1st-please be bothered

I don’t really possess a decisive mind? do i?

Well, as I just decided to read more on non-fiction, (un)fortunately I pretty convinced my time will be occupied with reading my newly purchase books. Three (3) of them altogether.

 1. Mitch Albom; have a little faith

2. Jeffrey Archer; Cat o’ Nine tale

3. Dan Brown; the lost symbol

But hey, I’ve been craving for the lost symbol since forever and tell you what, it was in my list for a long long time. I shouldn’t let myself wait for that long, hence the book on my study table. Hehs

Do I really have to justify myself? Nah.. didn’t think so.

Lets moving on.

Does anybody care to tell me how on earth this yellow song is compelled to be so enthrall and spellbind? Errr..

I have a lot going on in my mind before I finally made myself sit down quietly on the floor, beside my historic study table, and now all I have is a blank mind;forcibly trying to string gushing of words together before the ideas slip away. The problem is my fingers can’t keep themselves from the delete button on the right side of this damn keyboard. So you tell me, how am I supposed to go after my celerity thoughts? huh..another phony excuse for lack of ability to really transform my thought into the form of words.

One good thing I’ve learnt along the years to pursue this one hobby of mine- blogging that is, that I cannot be afraid of what people are gonna say or usually judge on what I wrote. But of course, I must not consciously and purposely write just to sting people’s feeling which I won’t. I think I have a whole lot more to write about than just to entertain the fellow readers with calumnious entries. So there, my point is, usually we bloggers are judged by the way. Don’t take it too deep. It brings nothing but bitter, really.

Every so often, I got asked by some individuals on whether I’d be concerned on the subject of how many readers do I have. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t care less on that matter. I guess, it depends on your purpose of blogging. If you want to be gratified with constant feedbacks (which I don’t classify as bad either) for every post, in that case you may feel troubled if there is no reader. Unlike me, who just blog for fun, sharing morsel of my on-going yarn to some friends and even strangers. It’s good to have someone reading to my endless bellyache and grumble at the end, and it’s better when your good friends personally ask you about it and discuss over the phone or messengers. For what is worth, just do blog based on your intention and heed less on what others may think. if they do judge you, it's based on superficiality only. one can never be so damn honest in writing, revealing everything. and for that matter, they dont know you unless they're close to you personally.

On the other note, I couldn’t care less of my placement. Seriously. Ok, that’s one big fat lie. Of course I do seriously care about it. my life depends on it. haven’t I convinced you guys enough during interview? Now I think I should’ve really winked at one of them and flash million dollar smile. (did i wear lipstick on that day? errr do i ever have lipstick in the very first place??)  Just kidding.

I’m just hoping for the best from Allah. He knows best, that’s proven to be true scores of time in the past years. Have a little faith cuz it brings great deal of good.

p/s: just stop thinking what others may think about you, because more often than not they don't. just go on pursuing what you want to pursue, true friends stand by you. it all that matters. the rest, well.. you decide.

babble at dawn

I’ve developed this detrimental behavior of my sleeping schedule. Between those interweaving cells, my brain somehow confused between day and night. Yeah, seriously. It’s freaking 4.35 am in the morning and this syndrome has gone reaching a week old now. no, anxiousness does not cause me this. 

My mother and grandmother gave me a long talk regards to this and don’t think it helps. I guess I’m not physically tired. Mentally? Yeahh a bit. tu pun, just due to the long hours of eying every sentence from the computer screen i.e replying comments on facebook, blogging (now), reading other's blogs, etc etc . just a leisure reading, nothing heavy.

Oh yeah, I’ve also developed partiality on reading the from the computer screen. see, never say never. all talks about how I hated doing it before this is dissolved little by little and the facts I once claimed it to the subject of detestation sounds pretty alien to me now, at this moment. Yeah, again, never say never. We never knew what future brings. Therefore, if you do have interesting links, please do forward them to me. I’m all eyes to read from computer screen.

Have wanted to made at least minor portion of my 24 hours, let’s say 3 hours of reading (and understand) is still a failure. Funny, because every night (morning actually) before letting myself fall off the edge into the slumber-ocean, I doggedly tell myself to finish my reading on knowledgeable book, issues. Not to bury my nose into magazines or fictions. hey, I could do that for half of the day, without any force. Haih.. how can an economics or sociology or (insert any major that is in the same code area) student practically read all those thick books. I believe unlike me, they manage all of that for the knowledge sake. Me? exam-oriented. *head down* No one to blame tho, my forefinger pointed to me. Hehee.. Therefore, I’ll stick to my goals to read (and understand) on global issues. A bit on politics, economics (and large part on who dates who in Hollywood) I should’ve cultivated this habit long time ago. Better late than never. yes! Never say never.

Oh, congratulations saiey. You made it. 

Well, for those who miss me in Friendster, trust me I’ll be not going back there. I deleted my account few months back. The cute thing was, (did I say cute? Please excuse my poor vocab) I read all my testimonials all the way back to 2004! And traced down my testimonials/comments to someone, at that.

You don’t have to guess who that human being is because I’ll never ever real his/her name in here. so syui, stop smiling. I know you know about whom I am babbling about. On second (hundredth) thought, intan was so right. I didn’t realize I was falling. Young girl with immature thought, I was. Hehs..

Listening to: this is how I disappear :) ...  

let me take you there

Moving on is somehow felt burdensome in my case. Like, seriously. For some that might be cushy. I guess I’m a faithful and loyal person. Besides, the most-hated word in my dictionary is unfaithful, disloyal or any with the similar meanings. I’ve mentioned that in my previous post.

Due to that, within these past few years, Torres is the only my favorite football player.

Plain White T’s remains as my favorite band ever even though there are so numerous of new bands are bone now, with few good songs too. I’ve to admit that I love those songs, even sing them during taking my shower but well now I’m talking about my favorite at heart. Hence, Plain White T’s, that is.

Speaking of Plain White T’s, the new album is released! Wonders of the younger. It’s still doubtful if it could beat off Every Second Counts record. (I’ve been biased a bit by that album because I just love one of the tracks in it so so so so muchhh- let me take you there). The song itself wasn’t a super-hit in Malaysia since everyone’s eardrums were occupied by Hey There Delilah (another great song from them but Let Me Take You There beats it, in my term) :P

So yeah, why don’t you just download the new single; Rhythm Of Love.

Man, I just hit by a stinging regret. Should you have a blog or personal journals since several years ago, do not ever delete it. Gosh, it feels good to re-read what you’ve been writing all these years and from there you can measure up your achievement. And from there too, you may also define who you really are and see the way of your thinking. You must understand yourself before anybody else does. For me, the saying “she/he understands me more that I do” is for those who reluctant to own up their strengths and weakness. No offense. By the way, how could I be so absentminded to delete all my previous blogs? Grrrr… never mind. I learnt my lesson and will keep this one. isnyaAllah.

Before I end this post and since I’m in the midst of talking about songs and music, I feel so disturbed listening to Tanpamu (Krisdayanti ft Siti Nurhaliza). Not that I loathe this song, but I could feel the sensation of sadness in a great deal by it puffed in the air  with no personal reason. That might be due to fact that I often drowned myself in lyrics with deep meaning before reaching out my hands for a grip of reality. Aside from that, this particular song is just another proof that they both are gifted singers. what a great vocal.

P/s:Heart complicates things at times. Surely, not all the time cause if that so, as if like you brain doesn’t function at all. Thus, the best way to do is making sure both are working. Don’t ever decide based on your heart or brain solely, it must both. That’s why God bestowed us with those two. Use them wisely.

korean fever

Since I am unemployed, I have a lot of free time that I think I can actually post 10 entries per day. But of course, not trying to be so desperate in my own blog, I post on daily basis. Sometimes, it’s up to double or triple posts a day. We’ll see the end of this syndrome sooner or later.

I am not such a big fan of K-pop like one of my close friends back in UTP, Saiey. She knows every bit of Korean news especially when it comes to her favourite bands. There was one time where she succeeded to influence a bunch of girls in our class (including me) to download this particular Korean drama. Have you heard of Boys Over Flower? Yeah.. yeah.. the leading actor was undeniably good looking despite his curly hair. Off the record, I think curly type is only suits to Justin Timberlake but well Lee Min Ho is an exception. Heheee.. it turns out to be an interesting and I was engaged to it till the very last episode. However, without any reason I still much prefer Meteor Garden.

Super Junior will be coming to Malaysia. Yeahhhh…big wide smiles plastered on the faces of their fans all over here. some of my friends decides to go but I’m still in the middle of finding excuses to go. what are the best reasons to tell your parents that you actually want to attend a concert? Personally, I don’t think I can make it. boooooo!

Let just wait and see.

Now I’m stuck with 2PM – I’ll be back. yeah yeah…I know that song is ancient to you, saiey.hehe

p/s: I usually found myself at a loss for words. That might be due to lack of focus on what to blog or simply just one of the aging signs.

Oh wait, how the aging process has to do with this?

duhh

WAJIB BACA (COMPULSORY TO READ)

assalamualaikum fellow readers,

so yeah..the title speaks for itself. before you read thoroughly, i want you to know there are 2 different forces in physics, as well in life. one of them is resistance force. therefore, for those of you who think that you've read this particular article already and want to leave this page, i hope you to differ.
lets read once again, shall we. it's a good reminder to all of us from our Prophet, Nabi Muhammad SAW.
Thank you.

the last lecture from Nabi Muhammad SAW, conveyed on year 10 of Hijr 9th Zulhijjah at Lembah Uranah, Gunung Arafah.

before that, as you read through, you will find there are certain points that have been not mentioned in the malay version, hence i advise you to read both.

the sources of these articles are:
article 1 -bm version
article 2- english version

Wahai Manusia,dengarlah baik-baik apa yang hendak ku katakan.Aku tidak mengetahui apakah aku dapat bertemu lagi dengan kamu semua selepas tahun ini.Oleh itu dengarlah dengan teliti kata-kataku dan sampaikanlah ia kepada orang-orang yang tidak dapat hadir disini pada hari ini.

Wahai manusia,sepertimana kamu menganggap bulan ini dan kota ini sebagai suci,maka anggaplah jiwa dan harta setiap orang Muslim sebagai suci. Kembalikan harta yang diamanahkan kepada kamu kepada pemiliknya yang berhak.Janganlah kamu sakiti sesiapa pun agar orang lain tidak menyakiti kamu lagi.Ingatlah bahawa sesungguhnya kamu akan menemui Tuhan kamu dan Dia pasti membuat perhitungan diatas segala amalan kamu.Allah telah mengharamkan riba,oleh itu segala urusan yang melibatkan riba dibatalkan mulai sekarang.

Berwaspadalah terhadap syaitan demi keselamatan agama kamu.Dan dia telah berputus asa untuk menyesatkan kamu dalam perkara-perkara besar,maka berjaga-jagalah supaya kamu tidak mengikuti nya dalam perkara-perkara kecil.

Wahai manusia,sebagaimana kamu mempunyai hak keatas isteri kamu ,mereka juga mempunyai hak di atas kamu.Sekiranya mereka menyempurnakan hak mereka ke atas kamu maka mereka juga berhak untuk diberi makan dan pakaian dalam suasana kasih sayang.Layanilah wanita-wanita kamu dengan baik,berlemah-lembutlah terhadap mereka kerana sesungguhnya mereka adalah teman dan pembantu yang setia.Dan hak kamu atas mereka ialah mereka sama sekali tidak boleh memasukkan orang yang kamu tidak sukai ke dalam rumah kamu dan dilarang melakukan zina.

Wahai manusia ,dengarlah bersungguh-sungguh kata-kata ku ini,Sembahlah Allah,Dirikanlah solat lima kali sehari,Berpuasalah di Bulam Ramadan dan Tunaikanlah Zakat dari harta kekayaan kamu.Kerjakanlah ibadat Haji sekiranya kamu mampu.Ketahuilah bahawa setiap Muslim adalah bersaudara kepada Muslim yang lain.Kamu semua adalah sama,tidak seorang pun yang lebih mulia dari yang lainnya kecuali dalam Taqwa dan beramal soleh.

Ingatlah,bahawa kamu akan menghadap Allah pada suatu hari untuk dipertanggungjawabkan diatas segala apa yang telah kamu kerjakan.Oleh itu Awasilah agar jangan sekali-kali terkeluar dari landasan kebenaran selepas ketiadaanku.

Wahai manusia,tidak ada lagi Nabi atau Rasul yang akan datang selepasku dan tidak akan lahir agama baru.Oleh itu wahai manusia,nilailah dengan betul dan fahamilah kata-kataku yang telah aku sampaikan kepada kamu.Sesumgguhnya aku tinggalkan kepada kamu dua perkara,yang sekiranya kamu berpegang teguh dan mengikuti kedua-duanya ,nescaya kamu tidak akan tersesat selama-lamanya.Itulah Al-Quran dan Sunnahku.

Hendaklah orang-orang yang mendengar ucapanku menyampaikan pula kepada orang lain.Semoga yang terakhir lebih memahami kata-kataku dari mereka yang terus mendengar dari ku.Saksikanlah Ya Allah bahawasanya telah aku sampaikan risalah Mu kepada hamba-hamba mu.

english version

"O People, listen well to my words, for I do not know whether, after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore listen to what I am saying to you very carefully and take these words to those who could not be present today.

O People, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as Sacred, so regard the life and property of every Muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Treat others justly so that no one would be unjust to you. Remember that you will indeed meet your LORD, and that HE will indeed reckon your deeds. God has forbidden you to take usury (riba), therefore all riba obligation shall henceforth be waived. Your capital , however, is yours to keep. You will neither inflict nor suffer inequity. God has judged that there shall be no riba and that all the riba due to `Abbas ibn `Abd al Muttalib shall henceforth be waived.

Every right arising out of homicide in pre-Islamic days is henceforth waived and the first such right that I waive is that arising from the murder of Rabi`ah ibn al Harith ibn `Abd al Muttalib.

O Men, the Unbelievers indulge in tampering with the calendar in order to make permissible that which God forbade, and to forbid that which God has made permissible. With God the months are twelve in number. Four of them are sacred, three of these are successive and one occurs singly between the months of Jumada and Sha`ban. Beware of the devil, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things.

O People, it is true that you have certain rights over your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under God's trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Treat your women well and be kind to them, for they are your partners and committed helpers. It is your right and they do not make friends with anyone of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste...

O People, listen to me in earnest, worship God (The One Creator of the Universe), perform your five daily prayers (Salah), fast during the month of Ramadan, and give your financial obligation (zakah) of your wealth. Perform Hajj if you can afford to.

All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves.

Remember, one day you will appear before God (The Creator) and you will answer for your deeds. So beware, do not stray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.

O People, no prophet or messenger will come after me and no new faith will be born. Reason well, therefore, O People, and understand words which I convey to you. I am leaving you with the Book of God (the Quraan) and my Sunnah (the life style and the behavioral mode of the Prophet), if you follow them you will never go astray.

All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness O God, that I have conveyed your message to your people.

the 14th day of February

February 14^th is approaching again. I didn’t see it coming though since I never celebrated that day in my entire life. A thought popping out in my mind, what if I ever made it to the airport on the same day several years ago? Would everything be different by now? Would a little gesture and thought and determination change the whole series of my life?

I try to push away that thought as I resume my reading, trying to concentrate on sentences in the manuscript in front of me. Since the dateline is drawing nearer, half of 500 pages document is still unedited. Being an editor is not an easy job as I thought it would be. It took a lot of courage in terms of dealing with stubborn writers who undoubtedly put themselves on top of the world when their previous novels or books were sold out. Besides, weekends that are supposed to be well spent with dates or family are fully utilized for the dozen of manuscripts that I bring home every week. Works are piling up, and since my company publishes most of the so called best-sellers then we have to work extra hard, real extra hard.

The last flight out wafted in the air. I rest my tired and ached head on the table while hoping to fall asleep. However, every lyric of the song is dancing across before my soporific eyes. As I am trying to push the thought of him away, it gets bit by bit harder as the melody as if speaking to myself. He is not in my range of thinking for such a long time since we last met on a occasion which divided both of us geographically apart.

As if the memories of him were born yesterday, all of it is still fresh and crystal clear. We were both young at that time, talked about life, felt a tad scared of thinking how the future would bring, laughed to the dull jokes. He used to be defined my interpretation of teenage dream, because for all I know that exactly who he was; my teenage dream. I misread the navigation of our friendship as I wanted it to go further, beyond into “in-relationship” horizon meanwhile all he ever desired was to float on the channel in the name of friendship. I knew I saw it all wrong.

The night he boarded on the plane, I knew I was no longer able to catch his speeding pace to his dream. I plainly understood that I had no dreams to further on with, and even if I had found one later on I knew that it wasn’t the same path as his. The lacking of my will power of letting him go was equal to how much I put pressure on myself, holding me back from the path I should’ve taken. That was a foolish thing to do yet I did. Being trapped in the craphole for a while, taught me whole lot of priceless lessons which has not there in my college course to enroll. I painted my world with sadness for a span of time and while in the darkness I could only see two tunnels; the one that promised a bright light in the end or subdued dimness. I chose the former.

And for now, if I were to answer of some rustic doubts of what would happen if I decided to turn up on the day he was leaving, I don’t have response for that. Not that I purposely unwilling to answer in case I am in neediness of avoidance on that subject but simply because it’s something that shouldn’t be asked in the very first place. 

As I flintily made my choice not to leave my room on the day he left on February 14^th , which turned out to be a bless up until now, I shouldn’t question myself because I know for how many answers are there, I’m still unable to alter my history on that day and years after.

I stare out to the starry sky without limitation, I walk to the window; breathing in the cold night air. It feels frigid and sharp as the wind softly slaps both of my cheeks. I close my eyes for a little while, in the meantime my mind fluctuating between to call it a day or proceed with the open manuscript on my study table. I sneeze a few times before closing the window, afraid to get a cold as more manuscripts are in the pipeline for me to edit, just another headache to deal with.

Finally I make my way to my study table, take a couple sips of the cold coffee latte cautiously not wanting to spill it over. I am flipping through the pages when I yawn for the umpteenth time in 15 minutes, then doze off into a deep sleep.

No dreams.

arena

My sister asked me to send her to school for volleyball practice. The minute she mentioned about volleyball, my mind flooded with exciting and spectacular memories. Seeing the court itself flew me back to the year of Y2K. 

you know, at the time when Britney Spears was still a pop princess with her latest album; Ooops I did it again which happened to be my one of my favorite songs of the year. Yeahh, I was her freak fan back then.

Year 2000 was one of the best years I’ve encountered so far. That year marked few significant points of my life like going through tough experience where my friends and I needed to sacrifice most of our time on the fields; be it volleyball, netball or hockey. But of course we prioritized volleyball as it was a tradition to win that game in the district tournament since I-don’t-know-when. For all we knew, we wouldn’t dare to break the record thus we worked out butt off for it. Alhamdulillah, all the efforts was paid well.

This is not a post bragging of our achievements back then but it is more to a closetful memoirs of a lifetime friendship that I know will never dies. In that old court, flowery and sweet-scented memories created as a token for each of us to keep for the rest of our lives. These names that were once carved on the cactus leaves in the school garden will be eternally stamped in my brain cells.

Syazana, Nana, Nurul, Tikah, Zaidatul, Syafiqah, Wahida.

Usually after the evening practice, we went off straight to the stall nearby and ate Laksa. That accompanied with endless of jokes, gossips and interesting topics. By the way, UPSR never made into the conversation. We tend to worry about that subject alone or in the class whenever our teachers reminded us of its approach.

 

Back then, we didn’t know the bond made on the court will be this strong. We stayed as good friends until now even though most of us are scattered around the map. Nana is in Uniten, doing accountancy, Nurul started her role as tutor in one of the community colleges while Tikah decided to serve the nation by taking the noble job as the teacher. And as for me, all set and ready to drill oil wherever my employer puts me. hehs

All praises to Allah for letting me have these good friends. May our friendship remains until the hereafter. insyaAllah.

p/s:I miss playing volleyball with you guys. Lets do it when we have time. come one, get sweat like we used to. 

tak payah baca

they say, rindu tak berpenghujung. kalaupun ada, bila yang dirindu ada di depan mata.
but for her, he didnt have to show up, rindu itu hilang sendiri.
sah, she was wrong when she said she could love him till the end of time. luckily, he didn't buy what she said  back then.

bukan maksudnya dia perempuan jahat, tidak. cumanya dia dulu budak hingusan, fikiran pun cetek sejengkal.
why do i have to explain herself to you when he already understood this long time ago?

percayalah, saya tahu perkara yg paling jauh adalah masa yang telah berlalu. dia juga tahu. and the distance between them is not about geographically miles apart but years apart.

as hard as for you to believe me, thats the truth. he meant something to her, but he means nothing to me.

just a cobweb thought. don't get tangle in it.

my precious gem

have you ever wanted to write something special for someone that is very much precious in your life but in the end you were just speechless and blank? because they're just like millions diamonds trade would never be enough.

i always see "because you loved me" as a love song but never between a boy and a girl yet it is more between a selfless human being called mother and her child. i know mother's day is not around the corner however for someone who's been there for me, my pillars of strength and never ever looked down on me, the one whose with faith in me regardless how inconsistent my grades could be at times, i thank you very much and eternally grateful to Allah for lending me you.

i'll be starting my career soon, another new phase of my life and looking back you were always there, to catch me whenever i fell and now you are right here still standing beside me. i promise i'll be a good dutiful daughter, insyaAllah.

lapan

1. Most irritating condition?
- cannot recall :P

2. Most irritating question?
- "you rasa i gemuk tak?" (termasuk diri sendiri yang suka tny orang mcm tu)

3. I can tolerate the sound of baby crying, but I can never tolerate ____?
- the one that cries so loud as if like screaming.

4. As a girl, I always have this weird dream of having _____ in my future house.
- volleyball court. 

5. A perfect birthday gift is?
- books. 

6. High heels or flat? And why?
- flat. sebab senang nak jalan.

7. A something that you saw others do/wear, you have the slightest idea to try the same thing but you certainly sure you will never do that.
-  tight skirt. hoh

8. A thing that you would like to change about yourself?
- perangai buruk saya yg tak matured. hehs

entah

okay. this is so random thoughts.

i'm happy being home. seriously i am. since the last 10 years, i think this is the longest time i've ever been home. short span of holiday is not weird for those who lives in boarding school and have strict mom who always said this when it came to overnight

"ala kakak. cuti 2 hari tak payah balik lah. KL-Kedah jauh. nnt penat je"

thus i spent approximately 2 months at home for five years in Seri Puteri, then when i was in UTP that; a month and half holidays needed to be cut short due to uni activities. quite a busy bee during my first and second year.
i also did my practical in Miri, which obviously was one more solid reason not to go home as often as i wanted to.

so this is it. the quality i have to be well-spent at home. unfortunately, the other two sisters are away, hence the boredom. teman-teman nak bergaduh dan tarik-tarik rambut takde lah.

anyways, i think i lost track of interest.

(long sigh)

i lost my momentum and less passionate too these days because there's not much thing to do.
due to that, i'll start anew and get things on track. insyaAllah.
till then.

It was light drizzle that night. The muddy lanes crowded with people; insiders and outsiders. We strolled along the stalls. Sometimes we stopped to look at things, items or food offered for customers. I remembered looking for something or someone but had yet found anything. We just kept on walking, talking and laughing. We even bought balloons, the cutes ones of course.

My look was messy; I wore a pair of cheap slippers, cheap shirt and my favourite quite-expensive pants. I didn’t touch up my face, I usually did not bother. Maybe a bit of lip gloss that appealed to be not so glossy and shiny like a pop star does look. I couldn’t quite recall about my appearance and I guess the above mentioned would do to prove how messy I was.

Blatant sound of music was roaring from the loud speaker the moment we arrived. Like I said, we just walked, talked and laughed. We bought drinks, talked again and my eyes were searching for someone or something. I didn’t find my liking. It was almost midnight when the soft drizzle shifted into showering downpour. We hustled to the nearest booth and gasped for air. while in there, I pretended to be interested in formula one car displayed while the truth was; machines seized the least of my interest.

After a while, rain stopped. We quickly made our way out of the booth. I pushed the door hard but it seemed no movement at all. I tried to push it a few times yet still a failure. Then, only I realized that there was someone outside that door that trying to get in at the same time. I let off my hand from the door handle and by that solved the problem. As the door yawning open, my heart skipped a beat and all I knew my foot were glued to the floor for the next 10 seconds. …….frozen. If our face color could change, mine might as well settle into blue.

As I was in shock condition without movement, one of my friends nudged me. That, kicked some senses into me. The glue under my foot gradually evaporated, I smiled to the person in front of me and fleeted.

We walked back without talking; I smiled all the way while both of my friends with puzzled looks on their faces.

Yeah, I’ve to admit that metaphorically, I saw some fireworks enchanted fusion of captivating colors in the sky the moment he opened the door. guess what happened next? i know what you guys must be thinking but sorry i've to spoil the mood. No, we didn’t meet again for lunch, date, tie the knot and live happily ever after.

by the way, life is about dealing with reality.

and my life is real. Like a reeling movie which I, myself do not know how it’ll end. And about him; is one part of those interesting scenes that long gone since the last few sparks of the firework disappeared into the thin air.

Airport

..it connects people. Not directly of course, but still it does. If we dig deeper, it functions in both ways; to connect and disconnect.

For passengers in the arrival hall, you know they are going to connect with their family and relatives meanwhile for those in departure hall they sat silently, thinking of the beloved ones they left behind.

Most of us have been there either in arrival or departure hall. And we know how hurting goodbyes could be at times and how we actually want to run into the arms of the loved ones the moment we step down the plane.

That’s my case.

In her case, she cried all the way to the airport because she was afraid of being late. She tried to call her cellphone, wanted to tell her that she might be late. The line was dead.

The minute she reached the airport, her soul friend walked through the aisle to the waiting plane. She tried to call and it went to voicemail. She sat there still and noiseless, her voice cracking and muffled as she left her message.

As the sun set, the plane was soaring high thorough the patches of blending reddish yellow in the cloudless sky.

That’s her case. Pity little girl with one big heart. 

Pasrah

Hafsham berdiri sorang-sorang sambil tengok advertisement board gambar Farra Diba selepas dia rasa tak happy dengan Natasha. Kalau pernah tengok cerita Pasrah, you know what I meant.

“segar di ingatan sejarah duka yang berlaku

Terpahat kenangan cerita cintaku padamu

Tiada duanya biar berjuta tidak sama

Indahnya cintamu setulus budimu padaku

Telah ku terima suratan takdir yang Esa”

Suratan; Slam

moral value: do appreciate what you have before it slip out from your palms. 

:)

pearl harbor's girl

Amongst of all words in the dictionary, I hate this one; unfaithful or any words with similar meaning. I know that I might misjudge her character in Pearl Harbor. I know if I were in her situation I might as well wanted someone with shoulders to cry on. But to fall in love all over again with her first lover’s best friend in short period of time spells out treacherous to me.

What seems disloyal to me might be seen as something else for someone else.

As humans, we lack in so many things and His guidance to the righteous path is what we seek for. insyaAllah.

“To him belongs what is before us and what is behind us and what is between those two and your Lord is never forgetful”; (Al Quran, 19:64)

yellow and red

Just a mere email from my best friend has already burnt my day even though the clock on the wall only ticking to 915 in the morning. He is a shy guy, mayhap the meekest boy alive you’ll ever meet on this planet.

It all started by a friendly hello I uttered to him, few years back. We were only 8 or 9, where I was still in my hideous floral mini skirt while he wore his childhood’s favorite V-collar striped shirt and shorts. He bashfully responded to my greeting and smiled. He has the sweetest smile ever, I assure you that. it happened to be that we were neighbors. And you know, neighbors don’t fall in love with each other. At least, not in real life unless we are watching J.Lo’s movies or something.

He is the first to know every time I fall in love or fall out of love. He would be sitting on the bench at the front yard of my house, listened to every whit of what I had to say. He listens so well, and if some college were to offer a course in listening, he certainly would be the one with the highest grade. But you know in real life, there’s no such thing. His passion in drawing leads him to enroll architecture for undergraduate studies. We went to different college, different major. Hence, I owe thousands of gratitude towards Alexander Graham Bell for his useful invention; the telephone. Every time I have problem that seems to be endless, he will be at the end of the line to listen, just listen.

Despite the growing distance, we talk a lot through the telephone. I told him how about a guy whom I recently dated brought me to see a romantic movie which I slept through it for the most part. I blabbed about how I flunk my tests or how weird I thought myself could be sometimes. Sometimes, I even told him to google my favorite actor just to let him know my current celebrity crush. And, we would play this one game; tell-me-what-is-my-face-expression sort of thing. He’s good in guessing whether I smile or frown and even if I wiggled my eyebrows. He is no wizard. I’m sure he never been to Hogwarts but well, he just know me too well. That’s what I thought until this morning; before I checked my mailbox.

Today is like another week-days for final semester college student like me, like most of us. If you see my timetable, most of the hours are filled with no class but Monday and Thursday are exceptional. I have more than 2 classes on that day, with labs too. The first thing I did when I am awake is checking my brand-new phone. There were several messages from my friends; some asked me to cover up if there was quiz in our sociology class. I replied a few as I pushed aside the tender terra cotta comforter aside and lazily got up from bed. It took a moment to decide what to do and I went off straight to have a cold shower. Yeah, I just weird like that, cold shower on a cold morning.

As soon as I entered my room, the smell of hot coffee caught my nostril. And there it was,  waiting for me on my study table. I bet my roommate made it for me while I was in the shower right before she left for her class. I checked my mailbox and his email caught me by surprise. He never sent me emails before except for interesting articles. I clicked open that no-subject email, then read his words carefully. My heart started aching at once. He wrote about a girl that he met recently, a sophomore to be precise. They went out for a few times now and he mentioned that he thinks he loves her.

My brain paused for a moment. I couldn’t think straight and confused. I clicked reply but the page remained blank. Half-consciously, I googled for Avril Lavign’s Girlfriend lyrics, copied-pasted to the blank page, bold a few lines that would make him easily understand the message I wanted to convey through that lyrics and directly I click that “send” button. I grin while looking outside to the open wide blue sky.

Just a mere reply to my bestfriend’s email has made my day even though the clock on the wall only ticking to 1115 in the morning. I’m a fun girl, mayhap the spunkiest girl alive you’ll ever meet on this planet. 

songs

Is there any song that can make you smile right there and then? The kind that makes you suddenly see the bright side of everything with colorful rainbows and might be some portion of fireworks in between. I have a few that I sort of as the soundtracks of my life.

1.Mr Brightside; The killers

2. the middle;Jimmy eat world

3.Glad; Tyler Hilton

4. Kissing you; Miranda Cosgrove

5.Jika kau tiada; Yusry ft Erra Fazira

6. Purity; Korean Drama soundtrack.

I usually look out for the lyrics, but these are exceptional cases. There’s no such as intricate or absorbing storyline out of these, let alone any historic past engaged between myself and the songs. However their melody is magnetic to my eardrums.

before dawn

"There is a distinct difference between a wise man and a clod. That can be heard when they are speaking. One shouldn’t look up herself or himself too high. You might stumble if your eyes are fixed to the skies instead of the front. One, might also trip if he walked while looking back."

Spread the florid table-clothe on the lush green grass under a yew tree, overlooking looming mountains on a fine day with some scones and a pot of tea should be lavish enough for a twisted soul like yours truly. A girl needs some nature therapy, trying to figure out her life; placing the missing puzzles. Oh, how I wished a plane ticket to Bristol or Bath mayhap, lying on my study table when I open my eyes in the morning. Too much of daydreams bring not so much good. Bear that in mind, girls (and boys).

I’ve been immersed myself into A Knight in Shining Armor until my eyes went red and moist. That’s the effect of reading from computer screen, so-called ergonomic. I put a halt on the reading and planning to venture into something else that usually comes up either watching movies or anything on TV; the two tedious options I pledge as boredom by heart.

Most of my friends took part-time job while waiting for our application or placement to be responded. At least, they do have something to do during the day and are enveloped with tiresome as the night approached. Thus, they easily drift off into a deep sleep. Unlike me, who is still wide awake in the middle of the night and only will be able to sleep when the sun rises from the east. Looking on the bright side, within a month I managed to finish my reading on some books that I bought like a lifetime ago. hehe.. Talking about procrastination, here’s the queen with enormous baroque pearl tiara on my auburn head. Auburn?? My ass, tummy. Just kidding.

It seems like reading is the sole choice I have to fill up my time besides watching TV which I have done more than a lot lately, and I have no desire to watch anymore series or movies that I fervently download before I kissed warm goodbye to UTP. Flashing back to the time where Gwyneth Paltrow still dated the foxy Ben Afflect, I think I’ve much more than reading to do during holiday. Oh yes, being a kid is very much wonderful, nay? and the perspective of paying my own bills, renting house or apartment, or going over for a visit to car dealer are still alien matters for me to swing. However, that’s how life going to treat me soon. Very soon.

So my friends, who are in the same heels, don’t waste and linger around your house without doing nothing if you too don’t have part-time job. Let us together pick a book from the shelf and read. Jadikan budaya membaca amalan kita.

a close friend of mine told me that there’s no such thing as nothing to do because there are many things that can be done. Such as, as a muslim, it’s good to read and understand the holy quran translation every now and then. After all, that is the greatest book amongst all. Even the big-time bestsellers cannot compete with that.

gasped words

We never knew how it hurts to lose somebody if we never endure the pain ourselves.

My heart ached when my aim deviated from where it supposed to hit? That reminds me of a book; zen in the art of archery; a book that I keep but unread.

Somehow, I felt connected with this song – I love the way you lie. 

“sometimes we said things, we hit things”

Duhh, revealed too much of oneself in a blog, in some way seems so pathetic. I think that’s how I look at myself sometimes. Not everytime.

Twisted ropes. There, that is problem. Pretty PLEASE with red cherries on top, would anyone mind to show me how to untwist it?

I took this train, and it was hell of a journey. I’m tired of the north wind, but being a stubborn I am I’m going to sail this journey to the end. When the wind against you, your speed changes; slower down. Trust my word; it’s worth the energy to go through it.

I’m done waiting outside the line. Count me in now, and then you would wish you never in. Count on that.

not a gossip girl

i'm not a gossip girl. someone that you can just click/touch the "send" button for you to send me a blast and expect me to spread to the whole world. no, i'm just not a gossip girl. with that, i don't really care of which guy serena is out to see, or any of blair's cheap schemes. i am just not made to care just about them because i know world does not just evolve around those two. 

moral values: you should know by now that there's not every single thing is orbiting elliptically around you or myself. that won't be an ail truth for you to accept if you know ever learnt to accept thing as it is. and if try to change something, just make it's worth to change it and then it'd worth the effort.

well, i'm not a gossip girl. i know you dont love me, and i know you dont have to.

 

And thereby Hangs A tale

Just finished reading And Thereby Hangs A tale by Jeffrey Archer. The kind of book that will be picked up every now and then for reading, I must say. All the short stories caught my attention definitely but there are a few I sorted out to be my favourite.

I’ve to admit, this is my first time reading his works and captivated by his words. Nice one!

Happy reading everyone :D

Happy Birthday Abah

Dear Abah,
I know you probably will not ever stumble upon my blog because I kept it secret from you.
but still, I want the whole world know that today marks a significant day since 51 years ago.
Happy Birthdayyyyyyy

My father is not a much of a reader himself except for GILA-GILA (comic magazine) and newspaper. But to rethink of it, my favorite pastime which is reading was born due to his consistency of buying me books. From beginning, early in my age I am not good with coloring and such, I sighed for the sight of those. I am more into reading and writing, I must say. I had this story telling competition in school, so my father bought me a book. There were three stories in them; very wise one. That was the first on my have-read list, followed by endless fairytales and fictional story books. Thank you, abah.

I watched Armageddon for the first time with my father back in 1998. I didn’t really understand the movie well because there was no subtitle and being only 10 who couldn’t spell properly English words, it made kind of hard to understand the story. A.J (Ben Afflect) was very pretty good looking at that time, together along with brunette beauty such as Liv Taylor. Bruce Willis was my father’s favorite and that answered why he bought that particular movie in the first place. That was the kind of movie that made me shivering and my adrenaline in high speed mode. I was quite excited because well, at that time I just discovered about meteor in school. I never knew it could be so big if that crash us, which would be the end of human kind. The soundtrack from Aerosmith- I don’t wanna miss a thing is just perfect and was a hit too at that time. There’s just so much love in the song which is more or less defining unconditional love. All I can see out from that particular song has always been the love between a father and his daughter. Don’t you think so?

Of course I did have arguments with my parents for several matters. As a daughter, I believe it’s my duty to apologize and not to drag the arguments longer. no matter how bad things could’ve been between you and your family, remember by heart that they always love you. just that, they don’t know how to show it sometimes and they do have different views.

again, happy birthday Abah.

with love,
kakak, angah, achik and baby.

tagged by Anis :)

Once you have been tagged,you are suppose to write a note, with 25 random thing, fact, habits or goal about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tag you, it's because I want to know more about you. Your cooperation is highly appreciated.

1. Good books, good music and super-fast internet connection make my smile even wider.

2. whenever I’m involved with karaoke with my friends, we prefer rock kapak. Hehe

3. I am muslim, malay and Malaysian.

4. I fell in love for the first time when I was 16; not for who he was, but just fling fling crush thing. Hehe

5. My day used to start with a mug of hot Nescafe but not anymore.

6. KLCC is my favourite skyscraper, Eiffel Tower too. Hence, my interest lies in french language and Petronas.

7. Have always wanted to further studies in the UK. insyaAllah, kalau ada rezeki.

8. I’ve always had a thing for Leonardo Dicaprio. winkwink

9. whenever I have problem and want to do some thinking, I’d prefer to listen to Korean/French/Spanish/hindi songs. As long as it’s not the language that I understand.

10. Up until now, I only have 2 favorite series; one tree hill and Popular.

11. I don’t follow ANTM.

12. I’ve been trying to watch LOTR for uncountable times, and ended up sleeping. No kidding.

13. My football star would be Fernando Torres. Hence, the endless support for Liverpool.

14. suka maen squash dengan sarah, nafisah, and hoping saiey will join us next time.

15. gila rindu kt utp dan semua2 yang sewaktu dengannya spt teh ais pak ali, koteow goreng makcik chicken chop, teh ais pak ali lagi, padang utp, tasik utp, hutan, swimming pool etc etc etc

16. History was my favourite subject back in school.

17. Out of all movies I’ve ever watched, Armageddon made my cry the most. Sob sob sob

18. I love my parents, sisters and ma famille and they are my priorities

19. Having this one dream to pursue reading and writing in one of the finest universities in the UK. insyaAllah, ameeen.

20. I wanna spend a day with Tun Mahathir over Nescafe and roti bakar, talking about life and achievements for the whole day.

21. A graduate from UTP.

22. “sekali SSP memencak, kejayaan pasti di puncak”. Not sure whether they’re still using this phrase for school. I miss my high school years. Lots of virtues learnt but have yet to master all of ‘em.

23. Some particular songs are soundtrack of my life.

24. I write well when I’m depressed.

25. I wish everyone of us will have a blissful, wonderful, prosperous and blessed life. insyaAllah.

Sometimes, I don’t understand certain mentality of people.

For example, Kingdom A has seriously and brutally attacked by villainous, black hearted group of genius people just because they won’t settle for what have been given to them but wanting more. They bomb, they kill, they forbid children from going to school, they bomb the school, they bomb the mosques, they bomb everything that they can bomb. Obviously, the citizens in Kingdom A need every kind of help they can get such as medicine, food and all necessary desiderata.

However, let’s say the neighboring country don’t like the leader of Kingdom A and some comments stated that people in Kingdom A themselves are not united. Is it a human-nature to just let these people being including children, women, babies being attacked and won’t even have the chance to look at sunrise with a smile on their faces throughout their lives? I think it just so wrong that way. Totally wrong especially they are being assailed due to hatred to their religion.

Hence, it’s not wrong to offer endless prayers, supply of medication, food, clothes through the right channel to them. Prayers are one of the crucial aspects that we often overlook.

Never forget that – Doa adalah senjata orang Mukmin.

Let’s help our Muslim relatives in Palestine by donating money, or clothes, whichever relevant to their needs. That’s the least we can do from here. who knows, from there the bits that we do for trying to help from here will eventually free. It does sound unreachable but we never know what waits for us in the future. With His will, the shining ray of glory light wills be theirs one day. insyaAllah…

pukul 3 pagi

Pukul 3 pagi, hari Rabu, bulan Januari.

Tips: Kalau ada masalah tak boleh tidur dan internet lembab di masa yang sama, adalah dinasihatkan untuk standby novel, buku buku ilmiah, save as entri-entri blogger pilihan anda supaya boleh baca bilamana tak boleh tidur. Pilihan lain, boleh juga on TV tengok lah cerita apa2 yang menarik di astro sebab of course kalau diharap channel yang tersedia mungkin tak ada siaran dah waktu sekarang.

Pilihan yang paling tepat dan menguntungkan tentulah membuat solat tahajjud, qiamullail atau membaca Al-quran.

Dan aku, aku pilih pilihan yang kurang menguntungkan tetapi insyaAllah harapnya ada ilmu bermanfaat yang masuk. Aku pilih bahan bacaan, dan kemudian selalunya akan ada mood utk tulis sikit2 kat blog.

Dulu, waktu sekolah rendah pernah kena panggil ke bilik guru.  Waktu tu, aku dan kawan-kawan tunjuk besar kepala sikit kat sekolah. Bukan apa, kami paling senior kot, darjah 6 tu. Lagipun, waktu tu budak-budak. Orang lain fire kita, kita fire balik. Sekarang ni mungkin konsep tu dah bertukar kepada orang fire, kita balas dengan simbahan air. Cool beb.

Ceritanya, aku dipanggil di bilik guru sebab ada aku bergaduh dengan beberapa orang budak ni. Bukan aku sorang je yang gaduh, beberapa kawan aku pun gaduh jugak dengan depa depa  (mereja/dorang) ni. Kononnya pasal isu politik. Hello! Agak2 lah. Budak darjah 6 bukan tahu apa sangat (waktu tu la, dalam situasi aku. Sekarang ni aku tak pulak sebab darjah 6 sekarang advance dalam banyak benda).

Perbalahan antara mulut tu bermula bila beberapa orang classmates aku ni mengejek sukan komanwel. Instead of sebut komanwel, depa dok sebut koman sewel. Oh, itu sudah bikin hati panas sebab aku excited kot tengok dan support sukan tu diadakan kat Malaysia. Aku tak ingat sangat macam mana isu tu boleh timbul antara aku dan beberapa orang rakan aku dan depa tu yang pastinya tuduhan yang kata pembinaan stadium tu slh satu sebab ekonomi meleset tu yang buat aku buka mulut.

Dasar seorang budak-budak, kalau ada fakta yang kita rasa salah kita mesti nak tanya kan. Dan kemudian membentangkan buah fikiran kita. Aku baca dalam paper lain, ni apasal diorang tuduh lain. Lepas tu, meleret lah kepada sedikit pemimpin utama negara pada waktu tu,TM. Arwah atok ada dua tiga kali bawa aku pergi dengar ucapan beliau. Tapi bukan ucapan kempen pilihan raya lah, cuma syarahan ekonomi Malaysia dan sebagainya. Selain tu, hampir setiap tahun harus dengar ucapan beliau di kaca TV pada hari kemerdekaan sebab kena buat karangan. Cikgu BM sekolah aku dulu selalu mintak untuk buat karangan pasal sambutan hari kemerdekaan kita. Secara tak langsung, aku tahulah sikit-sikit status ekonomi negara, dan updates macam sukan komanwel dan sebagainya. Aku pun huraikan kepada kawan2 aku ni dan ternyata mereka ini mungkin terpengaruh dengan cakap2 orang tua di kedai kopi atau di rumah mereka yang memilih parti bulan. Tak kisahlah kan parti bulan ke dacing ke, tapi amatlah sangat tak sesuai utk mengutuk orang tanpa usul periksa. Hence, perbalahan itu pun berlarutan.

Cikgu panggil aku dan kawan2 aku yang kononnya bercakap pasal politik di kelas. Nak kata kena marah tu tak lah, tapi kena sound jugak la. Hehe..

Tapi yang aku nak sampaikan di sini adalah, pentingnya kita mengetahui isu semasa so tak lah kita membuta tuli terima apa saja yang kita dengar.

Kedua, aku tak nampak alasan kuat kenapa nak kena benci pemimpin parti lain dan menggunakan kata-kata kesat utk mereka secara terang-terangan. Belief system orang bukan kita boleh ubah macam ubah saluran tv.

Ketiga, tak payah nak tengok keburukan sesuatu benda sahaja malah elok belek2 side positif perkara tertentu juga.

Keempat, dedahkan budak2 dengan options dan pilihan2 dengan byk benda supaya otak mereka lebih berkembang. Kalau tak puas hati apa-apa pasal politik negara, tak payah bincang depan anak-anak. Bagi persepsi buruk pada mereka kalau tidak dijelaskan dengan betul.

Till then. tata

phosphorous

To those who invent the phosphorous bomb,

You are such bunch of geniuses, knowing that phosphorous will keep burning as long as there’s oxygen. Quoted from TM’s blog regarding this,

“Phosphorus bombs scattered white phosphorus all over the victims. The phosphorus sticks to the body and burn as long as there is oxygen in the air. It burns through the skin, through the muscles and through the bones. It is impossible to remove the phosphorus without cutting deep into the tissues and bones”

See, I know those of you might’ve worked for such long hours, consumed tons of caffeine, stayed up all night for the sake for experimenting this bomb and not to forget pay rise, bonuses and such. Now, you must be very much happy when you turn on TV, you know all your break neck hard work is totally paid off. You know, when you heard those innocent people screaming, scattered beneath the heated sun, some are fighting, and some are crying their God’s name out loud. You cannot just wipe them out from their land by some white powders. That is absolutely wrong. Well, imagining that you are watching the news with your little boys or girls, I wonder if you have the guts to simply blurt out

“oh look! I’ve killed and injured so many children in your age, even the babies with my bombs. Don’t you think that daddy/mommy’s the best scientist in the world?”

I do also wonder how they may react, knowing the fact that they have bloodsucker as their parents.

You might be the ones who don’t drop the bomb, but seriously you are as cruel as the ones who do it. 

Dear Astronauts

Dear Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, were both of you really reached the moon?

There are a few conspiracy theories that are well known to challenge on this matter – did men make a small step on the moon that lead to a giant step to the mankind? 

I just happened to watch a documentary about this issue which I downloaded almost a month ago just now. Regardless what some people might say, I still am holding to my belief that they were actually reached to the moon.

The image of Neil Armstrong in his white NASA uniform, doing the moon walk in standard 4 text book 13 years ago is still fresh in my memory. I’m sure some of you too. Science did not really succeed to fascinate me at that time, but yes the fact about two young brave lads who were brave enough to take the challenge by going to the moon excites me; a 10 year-old girl I used to be. At that time, I never questioned the theories stated, I was full of acceptance.

Along the years, as I am growing up the issues regarding this matter are never closed, but becomes more and more questionable. Being curious, wanting to know thus I’ve read a few articles on the internet and managed to swallow some details from both sides; the ones who claim it was true and the ones who against it.

From there, I can outline some highlights points which have been arguable since decades ago

1. Unparallel shadow of objects taken including the astronaut based on pictures taken on the moon.

2. How the American flag seemed “berkibar” in the windless environment.

3. Moon walk.

4. Since they were on the moon, the stars should be brighter but there are none to be found in the pictures taken.

 If you too are anxious to know about these details, then it’s a recommendation for you to watch this documentary entitled: The truth behind moon landing. The arguments from both sides were presented. Besides, it does also help us to understand the basic physics even better for not-so-bright physics students like me. hehe..

After all, statistics showed NASA employed 400 000 people for this project back in 1969 and I don’t think everyone of them is so much of heart-stone type by not popping out the truth if it all were just another studio project.

happy birthday Angah~~

Today marked a significant point to my beloved sister. Today, she turns 19, one of my favorite age so far.

Happy birthday to you, sweeeeet sister. 

We all here wish for your eternal happiness. Have strong faith in everything you do and don’t let doubts linger around. Kiss them away.Though you are unseen to our eyes, but I can guarantee you that I am excitedly waiting for Chinese New Year holiday to commence.

There’s nothing much to tell about her besides expressing my gratitude to Allah for letting her to be a part of my life. She is 4 years younger than me, the one that I know I can turn to for advices. She’s the one that can make you smile all the way while watching the saddest move ever. Carrying her own positive and negative vibes, but spreading the positive ones to others. Hence, we definitely will feel better to be around her.

She and I practically grew up together. Mother used dress up similarly. That defines if I wore red shirt, then she would be wearing the red shirt too. If I cut my hair short, she wanted hers short too. If I grew my hair long, then I would notice she would scream frantically if my mother didn’t let her. as I had my preparation to enter standard one more than a decade ago, she wanted to have all the materials for schooling purpose too. Hence, everything was double; from school uniform to stationeries. She was only 3 years old that time! The first few weeks of my standard one were a nightmare. She; the abovementioned beloved sister refused to go home after sending me to school yet she stayed around outside my class and peeped through window, giggling. So now you see the reasons why I do love her wholeheartedly. Haha.. it’s hard to get rid of her and I’m used to it!

That little cute rascal has now blossoming into a young lady pursuing her dream to be an accountant. Her choice surprised most of us but we know maths was all she ever interested in while physics was the least. That explains on why she is not with us on her birthday. I believe as I am writing this, she’s in her class taking all in the slides in front of her. Hopefully, she doesn’t fall asleep.

Again, happy birthday sister!

Much love,

Tatie kerchillllll!

bits on my home

I am home. I am a Malaysian, and I am in my country now. not that I have been somewhere else recently, however as I am holding vividly on to the fact that I want to see the world or should I put precisely places instead of the word world that I’ve always wanted to see, I know I will definitely miss my home. My home sweet home.

A Small country with various races and ethnic ; that is what world knows as Malaysia. Once I read about an article of a few students who were studying abroad mentioned that they were disappointed as most of their classmates didn’t know where Malaysia is but they did aware of Thailand and Singapore. That was almost 13 years back. As for today, I believe more people do know about Malaysia and I even read news about Malaysia politics on The Economist. From there, I knew that some going-ons evolved around or in our country is well known in the west.

Skyscrapers are standing tall with pride shows development of our country has progressed from mud, reddish road to well paved and concrete buildings all around. This is not something a thing that has to be wasted just because some parties do not understand each other. Malaysia needs her freedom longer, and Malaysians need the freedom to treasure and reach to their full potential without being told or summoned. It’s just a shame when some ignorant are pointing fingers with each other without taking any blames let alone to learn the lessons of the past. These people will only let history keeps repeating itself.

I do not wish for Malaysia to be under different colonies once again. Our ancestors had proven their loyalty long ago, fought till the last drop of their blood for independence. We surely do not want that to be a waste. I don’t. Hence, I hope some so-called leaders stop crawling each other’s back. Better to channel their time and energy for future development.

personal reflection

Personally, I have a few novels that I classify as my favorite. No matter how many times I read them, I still figure they are fascinating or interesting and that keeps my momentum to read till the very last page.

I don’t know about you, but as for me I usually have a few chapters in the books that I would skip, which I avoid to give a go for the second time. It’s more than enough to be aware of what was going on through the particular chapters, only once.

I revisited my immature decisions on certain things since I have a lot of free time now. Being unemployed is not necessarily ugly thing since I have a lot of time to do some thinking. For that matter, I now realized how truthful these sayings are:

“Allah knows the best” and “time heals”

Humans make plans. I do make plans. Some things that I wanted I have right here in my palm, some just slipped away. When I compare my plans with what Allah decides to let me have, its plain crystal clear what He bestows upon me contain more benefits not for just short term but for long term basis.

I got cut by a sharp blade and I survived. One part is due to the medicine, the other one is time and all in between for my cut to finally heal. Praying and trying not to ever make the same mistake to get cut by the same blade and at the same spot. I have plenty of new mistakes that needed my attention to improve.

till then.

updates

Honestly, (ecewahh, referring to the last post) I don’t like at all reading from computer screen.

Kalau selagi terdaya tenaga, printer dan ink yg banyak aku akan print all the lecture notes dulu. Ini apatah lagi nak membaca buku atau novel direct from computer. I probably will last only 10 minutes then off I go to do something else. So now u see, why I don’t really bother your posted links anywhere in facebook. Hehehe

I am turning 23 yo this year. 23! Feeling a little old, but well, the outside is always 16. I can guarantee that! (knocks head on the desk)

Nothing much to share though. have a good day

Owh by the way, any recommendation of good books or songs please lemme know ya. Just email, or text or write on my wall. And I’m also going to delete the weebly blog. that is pretty unsure thing to do but well, will do later if it’s not functioning to convey my writing.

Honesty

Writing should be about honesty. And, being honest, I mean being truly honest with people sometimes can be very hard, let alone to be honest with our own self. Not everybody can do that hence don’t feel bad because that’s something I know we all can learn as long as we have the urge and willing to taste some bitterness.

I found myself deleting most of my sentences I wrote due to certain aspects in the past that neatly fold, not to ever mention to my face or anyone’s face ever again. After some time, I think it’s unfair to still let myself ashamed of something unimportant. As a matter of fact, I can even laugh whenever some memories cross my mind once in a while. That, remind me how childish I was in dealing with emotion, letting me know I was once confused with what I wanted and what I truly needed. That, also remind me how much or little I have gained or lost along the way. 

All in all, the ability to recall and gasped little values and virtues that I’ve earned so far in somehow I am grateful for.

2011

4 days passed and I didn’t write a single word on New Year post on fresh, sunny day of 2011. I was busy doing nothing at home. Just kidding, there are lot to be done (specifically said is to read) but I didn’t do much.

I didn’t have a long list of resolution this year, not even a short one. I still have a few from last year hence I just one to carry on with those first then proceed with the new ones, insyaAllah.

The previous post is bits and pieces about my years in UTP as I promised. The details are not very specific not due to secrecy but I chose to keep them to myself to flash back one day. There are more challenges to come, more presentations to do (I wish), studies to proceed (insyaAllah) , career, repay my parents, unidentified guy to marry, having my own family and such. Hence, hopefully I am equipped with strong faith to face the present, to plan the future and accept what’s best for me with redha and to reflect the experiences for lesson learnt.

Happy 2011 everyone. May Allah bless us all. ameen

UTP, that I miss.

I know I’ll be starting UTP very soon. Or perhaps, I am already missing being there; to be alone in my room, surfing the internet, downloading movies, chatting instead.

There are a few things that I know I am going to pine for:

1. DC++

I was quite surprise to find out the authorities in my uni terminated its function when I got back from internship. To tell you the truth, it’s way lot faster than torrent or any other downloading websites. I definitely am not going to elaborate what DC++ is in here, but if there are hubs holders or anyone that are responsible to make DC++ was alive in UTP back then, thank you very much. You made my years in UTP, seriously. I can’t imagine myself drooling and rooting to see what happened towards Peyton, Lucas or Brooke in One Tree Hill or to figure out Blair’s schemes in Gossip Girl. Hence, thank you very very very much. Besides books, then I know there are a whole lot more to treasure; series, movies, songs. Sadly, I’m not much of a gamer, but I believe my friends are thankful for that as well.

2.  walking/stars gazing.

My first time doing star-gazing was back on 2004 with few friends of mine which now are not really in contact with me. I do have them in my friends’ list in facebook, but we don’t really communicate or exchange stories with each other anymore. Frankly, I chose to forget one of them due to personal reason.

 I never really gaze stars for quite sometimes until I got into UTP.  I have some sweet friends who didn’t mind to just go out to the field just to watch the hanging stars above in the frigging cold windy air surrounded us. Some nights, there were none to be found in the skies, bleakest and gloomy but strings of good and funny conversations did up the night.  For now, realizing the facts that these sweet friends of mine are thousand miles away haunts me with a feeling of melancholy. For the record, it’s pretty amazing to have wide big field in front of you, dangling stars that are million light years away from you when you look up, and there sitting beside you; your sweetest and close friends that you could confide anything in them, telling them your problems and they just listen so well. I knew they couldn’t just put pieces of my puzzle into places right there and then and I did also realize that they couldn’t just kiss away my doubts but all I knew; they were there right beside me, PHYSICALLY. and that's more than enough.

3. teh ais pak ali

Knowing me well, then you can order for my drink if we eat out somewhere because my choice has always been the same; teh ais. Lucky me to be in utp where I could find one of the finest teh ais I ever taste that slaked my thirst. I’m going to miss that too very much.

4. volleyball/ squash time

UTP  might not be the largest university in Malaysia yet equipped with almost full facilities such as swimming pool, badminton/tennis/table-tennis/basketball/netball/volleyball/squash court and such. I spent most of my evenings at volleyball court during my sophomore year and turned to squash a year later to get all sweaty. I fell in love with volleyball since a decade ago and that’s not a new piece but for squash, I just started couple of years back. That, spring to be surprisingly fun.  

On the last week in UTP, my friends and I visited swimming pool for the last time without intention to swim but just merely molding some memories. Hehe.. For that, it’d just fill with laughing, teasing each other and throwing ourselves in the swimming pool helplessly. It feels like only yesterday.

5. Friends

Last but not least, the greatest treasure amongst all is the friendship I built with my friends. being away from the family definitely did yield a huge void in my heart. Having such some good friends to talk to while being there is something I am forever grateful to Allah. Alhamdulillah.

This is not in the chronological order, mind you. The absence is there, deep in my heart obviously but I’ll try to live with it. have a good day, friends.