love you like a love song baby

it’s weekends already. Week-end! That means Saturday and Sunday. I should’ve just applied annual leave on Monday but something came up, something is always coming up hence I decided not to.

I almost forgot how it feels to be all sweat, working out. The feeling that comes with it is just so amazing. Excuses built up based on false foundation of not having time to jog or to play squash melted away when I read about commitment few days back. We are human being. We actually have to commit to ourselves. I still half-heatedly believe in all those unleash potential thingy but well, why not give it a try. Like, doing something you don’t really like to do. Why don’t you try if it’s obviously harmless and legal?

If we manage to wake up early, then we’ll have yoga first thing in the morning tomorrow. Life, isn’t it just wonderful? I miss my mom!

Good night.

Friday Night!

You heard it right.

You read it right.

I lost my phone. Again.

So friends, be mindful when you’re in LRT. Zip your bag, and make sure you hug it tightly! Like, seriously.

Instead of pondering with self-pity or regret or sadness, I could not decipher what was my emotion back then, hence I decided to buy a new phone. End of the world’s problem. Solved. Right there and then. Alhamdulillah.

I don’t know about you, but I do wake up every morning with a smile on my face. Like, a real, wide smile. The kind of smile carved on your face when you’re thinking something funny or something that makes you happy. And for the smile that is on my face, each morning, I feel truly blessed. Alhamdulillah. So you see, life can knock us pretty hard sometimes, leaving us with the swollen bump on the forehead but hey, for the bread and nutella on the table, I think it’s more than enough to be thankful for. Once, I’ve heard people say, count your blessing. I even tried that, and surely it’s uncountable. So there.

Good night.

PD weekends

I’ve made my mind.

This little space of mine will be something that will be forever immortalized my memories, so that my daughters and sons and hopefully grandkids actually can benefit something from all sort of experiences.

Hence, before the recent memories that were carved beautifully in Port Dickson botching up, I’d rather put them in simple writing.

Off we went to Port Dickson for my department teambuilding. That was not the first time. I’ve been there a few times before, too many that I almost forgot to count. Obviously, PD is my scholar’s favourite place to hold this kind of event. Remember Soaring The Eagle, anyone?

my group.

Theme Dinner!

I’m not going to detail up each activity that we have to go through. Frankly, I saw it as something that can be tension-releaser. Most of the activities were about the same thing-teamwork and what we actually can apply those at work. As for me, I define it as a reminder of my intention why do I work, choose to be part of the department at the very first place when there was another opportunity knocked on my door once but I chose to say – no, thank you.

The merry of the weekends continued on when I crashed my friends’ teambulding which was held in PD too. Told ya. PD is a fave place for this kind of thing.

Hijacked their Dinner Night.

well, with the Artis Jemputan.

Banananananaaaaa boat!

Highlight of the weekends was clearly the banana boat experience. I’ve been longing ride that since forever.

Saying goodbye

I decided to walk away from all the pain and sadness that seems to be endless.

Just a few days back, i was all alone in a hotel room, wishing and waiting for s shooting star, for a comet to actually sprinkle its magical powder over me. Overwhelmed by sadness, i asked god where would be the end of all of the self-inflicted pain that handed in my life tray. I asked Him For a little more patience and persistence and determination to walk away. I asked a lot, really.

Today. Well, woke up in a different hotel room with one big, happy, cheerful heart. I asked so many things but i almost forgot to say thank you.
So here it is.

Dear Allah,
Alhamdulillah for all the blessing. Be it for something that i understand, or something with hidden meaning within.

Goodbye, Port Dickson. For now.

After all, life is a box of chocolate.

Leap Sunday

Sunday is beautiful when i can laze around, sipping coffee while browsing through feeds fromFacebook and Tumblr.

My phone beeped. And there were notifications of missed calls, and few instant messages sent from my darling sister. Without hesitation,i browsed through the conversation thread and pictures she sent me - of her and a castle. My eyes were tearing up right there and there, not a second late. What a beautiful pictures of a ruined castle, with her in it.

Frankly, i think tears were rolling mainly because
1. I miss my darling sister so much, you cannot even imagine. Since we are all girls in the house, we clicked just like that.
2. Thats the ruined castle from one of my most favourite movies- Leap Year.
3. I've always wanted go to UK region, there are so many places that are so much beautiful. Really!

and suddenly i miss reading so much. As much as i wanted for this beautiful weekends to stay still for me to embrace it, i am longing to go to the office and do my routine.

The effect of Teambuilding i guess. Haha

why do we blog

Why we blog?

Why did I blog in the first place?

I have a lot going on in my mind right now. Needless to mention, the workloads I have at the office, the pace that requires my time and energy; which one of the reasons I come back home with sleepy eyes and flat on my bed at 9 PM once in a while. And usually, at 11, I’d usually started my walking in slumberland. No kidding. No life. Hence, I have to blog- to distract my mind from thinking the thing called work. I still am adapting and adjusting to it. After all, I have 8 solid hours plus during the day to spend my precious time for it.

Back to the question.

Why do I blog? Why did I blog at the very first place.

I believe for every action that we do, there must be a reason behind it. Be it noble or not, it has always been a reason for something. I’m not going to jog down the memory lane, digging buried artefacts of silent memories of when was the point I started to inhibit blogspot.

I did blog because I wanted to. I was tempted to see the art of writing our own thoughts in our own website and secretly hoping my friends or the ones that matter, which worth my time read piece of mind. There, I said it. I’m pretty sure that was one of the many reasons why did I decide to launch my very own missile of thoughts, letting people into my mind; knowing the consequences that I might be constantly judged by some readers. I did it anyway. Because that was what I wanted to do; to write. Hopefully, somewhere in not so distant future, when I already have daughters/sons of my own who are big enough to read and understand, I will share my thoughts written here with them. Just so I wait.

The point is, be aware of our intention in every single thing that we do. Even the first requirement in sollah is intention. Hence, make sure our intention is always right. In syaa Allah.

PMS!

I wasn’t a firm believer in PMS. I didn’t. Back in school days, I think girls got the signs of PMS almost every day. I mean, my friends would usually say “ I’m in PMS mode. That’s why I’m hungry.” Or “I can’t study today. PMS” or those weird cravings. I seriously could not fathom what were they saying!

Science subject in form 3 changed a bit of my perspective towards PMS. By then, I knew it’s true. There are signs of PMS stated in that think green SASBADI reference book. One of the symptoms was mood swing. I was a happy kid, you know. I can barely remember I had mood swing back then, that’s pretty true. Still, until that time, I didn’t use PMS as the reason if I ever felt like sleeping the whole Saturday the whole weekend. I just knew that I was lazy to study. I even forced myself to sleep. Hehe. However, I rarely opted to behave such way since the word of PMR exam could make us shiver. What was the big deal about it, I still couldn’t measure. 8A was a very big deal to everyone.

Source::Google

So now, as years went by, I changed a bit. I started to feel uneasy a week before having the menstrual; the laziness, the cravings and such. I’m still wondering whether those are the symptoms of PMS or is it just me giving excuses to myself when I’m not in the mood to do something. That makes me think, what a bad habit I do possess if my action is according to my mood. Logically thinking, it’s still sinful if I skip my prayer because I am so lazy. Hence, I should force myself a bit right. To at least do what I need to do for the sake of I have to do it and that is my responsibility. 

I came out with the idea of this because at times, I feel like giving myself too many excuses and cut myself too much slacks. And that’s not good for my own growth. I realize now that as we age, our responsibilities become more. I’m a grown up. (Freaking surprise face!) plus, I pay my own bill! 

Good night pretties! Assalamualaikum wbt.

Istanbul Aku Datang

okay. the title speaks for itself.

it's true that i watched this movie at cinema for two times, already. i believe when the online movie is out, then i will sitting idly, all smiling in front of my laptop, watching, i also believe that one day, when i have daughters of my own, i'll spend our movie-time together some time during weekends, laugh through out the funny scenes. Reverse a bit, i will also practically force their dad to watch this movie with me. seriously.

Sunday morning is beautiful as always. despite, some drama added to it, that too, still failed to wash away the harmonious feeling. truthfully, i am thankful for having certain problem in my life, because from there it's a sweet reminder for me not to do these little improper things to the guests. it's just not nice behaving like that. i pray that one day, you and me will have the courage to pluck out all these bad behaviors lie in our hearts. ameeen.. InsyaAllah.

back to Istanbul Aku Datang.

Frankly speaking, i admire Dian. she's an optimistic girl with very determined determination. i couldn't remember when was the last time i really hope for something as much as she did. the only slack was, she put all her hopes into human, not the Almighty. there were some bitter memories i had to go through few years back which frankly, made me think it'd be better to just follow the flow instead of hoping too much. however i think it's okay to be hopeful, as long as we put our hope in the right place.

besides all the cliche the love triangle that is portrayed in this movie, the whole story is realistic. it shows how a boy would behave if he already lost interest in the girl he used to love.

hint; when the girl says "I love you", he would hesitantly replies "I love you too" or just "me too".

never been there. never done that. but some of my friends can attest to this statement.

so you guys out there, if you still haven't watched this movie, lets do it!

take away from Istanbul Aku Datang.

1. Macbook is so tempted. i might as well get it one day. InsyaAllah.
2. Couldn;t believe myself that i actually watched this movie 2 times in the cinema. this only happen for transformers before.
3. If you love someone, Doa the best for both of you. insyaAllah, Allah will show the way.
4. Istanbul is really a nice place. with a beautiful scenery.

these two

1. I hope everyone, each and everyone of you lovely and handsome people will enjoy listening Cough Syrup, Melanie Martinez's version as much as I do. really.

i surrender to the sound of drum. in addition to that, there's lyrics saying "a wet world aches for a beat of a drum". so now tell me, how can possibly on earth i won't love this song? when the favourite word and sound collide together.

2. Akan Datang- Tomok.

all smiling, hugging heart-shape red pillow. looking like a girl who is terribly in love. truth is, in love with none but herself. for now. so while i'm at it, it's worth your money if you decide to spend on a movie ticket for Istanbul Aku Datang. this movie is definitely lifting up malay movie to another different level. frankly, for someone who roots for chic-flick comedy drama like yours truly, it's a thumb up.

good night.

Little Experience

Bismillah..

Lately I’ve found myself occupied with many other things, hence the shortage of time to write. I mean, to really write instead of just posting a few quickies from copy-paste interesting stories that I’ve found from internet.

This morning, I decided to spare sometime to write on something that I think worth sharing.

Firstly, it’d be very nice if you could read through this article. It’s true indeed.

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2009/11/13/is-this-love-im-feeling/

TV plays an important role in shaping our mind, without we even realized it. Without I even realized it. Believe it or not, I used to believe that true love is the kind of love I saw in hindi movies. Oh yes, I am from the era when hindi movies overflowing our entertainment industry. As the time passed by, I’ve found reading, and then my perception of love changed accordingly to the books I’ve read. So you see, what we see, read, hear (through songs) indirectly shape our mind and how we look at things.

I am blessed to feel this so-called love myself. Really. But the thing is, it’s not really “love” after all. I felt miserable and down whenever the thought of him struck my mind. Maybe it’s due to the one-sided love that I felt hence I couldn't focus. He is the kind of guy that I thought was ideal to be a boyfriend or even a husband. However, we have to bear in mind, just like as we learnt in physics or chemistry, ideal doesn’t mean real. Ideal is based on our interpretation which is humanly and more often than not is wrong. From there I knew that I built up false interpretation of love. When the love was not there anymore, what’s left was obsession and urge to have it. To have him. I forgot for a while that he is human being with feeling. Not an expensive desk or chair or perfume that I could work hard for and keep for the rest of my life. The constant calls that sometimes he would not pick up or instant messages that he would not reply were stupod thing to do yet proved how hard I tried. Along the way, I also lost him as a friend he once was. 

Alhamdulillah, reading helped me a lot, in many ways. And time, too, played a very important factor to actually reshape my mental attitude towards love. I soon realized all the pain was my own self-inflicted. I could walk away from that.

 It was a huge struggle to get rid of the urge of wanting to have and keep him. I could say that was one of my biggest struggles I’ve encountered so far. I know it might be insignificant to some, but surely not for me. Alhamdulillah, I’ve finally find a way to let go and move on.

You know sometimes in life, we don’t really see beyond of what happen. Allah knows and even mentioned in the Quran. This kind of experience is also actually a helping hand for me to fully understand and apply the meaning of tawakkal and redha which I would say two simple words with great depth of meaning and not that easy to apply. When we lost something, it will be replaced with something better.InsyaAllah. Deep in myself, I knew I wasn't really scoring with flying colours, but looking back how my opinions towords this issue changed from the past years, I think I did not fail and InsyaAllah there's a huge room for improvement.

When there's no more love to offer, as a friend, prayers are all I have to replace. Insyaa Allah.

While waiting.take five

1.stressful period:either break you and re-shape your character.always choose to re-shape.
2.time is so valuable than money.choose your deeds wisely and enjoy moment to the fullest.
3.a thankful and grateful heart will always feel enough,and strive to be better.
4.read quran and its translation everyday because it is light in our life.
5.love our parents more than anyone else because by loving them we're rewarded with pahala.insyaAllah.

Salam Maal Hijrah

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Salam Maal Hijrah :)

semoga kisah hijrah rasulullah saw yang kita cintai lebih dari semalam dan semoga cinta untuk baginda bertambah pada hari-hari mendatang dapat kita jadikan teladan bersama hendaknya. InsyaAllah.

azam tahun baru?

1. semoga tahun depan boleh jadi tetamu di rumah Allah

source: yahoo image

tolong doakan ye.

2. dapat memikul tiap-tiap tanggungjawab dan amanah yang ada dengan sebaik-baiknya.

3. dan azam-azam tahun lepas yang kena carry forward ke tahun ni;semoga semuanya dapat dilaksanakan. amiin..

till then!

rumah manis

rumah.
memang adalah tempat paling best.

seriously.

i think the saying is true-home is where the heart is. i add somemore;home is where the heart and loved ones is.

sungguh. bahagia itu datang dalam banyak cara.tak perlu rumah besar gah macam istana, cukup dengan sederhana tapi ada muka-muka yang boleh tambah pahala dan penuh kasih sayang.

setakat ni, balik rumah is the best therapy.

so yeah, lets enjoy!

Ambition

Eghhhh i need my laptop. Theres not much fun blog from ipad eventho its convinient and such but i still need my laptop.

Hence i shall say good night for now!till then!

Assalamualaikum

ujian

hari ini dalam sejarah.
sebab?
esok tak akan ada lagi hari ini.

alhamdulillah.tipu kalau aku cakap hidup ak setenang lautan tanpa ribut.kalau dengar aku bagitahu itu, aku minta maaf awal2.ti bermakna aku tipu.

aku dalam phase yang sedang rancak diuji.dengan iman yang senipis kulit bawang dan kesabaran yang mungkin lagi nipis,aku panjatkan doa agar ak terus tabah. paling tidak pun,aku redha.bila redha,baru kita lagi bersyukur. dalam sepuluh nikmat yang Allah beri,satu aku diuji dan aku melatah. aku harap ada sesuatu yang baik yang mampu aku pelajari dari apa yang aku sedang lalui sekarang ni.insyaAllah.

jadi,yang paling penting di sini,jangan give up.
(Alquran 39:53)

Wisdom advice

Pernah satu ketika seorang sahabat Rasulullah saw, Ibnu Masud didatangi oleh seorang lelaki yang raut wajahnya murung (berduka). Lalu lelaki itu berkata:

 "Wahai Ibnu Mas'ud, berikanlah kepadaku satu nasihat yang dapatku jadikan sebagai penawar untuk hatiku yang gelisah ini. Sejak akhir-akhir ini, perasaanku tidak begitu tenteram, jiwaku sentiasa gelisah, fikiranku juga selalu kusut. Aku tidak selera hendak makan, tidurku pun tidak lena."

Mendengar itu Ibnu Mas'ud terus berkata: 

"Sekiranya itulah penyakit yang menimpa jiwamu, maka hendaklah kamu bawa hatimu mengunjungi tiga tempat iaitu ,

1)tempat orang membaca al Quran sama ada kamu membacanya atau kamu mendengarnya. 

2)Kedua, majlis pengajian yang mengingatkan hatimu kepada Allah dan 

3)ketiga, carilah tempat dan waktu yang sesuai supaya kamu dapat beribadat kepada Allah SWT dengan khusyuk dan tulus ikhlas.

The medicine

i should be writing my PPA now, but I'm blogging instead.
these past few days have been a few of my bleakest in my life, thus far. alhamdulillah, during these so-called bleakest hour i've found my light. so the saying is true, there's always light at the end of the tunnel.

a mother's hugs and eyes are more than enough to wash away doubts, partly. and i am forever grateful for that matter. alhamdulillah. and the other medicine that have always worked out is reciting al-quran. I'm blessed to have someone who constantly remind me the importance of reading al-quran. I'm not saying I'm all good enough by doing so, no, it's not it. the point is, the tranquility we'll get each time, i repeat, each time after reciting quran. it's just too good to be true. for that person who always and always and always check on my quran's recitation, i am forever and ever grateful to have you in my life. alhamdulillah.

Perumpamaan orang mu’min yang suka membaca al-Quran ialah seperti buah utrujjah (اَلْاُتْرُجَّة), baunya enak dan rasanya pun enak.  Dan perumpamaan orang mukmin yang tidak suka membaca al-Quran ialah seperti buah kurma, tidak ada baunya, tetapi rasanya manis.  Adapun perumpamaan orang munafik yang suka membaca al-Quran ialah seperti minyak harum, baunya enak sedang rasanya pahit.  Dan perumpamaan orang munafik yang tidak suka membaca al-Quran ialah seperti rumput hanzolah (اَلْحَنْظَلَة), tidak ada baunya dan rasanya pun pahit.”

(muttafaq alaih)

Assalamualaikum wbt.

The Time Keeper

Mitch Albom.
The Time Keeper.

this is his latest book. i started with Tuesdays With Morrie, couple of years back; that i finished in one night with red, swollen eyes due to crying. i never cried that much in my entire life for a character i did that night. it's such a good book. you can borrow from me.

so this time around, I didn't cry as much as i did from his previous books (Have a little faith, Five People you meet in Heaven, and For one More Day), however i shed some tears like it was obligated to do so after/during reading his writing. i mean, when people talk to you indirectly about hope, about being hopeful about how we spent our life, how we're gonna spend the rest of our life in a manner that speaks directly to your heart, you just cry, don't you? The Time Keeper mentioned about how we always rush into things, rushing to the end without wanting to enjoy the moment we ever had, or the one we're having now.

take myself for an example, when i start reading a book i want to know the end so badly. never once i did flip the last page, only i have this anxiousness that makes me read faster without really appreciate what's been told. so yeah, i rush things. i rush into making decision.

"Manusia itu sifatnya tergesa-gesa". one of the ayat in the Quran. (I'm very sorry, I forgot which surah it is). there, the theory of this book is proven.

Hence, from now onward, i'll make this as one of my small jihad to overcome my weakness. to complain less, and be more grateful for all the time i have in this world. for all the time my parents', friends', sisters', families' have for me. for us.

one of my favourite line from this book is;
Moment. you either let it pass, or grab it.

A&H lah sangat

Assalamualaikum :)

Hello people. i am still breathing and currently happy because now i can do work from home, at night. hopefully, there'll be no more stay late at the office. why would i want to stay there if i have this one comfy bed with pillows at home? i can do work in bed! yes yes yes.

if you refer to my last post, i did blog about Adam&Hawa the series. I'm not saying I'm all hooked up to that show, it just that, well it's not that bad either. for now, i still am stuck at episode 10 because i was so angry watching it. i would never imagine if i had to go through what she had to, like excuse me, one minute you're all happy kindy teacher who is waiting for placement in the uni, and the minute later, without even your mistake you are married to irresponsible jerk that can be classified as "murahan" since he calls every girl he meets as "sayang/darling". i know it's not real. it's fiction but still, the pain would still be the same, if it we real. i'm easily influenced you see. from someone who were really against to watch the drama (because i don't agree that Aaron Aziz got the role, not because he'a not good but simply because he's not physically fit for the character. hello, Adam Mukhriz should be more or look younger, and macam poyo2 sikit with goofy smile which Aaron doesn't have!) but never mind, he plays the role really well. since a few colleagues from office talked about it constantly and housemate(s) that is/are drooling over Adam's character thus i made my mind to give it a try.

well, i believe there's a lot more novel-base would come out. maybe, Kau Yang Satu or maybe Sehangat Asmara. I read too much novels after PMR! the effect of being in all-girls boarding school where you have constant supplies of Sweet Valley (that one!), Fear Street, Ahadiat Akashah's. the good old days. talking about growing up, it has been almost 7 years since i left high school. sweeeeeeeet memories!

i have ACD on Wednesday. wish me luck baby!

"and don't claim i never wrote anything about you".- Inspired from One Tree Hill

24

subhanallah.
alhamdulillah.
allahuakbar

the ideal mommy

ideal. means, in my head which has yet to be reality.

since my mother is very good with cookings, i always have this vision that i should be good at it too for my kids.

below might be my routine;

I wake up at 5 am in the morning.
prepare breakfast for the kids.
waiting for their school bus.
send the youngest to nursery.
go to office as early as i could (with the assumption i will still be working at the same company, with same flexible working hours)
at 5 pm, pick those chatty, cute kids of mine and go home. listen to their stories at school (kids have a lot to share! i know because i would tell my mother everything of what i did at school. not only her, i would repeat the same story to my father, late grandfather and my grandmother too)
ask the eldest to look after the rest while i'm busy at the kitchen preparing dinner.
teach them reciting quran/muqaddam after maghrib prayer.
have dinner.
help them with homeworks while facebook-ing. hehee
read them bedtime stories.
by 10 pm i go to sleep.

sounds simple eh? i bet it's a lot harder to do it later on. hopefully i have all positive energy in the world to accomplish this. I don't insert my future husband's role because I am thinking as an individual. it'll be a lot easier when he comes into picture. insyaAllah.

okay, lets compare my routine now;

wake up at 6 am for subuh prayer.
continue sleeping until 715. (i don't know since when i instilled this habit because i seldom sleep after subuh back in utp. ishhh)
prepare myself to go to office. arrived around 830 am.
Leave office at 6 pm.
If i dont go straight home, i'll go for dinner or playing squash (which is also a rare case these days) or coffee.
At home, watching tv. borak with housemates.
Go to room, spend time browsing youtube or watching series then sleep.

it's gonna be tough in the future. hence, i should be tougher. (ouchh)

okay good night!

late night talk

i was never a structured writer, from day one of blogging. i never am till now. but i will try to put my thoughts in line so people can actually get the point of what i am trying to say.

comprehension.

back in school, english was one of my favourite subjects becasue it was light and easy. unlike physics, you have to understand the concepts and application. come to think of it, there are so many aspects in life where we can apply physics. for example, inertia. it does matter in life, don't you think? not just physically matter, i mean even our internal emotion does apply inertia. if you are reluctant to do something that we should do, there's a huge inertia that we have to overcome. hence, inertia matters, people!

back to the first topic-english. i enjoyed english when we have to do the essay; the creative writing. i like spending the two solid hours writing, pouring down my thoughts into a simple yet interesting story depending on the questions given. i don't know how does the SPM question works these days, but during my time we could choose 1 out of 5 topics. usually, i would go for a question that i could simply carve out plot and story line.

years later which is now, i realize my life is not all about creative writing which is light and easy. it involves a lot more. all bits and pieces from physics, biology and even maths. yes, i don't really apply those quadratic equations before deciding what's to have for breakfast but there is something i learnt back then can be applied here. frankly, i don't really bother to understand at the first place, but it's a lot easier when we actually do. from there, we could define our own momentum in life. i might be slow in certain things, hopefully i am not stagnant. insyaAllah.

the past year has taught me quite a few new things.

1. i don't always get what i want. not sure whether what i got is what i needed. i believe so and still am trying to understand the reasons behind.
2. open heart and mind can accept almost everything. I'd like to relate the concept here is redha. what a simple word with a great depth of meaning.
3. love is a great force. what a shame to let your tears rolling down for someone but rarely cry for those sins we made daily.
4.don't give up on amanahs given :) just don't.

selamat malam.

it's been a while since the last time i blogged. i mean, to really write down my thoughts in a structured manner. i guess when we were young (i meant to say; when i was younger) i had so many things to say out loud. my range of topics was wider as like i could write for hours, spent my time typing frantically trying to string every word in one sentence. those days are gone, dearies. all we have now is me with this think mental blog, leaving this blog untouched for quite sometime, and then return with some portion of thoughts that failed to be told properly. this is a phase everyone (or just me) has to go through. aging process!

so lets go to the very first topic that crossed my mind - Adam Mukhriz. almost everyone now is hooked up to this new drama on tv. actually, it's a novel, translated into a movie (tv series) that is now showing. with a very good soundtrack featuring Hafiz (gosh, his voice!) and Malaysian Diva-Dato Siti is a terrific combo. Here's a thing or two i know about Adam from the novel. at first, i don't quite agree the producer chose Aaron Aziz to play Adam's role. well, yeah it's undeniably true and obvious Aaron has the credibility of how a pilot should look like- handsome, tall, buff and such but hey there's more for a character. for Adam's character. from the novel he has this one side of him that is funny and getting matured along the way. As for Ain Hawani, i have no comment. why? because i kinda menyampah with her character. merajuk ape panjang-panjang macam tu. all in all, for that novel, I'd give 7/10.

home sweet home

i am trying to make use my free time while waiting for train for example to blog,like Anis. i'm the kind of person who always wait for the right time to do something if there was not any dateline. hence,the procrastination.

alhamdulillah.

a good person opened up my eyes today and keeps reminding me to focus more.dont wait.just do it.there's not gonna be any perfect time or the most right time to do something. if i could do it now,then now it is. hence,this post.

i spent two days in Kerteh with my good friends and i tasted worldly heaven. there's this one good feeling whenever you are with your good friends.you can talk about almost everything and everyone. i wish i could write more.but i am so sleepy right now.so till then

Testing

Hi,
Testing. Well im now blogging directly from my ipad. Alhamdulillah. I made my mind and seriously best gile. Go getttt oneeee!!!

hope

Hope.

Pause.

I wrote about it not a long time ago. And tonight, for some reasons I’m going to write about it again. In different manner and maybe different ideas. Let’s see how it goes.

Hope is sharp. It cuts deep in your veins and keeps you bleeding. Hope is not something that people around you can easily snatch it away from you, throw it far until you couldn’t see. it won’t be gone the next minute or next hour after you decided to get rid of it. No! it doesn’t work that way. It takes habit to purge from the falls hopes. It takes conscious mind and time. Time is the healer which owns the power. In this case “eventually” is a big word. Huge word.

Hence, choose your hopes wisely. Do hope wisely. And put your hopes in His hands because only He knows best.

midnight talk

My mother is one of the coolest people I’ve ever known in my entire life. My father might kill me for this statement but sorry abah, even you is not cool like mom. Hehe..peace.

I can talk for hours with her, about almost everything. That includes; crush/potential boyfriends. I don’t like keeping my emotion bottled up inside especially whenever I had rough days. After all, she’s just a phone call away evethough we’re physically miles away.

Tonight I realized that I’ve been away from home since I was 13. Since my birthday is on October, basically I left home when I was 12. For the first few months were the toughest time of my life in boarding school. I cried almost every night, alone. This is the thing. If you are a happy person, easily amused and laugh for not so funny jokes, you prefer to cry alone rather than show it to others. I’ve read it somewhere. I’m not a cry baby but lets be honest, people do cry sometimes. We cry when we sad or disappoint and sometimes because we feel so grateful. That’s what people do – cry when they need to.

So here’s the thing about my mother. I’m very close to her. I think in her eyes, I’m still 10 although I know I don’t even look like one. But regardless how difficult my life at some point (frankly, I couldn’t quite figure why I’m so emotional at times and felt life is difficult when it actually not a biggie) I never cried to her. Maybe because I have this level of reserved ego, or maybe I just have this tendency not to share my sadness with others. There’s nothing fun grieving on problems. Talking about/grieving about problems are two distinctly different things you know. You’d better define it correctly or people will eventually get bored listening to your ranting. For god sake, people can just listen; they can’t do anything about it. It’s you who decides. The power is in your hand. But I know, it feels nice to vent out about worries to others. I’m a girl. I know how does it feel and work. We like to complicate simple things. Well, that’s normal.

I’m learning and still absorbing the fact that my decisions or plans are not always right and the best. Experiences tend to prove this theory. At first I thought, my lack of judgement incurred all of this dissatisfaction. Then, I learn about the fact everything happens for reasons. Not because Allah doesn’t love or abandon us, but it’s one way to teach me a very good lesson and proof what’s been said in Quran is true ; An-Nisa’;19. (it may be you dislike a thing but Allah brings through it a great deal of good).  Lets hold on to that and become a better muslim. Off the record, for now, I dislike excel. Yeah, that Microsoft excel. But through it there’s gonna be good thing for me. insyaAllah.

songs

My baby you

Do you know that this song is actually dedicated for his daughter named Arianna? If you didn’t, now you know right.

Well, I have ears for good songs with good lyrics. Be it funky songs, sad/melancholy songs. I know I got this from my mom. She loves listening to radio so much. You have no idea. I don’t really like to admit it, but I think I have a soft heart. I could even cry just by listening to a good song because hey, how could someone compose such a beautiful melody.

There are a few songs that I can never get over with. One of them would be Keroncong Untuk SyazANA. Lol. This definitely a very beautiful song but I wish it will never be dedicated to me from any guys. Dude, this song is real sad and the meaning is deep. Hopefully no one would love me that much if it’s written I would never return his feeling.

I first came to know about this song back in 2004 when Adam (AF2) had to perform during the show. Let’s be honest. He literally butchered the song since it’s not his genre. Few years later, I started to like it when I downloaded the real version of this song and I fell in love with it right there and then.

Post note: there was this one guy who introduced me as Ana to his friends. I thought that’s Very sweeeeeet okayh but a friend of mine who was there found it annoying and according to her that nickname does not suite me at all. Haha..One of the reasons thermodynamics class/tutorial was never missed. Sadly, the feeling comes and goes. No matter how excited I was in the beginning, it fades away. Well, younger days. ;D

about him

This is the 10^th Ramadhan without him.

I was 5 when I was all so clingy and wanted bike ride in the evening. Stopped at some stall for roti canai and teh ais.

I was 6 when I followed him to the paddy field and got lost. I was very panic since I could not find him anywhere. I nearly cried but I knew I did not. I panic but I tried my best to find my way back.

I came home running, smiling. I proudly told him that my tok guru (quran teacher) said I could start reciting quran for the next class. For us kids back then, it was such an achievement if you could pass the muqaddam test and proceed to read Al-quran. The next day, he came home with a red Al-quran and ordered rehal (beautifully carved woods to place the quran while reading). I marched to the class pompously- all confident to start my quran lesson. I was 7.

I define that as the most precious gift that I ever received.

I was in boarding school when my warden called me into her office and broke the news. One of the two important men in my life had gone. The kind of “gone” that I couldn’t just search facebook or google to find his whereabout or just for a few hours to the paddy field and came back home tired. Then, who would buy me my favourite roti canai and teh ais or wake me up for subuh (fajr) prayer. I was not very shock since deep down my heart I knew he would not stay longer but I never expected that sooner. So I thanked my warden and asked permission to go back to class. I looked out the window and tears were strolling my cheeks. The grass outside never been that greener. I felt something had been snatched away. I felt lost. What would I do to cope with the fact that from that day onwards, there would be no him during semester breaks. So I cried. I cried silently in my sleep, in my prayers for the next few weeks.

The last few years, I searched for a torchlight for whatever reasons. That was 5 years after he’d gone. Then. I saw his baju melayu hang on the railings, and I cried right there and then. I guess that’s the effect when you dearly love someone and you miss them terribly. I think people cry because they miss people they love who love them even more.

I think I cry because I miss him so much sometimes. The accumulated portion of miss. And knowing that was one of the best blessing in my life, I should be more grateful. Not everyone has the opportunity to live with their grandfather like I did. Not just live together, the memories created and shared, the lessons. So yeap, Alhamdulillah.

Al fatihah to my dearest wan- Darus Bin Abu.

:)

* "For the rest of my life" was very popular back in 2010. the carefree time with assumption of no morning class to attend even though there was. i remember we went out for lunch on a fine sunday and the song was on air. well, yeah the music is soothing, the lyrics are OK. i don't give much care of it and obviously not listed as my favourite. but, one of the lyrics really really really captured my heart;
guess which one?

"..and i pray we're be together in Jannah..."

tears strolling down out of nowhere right there and then.

as muslims, we all know, getting there alone is not an easy road. there are so many hurdles yet it is possible. and to reach there with someone you think you love now but maybe after few years of marriage you might bore each other. i don't know. i haven't been there yet but hopefully, i can love my future partner as much as i love my parents and maybe, just maybe with His blessing, He would lend me someone who can love me as much as my parents do. InsyaAllah. Truthfully, I don't expect much since I'm not that good either. After all,it's already mentioned in Quran; Perempuan yang baik untuk lelaki yang baik and vice versa. I have so many flaws, really. uncountable. I'll try to improve bit by bit (especially this month is a good practice to do a turning point little by little).

I've read a lot of english/malay story books/novels back in primary/high school. most of the plot stories, if not much, always involve about love and such. from there, I've made some mental definition of love. Mother's love is always and always and always in the purest form of love. Like, seriously. Moms can accept all our strengths/weaknesses and behaviours. they tell us to bounce higher. to do something better. to never give up. most importantly, they accept us as we are. if there are crook habits in us somewhere along the way, they'll make it straight. it's really not an easy job, but they do it anyway. that's what i define love. that is one main reason why we girls have to find someone who is capable to love us like our mothers do, and to love him back like his mom loves him; willing to understand us and we too are willing to understand back; to grow old together.
i have fond memories of my late grandfather and my grandmother. I could see how much he loved her till his final days. when I think about him, I could never thank Allah enough for letting him to be a part of my life for 14 years. And I'm glad he bought me a very precious gift that still can be used untill now or 50 years from now even :)

Lets be someone better than yesterday :)

tafakur

lagu yang terpaling deep lyrics and meaning dalam semua-semua lagu. yang ada di playlist tapi jarang gila dengar sebab dalam folder called nasyid. tapi bila dengar once in a while, ya Allah, rasa jauh gila, rasa kerdil gila. semua masalah-masalah dunia tenggelam bila sedar ada masalah yang lagi besar. masalah dengan tuhan bila mana penghijab kalbu between diri dengan tuhan menebal. astaghfirullah.

Tafakur-Zikraa

"Pimpinlah aku dalam redhaMu, kasihi aku dalam rahmatMu, hanya kau tempat ku mengadu, ya Allah ya tuhanku"

Budi manusia pun kita kenang, inikan pula budi Allah pada kita. huhu..

maybe this is the finding for last week's sadness. so its true, there must be a reason for everything. maybe we dont know but He knows best. hands down.

Good night.

thank you

too bad this blog is mute for the past weeks.

All in all, Alhamdulillah.

-there's still food to eat on the table.
-there's still book to read.
-there's still air to breathe.
-there's still time to repent.
-there's still love to share.
-there's still days to look forward to.
-there's still hopes even small to hold on to.

all in all, alhamdulillah.

hope

how can you actually define hope?
how?

hope. that is one big word. maybe as big as discipline in my term.
maybe as big as passion.

i don't know. and at this point of time, i don't think i wanna know.

you know what hurts the most? for being hopefull towards something but in the end it doesn't belong to you. no matter how hard you try. then, you try to be hopeless towards that thing, whatever you want to define that thing, but in the end you still get dissapointed because even you already ignore it the max, it still is bothering your thought. it still lingers around. it's hard to admit, that you might actually ignore it, but you still care for it. you still yearn for it. you still want it.

so maybe here's the point where you should really look closely. maybe the more you want it, the more you think about it, the more you are stepping away from Allah. one of my my good friend used to say;

what you think during performing solah, might be the reasons for the gap between you and Allah.



and now, please replace the word you with I; and it with him.

conclusion: besides hope, redha is also a big word. big big word.

and you think wrongly if you think i'm talking about him instead of you. this is for you. and only you.

letting go for the first time was hard but the second time is harder. and I'm trying. doakan.

the butterfly effect

please. save me from another draft of forgotten post. please.

i started to feel scared and insecure. i don't want to lose the ambience of excitement; of feeling the adrenaline rush when i did something spontaneous (stupid, for some). the more i think of it, the more the bleak is. of course the best thing in life is when we know what we want to do next without losing grip of reality; which is to appreciate the present. the present. in the morning, i'm looking forward to the evening. when evening is there, i'm looking forward for the night. and in the night i'm longing for the morning. yeap, i do eventho it's working day. i should stop looking forward, aint i? i should just enjoy what is here. here with me.

talking about time, that brought me back to the butterfly effect. i watched the first one, starring Ashton Kutcher (my bestfriend and I used to drool whenever the sight of him greeted us in the magazine when we were still the high-schoolers). so this movie has this so-called alternate endings. well, i think it suits the most with the theme as the main character could go back to the past and fix thing. that's the thing about this one. i was always wondering if i could have another chance to re-do things, to fix the problem, to say what i've always wanted to say without worrying about the consequences because if this real life is that movie and if i were the main character has this power to go back, i'd definitely gonna say what's there in my mind. or do things. like, bungee jumping. ors slap people. or put up my hand and answer the question that i didn't even know what the answers are. or just simply go to you, and bravely say "dude, I'm always waiting for you to say something fisrt. if you say yes, i'd breach the contract for you." even if i got rejected, ashamed of what i did or said, i could always go back and fix it. i'd leave the words hanging in my mind. so that's the thing. this real life is not the butterfly effect. i don't brave enough to take chances, let alone take the big risk especially when your future, or friendship or relationship, or careeer is at stake. the real life butterfly effect is we get to choose one way, and there's no way we could go back. we just have to pretend/accept the choice we made was/is good enough. even if it doesnt hold on to it and make it better.

on the other note, one of the endings has Oasis' stop crying your heart out as the soundtrack. couldn't be better, that one! you don't encounter a movie with a wow effect so frequent in your life. as for me, this one- the butterfly effect- is one of them!

be therefor you

yeah, the title speaks for itself.
i dont usually know what i'm gonna write.when i wanted to write, i just did. i dont really care about the post title, just randomly mentioned about things. that's a sign of flexbile (maybe) and might be also showing how fickle i am. it's for you to judge, and me to decide.

as i am writing right now, i feel so much grateful for having certain people that seem to be there when i need them. everytime. that equals to my guilty for always letting them down due to my ego or to do what i wanted to do.

let me give you an example:
I hate watching cartoon. okay, hate is a strong word. i dislike watching cartoon except cinderella, beauty and the beast (and all that related to earlier disney production). most of my girl friends loveee cartoons. and most of them, too, don't like scary/patriot/boring movies like the shawshank redemption, or perfume the perfect story of a murderer or those traslated Dan Brown's books into movie which i like very much. when the movies are out i practically forced them to watch the movies with me. well, these type of genre might not be their preference, but they still like it. what i'm trying to say here is, i always give excuses not to tag along when it comes to cartoons. mind you, i never invented any excusesbut all of sudden i have something to read, or to do assignments, or to have me-time or to play squash. those said excuses and can actually be postponed but i choose to do them instead of going to cinema with them.

there's a tad proof of selfish there. i know.

so when i am thinking of it right now, it's time to be more flexible. life is all about give and take. i could not just take, but i also have to give. and vice versa.

there's a point in my life where i think i give too much that i should. love, that was. here's the thing about love. sometimes, we love the wrong person for the wrong reason. I mean, what would i love that much to a person that would not even want to have plans with me? it was hard when you were the only one who tried to keep the fire burning while the other rather let it died. yeah i know. i was young and immature. but luckily, i managed to struggle to move on without being hopeless and waiting for something that would never be mine. regret? yeap. i regret those time spent thinking, wondering, hoping that there was a slight chance for us. i regret for the time i was deeply sad for things not behave the way i wanted them to be. it was hard. really. but it also came together with some messages if we look at it closely;

1. we can be as much as hopefull as we want, however bear in mind, Allah has a better plan for you.
2. we can actually teach ourselves to feel.
3. respect ourselves, first and foremost. if we don't get what we want, life doesnt end because of that. we can either pursue, or let it go. fully let it go.
4. and it's true. Allah will not burden us more than we can bear. we might fail a few times even after a few trials. like i still am failing in that so many aspects that i want to improve. but like i said in the previous post, fighting against our weaknesses is part of jihad. lets do it!

Life. it's wonderful, isn't it?

i've read somewhere about this:

"Melawan kelemahan diri merupakan salah satu jihad. mungkin hanya jihad kecil, tapi tetap jihad."

Judge

i hate it when people started to judge people based on their past. there was a time when i was so good judging people around, meanwhile i forgot that Allah judges my characters.

so don't judge. even if some people we know are terribly bad, treat them right not please them. when you don't like someone's behaviors but you please him/her at the same for whatever reason it is, that's where the problem start.

;)

change of heart?

i think people write because they know what to write. i actually assume that. well, blogging is not fun anymore. hence, i've started to believe this;

hearts change. people move on

a few years back, there weren't so much things to tell but lengthy entries. but now, even to come out with a single entry is hard enough.

dont bother to brag about the trip to singapore.
dont bother to rant about works.
dont bother to share about the conflicts.
dont bother to tell about those trips to penang, colmar with friends.
dont bother to even do the book/movie/music reviews.

so yeah. people move on because their hearts change. and i move on from something that i used to like to do because I have change of heart and found something better that suits my present interest.

happy sunday, friends.

seriously, blogging is not that fun anymore.
and it isn't that bad too.

ranting

seriously, blogger?
you do have the new layout that makes it harder for me to write. this whole new thing distract me from my thoughts, my original ideas that i wanna pour in here.
so hiii people. i know some of my friends are still reading this blog and my absence is due to my mental block and the increase of my laziness to write.as usual, nothing much to share pun. however, for tonight, i am bored with reading. you better get a copy of Mitch Albom's For one More  Day. it's a good book.

so here are few things i wanna say out loud/silently in here.

1. i dont know about you and i dont want to know, but i still could not see the objectives of bersih. seriously? the riots, the chaos and such. i know government has not been that perfect and good and they are corrupted by some irresponsible people in there, but hey stop being idiots and fight for your rights like that. it's just make malaysia looks bad.

2.what's the fuss about being friends with your exes? oh come on. he/she was there in your past. i dont care. what we should care about is our own feelings. if we clearly don't get over the exes, still don't make peace with ourselves about how the relationship ends, dont start a new one. i know it's hard to get over someone that you ever had feelings for them, but trust me it's just the heart playing the trick. do you seriously think Allah will let us keep thinking about the same person for our entire life meanwhile he/she is happily building home with someone else towards jannah. of course not. as muslims we all know He is fair. eventually, there'll be someone else in our life. dont rush into marriage. there'll be the right time, with the right person. insyaAllah. wahhh i sound so matured. hehee..just saying. this is basically based on reading, little portion of experience.
funny, i'm not someone who is, hurm...how to put it, erm.. you know, the ustazah-kind but maybe i am coming from all-girls boarding school, so i dont really see the point of having boyfriend. i mean, all the things that you do with your boyfriend, you can do it with your boy friend. so i think it's better to wait until i am ready enough to make a commitment. i started thinking like this since i can remember. what's wrong with me? because if you know me, i'm not the cool type, or the..well you know, that kind of people. but that's what i've been holding on until now and it doesnt do any harm so i'll stick to it. of course i have my fair portion of crushes (hello, there were activities involving Sassians or Sdarians) but that was it. we called, we smsed and we became friends. some are still last till now. i mean, as friends. the main point is, we should know the arah tuju of a relationship. if it's better stay in friendship, then let it be. and if we want more than a friendship but he/she doesnt want the same thing, respect the decision. if we look at it thoroughly, it's not only about their decision of rejecting you, it is in a way, and bear in mind it also shows Allah has someone else reserve for you. lets put us in their shoes. if they keep pushing you, they keep wanting you more than just friends by over reacting (assuming we dont like them back and we just want to be friends) of course eventually we'll get annoyed. so everybody must respect each of individual's feeling. it's our own problem to deal with our own feelings and we dont want it to be a laughing stocks on the other side right.

3.human beings always want things they dont even need. like, if you're using S2, but you keep wanting iphone4 which you dont even need it, tak ke tak bersyukur namanya tu. pang! kene muka sendiri.

good nighttttttt!

happiness

Happiness comes in many ways. When we know it's there, dont ignore it, but treasure it.

it felt like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulder. Alhamdulillah.

and seriously, I couldn't be happier for you. you're a friend and will always be that way. no worries ;)

wedding preparation

i caught you by the title, ain't I?

I'm not even close to an engagement, whatelse to get married. i was thinking hard on what to share in here because as i told you i'm left with no words to describe my life right now.

i was so eager to blog about my trip to USS but the excitement melted down when i touched the keypad. that was last year. there were/are a lot of interesting events occured but i am just too lazy to blog about it even to put up on status on facebook.

good night

regret

Alhamdulillah.

have you ever realized how this word would actually mean so much if we recite it sincerely?
i mean, we human beings might have few regrets in our life. but when we think of it, it's okay to feel so because that's how our mind works; to have regrets on certain things however i don't think that should be an excuse for not thanking god for all that He has bestowed upon us. here's the thing. whenever we feel lack of something, remind ourselves all of good things that are here within our grasp.
regret means for us to improve.

so thats it.

good night.

too much coffee?

i had nescafe for breakfast.
i had coffee for morning tea.
i had ice latte for lunch.

caffeine. that was what i had. that is all i need for a sleepy day.

good night.

;)

complicated bubbles

sometimes, i dont understand why people choose to live in a complicated way.
sometimes, i dont understand why I (myself) choose to think in a complicated way. why do we have to take the difficult turn here and there and why we bother too much of what others may think about us when actually in real case, they never think of you. never. even if there is, it's only a little. trust me.

I also don't really understand why must some people hide their own feeling (like me?). i'd like to believe that i am a very simple girl that sometimes tend to think too much whenever i feel like it. i'm a bit emotional towards certain things. from a very little experience that i have plus insight from Jab we Met, it's okay for you to show your real feelings to others. be it love, crush, hatred and such.

Example:
1. I don't like B. Whenever B talks to me, I couldn't care less. I don't even smile at B.
if I keep doing the abovementioned, B wouldnt know the problem. say, there is a real problem. the best way is, to actually talk to B about the problem and try to lessen the intensity of the problem.

2. I have a crush on C. All of sudden C becomes shy when I'm around or vice versa.
this kind of situation will never happen if I accept the fact that I actually like C. so what? and since C is the admired and I'm the admirer, then C should bear in mind there's nothing to be shy of and respect my feeling. by time, the crush will fade away.

those said examples are just examples and theories. well, just saying.

main point is, I'll try not to be so complicated in my thinking and assumption. I guess i never really am pun. ;)

Issey Miyake Florale

boleh buat tak tidur malam. aku mahu satuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

one tree hill

*teary eyes*

not due to sadness of real life, but it's more of the soup opera i've been following all these years dated back to 2003 - One Tree Hill.

this was the main poster for it. i think it was season 3 or 4.

Tree Hill is mainly about friendship, love triangle, families. for those of you who watch this series from the start, we could see how a bad boy becomes a man, a very good husband and father. Mark Schwan has really done a very good job by putting the dialogues all together because there are just too many memorable quotes in it.

this is my favourite:

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one.

Peyton Sawyer.

it's never too late for those of you who have never watch this series to start.

the point is, tonight's episode (S09E11) saddens me. Forgiveness is never easy to seek from someone that was once your enemies, but if the intention is right, eventually things will always get better. like Dan Scott, for example. so you see, there are thousands excuses to keep the old flaming anger, and sometimes it only takes one moment of truth to change all that.

happy birthday amizah

It’s a few days late but I still want to wish a very happy birthday to my dearest friend, Amizah Azid. We shared too much secrets together. We walked too many miles together. We counted too many stars together. We berangan to much together. We learned to appreciate life by the friendship we’ve built thus far. There are just so much sweet memories that I know I’ll keep forever in my heart. Ups and downs.

Who cares about distance when we have viber and whatsapp.

new best friend

if you ask me, I would say everybody actually knows what they want in their life. It’s just whether they have the ability to pursue what they want or not regardless the circumstances.

Me. I usually want to hear what people may say whenever I wanna buy something or try new things. More often than not, I found myself follow what I really want to do/want to buy. Because human beings always know what they want, sometimes what they need. I’m a human being. When we reach a point where we think we are clueless then it’s time to sit down and think. There are always friends to help us out. Don’t be so arrogant in this world.

I’ve always wanted a vaio. Macbook might be tempting but I always know I want a vaio. a red vaio. but hey this is life, I end up with a silver which I think is better than the red one.

I will try write often because now I have a new laptop. ;)

this is random

1. we really should be grateful and thankful for what we do and don't have. i always believe Allah provides more than we ever ask for. and what He gives us basically all of our needs.

2.i name my blog based on song titles. this blog used to be called as "more than words".

3. there are so many rooms for improvement. however, I'm too stagnant to change.

4. i talk things that dont matter to people that dont matter in my life.

5. the hard part of moving on is not looking back.

6. I miss my life in UTP. then, i tell myself there's nothing to miss when memories is always there. and people who was there is also are still here in the present. it's just the distance. well, distance is just miles/kilometres.

7. i really should start reading.

8. good night. :)

happpy!

i woke up this morning and realized that i'm not an engineer. the title of my position speaks for itself. so i think, sooner i'll begin my mission to be one.

truth is, i love my job. no. love is a strong word. i like my job. it's okay. i mean, it's really okay. i like the people around too. however, all of sudden, i seriously want a change. i got fed up with numbers. we'll see how it goes then.

before i closed my eyes to sleep last night, a thought struck to my mind. all this while, i do know that i enjoy communicating so much. i even measured relationship/friendship based on conversation. i like it when my friends (most of them are) know how to keep the conversations going. i can talk for hours over a coffee or teh tarik. but seriously babe. you cant measure any relationship/friendship solely by communication. there is comfortable silence. there are people who talk less and listen more which are very interesting. as the time passed by, i'm blessed to know a few of that type.

when i'm in the middle of a conversation, i dont really think. sometimes i say something that i didnt even mean to. maybe it hurts but oh well, i couldnt take my words back, could i? hence, i'll try to change that habit bit by bit. looking back at old photos, mostly time spent in utp, i can say i'm a happy kid! remember, we are happy when we are grateful. so be grateful because usually Allah provides us more than what we ever ask.

till then!

there's a first time for everything.

"i was not familiar with the international monetary or financial system when it faltered and soon after threatened to implode on us in 1997".
Tun Mahathir quoted from A Doctor In the House.

and he managed to handle that currency crumble.

so my problem of not understanding what im currently assigned is not really a big deal. i just have to learn and understand.

besides, i have more than i could ever wished for. :)
alhamdulillah.

if i'm so wrong how can you listen all night long

hi there.

i feel like deleting this whole thing. i mean, this blog. seriously. what should i say in here? i'm left with no words and nothing to say more out loud. maturity is kicking in, y'all. might as well forget the existence of this blog until my granddaughters/grandsons find it in the future. who knows.

well, if you like running on the treadmill or jogging, pretty please download all MCR's songs. it just feels so good and right to run/jog with a playlist of just their songs.

off to read.

...and sleeep.

good night.

the things u dont have to bother reading

i'm getting lazy to write day by day.
day in day out. not the same routine.
i wanted to come out with a long entry. but sharing my feelings is little too personal, for me to bear these days. this is an aging sign. it has to be because i was the kind that could not keep things on my own. well now, look how far i've reached.

i had severe headache today. some girls are lucky because they dont have to go through monthly period pain. but it's not that easy when the replacement is  terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible headache. not fun. not fun. not fun.

so that's all the momentum that i have for now. off to sleep.

good night.

louder, louder and we'll run forward.

it's been a while since the last book. it's been a while since the last written post. it's so long since i quit loving myself the way i used to. and it's been so long too.

impact.
impression.
poetic.
adrenaline rush.
heart beats faster.
pile of works.
favourite drink. favourite food. favourite ayam goreng.
good books.
and, Lucas Scott.

i seem to forget what was my first intention to blog.
maybe i dont really dwell on my past. maybe i just want to move forward without looking back. because it all the same, anyway. whether i look back the memory lane or not, i still am carrying the silence, disappointment. being hopeful to drop those along the way. like i used to do.