tafakur

lagu yang terpaling deep lyrics and meaning dalam semua-semua lagu. yang ada di playlist tapi jarang gila dengar sebab dalam folder called nasyid. tapi bila dengar once in a while, ya Allah, rasa jauh gila, rasa kerdil gila. semua masalah-masalah dunia tenggelam bila sedar ada masalah yang lagi besar. masalah dengan tuhan bila mana penghijab kalbu between diri dengan tuhan menebal. astaghfirullah.

Tafakur-Zikraa

"Pimpinlah aku dalam redhaMu, kasihi aku dalam rahmatMu, hanya kau tempat ku mengadu, ya Allah ya tuhanku"

Budi manusia pun kita kenang, inikan pula budi Allah pada kita. huhu..

maybe this is the finding for last week's sadness. so its true, there must be a reason for everything. maybe we dont know but He knows best. hands down.

Good night.

thank you

too bad this blog is mute for the past weeks.

All in all, Alhamdulillah.

-there's still food to eat on the table.
-there's still book to read.
-there's still air to breathe.
-there's still time to repent.
-there's still love to share.
-there's still days to look forward to.
-there's still hopes even small to hold on to.

all in all, alhamdulillah.

hope

how can you actually define hope?
how?

hope. that is one big word. maybe as big as discipline in my term.
maybe as big as passion.

i don't know. and at this point of time, i don't think i wanna know.

you know what hurts the most? for being hopefull towards something but in the end it doesn't belong to you. no matter how hard you try. then, you try to be hopeless towards that thing, whatever you want to define that thing, but in the end you still get dissapointed because even you already ignore it the max, it still is bothering your thought. it still lingers around. it's hard to admit, that you might actually ignore it, but you still care for it. you still yearn for it. you still want it.

so maybe here's the point where you should really look closely. maybe the more you want it, the more you think about it, the more you are stepping away from Allah. one of my my good friend used to say;

what you think during performing solah, might be the reasons for the gap between you and Allah.



and now, please replace the word you with I; and it with him.

conclusion: besides hope, redha is also a big word. big big word.

and you think wrongly if you think i'm talking about him instead of you. this is for you. and only you.

letting go for the first time was hard but the second time is harder. and I'm trying. doakan.

the butterfly effect

please. save me from another draft of forgotten post. please.

i started to feel scared and insecure. i don't want to lose the ambience of excitement; of feeling the adrenaline rush when i did something spontaneous (stupid, for some). the more i think of it, the more the bleak is. of course the best thing in life is when we know what we want to do next without losing grip of reality; which is to appreciate the present. the present. in the morning, i'm looking forward to the evening. when evening is there, i'm looking forward for the night. and in the night i'm longing for the morning. yeap, i do eventho it's working day. i should stop looking forward, aint i? i should just enjoy what is here. here with me.

talking about time, that brought me back to the butterfly effect. i watched the first one, starring Ashton Kutcher (my bestfriend and I used to drool whenever the sight of him greeted us in the magazine when we were still the high-schoolers). so this movie has this so-called alternate endings. well, i think it suits the most with the theme as the main character could go back to the past and fix thing. that's the thing about this one. i was always wondering if i could have another chance to re-do things, to fix the problem, to say what i've always wanted to say without worrying about the consequences because if this real life is that movie and if i were the main character has this power to go back, i'd definitely gonna say what's there in my mind. or do things. like, bungee jumping. ors slap people. or put up my hand and answer the question that i didn't even know what the answers are. or just simply go to you, and bravely say "dude, I'm always waiting for you to say something fisrt. if you say yes, i'd breach the contract for you." even if i got rejected, ashamed of what i did or said, i could always go back and fix it. i'd leave the words hanging in my mind. so that's the thing. this real life is not the butterfly effect. i don't brave enough to take chances, let alone take the big risk especially when your future, or friendship or relationship, or careeer is at stake. the real life butterfly effect is we get to choose one way, and there's no way we could go back. we just have to pretend/accept the choice we made was/is good enough. even if it doesnt hold on to it and make it better.

on the other note, one of the endings has Oasis' stop crying your heart out as the soundtrack. couldn't be better, that one! you don't encounter a movie with a wow effect so frequent in your life. as for me, this one- the butterfly effect- is one of them!

be therefor you

yeah, the title speaks for itself.
i dont usually know what i'm gonna write.when i wanted to write, i just did. i dont really care about the post title, just randomly mentioned about things. that's a sign of flexbile (maybe) and might be also showing how fickle i am. it's for you to judge, and me to decide.

as i am writing right now, i feel so much grateful for having certain people that seem to be there when i need them. everytime. that equals to my guilty for always letting them down due to my ego or to do what i wanted to do.

let me give you an example:
I hate watching cartoon. okay, hate is a strong word. i dislike watching cartoon except cinderella, beauty and the beast (and all that related to earlier disney production). most of my girl friends loveee cartoons. and most of them, too, don't like scary/patriot/boring movies like the shawshank redemption, or perfume the perfect story of a murderer or those traslated Dan Brown's books into movie which i like very much. when the movies are out i practically forced them to watch the movies with me. well, these type of genre might not be their preference, but they still like it. what i'm trying to say here is, i always give excuses not to tag along when it comes to cartoons. mind you, i never invented any excusesbut all of sudden i have something to read, or to do assignments, or to have me-time or to play squash. those said excuses and can actually be postponed but i choose to do them instead of going to cinema with them.

there's a tad proof of selfish there. i know.

so when i am thinking of it right now, it's time to be more flexible. life is all about give and take. i could not just take, but i also have to give. and vice versa.

there's a point in my life where i think i give too much that i should. love, that was. here's the thing about love. sometimes, we love the wrong person for the wrong reason. I mean, what would i love that much to a person that would not even want to have plans with me? it was hard when you were the only one who tried to keep the fire burning while the other rather let it died. yeah i know. i was young and immature. but luckily, i managed to struggle to move on without being hopeless and waiting for something that would never be mine. regret? yeap. i regret those time spent thinking, wondering, hoping that there was a slight chance for us. i regret for the time i was deeply sad for things not behave the way i wanted them to be. it was hard. really. but it also came together with some messages if we look at it closely;

1. we can be as much as hopefull as we want, however bear in mind, Allah has a better plan for you.
2. we can actually teach ourselves to feel.
3. respect ourselves, first and foremost. if we don't get what we want, life doesnt end because of that. we can either pursue, or let it go. fully let it go.
4. and it's true. Allah will not burden us more than we can bear. we might fail a few times even after a few trials. like i still am failing in that so many aspects that i want to improve. but like i said in the previous post, fighting against our weaknesses is part of jihad. lets do it!

Life. it's wonderful, isn't it?

i've read somewhere about this:

"Melawan kelemahan diri merupakan salah satu jihad. mungkin hanya jihad kecil, tapi tetap jihad."

Judge

i hate it when people started to judge people based on their past. there was a time when i was so good judging people around, meanwhile i forgot that Allah judges my characters.

so don't judge. even if some people we know are terribly bad, treat them right not please them. when you don't like someone's behaviors but you please him/her at the same for whatever reason it is, that's where the problem start.

;)

change of heart?

i think people write because they know what to write. i actually assume that. well, blogging is not fun anymore. hence, i've started to believe this;

hearts change. people move on

a few years back, there weren't so much things to tell but lengthy entries. but now, even to come out with a single entry is hard enough.

dont bother to brag about the trip to singapore.
dont bother to rant about works.
dont bother to share about the conflicts.
dont bother to tell about those trips to penang, colmar with friends.
dont bother to even do the book/movie/music reviews.

so yeah. people move on because their hearts change. and i move on from something that i used to like to do because I have change of heart and found something better that suits my present interest.

happy sunday, friends.

seriously, blogging is not that fun anymore.
and it isn't that bad too.

ranting

seriously, blogger?
you do have the new layout that makes it harder for me to write. this whole new thing distract me from my thoughts, my original ideas that i wanna pour in here.
so hiii people. i know some of my friends are still reading this blog and my absence is due to my mental block and the increase of my laziness to write.as usual, nothing much to share pun. however, for tonight, i am bored with reading. you better get a copy of Mitch Albom's For one More  Day. it's a good book.

so here are few things i wanna say out loud/silently in here.

1. i dont know about you and i dont want to know, but i still could not see the objectives of bersih. seriously? the riots, the chaos and such. i know government has not been that perfect and good and they are corrupted by some irresponsible people in there, but hey stop being idiots and fight for your rights like that. it's just make malaysia looks bad.

2.what's the fuss about being friends with your exes? oh come on. he/she was there in your past. i dont care. what we should care about is our own feelings. if we clearly don't get over the exes, still don't make peace with ourselves about how the relationship ends, dont start a new one. i know it's hard to get over someone that you ever had feelings for them, but trust me it's just the heart playing the trick. do you seriously think Allah will let us keep thinking about the same person for our entire life meanwhile he/she is happily building home with someone else towards jannah. of course not. as muslims we all know He is fair. eventually, there'll be someone else in our life. dont rush into marriage. there'll be the right time, with the right person. insyaAllah. wahhh i sound so matured. hehee..just saying. this is basically based on reading, little portion of experience.
funny, i'm not someone who is, hurm...how to put it, erm.. you know, the ustazah-kind but maybe i am coming from all-girls boarding school, so i dont really see the point of having boyfriend. i mean, all the things that you do with your boyfriend, you can do it with your boy friend. so i think it's better to wait until i am ready enough to make a commitment. i started thinking like this since i can remember. what's wrong with me? because if you know me, i'm not the cool type, or the..well you know, that kind of people. but that's what i've been holding on until now and it doesnt do any harm so i'll stick to it. of course i have my fair portion of crushes (hello, there were activities involving Sassians or Sdarians) but that was it. we called, we smsed and we became friends. some are still last till now. i mean, as friends. the main point is, we should know the arah tuju of a relationship. if it's better stay in friendship, then let it be. and if we want more than a friendship but he/she doesnt want the same thing, respect the decision. if we look at it thoroughly, it's not only about their decision of rejecting you, it is in a way, and bear in mind it also shows Allah has someone else reserve for you. lets put us in their shoes. if they keep pushing you, they keep wanting you more than just friends by over reacting (assuming we dont like them back and we just want to be friends) of course eventually we'll get annoyed. so everybody must respect each of individual's feeling. it's our own problem to deal with our own feelings and we dont want it to be a laughing stocks on the other side right.

3.human beings always want things they dont even need. like, if you're using S2, but you keep wanting iphone4 which you dont even need it, tak ke tak bersyukur namanya tu. pang! kene muka sendiri.

good nighttttttt!

happiness

Happiness comes in many ways. When we know it's there, dont ignore it, but treasure it.

it felt like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulder. Alhamdulillah.

and seriously, I couldn't be happier for you. you're a friend and will always be that way. no worries ;)

wedding preparation

i caught you by the title, ain't I?

I'm not even close to an engagement, whatelse to get married. i was thinking hard on what to share in here because as i told you i'm left with no words to describe my life right now.

i was so eager to blog about my trip to USS but the excitement melted down when i touched the keypad. that was last year. there were/are a lot of interesting events occured but i am just too lazy to blog about it even to put up on status on facebook.

good night

regret

Alhamdulillah.

have you ever realized how this word would actually mean so much if we recite it sincerely?
i mean, we human beings might have few regrets in our life. but when we think of it, it's okay to feel so because that's how our mind works; to have regrets on certain things however i don't think that should be an excuse for not thanking god for all that He has bestowed upon us. here's the thing. whenever we feel lack of something, remind ourselves all of good things that are here within our grasp.
regret means for us to improve.

so thats it.

good night.

too much coffee?

i had nescafe for breakfast.
i had coffee for morning tea.
i had ice latte for lunch.

caffeine. that was what i had. that is all i need for a sleepy day.

good night.

;)

complicated bubbles

sometimes, i dont understand why people choose to live in a complicated way.
sometimes, i dont understand why I (myself) choose to think in a complicated way. why do we have to take the difficult turn here and there and why we bother too much of what others may think about us when actually in real case, they never think of you. never. even if there is, it's only a little. trust me.

I also don't really understand why must some people hide their own feeling (like me?). i'd like to believe that i am a very simple girl that sometimes tend to think too much whenever i feel like it. i'm a bit emotional towards certain things. from a very little experience that i have plus insight from Jab we Met, it's okay for you to show your real feelings to others. be it love, crush, hatred and such.

Example:
1. I don't like B. Whenever B talks to me, I couldn't care less. I don't even smile at B.
if I keep doing the abovementioned, B wouldnt know the problem. say, there is a real problem. the best way is, to actually talk to B about the problem and try to lessen the intensity of the problem.

2. I have a crush on C. All of sudden C becomes shy when I'm around or vice versa.
this kind of situation will never happen if I accept the fact that I actually like C. so what? and since C is the admired and I'm the admirer, then C should bear in mind there's nothing to be shy of and respect my feeling. by time, the crush will fade away.

those said examples are just examples and theories. well, just saying.

main point is, I'll try not to be so complicated in my thinking and assumption. I guess i never really am pun. ;)

Issey Miyake Florale

boleh buat tak tidur malam. aku mahu satuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

one tree hill

*teary eyes*

not due to sadness of real life, but it's more of the soup opera i've been following all these years dated back to 2003 - One Tree Hill.

this was the main poster for it. i think it was season 3 or 4.

Tree Hill is mainly about friendship, love triangle, families. for those of you who watch this series from the start, we could see how a bad boy becomes a man, a very good husband and father. Mark Schwan has really done a very good job by putting the dialogues all together because there are just too many memorable quotes in it.

this is my favourite:

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one.

Peyton Sawyer.

it's never too late for those of you who have never watch this series to start.

the point is, tonight's episode (S09E11) saddens me. Forgiveness is never easy to seek from someone that was once your enemies, but if the intention is right, eventually things will always get better. like Dan Scott, for example. so you see, there are thousands excuses to keep the old flaming anger, and sometimes it only takes one moment of truth to change all that.

happy birthday amizah

It’s a few days late but I still want to wish a very happy birthday to my dearest friend, Amizah Azid. We shared too much secrets together. We walked too many miles together. We counted too many stars together. We berangan to much together. We learned to appreciate life by the friendship we’ve built thus far. There are just so much sweet memories that I know I’ll keep forever in my heart. Ups and downs.

Who cares about distance when we have viber and whatsapp.

new best friend

if you ask me, I would say everybody actually knows what they want in their life. It’s just whether they have the ability to pursue what they want or not regardless the circumstances.

Me. I usually want to hear what people may say whenever I wanna buy something or try new things. More often than not, I found myself follow what I really want to do/want to buy. Because human beings always know what they want, sometimes what they need. I’m a human being. When we reach a point where we think we are clueless then it’s time to sit down and think. There are always friends to help us out. Don’t be so arrogant in this world.

I’ve always wanted a vaio. Macbook might be tempting but I always know I want a vaio. a red vaio. but hey this is life, I end up with a silver which I think is better than the red one.

I will try write often because now I have a new laptop. ;)

this is random

1. we really should be grateful and thankful for what we do and don't have. i always believe Allah provides more than we ever ask for. and what He gives us basically all of our needs.

2.i name my blog based on song titles. this blog used to be called as "more than words".

3. there are so many rooms for improvement. however, I'm too stagnant to change.

4. i talk things that dont matter to people that dont matter in my life.

5. the hard part of moving on is not looking back.

6. I miss my life in UTP. then, i tell myself there's nothing to miss when memories is always there. and people who was there is also are still here in the present. it's just the distance. well, distance is just miles/kilometres.

7. i really should start reading.

8. good night. :)

happpy!

i woke up this morning and realized that i'm not an engineer. the title of my position speaks for itself. so i think, sooner i'll begin my mission to be one.

truth is, i love my job. no. love is a strong word. i like my job. it's okay. i mean, it's really okay. i like the people around too. however, all of sudden, i seriously want a change. i got fed up with numbers. we'll see how it goes then.

before i closed my eyes to sleep last night, a thought struck to my mind. all this while, i do know that i enjoy communicating so much. i even measured relationship/friendship based on conversation. i like it when my friends (most of them are) know how to keep the conversations going. i can talk for hours over a coffee or teh tarik. but seriously babe. you cant measure any relationship/friendship solely by communication. there is comfortable silence. there are people who talk less and listen more which are very interesting. as the time passed by, i'm blessed to know a few of that type.

when i'm in the middle of a conversation, i dont really think. sometimes i say something that i didnt even mean to. maybe it hurts but oh well, i couldnt take my words back, could i? hence, i'll try to change that habit bit by bit. looking back at old photos, mostly time spent in utp, i can say i'm a happy kid! remember, we are happy when we are grateful. so be grateful because usually Allah provides us more than what we ever ask.

till then!

there's a first time for everything.

"i was not familiar with the international monetary or financial system when it faltered and soon after threatened to implode on us in 1997".
Tun Mahathir quoted from A Doctor In the House.

and he managed to handle that currency crumble.

so my problem of not understanding what im currently assigned is not really a big deal. i just have to learn and understand.

besides, i have more than i could ever wished for. :)
alhamdulillah.

if i'm so wrong how can you listen all night long

hi there.

i feel like deleting this whole thing. i mean, this blog. seriously. what should i say in here? i'm left with no words and nothing to say more out loud. maturity is kicking in, y'all. might as well forget the existence of this blog until my granddaughters/grandsons find it in the future. who knows.

well, if you like running on the treadmill or jogging, pretty please download all MCR's songs. it just feels so good and right to run/jog with a playlist of just their songs.

off to read.

...and sleeep.

good night.

the things u dont have to bother reading

i'm getting lazy to write day by day.
day in day out. not the same routine.
i wanted to come out with a long entry. but sharing my feelings is little too personal, for me to bear these days. this is an aging sign. it has to be because i was the kind that could not keep things on my own. well now, look how far i've reached.

i had severe headache today. some girls are lucky because they dont have to go through monthly period pain. but it's not that easy when the replacement is  terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible headache. not fun. not fun. not fun.

so that's all the momentum that i have for now. off to sleep.

good night.

louder, louder and we'll run forward.

it's been a while since the last book. it's been a while since the last written post. it's so long since i quit loving myself the way i used to. and it's been so long too.

impact.
impression.
poetic.
adrenaline rush.
heart beats faster.
pile of works.
favourite drink. favourite food. favourite ayam goreng.
good books.
and, Lucas Scott.

i seem to forget what was my first intention to blog.
maybe i dont really dwell on my past. maybe i just want to move forward without looking back. because it all the same, anyway. whether i look back the memory lane or not, i still am carrying the silence, disappointment. being hopeful to drop those along the way. like i used to do.

a quick post

have a nice dayyy.
well i'm blogging directly from my office. can you imagine that? i should be doing my work at this freaking hour, that was the intention at the very first place. reached office quite early today, half geared-up to finish up my work, yet i ended up here.
it feels so nice be home. i mean, here.

well, life's been good. alhamdulillah. just missed out friend's engagement due to unforeseen reason. but gain another sweet memories by spending time with my bestfriend from school; the one that is close to my heart, knew my never-ending tales. basically, yeah, i dont know what i ever did to deserve such a sweet and wonderful friend. hence, thank you Allah.

life's hard to the core at times, and feel like giving up. but hey, this is life. take it or leave it. and as long as i'm still breathing then i know, i shall take it all the way. insyaAllah.

have a nice day people!

i'm letting go..

love. and that, leaves a memory that time can't steal.

a dot

Once, I’ve read somewhere about there’ll be a point in life when a girl starts to question everything. Almost everything; faith, career, boyfriend, family, life, passion, hobbies, and most of it would be about herself.

From that day onwards, I always knew that one day I’ll question about my life, myself and I think that “one day” is recently. HDT was right. One must lost herself/himself, so that she/he’ll start to find her/his self once again. to understand. To learn.

I’m not going to be all philosophical, because I know I’m not. I’m just a girl who still is trying so hard to find myself in all these noises. For once, it’s time for me to close my eyes and ears, and start to feel thing from within. Those questions I’ve asked, only I could answer. insyaAllah.

So yeah, there’ll be a point when a girl will start to question everything in her life. and when you reach there, your faith will help you through. My faith will help me through. insyaAllah…

Alquran 06:59. Go figure

light up, light up, as if you have a choice.

light up, light up

as if you have a choice,

even if you cannot hear my voice,

i'll be right beside you, dear.

run, snow patrol.

i told myself to at least write a single honest entry.
just a simple and honest.
and for that, i tend to blog about my favourite songs. i think most of my readers (i doubt if there is any) are getting annoyed by my out-loud humming of Run and Littlest thing. truth is, those two are my fave. always have and always will.

it's far from reality, really. i dont know if you could such songs could suffocate you, but it sure does to me. i guess, i'm just emotional.

i'm about to hunt down to kill a mockingbird but refused to. most of the reviews say it's a thumb-up. being different and always on contrary belief side from people's view, i decided to hold that thought. i'm quite at loss reading catcher in the rye, last year and could not find any sparks of magic in it, contrariwise from the reviews. i'm sorry if we don't see the same horizon regards to books.

a week passed, and i'm still with shadow of the wind. how am i going to make a huge progress, bila saban malam aku menelaah pretty little liars? hehs.

i'm sleepy. good night :)



just believe in your heart, and mind that: i can do it.

shadow of the wind

i am quite into photo blogging right now. that's one obvious reason for my absence in blogspot; put aside my lack of idea/ability to convey my strewed thoughts into words. nothing much really.

unify is here. thus, the constant of online movies and tv series. it's pretty little liars, for now. after all, there's not a spark of charm left for one tree hill. goshh, i used to dote upon the main characters as much i could clearly remember. tree hill is definitely one. and once in a lifetime, at that. i shall resume watching. till then peeps.

by the way, for readers out there who necessitate for a spellbound work of fiction, i recommend you; the shadow of the wind. yeap, it's a translated novel. the original one is in spanish which obviously i won't buy as much as i wanted to. but rest assured, the translator did a good job i, i think. have a try.
i read only few pages and fell right into it. gahhhhhh

 i need a new bookshelf. a pink one.

image from google 

of today

when i was done with my cooking for lunch's lauk pauk, only then i realized i haven't set the rice cooked. that's how clumsy i am in the kitchen. after all, kitchen has never been really my favorite place. i prefer couch in front of a tv. that feels more like home. my home. yet i ditched the imaginary couch (since we've yet to purchase any for this apartment that i'm sharing with other 3 girls) and off i went to prepare myself meals to eat. nothing much really. the simplest stuffs you could find if you flipped through your cooking memories. lets not go deeper on that side of skills as i might end up cook up a loads of excuses, justifying my deficiency in handling pans and cutlery.

oh before i forgot, happy deewali to my indian friends.

i decided to set my foot in the office on a public holiday like today (yeah, whatta hell. i seem to forget the meaning of it), only to find out i have no such energy/mood minimal point to work on such a fine day. stayed there, motionless and doing nothing until i concluded for a better way to spend the time. one freaking hour had been wasted there, in the decision making process. i hate vacillating which i seem to own. i settled for a visit to Kino. that becomes my sanctuary recently and it seems to welcome my frequent sojourn as well. for me, it's quite impossible not to go out empty-handed. i smiled with purchases i made- one that has been in my to-read list for quite a while; the shadow of wind.
on contrary belief, i was hooked at popular science section for as far as i'm concern, science reading has never been fell into my liking. however, the Einstein's theory of relativity compelled me to spend almost an hour there. i really should widen my reading scope.

whatelse?

oh, experienced another episode of LRT breakdown which was very nearly stripped away my good feeling. instead of longer waiting, i hailed a cab at the driveway.

i reached home safely and i guess it's time to sleep. all of sudden, thursday feels like monday. yeah, it sure does since i have shiteloads of datelines due to my improper time management. long live syazana!

i doubt if he ever found out this blog. but i still wana say this:

i love you. and i know i will always in love with you, abah :)

there, i said it.

you know, we had our times of arguments. father-daughter arguments are most unlikely inevitable. it's written in the book of fate. regardless what happen, you still are the man that is surely in my prayers day and night.

funny. i could simply text my friends if i ever miss them but i keep it all at heart when it comes to you. nope, it's not ego. it's just the way it is it; between him and me. he's never good in showing emotions but i guess most men are like that. they feel it at heart.

good night, abah.

people=human beings. that includes me and you.

if they dont talk to you, they practically talk about you. yeah, digest that bittersweet facts. it's reality that we live in such community. dont tell me you're excluded because you and i both know, you're lying if you claim so.

i happened to plan this weekend to be fulfilled by high dosage of reading. however, as usual, if i plan to, then i'd end up doing something else. blogsphere is much more interesting with the existence of tumblr. facebook bores me to death with its new layouts and everything. too advance for a simple mind, or to be precise for a such bigot like yours truly. nevertheless, i still love you mark zuckerberg. dont you worry.

candidly speaking, i genuinely in denial about my feelings about my work. you got what i mean? well, some says this is just a transition. i'd say this is an alien transition from student world to adult world where i've to carry my very own responsibility which obviously not really is my favourite. how to put this nicely? i just dont have any idea to do so. lets just leave this here. gahhhhsss. another proof of my poor articulation.

i'm in the middle of reading Paolo Coelho's Aleph. courtesy of a friend who presented me the book as my birthday present.thank you very much. i try my best to figure at least a single engaging episode of my life which might be beneficial for you readers like books review or something, but this brick mental block of mine doesnt seem to melt away by time. with that, i shall wave good bye and pull down the curtain for now.

good night. in less couple of hours, weekend'll be over. hello monday. please be nice.

just sayin'

I am easily influenced, just like that. listening to slank’s ku tak bisa; and this reminds me a lot of my uni years. I think I am that emotional, sometimes. truth to be told,i have to admit that I listen to this song quite too often on a weekend night, before I decided to buzz my good friend for a late night walk. I was a buzzer, an interrupter of a solitude night because I, myself felt forlorn to the core. Those nights, those walks, that boulevard, the same good friend. How could I forget? you tell me. apparently, years later, which happens to be today; on a weekend night, I’m listening to these same songs; Slank’s ku tak bisa and Snow Patrol’s Run. Only that I’ve no one to buzz for a walk at this freaking midnight hour! I’ve never really had a problem with distance, but right now this moment it’s a subject of my detestation. It sure is.

I want more of viva la vida of a kind, please. Not like the recent of every teardrop is a waterfall. If you’re one of coldplay’s millions fans, you utterly grasp what I’m talking about.

the story

what would you do when you see one by one your dream is finally coming true or did actually come true? the feeling you've got when you can cross one of your to-do list is such a satisfaction. hence, today i wanna share with you a story. a lame one. a boring one. but surely, matters to me.

i dream big dreams. i have big dreams. so with what i could link right now is, success which i can classify as goals are not a destination. it comes with responsibility. i take myself for example;
once upon a time, i dreamed of getting PETRONAS scholarship. eventually, it did happen. but that was not just it. that comes with responsibility which is to study well. it's called amanah. i went down the memory lane during the speech given by beloved TM this morning. he makes me think. am i really holding tight the responsibility, the amanah my scholar had entrusted on me or should i be precise that the amanah that Allah has blessed me with. was i amanah enough? was i? i know the answers. i had great time in UTP. really really a great time. the blessings were uncountable. but i doubt if i ever carried my responsibility wholeheartedly. even so, the continual blessing that Allah keeps sending upon me and my family is something i should really be grateful for.

take another example. for all my life, i think subjects i hate most are structured programming and reservoir simulation. i did. i truly did. because learnt those two subjects were like learning physics in greek. seriously. but when i rethink back, hey. those subjects were also part of my amanah. why would i still grumble. why would not i take it wholeheartedly and gave my best? like, studying more. it's amanah. it's part of my amanah. and it'll be questioned back future.

hence friends, lets take care full responsibility of our amanah. for muslims, the core amanah by Allah like solah, parents, and whatever He has bestowed upon us; may you like it or not that's amanah. way to go people.

today marked another dot in my life.

happy sunday

i don't understand Careless Whisper.

:(

what shall i cook today?

it's sunday, people :)

run.
don't look back in anger.
viva la vida.

i judge songs. music is quite a big part in my life. the portion is not that big, i said quite big. the point of this entry is i wanna tell you on how much i'd like to blog about run.
but i never did.
the ideas are just not there. perhaps, a cup of cappucino is all i need to fuel my creative writing. to at least boost my spirit. but hey, who am i kidding. all i need are heartfelt prayers to the Almighty, the Great Architect of the universe; Allah swt.

i seldom watched tree hill. i used to re-watched the episodes over and over again. watching one tree hill is like reading a book you know.
imagine myself staring blank at the hoop by the riverside court. just like in the tv on a certain day. i'll be doing just that. just I wait and see. the trick is to keep trying and trying until i get there. i dont know about you but i think "stop complaining and work harder" motto is working for me.

off to watch one tree hill.again.

thoughts

when i see someone has successfully realized their dreams, i started to wonder, what is wrong with mine? why they are not becoming real? or at least the feeling that i got close to them. at least. and the moment i think of that, i should slap my face. hello, those twin buildings were once your dream. those talks were once your dream too. hence, stop complaining work harder. and thats what im gonna do.

something happened few years back. it was late at night. i was in need to find old clothes or maybe a torchlight. i went into tok's (nickie for grandparents) room and the sight og my grandfather's old blue baju melayu made me sit on the bed and cried. that was after five years he left us. five years. and still, the emptiness is still the same. the void is replaceable. he has not gone anywhere though. he just answered the creator's call. when we cry right there and then for a simple thing like the old blue baju melayu for example, i knew right away how lucky i was to have the chance to spend 15 years with him. that, is such a blessing. thank you Allah.

he used to ride me around. he used to send/fetch me to/from school. he used to tell me stories. and above all, he gave me my very first al-quran when i was a seven year old girl. what people say is true about how important a gift is. gifts should be selected. so that the one who receives it would always remember you and your values. And as for me, no matter how hard works could be, i know whenever i come back from home, there's the red quran on my bookshelf; reminds me Allah is there, and yeap, there was someone who is always there too eventhough he's so far away from my eyes. that is blessing. and blessing fuels me. so give up is really not an option.

of today. of my birthday

assalamualaikum wbt
and hii people.

i love it when it's my birthday. i wish everyday is my birthday. i love the attention. and maybe that is one of the reasons why i am so much in love with events and weddings and such. you're the centre of so called attention and attraction.

i won't say much on the storyline of my birthday. i'm turning 23. two three. can you believe that. one of my closest friends called all the way from New Zealand yesterday. we talked like forever. it's amazing because whenever i am with my good friends, i never run out of topics. the conversation is never really turning to dry one. i think that might be due to the fact that we dont really see each other much and talk everyday. oh Allah, i do truly love my circle of good friends. they're just great. the bond is just unbreakable. thank youuuu.

i spent quite much on books these last few weeks.the loss of iphone is actually a blessing in disguise. well, you know, when i had one, it was be always with me. i go through feeds on facebook every few minutes. and other websites too. i've neglect my needs for reading for which i'd say, reading is actually oxygen for my mind to breathe new perspective. if not, i feel stagnant. and nothing is worse than a stagnant mind.

here's the list of books i've read for the past 2 months:
1. Brida. bought it the day after i lost my iphone
2. The lost Symbol.
3. Five People You Meet in Heaven.
4. The Alchemist

Current reading:
1. The Last Lecture
2.A Doctor in the House. (i should've finish it before my graduation. on my graduation day, i plan to smile widely and sweetly and say to TM "I finished reading your book. and you're such my inspiration")
3.The Message from Water.

i hate to be labelled as bookworm. but guess i just am. for my birthday, i wish i could spend my time and have the strength to read more on economics.

this is not a good time for a book review because i'm gripped by laziness to elaborate on what i've read, but seriously, A doctor in the House is a must-read. go get a copy or you can simply borrow from me.

see,my thoughts are scattered all around. the birthday post is turninh into book review. hehe..

till then peeps.
till then.

bubly

1. happy birthday google :)

i'm listening to the radio. relaxing my mind from whatever is flying it. one of them is, how i can change so much within these years. the last time i remember, as clear as the polished crystal glass is the image of stubborn and arrogant me walking around without a crack of smile on my face. that girl is not a around anymore. thinking of that, i've to admit that people could not have all bad sides. human being; regardless how annoying they are, how naughty they are, we still do possess some good side. so, if you hate certain people, think back. you might only dislike one of their attitudes but remember they also have the good side.

i'm walking away from anger.

i try to live. i try to appreciate things more. i am trying. there are so much more to learn. there are so many good books to read yet the are so little time.

i think i better resume my reading. this site consumes my time so much already.

words of the day: walk out from anger, hatred and such. they are actually a good teacher once you master them. at least, i'd like to believe so.

TM, you inspire me.

procrastination is indeed a thief. a dangerous one.
this is what i've learnt for the past weeks and i pray Allah will forgive me for all that i've procrastinated.

off to sleep.

this weekends

hi all.
whoaaa it's been a while since the last time i blog. nothing much happened really for the past 2 weeks. works are piling up aligning with the responsibilities to hold too. not in the mood to whine on that because i know no matter what, it's life and like it or not, i do still need to entertain those said responsibilities. so leave it there and i shall let myself to learn bit by bit from it

yesterday was awesome. as early as 11 am (early??) we headed off to siti's open house. i swear her mother's rendang ayam was undeniably delicious. then, we went to alamanda to see Johnny English which obviously hilarious, dinner at Johnny. later that night, stuck around at intan's place- had a catch-up session with her mother. and i found myself home around midnight.

today is nothing much too, i pre-planned to re-watched Up however the clumsy me left my red hard disk in the office. what a klutz. oh by the way, for those of you, who haven't watched the smurfs, go lah watch the movie. it's very nice you know.

so now, i'm just with Robert Langdon to know more on the lost symbol. for the curious, well it's the book i'm talking about. go get a copy if you don't have one. seriously, best.

till then for now

p/s: Dan Brown's books are meant for reading, i think. since when it goes into movie like the previous two; The da vinci code and Angels and demons are just simply..hmmm less interesting. so please, read!

till then!

the voice and updates that come with it.

i was just about to blog concerning the voice. yeah, that reality show featuring together Adam Levine, Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo and Blake Shelton. i'm not so much into reality show. i watched few episodes of akademi fantasia back in school because my friends did. you know, seriously, the only fun you'd have in high school (read: boarding school and all girls at that) is when you're with your close girlfriends. hence i usually just tagged along. not that i looked down on local music industry, but simply it was out of my interest. i dont really watch american idols either. i dont understand what they habitually fuss about when the season is here. but i believe, different people have different perspective on things.

however, since i have this short holiday that finally comes to a halt tomorrow, it's just hard to leave home this time around. the voice hooked me. like, really. and i dont even have tv in KL. we have yet to decide whether we should buy it or not. plus, the unify is coming soon. additional cash out items in my cashflow. lets just hope, i can get over my phase as an IT illiterate and can actually download the voice episodes on my own. they have this so-called blind audition where these four supposed to be mentors will just listen to their singing and push the red button if they like what they hear. basically, the decision made based on the quality of their voice. so i guess, thats why it's called the voice in the very first place. besides, whats not to love about the voice? (read: adam levine). hahaaa.. i browsed through his page just now, of which my initial intention is to "like" the page, however feel a bit of reluctant when his walls are full of "marry me" and the kinds from fans. well, i expect his page at least have some sort of constant updates of his music activities instead of mostly covered with mushy love notes on the wall.maybe i havent found the right page. hehee..

what else? i dont wanna talk about breakouts on my face. sad! it's a tragic and horrible breakouts i've ever had in my entire life. frankly speaking, not that i really care though. bring it on, hormones!

source: google image.

1. the hairdo!
2. the dress. only if its a long dress, i could buy a black cardigan and wear it on my graduation day.
3. back to december is magnetic. to my ears.

soundtrack

Besides reading, I watched movies/series a lot. I think I’ve mentioned that in my previous entry about how easy peasy it was to download movies back in my uni. The longest time consumed for a movie to finish download was approximately 5 minutes. Tell me, how can I not love my uni? One of the huge concrete reasons, needless to mention the best teh ais evahh!

Okay now back to point.

Besides the abovementioned hobbies, I listen to music a lot too! some are like vinyl of moments in my life. you know the kind you would say to yourself whenever you listen to certain particular song “ahh, this reminds me of…” I’m super excited when GreenDay released their new single although only to discover myself listening to one or two songs continually. Nahh, talking about selective reading, might as well apply to selective type of music for casual playing on my playlist. And selective twaddle characters for a qualified boyfriend.duhhh!

-bad day (Daniel Potter): the late night talk I had with a cluster of friends after playing volleyball (errr or squash) in our first year in uni. Speaking of that, I had no chance to gain weight as we would go out sweat on weekends night to play whatever sport available. Sounds athletic much? I was just kidding. We practically only swollen our arms by digging (spike?) the ball. Well,while in the middle of conversation, in the middle of the night, my father did call. Oh!mau tercabut jantung aku! Bad day was my ringtone at that time. father’s instinct. He asked my whereabout,and I did tell him the truth though. I said I was hanging out with my some of my friends waiting for sahur. His voice sounded like it was okay, but advised me not to do that often.

-littlest things (Lily Allen): I listen to it right after watching that movie. Ermm what its title again? the one which the elder sister died due to cancer. The younger sister sued her mom or so. The storyline itself was sad to the core. Haih, it’s not even the soundtrack of the movie. I couldn’t find the connection either. heeheheeee

-rolling in the deep (Linkin Park Live): I swear Adele couldn’t beat this!

-tonight (Reamon): the 8-months internship in Miri. Specifically my housemates back there. once, we were fanatical towards a Spanish artist, who featured with Reamon during one of his live performances. He’s a hot dude. Hotter than JT,the love of my life (read: justin timberlake).blueks

-larut (Dewa): a friend of mine asked me to listen to this song. I said I would and I did 4 years later.I assumed it was when he realized he was in love for how-many-times (dude, was it the first time? heheeee) I’m not sure, but I surely knew he totally fell in love with someone at that point of time.

-takkan ada cinta yang lain (Dewa): flipping through lecture notes for geoscience lab test that morning. my roommate looked at me and smiled. I asked her why, then she replied “are you in love?” hell yes, I was!

-hilang (garasi soundtrack): one of those mornings in foundation year. While walking back to/from chancellor hall for physics paper, we decided it’d be good to have some fun at sunway lagoon. We packed our bags, and off we went for a short trip to KL. Having fun is so much fun if we do it spontaneously.

-written in the stars (Tinie Tempah): last minute revision with two of my classmates for Drilling paper. Ans we laughed hard as soon as we figured his name. but this song is undeniably nice.

Enough of my real-life stage musical example. Lets end this post with a sip of hot nescafe in the morning.

Till then!

taylor swift

I’ve never been a big fan of Taylor Swift. Yes, I do download a few of her songs that are frequently played on radio. I listen then that’s it. She’s never really speaking right to me. I mean, her songs. Not until I heard her version of Viva La Vida (originally its coldplay) and one of the sweetest songs ever composed; two is better than one. Lately, I’m glued to back to December.

She really has a beautiful voice. She does. and her hair is just, well, let just say I love it!

I came to know almost of her songs are written on her own. I googled some of them, and found out that there is actually a hidden story behind each of her song. Nice one, Swift. Mind you, it’s not really about the emotional nostalgic connection between my mood or anything that has been there in my life attached to the lyrics or whatever. hehssss

now i can go to her facebook fan page and click the "like" button. i officially announce that i, Syazana is one of her millions fans. thanks!

regards,

Syazana Izz

mwahhhhxxxxx

have a little faith?

You know, I never good in dealing with emotions. It’s not that I’m real bad at it, but yeah, I usually acted like such a weirdo and psycho when it comes to it. I’m learning though. I’m learning to be better.

do you remember when an evening when we spent our time together; walking by the beach at Casa Rachado, watching sunset, jumping into the swimming pool. We had a care-free lifestyle, yes? 

Remember the night when I told you about the love of my life, went far far away, chasing his dreams and left me behind with mine so that I had the solid focus I needed to chase mine too? we were like a bunch of crazy kids when we had the late night talk with some of our groupmates. We talked about life, love, future, present and past? Those were the days. All of sudden, those memories gushing through my mind, relentless, and I’m drowned in them. They’re fresh memories, of which I could smell them like the newly baked croissants, fresh from the oven. Delicious and hot.

Then I closed my eyes. The reality struck me right on my forehead. I am no longer in that care-free zone. I am anxious, almost in everything. I wish I could be more sincere in my writing. I wish I would have twice or thrice those captured moments that I locked up and kept safely in my heart all these years; you know the moments that matter. Those that you wish are real instead of just collective memories and the kind of you wish the people in it, the ones that were part of it are real too. Hence, you can laugh away your tears or bad days with them.

Hope is a big thing. Being hopeful is another. But to choose to be static and hopeless are the two things I avoid most, even when life blows the hurricanes into my way. I am not saying I’m strong because deep down I know I’m not. all I have is that sufficient strength to get through. All I have is I know I’m cut out for this; this test or trial or whatever word dictionary may put it.

first and foremost,
selamat hari raya aidilfitri.

secondly, i'm gonna come out with a long entry. just you wait :)

Angel.

1. i still keep one of my good friends' tshirt. the orange one. i borrowed it on the last day of high school. even knowing the fact that we would be leaving the next day and knew the fact that she wouldn't get it back, she still lend it to me. :) the beauty of friendship.

2. i dont make wishes. i want my wish come true. and i don't dare dreaming about base jumping at Angels Fall. nevertheless, i hope one day i make it there. Venezuela.

3. and maybe skywalking at grand canyon.

basically, it's true. if we open our eyes, there are so many blessing around us. it's not just about what's troubling you but it's more to what makes you happy and your heart feels lighter. and i, i wish to have some drops of jupiter in my palm, so i can hand it to you.

talking about craps, and fiction.

i fill myself with a little dosage of fiction. it feels good to have a normal life again. -normal- as in my case where i sit silently and read novel. or where, i doze off while reading. thats normal, at least for me.

i did something that i wasnt proud of.

i wanna read Brida and drift off to sleep.

night.

of weekend.

finally i have some time for myself. this weekend. i plan to treasure alone weekend here. to do what i like to do most.

reading.
listening to instrumental
no nescafe in the morning. it's ramadhan.
reading again.

now i realized that i have pile of dusted, untouched books in line on that bookshelf.
i used to love reading so much until i cant even breathe if i'm not indulging myself in them. those days are gone. i realized that in this present moment i prefer sleeping more than anything. i need to change that habit. i know.

i wanna say hello to squash. and gym. and volleyball. but the usual cliques to do all of the previousmentioned aren't here. i'm gonna find the new cliques.

anyways, it's true. i cannot be in love and wise all in the same time. am planning to challenge the fact; that i can be in love, and wise all in the same time.

we'll see.
bring it on!

oh by the way, i bought Brida.
i left my "Have a little Faith" at home.

6th Ramadhan

have you ever watched Leap Year? if you didnt, then i suggest you to. not because of the cheesy love story line in it, not too because of the Irish actor in it, but simply because the scenery.

i wanna go to UK since forever. and i doubt if i ever go there, i will ever come back. lol..

so yeah, UK is the destination for now. where and when are still uncertain. however listening to Still Water makes me wanna go there even more. the inexplicable relationship between music and desire and dream. i need to do some laundry, and head to office, then-after. will have the break-fast event with some of my friends during PIPE.

seriously, I wanna change. I wanna be the change i wanna see. Dear Allah, please let this be the month of changes. ameen.


word of the day: no one can pick you up but yourself.

no title

i'm sorry if m\y blog does not reflect much. as much as its title. like i told you before, or it's actually the excuse i'm trying to live with, is that i dont have that passion to blog. even on the matter i frequently did or the things that excites me. hmm.. the story of my life.

to cut it short, the only thing i'm looking forward each day is to lie on my bed, listening to the sound of piano (repeatedly of all my life and wonderful tonight. and yeap, still water. those three are all time instrumental favourite of mine. no one can take them away from me. heheee

i've started reading. again.

happy birthday, dearest Saiey.

semoga Ramadhan kali ini lebih diberkati.

amiinnn...

i was mentally blogging when i was on the train this evening. i had so many things to share but all of them evaporated and faded away. the beauty of short term memory, it seems.

please tell me 24 is an ideal age to get married. i plan to but face the fact syazana, you dont financially, mentally, emotionally stable for all of that. the rest of my life is a long time you know. hence, to find someone to walk along with me is one huge task. big deal, big deal. for teenagers, they may define crush as love as i used to, but since my teenage life has already passed by, then i need to reconsider my definition. i think.

well, thats not a biggie for now. i think.

i'm sleepy. night.

snippets of the day

i had good dose of laughing today watching- the hangover 2. seriously. i think it's funnier than the first movie, well it might be due to my lack of attention while watching the first one. i think.

i cant even define what blog to me really is these days. to say that i'm all caught up with works, it'd be a complete lie. it's just that, day in day out. same routine.

i'll update when there's something interesting to share ok.

and yeah, i tried badminton. it sucks. no, i did. hehe. wasnt born for that.

p/s: i miss uni years more than my high school years. thats not an overstatement but still, all i have is now.
bear that in mind, syazana.

happy birthday my dearest sister; achik. loveeee you.

thing is, i wish i could be more sincere in my writing. especially what's going on in my mind. you know, i barely speak my mind, let alone my heart these days. i never wired to be good at keeping my personal secret but the reasons on why i gradually changed is still inexplicable.

i want a long gooooood sleep. and 4 sons and a daughter, please. yeah, i'm kidding. i cant barely take care of my own self. :(

night. happy friday to you

are we friends now? :)

hey monday

where's my cryptic vibes? doubt if i ever had one.

monday comes again. it knocks on my door at 12 am sharp.
welcome. welcome. with all cheerful smiles i greet you, Monday. i love ya.

updates

hello people.

1. i bought iphone.
2. i hate myself. not much, just a bit.
3. i got over him.
4. i tried cream and fudge with natrah the other day. sungguhhhh sedap ok.
5. i love my friends.
6. now i know i have a fickle heart and mind.
7. i dont read quran as frequent as before. maybe thats explains my emotional imbalanced.
8. i wanna have ikan keli bakar for lunch today.
9.i love my mom. i wanna call her!
10. my room is in mess, and my life too :(
11. i'm very good at faking a smile. and faking a mood. i'm really good at it.
12. i'm starting to lose myaself to this new self which i dont recognize.
13. there's a thin line between friendship and love but i dont think thats true.
14. i want my mom's kari daging.
15. i neeeeed to retune my mood.


adios!

hi people im blogging from my friends iphone!!actually still plannig and thinkig whether wanna buy iphone or blackbrry....still thinking..please lemme be firm in my choice dear god...

just

"you can erase someone from your mind. getting them out from your heart is another story."

nope. i'm not in love with someone besides ma famille. i know i still far away from it. the wall that i built is still thick. i can offer you a friendship, but relationship is like, a different story.
the saying above has nothing to do with what i feel. only that, it's the truth. doncha think?

another truth is, yeah, you can get them out from your heart too.

life as it is.

rough days- they are all here with me since last week.

best of friends are hard to find. seriously.

"constant talking isnt necessarily communicating"
-Clementine; Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind-

i wish i have that eternal sunshine. i wish i have at least few spotless memories where i could directly jump into everytime rough days or pieces of my heart is everywhere. if i look deeper, i guess i have few. i guess.

woke up this morning later than usual. i actually felt very draggy and so not motivated. the sun rises, but i did not. thanks to Amizah's message that fueled my heart with love. someone still care :) sorry babe, i didnt reply. so caught up with works....and thoughts. my fault. happy wednesday to you :)))

then, on the way to work, my phone rang. a call from another good friend of mine. just to check whether i am okay. that call; lighten up my day.

during lunch, had quite enough of laughters.

see, life is hard sometimes, but the way Allah keeps sending good things in our way is what im grateful for.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i dont know for how many times i've watched Eternal Sunshine of spotless mind and it still magically leaves its mark in my heart. everytime.
i mean, seriously, all the perfection that some movies tend to portray which is so unrealistic is evaporated why this kind of movie. it's real but still magical. so yeah, i agree some people were born to be actors. like Winslet. no other actresses can ever play Clementine better than her. no one. no question about Jim Carey. he's good. real good.

lets get some sleep. maybe thats where my eternal sunshine is :)

bebel 2

i dont understand why do i have to tell the whole world about this just as like i dont understand certain portions and elements of economics. for example;

-my room is in total mess. shirts on the floor. hangers on the bed.
thats not gonna change anything. u dont come clean my room even if u read this right. so whats the point of telling. but i guess thats what people use to these days. shouting this and that on facebook status, but dudes, no one gonna help u if u dont help urself.

i'm waiting for a day when i can clearly see my priorities. nope, scratch that. it happened but all i need now is the day when i can finally brave enough to choose my priorities. for example;
i have works to be done. however, i just couldnt resist the temptation to go hang out with bunch of my friends. demmit. my works remain undone. i think im wired like that all along :(

i am plain simple and plain stupid. i think. *teardrops*

random talking

hari ini perasaan untuk blog membuak2. oh yes, yes. alhamdulillah hari ni macam hari makan sedunia. aku yg kononnya mahu diet tapi makan nasi lemak ayam goreng kau. alhamdulillah. huhu..mungkin aku patut tiru orang buat detox diet tu.

oleh sebab tak ada perkara yang kusut, jadi dalam beberapa hari ni ak telah mengusutkan kepala aku dengan berfikir nak beli iphone ke nak beli blackberry? tolong lah weh. aku konfius. walhal bukan nak beli esok pun. aku baru je plan (tapi memandangakan aku ni spontaneous tahap tak fikir panjang kuasa lapan, kan amizah?) jadi mungkin jugak dalam masa terdekat. tp kalau excitement aku tu tak membuak2 mungkin jugak tahun depan pun belum tentu. i'm wired like that (favourite ayat masa kini).



economics susah dowhhhhhh. aku tak taw cemana aku nak survive :( dengan ada test untuk uji tahap kefahaman kita semua2 tu, mungkin aku patut consider lecturer jurusan economics mana2 universiti tempatan utk dijadikan calon suami. hoho..goodbye handsome and gorgeous pilots.

tapi bak kata aan, where there's a will, there's a way. so holding onto that, i'm trying to make it through. apa yang Allah kasik tu perlulah disyukuri. ye tak?terima kasih Ya Allah.

"i like it when its difficult and hard in what i do" memanglah tak relevan dalam vocab hidup ak sekarang. i wonder where's the old me. that girl grows up lah, syazana. only that the new version is not that strong and excited and fun. (and with acnes on her face). thank you heartbreak, thank you very much. :)) at least, after going through that, i know i actually have some other emotions besides being excited and strong. ecewahh.

aku pandang sepi je Jeffrey Archer nih. errr buku Jeffrey Archer. huuuuuuuu...asal lah kudrat untuk membaca tak ada nih?

good night ler kengkawan :)

a letter to a wise man

dear TM,

with all respect and buckets and bundles of hopes, i do truly wish you will be there on my graduation day. it has been a pleasant dream all along to receive the scroll (my scroll) from you. i've seen my seniors went through that experience and with the look on their faces i knew how proud they were on that day. after all, that was one of the solid reason i did choose to further my studies at UTP from the beginning.

a dear friend of mine informed me that you are now well enough, unlike last year where your condition was not that good, hence your absence on 2010 graduation. however this year, i hope you can make it to UTP, Tronoh because besides my family, you're the main important person on that day. i know this all sounds silly since i never knew you in person, let alone ever talking to you (oh i did, indirectly because i asked you a question during one of your speeches years ago), but due to my admiration towards you, hence the hope, my hope. at least a girl can dream, right TM?

p/s: i always visualize me have a long talk with you over teh tarik and roti canai, overlooking klcc :)) ahhh, thats so nonsense to be true yet still, a girl can dream. only that, i  think some i can work it out to be reality while some remain as dreams ;/

sincerely,
syazana Izzati Zakaria.

message in a bottle

i dedicate this entry to someone dear to my heart.

dear friend, i know you've been through a lot. i admire your courage, your belief and everything you set out to be. only that, i hope you know what is right and what is wrong. people say, set your priorities right and truth to be told, i also dont know how. just yet. but i know you'll find your way. you can go surfing if life gives you hurricanes. i'm sorry for not looking at you, let alone to look up on you. i am in my own bubbles. and my bubbles are in mess. i'm trapped in my own thoughts, trying hard to distinguish which is which. 


i see you're becoming more and more like the old version of me. don't. 
you should respect yourself as much as i respect you as a human being. 
you should keep on walking even if you keep stumbling.
i might not be there to offer my hand, to pull you up, or to be with you in getting through all that, but i you have your own strengths to do all that. you can help yourself.



sincerely,
your friend.

p/s: if i could state one thing about my chapter that involves you, here it is: sometimes, we have to let go to make ourselves complete. it's not only about keeping it :) true, very true. you can try to do the same, if you want to. 

bebel

okay now, when was the last time i really, truly blog? i mean like really blog, like venting things into a very long essay till you feel like puking reading it or you might as well crying due to the exaggeration of my lame story. hoho..as if i ever did that. gahhh..whatever.

for those of you who are reading this, that know me since school or earlier UTP days, please dont ask about my acnes if you ever bumped into me. like seriously. i definitely won't entertain your questions. *piece no wat*

i am sick of procrastinating. i swear i wont do that ever again. i wish i have a veryyyyyyyy strong will to do so. huhu

i made nescafe today but well well well, and now i have a dizzy head. degilllll. nothing lasts forever, so it seems. even my love for nescafe is also fading away. i'm sorry. thanks for accompanying me all this while. the feelings for you is now gone with the wind. no longer inspires me, no more. errr..double meaning much? yes, yes it is. :D

my shopping mood is seasonal. what i mean is, i am not in constant mood to shop. i think i'm just wired like that because thats how i observe myself, my purchases and such. when the mood is there, god, i wanna but every singe thing that grabs my attention. huhu...but when it doesnt, sale lah macam mana pun, sorry, not interested. however, lately i think the mood is frequent. this might due to my adjustment of working life. i hate that word, WORKING. hate it.

why?

because i cant escape it whenever i feel like to. i cant have my beauty sleep in the afternoon. by 10 pm i am flat into bed, swimming in the dreamland. my reading whereabouts remain unknown. i cant even remember which page i've read in Cat O' Nine Tales. i miss Jeffrey Archer. i do, i really do. i miss reading his words, dude. for that, i dont have any concrete reasons on why that particular good habit of mine went haywire. you tell me. i'm giving myself too much excuses..

for the past 2 months, i think i watched too many movies in the cinema. huh..mom are not very happy about this. well, she always against in watching movies in the cinema. i dont know why. mak, kakak pergi dengan kawan-kawan. bukan bf :)

ermm..what else? oh yes. i browsed through the past chat history with certain friends of mine and can't thank Allah more for all the blessing. Alhamdulillah. dont wanna complain much because i have so much. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah

last but not least, good night. have a good following weekdays.

1. coffee made me felt dizzy for the whole day. :(( dude, i cant have more caffeine. my body wont tolerate it. for now.

2. its not even 9 and i just wanna sleep.

good night

kung fu panda

please watch.

i know i know. for those who are close to me, you may find my statement as a surprise. syazana doesnt watch cartoon EXCEPT Up. yes yes. you are so RIGHT. i dont watch cartoons. i HATE watching cartoons. no one can ever forces me to watch cartoon with them including my dearest sisters.
however, last friday night, my sister and friend managed to influence me to watch Kung Fu Panda. after loads of persuasion the seemed to be endless, i agreed. that was because tickets for XMEN FIRST CLASS are sold out. so yeah, the sole choice that left was Kung Panda. we picked 3D.

huaaaaa. i couldnt know believe myself that i enjoyed the whole movie so much. like, seriously you guys should go and watch. there are lines of funny conversations and that movie inspired me a bit. for someone who procrastinates as much as me, one of the memorable quote from the movie that i remembered most is;

"whats important is NOW"

reality check!

fianally i changed this blog name. yeah. done.

i went through my friend's wedding photos. awesome. congratulations to both of you. :) may you live happily ever after untill in Jannah. insyaAllah.

this grown-ups thingies scare the hell out of me. huuhuu. work-life, marriage, financial, savings, cooking, house chores, lacks of mapley night, lacks of late night talk and walk, less star-gazing, house chores (again), having kids, uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. i'm not ready for all of these. never thought i would ever be. please help me. i stuck in my teenage world. talking about kids, how can i handle another miniature of me? huu i might end up slapping her cheeks till swollen. dear mom, how can u be so patient handle me and all of us? i think raising girls is harder than boys. and we have four at home. mom, for the love for me, please lend me some of your patience when the time comes for me to go through the phase as a selfless human being- being a mother.

inhale, exhale.

okay, now lets think something happy. bowling/squash/xmen anyone? :))

loyal

young and dangerous. this picture dated on 1998. thanks to mr google.

so yeah, the one of the solid reasons why i watched the social network till the end. hehs..
and yeap, waiting for friends for benefits. i watched the trailer just now and it looks typical but again, so what. been ok with typical all this while.

i love you JT, says the 10 year-old girl in me.
mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

aku dan bola sepak

okay now i know why my life is colourful because i watch football. because i was a chelsea fan since god knows when, but decided to move on with liverpool and just got back to chelsea. i'm wired like that. not to go with the flow but when it comes to football, it's all about Torres. and so yeah, i'm loyal like that. duhh

i dont understand why i dont like man u so much eventho CR was with them. hehs..i definitely know the reason. needless to mention here but well, i'm a happy girl to sleep with victory tonight. Barca is so great. bak kata status kt FB-Barca dah tak layak main dekat bumi. hoho..great game, great game. just satisfied my need of a good football game which my favourite team won. just what i needed on a good day like this. :))

happy sunday people. happy sunday.

i'm hitting my lowest point where constant communication is very much important. i'm not good with gestures, hence i never expect from others too.

erm..there was signboard on the road stated; (insert a girls name), will you marry me?


and everybody was like, waaaa..very sweet. but why didnt i feel that way? huuu..i'm weird like that. it explains why i dont mango juice. errr...

bits

1. stop faking, and start being your true self.
when i say true self, it means all the goods in you and another that comes with it. thats fitrah. if we dont seem to find it anywhere nearer, then seek for it until we see the glow.

2. when you like someone so much, bear in mind that one day he/she might be not as that special to you anymore. not that your love for him/her is depreciating, but seriously, we cant really foresee the future. so dont get surprised for what you may encounter.

3.im tired. body and mind. off to sleep.

p/s: antara bintang paling terang is a lame name. i need a new one :) feel free to suggest.

Lily Allen - Littlest Things

favourite?

yes

on a day like this

you know, a day like today is rarely come in my life. the kind of day where i dont feel folding cloths is a burden, mopping the room happily. so yeah, this is one of those special days, so how i classify.

i swear i've written up a post during walking back from the train station. i had so many things to share, some stories are even funny, but now i could not recall any. oh my brain, please be active. i should upgrade my brain. i really should. :PP

what else?

huh...

nothing else. how dull this post could be? because it has already the dull-EST. gosh, i need to scratch my head for some decent ideas to write.

signing off.


ding!
just when i was about to click the "publish post" icon, this particular thought hit me. hehe..anyways, i've been craving to play squash since forever and no one wants to play with me. the usual cliques back in UTP, who used to play this sport together are just right here in KL BUT they're so LAZYYYYY. for god sake, dudes, we're not even that far away. petang2 boleh main kot squash tu kat bawah. ish! why lah these guys are so busy with futsal till they forgot that I, Syazana, am their friend and need somebody to play squash with! i know i suck in squash, but still, fun kot. hence, if any of you guys read this, especially kau yang kt level 13 tu, jom ler kite turun gelanggang, ecewah.

oh, to those girls who have yet to watch HE'S NOT JUST THAT INTO YOU, please do so. because once you do, then all of assumption bubbles about the guy you like will just evaporate. and with that, you can clearly see the reality. alex and gigi are so sweet. beth and neil are just inseparable and honest and are so meant for each other. (thats not me who's speakin. thats my hormones!)

so okay for now. i miss you girls badly. yeah, you GIRLS. you know who you are. take care

mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhxx

littlest things

when i do have something that seems to draggy for me to do, i'll be so lazy waking up in the morning. yeah, thats true. i'm not sure when this sort of normal but negative habit dveloped in me, because for all what i knew, i'm sure i was a positive girl. now, it's all unsaid and uncertain.

so yeah, i woke up this morning feeling bad. i dont know why and i dont know why i tell you here. i think i just want to be sincere with my writing. thats it. so yeah, i woke up feeling bad, took a cold shower, switched on the laptop, go thorough feeds on facebook, and glued to a story that keeps me thinking. so basically, my spirit is a bit lifted than i felt the moment i opened my eyes or during i took the shower.

its funny how a person that you rarely see in person, or comment on his/her status, can tell you to have a little faith, hold on there longer, start to live, start reach out, indirectly. just by a simple story. thats the effect of a perfect stranger.

and yeah, these reminders of imam Ghazali are absolutely gonna be on my wall. just in case i forgot. just in case i feel like i'm at the end of the world, or just because.

1.perkara paling jauh adalah masa yang telah berlalu.
2.perkara paling berat adalah amanah
3.perkara paling ringan adalah meninggalkan solat.
4.perkara paling dekat adalah mati.
5.perkara paling tajam adalah lidah manusia.
6.perkara yang paling besar adalah hawa nafsu.

good day people. good day. insyaAllah.

random

my memory is selected. yes, it is. i tend to remember good things than bad things. however at certain time, i remember the bad ones mostly. i am not sure about myself, really.

i read a blog. a girl's blog. she's confused but i think she's sincere whenever she writes her take. i think. i am not sure either.

to talk about selective memories, those senior years in SSP are the core ones. i could still feel the fresh morning breeze when i walked to class. the assembly. the school song. funny. i can sing my school song up until now without fail but hardly memorize certain important l

those years bring me to the fact that i should, i really or maybe probably should forgive myself for my weak judgement. it's never too late to apologize, especially to yourself. the hard thing is, you know what?, is to forgive yourself. yeah, i think so. naah, i am not sure either.

now i think i am full of uncertainty, and left behind. for that matter, i'm not sure either. i think i am lost.

like i mentioned earlier, my judgment is weak. very weak. as if like, it's weakening by days. well, i hope not. but thats what i feel.

i'm speechless, clueless.

disenchanted!

speechless

LANCER. i do truly need one of these.

she's just so beautiful. she is.

;(

i'm sick.
huhu...

and when i questioned myself why did you change that much, that reflects how i too did change as much.
i think it's part of growing up. i hope we both can learn as much as we can along the way.

so much of using this word; much.

the lady doctor said i should really get some rest. i think i should.

what happen

what happened to writing while overlooking Eiffel Tower?
what happened to reading a book per month as i started working, at least?

and yeah, what happened to you, man?????? where's the boy i knew? i'm not in the hope for you to resurrect the young boy once you've been, but still, ah come on, you can do a whole lot much better. i pray for you from afar, old friend.

missing u

i know ive been neglecting my position as a good friend of yours. i didnt wish on your first day of working. babe, i am sooooooooo sorry. i remembered. happy working amizah azid. i miss you more than you could ever imagine. i seriously do. i miss those "gazing-stars" nights and late night walk. god, now i think i miss UTP terribly. there's no free sport complex here. there's not tasik. there's no seniors. well, there are seniors, i think u get what i meant. hehee..remember our target in our first year? those seniors with cars. hehe.. memories..they're just so sweet, arent they? alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah

till then~~