfriends, the ones that make or ruin my day, for everything. i believe that is for my own good, and grasped the lessons within. insyaAllah.

i'll write again letter. in a new fresh sunny day on 2011. insyaAllah.

p/s: kawan2, countdown2 jugak. don't go beyond the limit okie. :))

just updates

Seriously, internet connection could get on my last nerve, at times. Even if I am online so early in the morning, the connection is pretty much ugly. Pretty and ugly in one sentence did sound a tad weird, don’t you think? Facebook is not exactly all time favourite website if I had to refresh all the time. See, I love facebook conditionally, mind you. 

Actually, I wanted to publish little bits and pieces of my UTP years but again had to conceal the idea for now. Been missing a few people that are close to me back in UTP and already in the realm of UTP-sickness. And yeap, that too need to be concealed tightly.

For the curious, nothing much updates from me. Just immense myself into unread books that had been untouched, waiting patiently to be read on shelves and watching movies that I’ve downloaded before coming back home. I believe the stock of movies and series that are in my possession could last for years. Hehe just imagine 500 gb full of only movies and series. But seriously, I always and always prefer tv. That’s the reason of irregular updates in my blog because I seriously feel bored when there’s no tv. I think so.

On the other note, congratulations harimau Malaya. Cayalah!

owh, anyone who needs something to read; u better get a copy of the tiger warrior. recommended. heee

Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah

I am very much thankful to Allah for the good news.
very much.

Alhamdulillah.

p/s: i have written and still is writing my experiences throughout beautiful years in UTP. insyaAllah, i'll get it published soon.
take care people.

a sunny day of December

It is good that I can easily change my templates using application in Blogspot. I’m satisfied with my new layout. Maroon, you always are my favorite next to Blue. It reminded me on how hard it was to do so back in the early years when I started blogging.

You seriously do not want to know about my very first blog. Anyone who ever read that one would laugh his/her heart out loud. Like, seriously. I showed that blog to a few people, as far as I remembered Syui, kak pin comel, mizah (flash a memory, no?), syamine,Natrah and a few more. But of course, my sense kicked in a while after, and then I had deleted the blog due to avoid myself from public humiliation. However, to be frank, deleting a blog was so much easier if I were to balance against of deleting a memory towards people or things. That, definitely took couple of years after. I’m happy I endured all of the experiences. A total bless in disguise, it was.

Today marked a significant point of my life because I had my very last presentation for my undergraduate studies. Alhamdulillah. Even though nothing to be so proud of, we managed to go through the presentation. No more exams or presentations after this. I’m free from all of that for quite some time before proceeding to works or perhaps to pursue master’s degree. I have intention on that matter, only in what specification has not been determined. That will be in my list of thinking later on.

People asked me about love. I don’t know the right answer, really. But all I can say is that love is pure. Love is the kind you feel towards your parents, your sisters (or brothers, if you do have) because this kind of love is like the aforementioned statement is pure and sincere. Stop classifying and add headaches to ourselves by trying very hard to define between cinta and sayang. In English, there only does have “love” word. Yeah, there are “adorable” and “like” too but I think you know the difference, right? In defining “cinta” and “sayang” case, is needless. at least for me.

All of sudden, I’m missing reading mimi’s writing. She has her own way to state facts or to create fictional stories in her original and sincere writing. Meems, I miss you ;)

books.

Books. They’re just tempting, aren’t they?

I’ve always had a thing for books. Even I am not sure enough when the habit resided in me. Maybe, the moment my father bought me a story book about a boy who ran away from home just because he wanted to chase the sun. It feels like a lifetime ago since the last time I saw that orange cover of the book. I am not sure what actually happened to the book since it lost from my eyesight long before I realized it.

I know myself always prefer fictional stories than facts; from adventurous to fairy tales. Hmmm.. Speaking of fairy tales, I really did have crush on Aladdin among all heroes described in the story books I read. The girl I quite disliked was Pocahontas. I think she thinks she’s hot but actually she’s not. Briar Rose was/still is my favorite among those beautiful princesses. I like better to refer that princess from Sleeping Beauty as Briar Rose compared to Aurora because I think more than half in the book portrayed of her living in the woods with her fairy godmothers where she was referred as Briar Rose not Aurora. Hence, don’t get confused. Instead of just watching the cartoon version, parents are advised to buy books for their children. There are a whole lot more in books to treasure.

My teenage years were filled with novels. I did read a lot, I think. But not as much as you think since I had to wait long for my turn. Thus, one of the quickest and simplest ways to read is to share reading with my friend. So there, you could see us lying on beds on weekends, reading the same novel. Sweet memories, those were.

And for now, is the right time to immense myself with reading. I have a few books in my list to purchase and currently, I am trying to finish Seven Japanese Tales and Three Weeks in Paris. Both do not charm me to root for the ending but well you know when we start reading, it’s hard to stop until the last page. I pray for that kind of persistence in everything I pursue, not only in reading. ameeen.

p/s: to those who have presentation tomorrow (like me), all the best. we can do it. InsyaAllah.

yesterday

Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah

Done with FYP.

I was enduring of shivering-my-spine experience for quite a whole week before every time the thought of FYP crossed my mind. It all ended yesterday and my examiners were all nice and friendly.

I didn’t know if my presentation was good or not, all I know that everything went well even though questions were bombarded from the floor. As my supervisor put it “high class question” LOL. My FYP mates who did different topic from mine who also presented their projects yesterday did also get those high class questions. Alhamdulillah, we managed to answer those with upper-middle-class answer. 

p/s: you might as well want to read this walaupun perasaan ini best

walaupun perasaan ini best

Walapun perasaan ini best, tapi lebih kepada cuak dan nervous sebenarnya.

Cik mizah, izinkan saya sambung dalam English bole?  Bukan nak poyo, tapi sebab saya  tengah dengar lagu English kt playlist. Tak synchronize mind and apa yg nak ditulis if it were in malay. Ecewahh :P

Okay. Back on track :)

Graduation.

Well yeah, it’s approaching. Time does fly with very high velocity, don’t you think? I do think so. Sometimes, like I said before, I found myself taking time or people for granted. Knowing that they would be just standing there to wait for me to classes, or dinner, or hang outs. Knowing that I have few good friends that I can call over whenever I have problems, need advices or just to chill whenever hot issues came out is something I should be grateful for the rest of my life.

I know we can still meet each other after this, going out on weekends but hey, I truly know the fact when he or she is to be married someday, nothing is going to be the same. Myself is included. I surely wouldn’t want to call up my good friends in the middle of the night just to ask what should I wear for interviews, or if I get buzz-ed by someone I like in the future. Hehe. and that applies in their case too. I know I’m a good listener and all (even tho I like to interrupt here and there while they’re confiding to me. perasan kan? I know. cut me some slacks :P), but still they might as well think twice to call up on working nights because I heard we’ll be definitely flat on bed by 10 pm. Hoho. For the abovementioned statement on nothing is going to be the same is due to unavailability for us to hang out as much as we want to, or to go knocking on their doors for maggi or Nescafe for a late night talk.

So yeah, seriously this graduation saddens me a bit and I know I definitely am going to miss UTP and I have accept the fact it’s going to be hard to get over it. but first experience on getting over taught me a lot, hence even though I know I’m going to miss UTP once in a while, I promise to myself that I will SMILE because I encountered so much good and sweet memories here despite of there were few sour memories spots. Hey, that’s life.

During the last few days in SSP before we headed for different way in life, one of my dearest friends told me this:

“Kalau nak bahagia dunia akhirat, jangan tinggal solat dan al-quran”

:)

p/s: I wanna write more but the real feeling isn’t here yet. Hence, this is all I can manage for now ;)

feet on the ground.

nothing much. just feel a little bit envious towards Keiko Kitagawa.
knowing miranda cosgrove's song hits most of the top charts in music industry, leaving me thinking what have i achieved so far? fyi, she's 17.
there's a whole long list of check-list i must done, so it seems.

all in all, don't forget our foot on the ground while looking/planning up to the skies.
be grateful (Alhamdulillah).

something sweet.

Carl and Ellie; Up

 will you hold my hand while reading? because i definitely don't mind to hold yours.

Rei and Kenzo; Proposal Daisakusen

 Ken: what are you doing here?

Rei: Err...jogging.

Ken: in that outfit? 

Rei: err.. yeahh. (grinning)

Ken: Isn't that hard you jog in that outfit?

Rei: quite so but it's good for health.

conversation between Rei and Kenzo right after she left her wedding for him.

Aditya and Geet; Jab we met

Geet: what shall I do then?
Aditya: hmmph.. why don't you blablabla?
Geet: no. I don't think so.
Aditya: okay. perhaps u can blablabla.
Geet: next option.
Aditya: blablablabla
Geet: next~~


so yeah. this is how i define "sweet". A guy with guitar, playing a song entitled "hey there syazana" does not appeal or classify as sweet in my term. sometimes, strings of conversation of boring stuffs are the ones that we always remember, and sometimes, it's kinda inspiring. :)

of physics and Apollo

source image

I never thought physics can be so beautiful. No, scratch the word thought, I’d rather replace it with realize. That’s better. Back in schooldays, I knew I have to excel in physics to pursue my dream in engineering even though my interest has been proven all along into something different. Accidentally, a few days ago I stumbled upon one video about Apollo 11 launching back in July 1969. About 49 years ago, I wasn’t even born on that momentous day. I clicked the play button, and waited. My jaw dropped while watching the video and I doubted it has been recovered since then. hehe. Anyways, that left me speechless for a brief moment.

Anybody who learn physics are aware of these;

1. momentum

2. velocity

3. time

4. mass

5. accuracy

6. precision

7. inertia

These are amongst the earliest (important) chapters in physics. These are the basic, even the calculation is not that complicated and I wonder if I ever truly understand all these concepts. I think I did hence the good result for physics in SPM, because I did apply all of these formulas during answering the questions. I kept the formula back in my head, which I could really enchant those in my sleep. However, did I ever apply these so-called basic concepts in physics into the practice of my daily life? Take the simplest one; time. Do I really take time I am bestowed upon wholeheartedly or I just take it for granted? Well, I knew my answer, hopefully so as you.

Knowledge brings us closer to our Creator is very true saying indeed, and one of the wisest saying I’ve encountered so far. These are all laid out in front of us and the answers are all there if we seek out for that. There are so many similarities on what we learnt in physics or chemistry which can also be applied in our daily life, not just on a piece of paper during exams and all be forgotten right after. 

From these simple concepts of physics, human beings reached out to the moon.  They built a rocket or space shuttle which is obviously heavy in mass but within approximately 3 minutes could go 90 KM up to the sky with the velocity speeding about 2862 m/s. All in THREE minutes or 180 SECONDS.There, momentum plays its role to defeat the inertia.

I believe there must be few jokes around or sneering could be all heard when the first respective person pointed out of his/her idea on this matter. Going to the moon, build the space shuttle; anything could happen and this team could not tolerate with a single tiny mistake. In this case, precision and accuracy are very much important. Yeah, we have to take risk but take the calculated ones. well, they made it. After almost 50 years, there are rockets or space shuttles launched to the beautiful blue skies in history.

This is a little about physics, a tiny portion on knowledge. Isn’t it practical? Very much, I’d say.

Hence, lets us all pray to Allah to ease the way so we can apply these concepts to be better each day. Amin.

not so cool

Blogging from other pc is so not cool. The tranquility that I usually obtain from my very own quite-old laptop is so much better, to be frank.


Oh yes. Now that the study week has already anchored since last week, but only to find not so little and not so much progress is definitely not cool too.

Since I promised to talk about number 3 (referring to the last post) but didn’t have time to post it is actually kind of add-on another not cool stuf to my list ;)

By the way, I don’t take the whole day to blog. Even not an hour or sometimes 15 minutes will just do. Hence, stop asking me annoying question like this

“you do have a lot of time to blog.don’t you? Study week pun sempat lagi berblog kan?”

And if you are one of those people, then I shall tell you this,

I only take 15 minutes to blog as much as your precious time spent to read this post, or maybe less than your precious time spent to online shopping or replying comments. And yeah, I don’t have a lot of time to waste so do you. Usually what you think (judge is more precise word for you) of people is what you see in yourself.

p/s: any relationship including friendship is about 2 ways communication. The basic rule. If you keep expecting to only take, I’ll eventually/ am already get bored.

3 facts of yesterday. 'cont

Yesterday was definitely a memorable day to remember.

1. Submitted FYP dissertation.

2. We eat THE big burger from Paprika (really big, I tell you).

3. I defeated my excuses to watch Up. and that was definitely a terribly great movie with lots of virtues that I have yet to master with such a great background scenery.

One.

Some beautiful and handsome people with beautiful and handsome souls know very well about my love towards writing. Actually, to tell you the truth, I never discovered that interest back in schooldays, and my essays were not that good either. I did and still do like English subject, but I was not really on top in essay writing. My handwriting is just so neat and nice, hence I found one hour and half did not do any justice for me to finish everything in time because I am kinda of slow writer.LOL

Where was I? oh, I should be talking about FYP dissertation. Yeah, that is one way of writing too, only in report format which obviously not my favorite. But still, I have to do it, I mean all of final year students have to do it because we are obliged to if we want to graduate in time. so yeah, give it a go and report writing can be the hardest part of all. There were times when I didn’t understand what I wrote, which means the details about my project did not reach out in my writing. Hence, I have to do it all over again. oh, mind you, I quite dislike to re-check. Old habit hardly dies. Heehee. But never mind, I know we don’t always get to do things the way we want hence just do it the way it supposed to is a wise thing to do. (twisted much?). Alhamdulillah, the dissertation was submitted yesterday together with a few friends of mine later in the evening. That was such a huge relief and yeah, I still do have exams, FDP report, and presentation for both projects. Way to go, friends :)

Two.

The day before, Saidatul and I went to JPSP (student support service office) to collect our scholarship statement. So far, she and I have to pay about more or less RM 100 K. Then, later on we decided to try the so-called big burger from Paprika café. For that, we have to order a day earlier means we got to collect the big burger the day after. After making some calls to our friends and they all agreed to share portion of it then we ordered the burger. There are 2 sizes; we chose the rm30 one. The other 1 is rm 80 and you can imagine how big it is. Hehe.

We collected the burger later after submitting dissertation to the respective supervisor. It was bigger than the normal cake size. The first plan was to “ngap” (eat) the burger in the evening by the lake, however since most of us had late lunch, we put the plan off in the night. So yeah, basically we had our little portion from the big burger and we were very much full. Hoho. My roommate said, Paprika café serves scrumptious western food. Yours truly is not one of the big fans of western meals but it’s good to vary to different meal once in a while. FYI, my taste is satisfied by masak lemak cili api, SAMBAL BELACAN, real spicy tomyam.

Shaz, jen, sarange, saiey, and me. the one captured this picture is the lovely Ina. 

oh yes. this is IT.

Okay for now. I’ll be rambling on number 3 later in the next post.

Take care people. and yea, happy study.

Aim for today; sleep less, talk less, study and revise more. It’s not about how much work we do versus time but progress versus time. :P

three (20/11/2011)

source image: captured from the movie UP.

Okay, now as I promised, we are moving to the third reason.

I said excuses because I don’t really watch cartoon as much as certain people are. The only one that I am still following till now whenever I’m home is Doraemon. The rest is just simply out of my choice. My beloved younger sisters are all into cartoons/ anime. Sometimes they stuck in front of tv or laptop for hours. There was a time when they are so much obsess with itazura na kiss (well, actually I fell for that one too). hehee.

Okay back to Up. My friend told me about the movie few weeks back and from what I could recall the movie was released last year. So she transferred the movie to me through gtalk and I kept it in that google talk receive file for weeks. Then, on one chill Friday night, I thought to myself of giving it a try. But to my surprise, I found so many songs and movies in that folder that I have already forgotten about. No wonder I keep asking my friends to download and listen to some songs even though they actually have already sent them to me. hehe. Sorry.

So yeah, I laughed a lot during watching the movie. Needless to mention shed some tears every now and then as well. Where could I ever find a nice guy like that for my future husband? That kid, Russell is so persistence. Seriously, there are countless of good virtues in Up. Not only kids should watch that movie, nevertheless it is also advisable towards adults since sometimes I see as we grow older, we tend to let off the virtues which once we held dear in our heart.

1. Carrying his house on the back is like carrying on our dreams until it reaches its destination.

2. The house was on fire, and with old man left strength he pulled it out of the flame. See, age is not a hindrance. If our dream are burning to ashes, act and do something. There’s always something can be done.

3. Teamwork is very important. Don’t act selfish.

4. Love and appreciate what you do have wholeheartedly.

5. Fight with all your heart for what you want, but never forget that we need guidance from the Almighty all along.

morning said

I haven’t had any cold shower in the morning for quite awhile and the one I had this morning was satisfactorily satisfied my longing for that. It was very cold in the very early in the morning. I decided to wake up to finish my writing report that should have to be submitted tomorrow. That was the reason, but after taking long, good shower and performed subuh prayer, I thought to myself why not I gave myself some pleasure in the morning to do something that I used to adhere with; to enjoy the morning. I am not really an early riser, but more often than not I’ve found myself fond of morning breeze, very fresh and that itself made my day even though the dawn is not yet breaking. Strolling around my campus lake is also much better in the early morning compared to the evening, only that I haven’t done that for quite ages. The evening part is often because I refuse to be confined in the room when evening approaches. I feel trapped, that’s all.

A wise man said; the more you complain, the less you’ll obtain. I think the statement is very true indeed. Instead of complaining, I should channel my energy to do something a lot better. As the time I complain about this and that extravagantly, someone should really give me a bitch slap or something because at some parts of the world, kids can’t go to school due to the rainy bombing outside their houses and a daughter can’t even share jokes with her mother on the telephone, or a son can’t even go to play football or fishing with his father. So yeah, that shows how human beings can be all ungrateful and greedy at the same time. If it were not because of the oil or diamonds which brings an amount of great fortune for these walking ignorant, rarely the bombing, civil war and such would occur.

I don’t mind if you take life too seriously since it’s not a severely wrong mentality, but don’t take life for granted. I pray to god we won't. It’s our very own masterpiece if we know how to paint it well. insyaAllah. 

French

1. French language is easy. trust me. so please, enroll that course if your college offers.
2. I know how to read French soon before I know how to write with correct grammar.
3. French lesson was something I looked forward to during schooldays.
4. We watched movies, sometimes we sang during the lesson. It was very interesting. I could si tu m'aimes in my sleep. No kidding :P
5. Perhaps, after this I should start flip through that dusty French dictionary of mine which has been long placed silently on my book rack back at home. who knows, I'll be working there one fine day. who knows :)

Do I want to;
- travel alone in France?
*yes
- Working in France?
*yes yes
-learn French again?
*yes. yes yes yes yessssss
- Marry a French lad?
*No.

sincerest.

one.

People changed. You and I both changed; hence we should happily wave goodbyes to each other, wishing abundance of happiness before we ride the train leading for tomorrow. As much as I want to cry your name out loud, telling you not to go but all I could hear is the longest silence. Hey, I should stop taking for granted on people and things. I should learn to let go for you and I could learn to be better because this world is wide. Very wide and I believe we should fly freely, seeing, experiencing, enjoying the next chapters of our lives differently. Life is also like reading a book. We keep on reading from pages to the next, from the prologue chapter to the epilogue. Now, even though it’s quite awkward to find ourselves are no longer in the same chapter, we should be thankful that there must be solid reasons behind it.

;)

two.

have a safe trip to penang, Saiey. makan nasik kandaq jgn lupa aku na.

three.

people changed but of course not every single thing because i can still find myself cannot survive watching movies where there's a lot lot lot lot lot of bloood in them.

Friday bubbles

Malam ini hening. On playlist, and Sheila on 7 is in the air.

Dan. Lagu kenangan masa form 1 or form 2. Tak ada specific memories on that songs but images playing in my mind were all from SSP, kuala lumpur. Dorm yang best, pokok-pokok yang menghijau. Sejuk mata memandang. :)

Untuk mereka yang pernah bertanya, kenapa tak pernah nampak saya baca novel melayu, let me tell you this.

Novel pertama sekali yang dibaca was pilot café! Ameer Redza yang supercute, supernice, superplayboy, superhandsome, supergentleman, superegoistic, supergoodlooking, pandai masak pulak tu.. (alaa, tak boleh besar lagi ke font ni???)  Haha. Gila over kan. Betul kata orang, first experience is hard to forget, but I’m all blessed because pilot café is definitely a thumb up! terima kasihlah kepada tuan punya novel sebab saya sendiri pun memang dah lupa. Lepas tu, bermulalah never-ending series of book-after novel-novel. Mostly, semua by Ahadiat Akasyah because that time memang tersangatlah famous buku-buku beliau. I was a cheapskate, hence I didn’t buy any and that marked a tiny regret in my heart. Sebab tu sekarang, kalau ada buku yang best, I will not think twice. Beli terus.

You have no idea betapa bestnya sekolah in all-girls boarding school. Sebab supply utk novel-novel is never ending, I told ya. But I believe, co-ed school ada banyak best cuma in different ways, right buddies? Paling best time overnight.

 Bestnya boleh shopping kt the mall tu lama-lama.

 Bestnya bola borak2 kt port yang best utk gossip-gossip yang menarik. 

 Bestnya dengar walkman sama2 sambil baca novel best. 

 Bestnya time world cup 2002. Jangan lupa kanak2 form 2 emerald 2002, who was the cause kita kena   chase out from our dorm dan terpaksa merempat kat dorm orang lain that night? Who was she? Who was she? Hehe. Okayyyyy, I took the blame wholeheartedly. Salah korang jugak tipu aku macam tu. Hehehe. Memori indah tu kawan2. :P (eceh, cover line!)

Kepada yang tak tahu, ye saya layan jugak hindi movies. Paling selalu masa sekolah rendah, paling kurang masa sekarang lah sebab stock yang ada semua macam tak best je. Kalau dulu kan best2.

Kuch kuch hota hai bukan favourite sebab last-last anjali (kajol) end up dengan shahrukh(rahul). Tak suka sebab saya lagi suka kalau dia end up dengan salman. Hence, regardless what people say, I don’t think that is a good movie. You have your own opinions, I have mine. Dalam cerita tu, character yang paling best is of course Rahul. First, he married his first love, then his best friend who eventually became his one and only love. And perhaps, if we extend the movie a bit, I would suggest for Rahul to be involved in fatal car-crash or maybe heart attack or fell sick so that Anjali could tie the knot with Salman.

Hehehehee.

till then. gooooood nighttttt. have a great weekend to whom i do and don't love.

why they should hire me?

they just have to. haha
nervous. tersangat nervous. this might be the very nervous moment i'll ever bump into.
even waiting for spm result didn't feel like this.
even the final stage interview SLB did not feel like this.
even during dialogue session with Tun Mahathir in front of crowded Chancellor Hall pun cannot compete this one.
even during i called my biggest crush ever for lunch pun tak nervous.
needless to say those presentation during competition or in the class didn't manage to give this coldest feet. but of course, don't get me wrong i was still nervous only that not this much.
ok. to lessen this kind of feeling, kita bolehla zikir.
besides, try to listen lagu senario ke yang lawak2 tu. it quite helps.
i'm off to read.
wish me luck people. i don't worry much about the result if i give my best. what makes me nervous is if i don't give my best. but never mind. need not to worry. all i need is excitement. :P

p/s : dear accessors, please be gentle and don't pressure me. if not i will kenyit2 mata. then you cair, i tak jamin. haha :P
p/s/s: i think if i manage to go thru this kind of cold feet nervous, i won't be so nervous time akad nikah nnt because they say you get very very very nervous on that momentous moment. so ok lah kan because nervous moments don't fit me well. hehe

beautiful dreams.

I feel like a lifetime ago since the last time I really put my mind into writing. I know I am being exaggerated. I kept posting updates on certain aspects of my life and such into here, yet the void that must to be filled with writing remains empty. Hence, today despite all the workloads, the waiting presentation I choose to write even though I, myself am not sure of what I have to say for today.

Let’s see what’s going on in my mind right now.

1. FDP presentation.

2. samurai

3. ayers rock

4. snail-like internet connection

5. wonders of the world

6. book I recently read

Enough. Surely I would want to scratch the first thought in order to warp my mood brightly, not sourly.

I have read about Samurai few days back, and even now I am currently listening to Kitaro-Matsuri (instrumental) and that flying me over the seas to Japan by one click in the internet. I can see scenery of blossoming sakura everywhere. Almost perfect and beautiful. That reminds me on what I’ve learnt on ESQ training recently that whenever I think every of beauty and feel mesmerized by it, never forget to say subhanallah or Allahuakbar. He is the source of every seed of sakura and all the beauty within the Earth.

Subhanallah.

picture:google image

I hope one day I can step my foot to Japan around April and witness sakura flowers all by myself with my own bare eyes (without glasses, I wish hehe). To greet by the coldness wind of Japan windy blows to my face, to exchange smiles with fellow strangers that pass by, reading a good book while experiencing a day trip with the Shinkansen Bullet train that speeding about 300 km/h. wow!

I hate to stop writing whenever I am capable of floating myself in my own fantasy. However, life is not about fantasy but present. I am trying to be dynamically alive in the present, thus I shall stop. Kick off isn’t necessarily be mild Nescafe anymore but just a tender, focus realization from inner self.

I almost forget how much I love to see sunrise, and how much I prefer writing in the morning.

picture: google image

a cup of cappuccino with two cheesy croissants for breakfast on one of the spring mornings overlooking Eiffel tower. have good company/companies to share the view with or a laptop will just do. I always want to write while looking straight to the Eiffel tower. always.- that's still a dream.

knock knock! dream means work.

take care people. have a good day :)

hanging diamond

alhamdulillah.

above all, atas segala kuasa Allah yang maha kuasa, maha mengetahui yang melimpahkan kurnianya kepada manusia dengan akal fikiran dan tubuh badan yang sihat, saya mampu melihat KLCC berdiri megah hari ini. alhamdulillah.

terima kasih kepada Tun Mahathir, Mr Pelli, Mr Thornton, dua orang ketua projek utk tower 1 and tower 2 (yang juga extra pening sebab kena fikir macam mana nak naikkan skybridge).
terima kasih kepada mereka2 yang mengerah kudrat membancuh simen, menuang konkrit, pasang cermin tingkat yang ambil masa sebulan utk dibersihkan utk setiap satu tower.
terima kasih national geographic yang menyiarkan 1 slot berkenaan KLCC, yang mana dengan itu sedarnya saya akan potensi2 manusia yang ada dalam diri yang dikurniakan oleh Allah swt.

semoga lepas ni, kot2 jalan saya tersimpul dalam dan saya fikir buntu, saya boleh reflect masalah2 besar spt struktur tanah yang mendap, konkrit yang tak stabil semasa pembinaan KLCC. tp alhamdulillah, mereka2 yang bertanggungjawab meneruskan tanggungjawab mereka utk menyiapkan apa yang diusahakan dengan yang terbaik.

kalau lepas ni, jalan rasa buntu, semoga saya boleh fikir 100 kali potensi2 yang ada dalam diri yang saya tak keluarkan. saya tau saya bukan Mr Pelli atau Mr Thornton atau juga Tun Mahathir yang semamangnya antara mastermind dalam pembinaan KLCC atau mereka yang berhempas pulas letak, sapu konkrit, berpanas2 dan berpenat2 selama 6 tahun namun saya yakin Allah itu adil. Saya ada potensi saya sendiri yang saya tak keluarkan dan tak reti guna. Moga2 Allah tunjukkan kita semua jalannya. amin.

alhamdulillah. hari ni ada satu lagi kebaikan yang Allah bagi pada diri saya. sebenarnya setiap hari ada, saya saja yang tak sedar. moga2 lepas ni, saya/kita semua lebih bersyukur.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i was 12.
i went to KL with my friends. one of the nicest memories I've had. Alhamdulillah.
We stayed at the area of Kg Baru the first night we arrived, and before we went to sleep I stood outside in the balcony with a friend of mine, Zaidatul. (I wonder if she still remembers this. hehe).
That was the first time I saw KLCC (read:LIVE), 10 years back yet it feels like only yesterday :)
I froze. I did. really. I didn't know why. Not that I didn't aware of Eiffel, Pisa or any skyscrapers at that time, but KLCC astounded me.

With my forefinger pointed to KLCC, I said to my friend " weh cuba hang tengok. macam berlian. (translation: ey, look! like a diamond)".
silently, I made a whisper to myself "bestnya kalau dapat tengok hari-hari". I didn't sure if my friend heard me.

alhamdulillah, I am blessed to see my own version of standing diamond every night for the next 3 years.
how come?
I got accepted to Seri Puteri, situated at Jalan Kolam Ayer at that time,(before the premise was moved to Cyberjaya). from there, I managed to see KLCC everyday, every night. *big big big big smile*

the excitement that arouses for each time I see KLCC is still inexplicable. like seriously. even for now. :)

fact: be aware of what we wish for. some things come true. some things don't because He obviously has stored something better for us. Allah knows best :)
Hence, don't we worry. Just strive towards the goal.

oh, i missed the train!

a scene from Jab we met.

Geet : You do like me a lot, don't you?

Aditya: Yes. I do like you a lot. but, that's my problem. you don't have to worry ok. *goofy smile*

Geet: ....ok. *smile back*

Aditya: Anyone can feel whatever they want, right? 

and as for me, yes. anyone can feel whatever they want. it's up to them to rationalize or reasoning or just let the feeling be the way we want as long as we don't let bad emotion controls our lives. 

respect. that's all it takes for us to understand people's feeling. 

instead of whining about the train i missed, i think it's best for me to sit down and read or have a little chit chat about world issues, politics, exchanging abstract opinions with strangers who are also missed the train. whining takes me nowhere, but reading definitely takes me somewhere. as for the little chit chat, I will know how people look at things in the different angle contrariwise to mine. 

have faith. i guess, that's all i need.

congratulations!!

...to intan on your convocation. congratz2!

After all that we've been thru in UTP, those marked significant memories and lessons for me to carry on for the rest of my life. like coach whitey durham (one tree hill) once said before Raven final game to win the state championship, "the rest of your life is a long time." and yeah, realizing that fact I can always smile because we had and are going to have so much fun together regardless of our status (miss to mrs) or under what conditions we might get ourselves trapped in but never mind. there's always a hand to catch :P

hence, best of luck in your future undertaking. we here always pray for your. may Allah bless you, always and forever :)

Intan.

saturday thoughts.

I value my present.
I miss my future and looking forward to it.
I keep my beautiful past.
I forget my hideous past.

Some thoughts that usually distracted me have long gone. I just don't quite realized this fact before. Not that I'm too occupied by things, perhaps I just let my mind flow freely when it's best to do so.

My ignorance for some people has reached its yield point too. Hence, the behavior of not remembering that some people oftentimes is non-reversible. It's best to do so too, mutual benefits I assure you.

when I flashed back to myself-graph, and make some reasoning, I can conclude that;
1. I did not collapse. I burst.

Collapse is by external pressure. I know I can stand external pressure.
Yet burst is by internal pressure. I am leaning to strengthen the inside soul.

let's pray, love, and eat. let's let's let's

on the special note;
1.thanks saiey for the dinner :)
2. oh been to syamine's wedding, syamine's sister's wedding last sunday. the bridal deco was very much beautiful. whatever it is, i just love weddings. I expect mine to be not so soon from now, hence you shall not wait. ;)

rash, mai, me, syamine.

syamine, rash, me.

utp, tronoh, perak, malaysia

seriously, salam perantauan memang dikhususkan utk student overseas je ke?
habis, kenapa tak ada column khas utk local students?
and, define perantauan to me please?
contohnya saya yang berasal dari kedah, belajar di Perak. saya dikira berada di rantauan kan. di mukim yang lain.

i know lying about the facts is totally wrong and that particular student should have not done it in the very first place but come to think of it, if there's column inside the paper for local students, then perhaps he/she would not do it.

anyhow, stop barking around with negativity, saudari. it's really not a big deal when that student himself/herself apologize to you. even our management pun.
and about the statement to label UTP students (that's counted wholly) as low, that shows how shallow you are.
thank you.

unspoken thoughts on 10/10/10

I am not really in the mood to write but that is always something about saying something in here, mutely. 

That is also the reason I did have blog in the very first place; to let certain people know the thing that I don’t usually say out loud in each daily or casual conversation between you and I, or between them and me.

Words can reach farther than we usually think, and often we doubt its strength to speak the voices in our heads. Never mind, it’s always different of how we look at things.

Today, yet again I realized that sometimes it’s not someone or something stands in our way, but we just let ourselves stand still without any movement. Simple thing to ponder; when I don’t even move, how am I possibly going to reach to where I want to be? I know this fact all along, but to drag a foot is like pulling wall of bricks, then how am I going to expect myself walking briskly with two feet? Hence, the only chance left is to re-navigate my mindset to think of walking freely instead of dragging the old wall of bricks.

Mindset, that’s a big big thing for a big big girl.

Second thing. I just don’t quite sure how to put this into words because I seriously bad in expressing love or appreciation but having few nice people with blessed souls to love me unconditionally is really a big matter in my life. really. They give without any expectation in return, and they never failed to stand there right beside me whenever I was about to stumble to the ground; nose first. Despite if I stumbled to the ground with nose first and hurt like hell, which came with a package of embarrassment and humiliation to walk again, they stood there and were always ready to pick me up regardless how long I took time to cry my heart out. I’m one blessed little girl, am I not? All I could manage to say all this while is thank you; which I supposed is never enough when love itself is enough. For each one of those few nice people with blessed souls that love me unconditionally, I say thank you and I promise I’ll be better. There’re always rooms for improvement. I’ll pull one of the doorknobs and get in. I promise.

Third thing. Some people are easily forgive but hardly forget or vice-versa. I’m not going to label anyone on that because I, myself have specifically my own term when it comes for me to forgive and forget.  Whatever it is, deep down my heart I know I will eventually forgive or forget because that’s how always things are unless you keep watering your heart with refusal then it might take you forever to just do the simple thing; forget and forgive.  So don’t take forever for just two simple things. I know they are big words for some but hey by the end it’s always between you and god.

And one reminder to myself and perhaps you too if you forget: sometimes I see girls (muslim girls) are always dreaming/planning to be isteri/ibu mithali (good, dutiful wife and mother). That’s a very good intention indeed. however, that’s the future responsibility (for those who have yet married), and the present responsibility is still to our parents to be anak solehah (good, dutiful daughter); the two whom we often/seldom call, share updates with them/keep updates to ourselves and such. Little things like that are always neglected which I believe are should not. 

my father asked me to read dictionary when i was 8.hehe. hence, the love for words.

my mother is a strong-willed lady. yeah, no kidding :)

the red umbrella

picture: google image

This is a story about an umbrella. The red one, is to be precise. Well, I always write of speak well under pressure. If I didn’t have the friction, then I might stumble because without friction roads are very slippery you know. but this is not a story about friction, but it’s about umbrella. The red umbrella. Now you see how easily I got distracted if my focus is divided into two or if I am worrying sick up to the maximum level. To make things even worse is I don’t even know the root cause of the anxiousness. Well, of course I do know. it’s about my little red umbrella which is missing.  Rain is pouring down, and I’m all standing in there, statically because I don’t have my red umbrella. I’m soaked.

That’s the thing of how important an umbrella in my life, the red umbrella. Because of it, I get worried, I have to stop and thinking. My pace is even slowing because the roads are slippery when it’s raining heavily on the outside and in the inside too.

When the rain is pouring down, then only I seek out for the red umbrella. What might’ve it felt if my red umbrella has feeling? It must be sad because I go up and down looking for it when rain greets my skin. My poor red umbrella. But hey, that’s the function of an umbrella, isn’t it? To protect me from the rain; that’s the prime reason why they did invent umbrella in the very first place. 

Those umbrellas on the shelves don’t seem to be fit with me like my old red umbrella.

Well, that’s the story about my old red umbrella; the one that I sought for on rainy days or nights or if the heat is a few degrees up.

I don’t treat my friends like the old red umbrella, as far as I am concern. I am sorry if I ever did but well you know life. someone treats me like the red umbrella last night, only coming for me whenever problems right in front of the nose and that person just simply find the way out of my path when I am the one facing problems and need consolation.

I don’t demand much, really. Because I, myself know that I don’t give you as much as you expect from me but a simple sentence like “ everything will be fine” or tiny concern won’t kill. Oh I forgot. You don’t like to be called hypocrite. It’s okay then but don’t come to my face saying people don’t treat you well because what you give, you get back.

p/s: I do sound mad, because I am. actually, it's more to feel disappointed. 

today's FIVE!

1) I measured relationship based on conversation, at least I used to. Until one day, I spent the night by only looking up the stars with a good friend of mine at the basketball court till wee hours. Mind you, without talking but only stared up to the bleak skies with few tinted light. It was a windy night, and cold too.

That, is just another reason why it’ll be hard to get over UTP later on.

2)  I’m officially 22. But please, don’t bother to send your parents to my house for my hand in marriage. For those with that intention, care to wait for another at least 6-7 years? Care not?

3) There’s a thin line between friendship and love. But hey, I just know the way to thicken that line therefore you don’t have to worry much on that matter, will you? tell me you will NOT.

4) The hidden rationale on the question why I refuse to write about you is simply because I’d rather write to you. Thus, if I don't then there's nothing important to tell.

5) And oh, my favourite man is admitted into one of the hospitals in Melbourne. Get well soon, TM.

 

an unexpected visitor

title: an unexpected visitor.
note:
1.my words on English Paper, SPM 2005. (i couldn't recall the exact words i used obviously, because this one is the re-written version a couple of years later. however, the storyline is exactly the same.)
2. it's best if you put Exodus and Handle's Sarabande (Maksim version) on the playlist while reading.
3. thank you to particular someone; because of you, descriptive writing was so much easier. hopefully, you're leading a good life. 

She stared at the brightly, dazzling full moon. Skies were so beautiful that night with millions of sparkling stars like hanging diamonds. She loved the scenery more than anything, except for the one that she gave her heart long before the attack to her homeland. While watching far above the land, she wondered lonely. Where is my auspicious future with a family which supposed to be hers? Where is the farm which supposed to be ploughed and harvested by them? She was left in the darkness all alone. No more laughter could be heard, no more cry of joy and no more pain to suffer. She could not feel a single feeling except emptiness that seemed to strangle day by day.

            Her life was close to perfect back then. Living in a mansion in the northwest where sunny day would approach to shine the land each day. Daffodyl was her best friend which always be by her side, playing dolls with her yet was hardly seen these days. She almost forgot when was the last she cracked a smile. It might be on her engagement day with Julius or might be on Julius’ birthday gathering. Those days were moments that worth to remember and remorselessness even though it happened in a speed of light. Tired of standing by the window, she dragged her wrinkled feet to the corner of her large bedroom where her motionless bed was waiting. It had been there for decades and she never changed its position. She worried if the changes would change her memory towards Julius. As long as she breathed the air, forgetting Julius would be the last thing she cared to do. There was no way of getting over something that was so beautiful to retain in mind. The ancient clock on the wall was ticking to midnight. Again, she would move to the dreamland alone. Gradually, she pulled the bluish velvet quilt to cover her body from the piercing coldness. There was like tones of burden adhered to her eyelids. She barely closed her pair of glowing black eyes. Later, she already sank into her same circles of dreams which Julius held her hand through the yard of blossoming tulips.

            Julius hit her like comets did to the land every hundred years and suddenly her life became more meaningful and brighter. Her time spent with him not long enough to be satisfied but ample to be her strength for the rest of her life without him. Like a comet, he came by only once to witness in a lifetime. She waited for him to return, neglecting her intellectual point of view which happened to tell that he would never come back. He was in his early twenty on the day she met him. He was a young man that would die for his country, obedient son of the Dawsons, faithful lover and supposedly hers. Fate denied the last fact of course. He never was hers since he disappeared in the last battle. He was no a general yet a warrior of his trumps and he was the bravest among them all. She believed so. She was not abandoned but left with a promise he made to her. He declared that he would return no matter how long the war took to bring him back in her arms.

            Soon after, her village was attacked and burnt down to ashes. Her family was one of victims that were killed in the horrifying, angry flames. Fortunately, golden luck decided to be gentle on her side. She managed to escape from the fiery fire and was sent to her relatives that lived in the south. She spent a couple of years there before his uncle asked her to settle down with a prosperous merchant. Being someone of holding tight to a promise that Julius made to her, she gave an objection to the proposal. She went back to her village after mutual understanding was achieved between her homeland and the enemy. Her uncle helped her in financial part to rebuild the house.

            She would wake up screaming whenever the thought of the terrifying violent slipped through into her beautiful dream. September twenty-fifth was one of those nights. Sometimes, she hoped to die at the night when her village was attacked. Sometimes, she wished Julius never made steps to the war. Deeply inside, she knew that none of her hopes or wishes would be granted in spite of witnessing a thousand of falling stars. Someone was knocking the front door while she was trying to squeeze in a niche of  those wonderful dreams she would have at nights. As an almost hundred years old woman, she had to gather the remaining strengths which left inside her body to stand still. Step by step, she walked to the downstairs to the front door. She reached the doorknob and opened it slowly. Weirdness clouded her mind as she never received any visitor since she moved in there half of a century ago.

            Without hesitating, she asked the visitor to come in because she could not stand the coldness of the winter. As she looked at his inhumanly good looking face, she trembled and thought her eyes only playing trick on her. In front of her, standing a young man that she kept in her heart for years, his glowing pure green eyes still the same as the last time she saw him. Tears were rolling down her furrowed face silently. His warm hands held hers firmly. As he started to speak, his voice flowed like a beautiful melody to her eardrums. He turned her around and pointed to the mirror on the wall. The reflection shocked her. There was a young couple standing side by side which she knew all her life, herself and Julius.

            “I made you wait so long and I owe you a huge apology for that matter. Would you mind to come with me tonight?” he said.

            She nodded and left with the unexpected visitor.