iced mocha and baju bajan

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting,

Iced white coffee mocha! (please google image, thanks!)

I’m a caffeine dependent. Not that replenishment of the said needed on my body on a daily basis, but I just love to claim so. So yeah, I've finally tried the good and infamous iced white coffee mocha from Old Town and all I know now is I don’t give a flying cheeks or second look to Starbucks anymore.

Heh?

Seriously?

Yes my dear. You heard it right. I’m sure! But being me, I’m even unsure of how long this frenzy addiction is gonna last, but the iced white coffee mocha is seriously superb and you, you and you should try it even for once because it’s so damn tasty. Drive or walk to your nearest Old Town by tomorrow for berbuka, will you.

On the second note, I am a happy kid today. First, because I’ve managed to finish up 50% of the presentation slides that I’ve been working on, you know the copy-paste thingies and the tedious edits and such do drive me insane. When I say insane, I mean insane which the level of sanity decreases rapidly and left your eyes juling just by looking at the excel spreadsheet. thus, for now, I can clearly see I’m not (maybe, never) be ready for management works, but while it’s there, just flow with it. secondly, all of my unfolded cloths are now neatly folded and on my bed. God bless that girl. Really.

I’m not in a good term with laundry. I don’t, I repeat, I do not favour the doing of hanging (to dry them) or folding them afterward because I’m just simply languid in that washing expanse. Whatever it is, my stance on no one but me ever going to touch, hang and fold my husband’s cloths is still o'er in force. Yes, obsessive and possessive like a madwoman. Haha.. therefore, if I were to have a maid, an old one at that, she just has to wash my cloths and my kids’.dah kalau macam tu baik hantar laundry je or basuh je sendiri. Hence, the issues solved. I’m so going to wash my family’s cloths every other day.

Yawn…

Good night. long day tomorrow. 

ps: just realized i don't know what juling is in english. funny eyes? rolling eyes? gahhh.. whatever. good night!

Randomness

One.

Cashier: raya nanti balik mana?
Me (in my heart):Rembau.
Me (words from my mouth): insyaAllah Kedah.

Haih! How could my inner self talks betrayed ny beloved hometown by answering Rembau. I knew no boy from Rembau, let alone to have a boyfie from there,at that. That was instinct or whatelse? Thus, i shall keep alert the next time i'm introduced to a handsome,tall lad whose hometown is Rembau. (Amboi,adjective tak nak kalah. Tolong aminkan please. Thankssss)

Two.
Today was..hurm.. a history. I reached super early at work with one and only intention to finish up the pack. Had sahur at the office and now i can officially say i satisfied with the work today eventho it's quite a full blast pressure for a day. One blessed,good thing for sure walking through of working experiences this year is: patience. I was/still am far away to master at it, but i'm surely one level higher. I do hope so. InsyaAllah.

Happy weekends everyone :))

Morning talk.

Sorry folks. I just read my previous entries and there were like hundreds of unstructured words with the simplest grammatical errors all over them. Talking about securing an A for GCE paper seems a lie now. Haha.. nevertheless i do have the cerificate to assert the above claim ok. Just in case you wanna bring it up to court. Merepeklah syazana...

Anything to make me feel good for today because i have this presentation pack to finish and hopefully July 30th will come smoothly and steadily without the storms or emotional breakdown. God bless! Just in case it does happen, rest assured that i have your phone numbers to call you up anytime i feel like venting out pressure in my brain. You as in the beautiful abd handsome good friends, that is.

Birthday shout out to one of my collegues; happy belated birthday! Sweet 26th! Secretly i thanked him a lot for the talk that we had during dinner did really open up my views about relationship and such.ehehe.. Eventho i had to go thru in quite emotional rough patches for a strike of a bitter reality afterward, but i did it anyway. So thank you. I pray you are in Allah bless now and hereafter. Amiin...

Have a blessed day people. Stay beautiful and healthy!

thoughts for today :)

I still do wonder how mother-daughter bond does work. I mean, how can after you think you had the pressurized day ever, yet when you talk with your mom everything seems so fine and there’s hope for anything that you’re struggling about. Thank you Allah for mothers. They do really bright our day and I pray to Allah when the time comes I can carry that particular big responsibility as our mothers do because they are so strong and great in their own way. I love you to the moon and back.

The entry about the summary of my Europe trip is almost done. I knew I can never justify to the fullest the beauty of Alps by my writing but I do really hope you get the beauty I’m trying to portray. If not, it’s better for you to check the MAS online tickets to Swiss now and book. Interlaken is such a place to visit. Hold my words on that, please. It’ll be published soon, once the entry is done.

Since I have nothing else to write about my life, let me briefly tell you about the stories and lesson learnt that I’ve read few days back. Here they go;

1.       I was browsing through the internet when the quotes of Umar Al-Khattab (my favourite caliph) caught my attention. it’s more or less about solah, on how as a muslim, the solah (5 times daily prayers) should never be neglected, regardless what because once you lost the feeling of importance of it then you would lose everything. Coming from there, I kept my reading about him during war and such. And there was  a story about this man who went to the war with him, and was badly injured. Then, he killed himself because he couldn’t stand the pain. So when the sahabat addressed this to the prophet, he said that the man will not be together with the syahids (the ones who died during the war) because he killed himself; regardless he had fought wholeheartedly during the war. Thus the point I’m seeing is whatever hopeless and painful the situation is, we can never ever give up on ourselves and Allah.

2.       Then, I read through on my Umar died. He was stabbed 6 times (according to the article) by this merciless man while the sahabats and him were about to perform Subuh (fajr/early in the morning) prayer. But the stabs didn’t stop them to perform the prayer at all, he even asked one of the jemaahs there to be imam, replacing him because he was wounded and bleeding. As the finished their prayer and rushed towards him, the first question that Umar asked to them was “have you finished performing your prayer”? that was the part my tears curb broken down, and there was waterfall overflowing my cheeks. I meant, seriously? So there, we can see the difference of our iman/faith right? And that is something I have to work on very hard and smart on. I told this story right before we had our break-fast, and being me who owns iman as thin as onion skin, (iman senipis kulit bawang),  I just simply finished my pizza, soup and coffee and talked daa daa daa before going up to perform my maghrib prayer. Yes, that was not something that I proud of but hopefully together we work on our solah/prayer all right.

So that’s it. Good night.

Real Deal

One of the reasons I venture into blogging because I used to/still love writing too much and find it too hard to resist. And I’m the type who likes sharing this and that, especially songs/movies/quotes that I think are beneficial and inspired. That is why you can find  a lot of lyrics and and movies promotion in my blog.

Besides that, I love the idea of good writing and hopefully by time my writing skills will get better eventually. There are times when the obscure vibes is all around, and you can write so well, very well until you don’t even know when and where to stop. Every word falls into places and there it is, a very beautiful essay to be read. Satisfaction, which would describe it all.

These days, I’m dealing with the real deals. I’m a grown up now and like most grown-ups, I do carry my very own responsibilities. This is not the phase of which I just have to wait for people to tell me what to read, what to do and such. This is not the phase of passing an exam, or where the teachers have to give you all the spotted questions. At this phase, I’m left with not so many choices unlike the old time when I was in high school of when Biology was not a favourite and I could neglect it because I did have physics to back me up. I meant, I wanted to opt for engineering, anyway. For the time being, I’m given one and only card. If I pass this one, then I know I will go to a better phase. I’m quite surprise I took a while to realize all of this. It’s better late than never, right.

Along the way you apprehend that your perspective changes every now and then. The one thing that used to be so important to us last year, might be something that we don’t even want or need now. The essence of this is to accept changes and learn as much as we can in whatever phase we are in, whether we like it or not because god puts us there for a reason. Yeah, I know easy said than done because I’m too struggling every bone and willpower in my body and soul to get through hurdles that keep coming in my way every so often. There’s always a bright light after the darkest hour.

Just because?

I missed out one important point from previous entry. As much as kids do need attention and love, so do ourselves. Well, i have been neglecting that fact for quite some time since i was so busy loving people around (heh??),  and the thought just hit me. I should love myself too, pay full attention to what i need and build the courage to walk away from some things or some one, in that sense.

Walk away from anger.
Walk away from things that pull us down.

The inertia might be huge, but it's formulated already that it can be overcame. So much of physics. And i do sound a tad like a motivational speaker in the book. Lol. But, you get my point right?

Today was okay. I meant, woke up with two sleepy eyes was not a very happy way to start a day. I practically drag along the whole day. My officemates who sit near to me are awesome. I shall tell my kids one day about funny stories that they told this noon. Serius lawak kuasa sepuluh juta. All in all, dont judge a book by its cover.

Selamat berpuasa esok.

7th Ramadhan recap.

There were few kids around at the surau downstairs just now. They were about 8-9 years old. Very petite and cute. I kept asking my friend if we were that small when we were their age. Well, that’s not the whole point, really. Out of nowhere, I felt touched to see them. I was a kid, too, the one who pestered around my mother, father, grandmother and late grandfather around. When I see those eyes, I wonder if they do get the fatherly love from the first two important men in a girl’s world– the father and grandfather. I hope they do. Kids deserved to be loved and cared and paid the huge amount of attention.

Al-fatihah to my late Wan. I miss him so much especially since Ramadhan is here.

I miss you. thank you for being such a great person in my life.

Still water

Soothing and refreshing.

That’s how I will remember you by, until the next day I shall say hello to you again. Seeing you for the first time was like diving in love, hard. You captivated at the very first glance with those beautiful views that I keep on dreaming at night, wishing I could spend more time with you.

Alps. That is how I remember you by.

Life has not been easy lately. I can say that I am emotionally disturbed by works which I don’t favour doing, but I have to do for the sake of earning some money. Without sincerity, almost everything is a blurry image. And being someone who is constantly reminded of the importance of sincerity, on how we are temporarily living in this world and all our deeds will be questioned later on; in front of the One and Only makes that fuzzy image becomes clearer and unblemished.

Things will get better. They just do.

It’s just plain ungrateful to give up on tiny things when we already see big things like the Alps. That is my personal view on it. It is just so big, covered with snow all year long and looking directly the magnificent beauty of that kind evaporates all my doubts. As if like all the impossible things are possible and we don’t have the right and can’t give up, no matter how hopeless the situation is. So I tell myself over and over again, that things will get better.

my personal favourite :)

I like the idea of “cave-in” whenever we do have problems. That makes me think and evaluate our own actions without interference of others. And when we are ready to talk about it, then we can discuss our views about it and maybe share the lessons too. I don’t know. I think I am becoming more introspective or it’s just my judgement. All in all, from what I’ve learnt thus far, your opinion about yourself matters, first and foremost.

Life as it is

Deep down, i know i am a go-getter. 8 just have to find the right passion to go-get with. Thats what i always thought back then.

Recently, i stumbled onto an article about amanah (responsibility) and it kept me thinking hard. All this while, we always focus to be good and maybe the best at what we wanna do, not what we are given to do. However, we dont always get things that we think best for us. Al-Baqarah 216 (alquran) can attest to my claim. Allah knows best. He knows what is the best for us at that particular time. It doesn't mean you and i are going to stuck at the point which we dont like forever.

Subhanallah
Alhamdulillah
Allahuakbar

I do truly hope and wanna be efforts to be better each day, to strive for jannah with the reminder in mind we'll be facing Allah on the day of judgement.

Ameen...

Venezia-the romantic city by the sea.

Hello.

As i am writing this entry, i'm currently waiting for my salmon fillet (nyummeh!) with my sister, overlooking Grande Canal. such a fantastic view. You know you are in a love city when they do sell bouquet of roses everywhere and there are lots of couple to be seen. Hence, insyaAllah given the chance in the future, i definitely will come visit this city again with my other half. ♥

Venice is not quiet at all which i like still. We started the morning with breakfast at the near cafe to our hotel. The cream croissant was delicious, unlike i never tasted before.

I think i wont forget the feeling of strolling along the canal with my sister, passing through the stalls, trying avoiding dogs everytime we see one along the hallway. We even lost for a while bcause we do walk without maps. But still, it is such a beautiful scenery and experience.

Oh by the way, i stumbled upon the most handsome guy here in Venice. I swore if i were to see him again, i will ask for his number.

What else. Oh yea, we had dinner by the cannal and run along to catch the sunset. I am not really into my cryptic vibes thus i shall stop writing. Till we meet again ;)

Paris: hello love. Hello Eiffel

June 9th.

It was early in the morning as we started our journey from Warwick to London to catch the train to Paris. I was very excited to see what Paris had to offer. The journey from London to Paris took about 3 hours and finally we reached there.

As we stepped outside from the train station, I gulped.

"This is Paris, baby" i whispered to myself.

Paris has always been in my list as one of must-see places if I ever got the chance. With the fact that i learnt french for almost 4 years in high school and how my frech teacher used to tell us stories about Paris are one of the main reasons i've wanted to be there. To at least see the place. Alhamdulillah. Allah made it possible for me.

I felt very "tourist" when i had to pull our trolley bags around the city just to find our hotel. I have no idea that the streets could be so difficult to decipher. With very little frech words that i can still remember, i tried to string the words into one sentence;asking around for direction. It was very tiring but mind you, very much exciting. After half an hour or so, we found the hotel-checked in-off we went to the city.

The Lourve was our first destination. Pictures were taken like crazy outside the museum. I was unsure at first of purchasing ticket to meet La Jaconde (Monalisa) then finally decided to go into the museums and absorb all the paintings especially the star of the day-Monalisa. There were a lot of paintings, nude paintings and sculptures to be specific. We were joking around the painting but worries not, i actually enjoyed at the whole tour. Maybe i am ancient at heart. No wonder i love old building.

Walking around Paris in the cold is something i will not foget for the rest of my life. Have you seen Inception? We actually walked around the route. It was not that the scenery thst is very much breathtaking or what, its just the feeling and satisfaction to actually do what i always wanted to do-strolling along the road in Paris. I practically dragged my sister to follow me because she is not very fond of walking. Weehuuu.. we planned to stay there a bit longer as i wanted to wait till dark just to see the beautiful Eiffel Tower flashing its beauty. We bought the ticket to the top of the tower and up up we went to the top. Basically there are two stations. Depending on you which one do you want. The lift stopped at the first station, and as soon as we stepped outside it wss freezing cold. The chill air slapped my face. It was nice though, trust me.

We were on top of Eiffel for like 2 hours or so till dark. It was almost 10 pm the moment we stepped down. Since the summer is here, it was barely dark. All on all, there is more than meets the eyes of Eiffel Tower. I dont know about you, but i felt just glad, very glad actually to finally be on top of the tower which I treasure it very much. Alhamdulillah.

keroncong untuk Ana

I have always wanted to blog about this song; this version of Keroncong Untuk Ana.

so tonight, i will.

I remember the first time I listened to it, years ago and thought to myself,

"what a beautiful song with melancholy lyrics."

it's definitely a sad song, really. given the right mood and right time to be deep, this one can burn down the curb of my tears. Adam AF2 didn't do any justice to this song during one of the concerts, the memory which is still fresh in my mind.

i seriously love the starting of this live version. seribu kali suka!

Run.

The smell of fresh baked croissant, fresh from the oven makes me happy.

Just like Run by Snow Patrol. It makes me wanna fly high, remind me that there’s always another version of me and somewhere in near or distant future, things will get better.

This is not the first time I write about Run just like Littlest Things or Yellow or Drops of Jupiter. They do have this one superlative and hypnotic effect on me. Maybe, I’m just sentimentally and emotionally connected in some weird ways to these songs.

The real question is,

how far can you run away?

today and all in it :)

Describe today in one word.

hurm.. i would say; today is more than okay. today is great, actually.

started the day with spilled coffee on my mustard blouse. thus, coffee odor was my fragrance for the whole day. nevertheless, not even that could spoil my good mood, all those positive vibes all around. :)

it has been months since the last time i hit the squash ball to the wall. hey, the squash ball was not made to sit idly in my locker, untouched. hence, i buzzed all of my friends that i think would like to play squash with me. Please let me know if you want to.

what else?

i'm contemplating whether the previous 2 posts is a subject to deletion or otherwise but i think it better stays there, so in the future, i might be laughing when re-read the so-called angry post; Fundamental of Economics. Dude, the hatred does not last, really. I just put a thick line between us, as a precaution. :) some things are better left broken or in my case, left behind.

I could not thank more to few friends that have been a powerful support system throughout. Really, Thank you very much.

Hopefully, tomorrow is as great as today. InsyaAllah.

take-away for today:
1. The powerful of Doa.

JT

Erghhhh! Aah, biggest crush, eye candy ever. Biel (or Mrs Timberlake) is one lucky woman!

Drops of Jupiter

Sunday morning;office;alone.

Gathering ideas for PPA writing. I don't like it much but the need to do and complete it is crucial.

listening to one of the best songs ever; Drops of Jupiter.

i feel home.

i'm just lost in the lyrics just like the first time i listened to it years ago.

so yeah, i wanna be that girl. 

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Yes, the wind did sweep me off my feet.

Yes, i did dance along the light of day

Nope, i didnt go back to the milky way

Nope, Mars blew my mind

Yes, that was everything i wanted to find

I'm still looking for myself and yes i do miss a good friend like you while wondering around the galaxy.

hehs!

Fundamentals of economics.

I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.

Damn.

I know i am too wise to come out with emotional turmoil post. Wise? Yucks. I dont feel near the postcode zone of wise right now. I choose not to. Hence, this entry.

I browsed thru my old posts in blogspot and tumblr. I saw a lot of eiffel Tower pictures, referring to my tumblr posts. That showed how much i wanted to be there and i made it. So you see? I am that kind of girl. The kind of which when i decided my mind on something, i keep thinking about it and deeply have the urge to have no matter how long it takes. But, bear in mind-that does not happen in every aspect of my life, it happened randomly and sometimes my mind set on stupid things that i hardly enough to let go.

Stupidity.

Like right now, i could not believe after a long hours of sleep last night, i woke up with clouded mind with of course the clouded judgement. I felt angry for everything that you have done. That was not sadness anymore but rage. I hate the way you used to look at me and how you spoke. I hate it badly now. I hate the fact that i ever had dreams to stroll along the beach with you, to beat you in games. I hate the fact that i wrote your name in the front page of my favourite books, hoping you would read that book one fine day somewhere in the future. It hurts me much on how you used to joke around that lifted me up on the cloud 9 only later to dive nose first to the ground. I hate the fact you never bothered to care about my feelings. I hate you so much that i cant possibly breathe. All in all i hate you. Really dude. I hate you.

Now i know that if you really care you would not do the things what you have done. If you are a bigger person, you would not play around with my feelings with the assumption i would easily cope just because you see me "fun" on the outside. What really makes me angry is; i dont think you really think of me as a friend. You just didn't care, do you? That saddens me to the core. Even if we dont like something, we dont treat them like rubbish. You should not treat me or any of your friend like that. You know that hurts especially when you knew you meant half of the world for them ( for me). The one that you treated like that might be the one who includes you in their du'a, struggling hard to move on when certain people looked down on them (me) for being naive and stupid to fall for a guy like you until at a point they (me) dont bother to talk about it and bottle up everything inside, unsettling. So you see. I have the solid reason to hate you.

Nevetheless,

I am finding and looking at every corner  for tiny bits reasons not to hate you. Firstly, hatred is negative. I do not want to be stupid enough to bottle up negativity in me. Secondly, this is a phase and this too shall pass. And there is no need to cultivate te hatred towards you because it brings me nowhere but bitterness. Thirdly, because you are my friend. Eventho the way you treated me otherwise, i am firm believer in giving is better. Unlike you, i will not treat you like rubbish, toying around with peoples feelings with the assumption she or he does not care because she or he is a carefree and naive person.

In conclusion, this is what i gathered within me somewhere along the train journey from Swiss to Italy maybe. I had a long thoughts on this matter that kept bothering me and i seemed not to fully let go eventho i decided earlier in May. I hate leaving things unsettling especially when my emotion is at stake, hence the thinking. I guess i never really accepted what you did and kept telling myself that it was ok while it was not.

For me, it was not okay on how you behaved.
For me, it was not okay leading than leaving me hanging.
For me, what you did made me feel like rubbish.

Thus, i figured, the cure is to forgive you, and reminding myself that i forgave you when devils whispers to hate you.

Thus, i figured it is best to forgive myself. Tango takes two to dance. What happened was half of my faults.

wooosh

if i were to blog, then i would have to blog about my trips to Paris, Interlaken, Venice, Rome and few cities in the UK for the past 2 weeks. However, i am just plain lazy to write about all of it on one go, i shall have to allocate certain hours from the 24 i've been given daily for each trip. just you wait. don't you give up on me. i will not promise, i'll make it happen instead.

my biological clock is still in haywire mode. it's past my bedtime and i'm still wide awake, listening to one of my oldest favourite songs- Keroncong untuk Ana and Mustika. Ancient! i like both lyrics; deep and meaningful.

you know what? i used to love reading so much. like much. the kind of "much" where you could see me holding books and read in front of tv, or my bag would be as heavy like carrying stones because there were at least 2 books in it. if you read about my previous post, you shall know how i would start reading 2 books simultaneously so i won't get bored by only focusing in one book. I'm weird like that, i guess. well, everyone is weird in their own way or should rephrase it, everyone is special in their own way.

I'm off work for 18 days was such a bliss. Hopefully, a fresh start for tomorrow. InsyaAllah.

Let me list down a few points that frequently flying in my mind right now.

1. Strolling along the Grand Canal, watching sunset was definitely a must-do when I go there once again.
2. That won't be the last time I visited Interlaken. I will definitely go there again, someday, with the loved ones and I think everyone should put that in their dream place to go for.
while we were on the tram going up to Jungfrou - Top of Alps; my sister mentioned about one of the ways to be closer to God is by seeing the beauty of all of his creation. again, i emphasize Interlaken is just beautiful, like really beautiful. it's so beautiful and i could cry because of it. I pray all of us will find and always stumble upon the beautiful spot. there's always beauty in this world. hence, never give up.


okay for now. i need to get my beauty sleep. tata everyone :)

Lewat petang semalam

Sorry. I promised an entry for each place i visited in the uk. I will update more about my visit ti Oxford and Birmigham.

Words cant describe how beautiful summer is. No, its not hot at all. At least for me. The pang of windy chill air would greet my cheeks everytime i walk out. For someone who likes walking so much like yours truly, Coventry is such a place to walk. Like yesterday, i walked for 3 hours around Warwick near my sister's uni. It was a sunny day, good day to walk. With fresh air to breathe in, you know you are fine.

Cantik kan?

Nope i dont miss hometown at all. At least for now :)

Coventry: beautiful as it seems.

Coventry is a quite place which is very suitable for mind-relaxing.

my sister went off for her exam this morning. i would love to take a stroll around campus but put off the thought since i think it's better off for me to sort out plans for our Euro Trip. I can't wait to see Alps. really.

We had heave dinner last night. Chicken Beriyani from a Pakistani restaurant. I'm not sure whether it's just me who were famish like crazy or the taste of that beriani was so freaking terribly good. Like seriously. Trust me, that is coming from a curry lover like yours truly.

so when they say, UK is beautiful, that is really not a overstated statement. Coming from somewhere like Kuala Lumpur with massive heavy traffic and polluted air, that made me realize how wonderful it is to actually live here like my sister,Ayuni. She said I was saying that because I've just got here, eventually maybe I would get bored. We'll see how. InsyaAllah, if that opportunity comes, then I'll choose London. I crave for a big city to live in. We'll see how it goes.

Frankly, 2 weeks before I got here, there were a lot of things happened in my sweet little life. I cried buckets when a pang of sudden realization hit me right at the face-my current job. I knew I have some fair portion of whining on it, that what makes me sad really. Instead of doing something about it, once in a while I whine. That, won't solve the problem and showed how immature I am for a 25 year-old. My emotional department has also became haywire once in a while. It's never really easy to get over someone even with hundreds tonnes of persuasion and rationalization you input into your brain. The thing is, time still plays a very important role and this phase at times driving me nuts. However, it gets better. :) I had good discussion with a few friends, some close to me, some who are not really but with good opinions on this matter; hence, I came out with a conclusion that sometimes pain can be self-inflicted. I think we always know what we have to do to make things better, but we always succumb to our emotion. maybe it's not you but it what happens to me :). I noticed that and I'll make things better.

During the saddest and bleakest moment, i whatsapp-ed a friend of mine saying;
Where will I go from here...

and he replied;
Pergi bercuti and have fun.

Dude, you have no idea how low I felt at that particular point of time, but your reply really did make me feel
"yeah..why should I dig in sorrow when I'll be leaving for UK in a couple of days". I'm not usually okay with logical answer in this kind of situation, but I think that's the best answer you can give to a friend whose judgement is clouded by irrelevant thoughts, like I did. so thank you, you!

London: talk with the stranger.

I found my way to the bus stop from from the terminal.

Here's the thing about strangers. Some are just so nice and clicked with you just that way. I felt welcomed talking to her about places and such. She sees the world by travelling. That's the whole point of this whole visit, really. To broaden my mind and to see things clearer. To change few perspectives maybe.

Off the bus left for Poole.

So here i am, waiting, for another 20 minutes for my bus. Trust me, its so damn exciting when you are alone in a foreign country. I cannot wait to peel you off UK.

"Opportunities dont come so often. Once they are there, make sure you take them".

London: the journey begins

Hi. Im blogging from thousand feets above the ground. I've been in the air for more than 11 hours now. An hour to go before, hello London.

While doing nothing just now, or maybe between browsing through movie selection or making trips to the lavotory i came out with an idea that i have (must) write daily about my experience while my stay in the uk. InsyaAllah. Knowing the lazy side of me, if i were to wait till i reach home, then you know that'll never been into words.

Ive been watching the fourth movie till now. Been sleeping for hours. Gosh,London is so far far away land! Till then!

Perempuan dan emosi

Perempuan.

Ada satu masa rasa macam nak telan semua. Meatball 40 biji pun boleh habis. Orang yang dia sayang rasa macam nak simpan dalam handbag bawak ke sana ke mari.

Tak relevan.

Funny. Sebab bila tiba masa itu, bila perasaan insecure dan bercelaru datang bertimpa-timpa, buntu jadinya.
Ada yang sanggup tengok movie yang sama kali ke3. Di platinum suites pulak tu. First time for everything.lepas ni akan fikir 100 kali untuk try lagi.

Walaupun hari ni kualitinya macam entah apa2, takut nak menjawab depan tuhan nanti, insyaAllah esok masih ada.

Dan, jarak yang aku cipta antara kita tu, terima kasih sebab kau mengerti. Tuhan saja yang boleh balas baik budi.

Hello Thursday

Stumble.

I am waiting for maybank to open. It's 944 in the morning already and i have lots of tedious stuff that i need to settle before venturing into holiday mode for 2 weeks. I think this is the longest annual leave i've taken so far since day 1 i started doing what i am doing now.

Let it remains unknown for the time being because the memories have yet to be moulded and i will definitely convey the tell tales in 20 days.

I have wstched fast and furious 6 twice already. The number might increase if we manage to secure tickets for gold class tonight. It's just freaking good. So good and i cant barely remember when was the last time i watch a movie that good.

I dont do the movie justice by my writing. Just have faith that it is good please. Will update later.

Mwahhhhxxx

Soaring high eagles

It all started 6 years ago. With a simple introduction from each and every of us that lead to campfire by the beach till wee hours, late night talks about life, die hard movie; we turned out to bond just like that.

And after 6 years, its still wondering me how in those 3 days, we actually found a friendship which the one that does not require constantly communication but when we meet once in a while, you know what to say, just click that way.

As for me, thats the beauty of it. A dream-like.

Soaring high eagles. Soar way way up higher.

Dont judge a book by its cover.

Dia gelak ketawa bersama teman teman. Mungkin ada yang memandang macam entah apa apa, tapi mana tahu orang yang kita rasa entah apa apa itu menangis dalam sujud waktu tahajjudnya.

Dia macam cool saja. Pakai tshirt jeans biasa, tak ada kopiah atas kepala.Tapi mana tahu quran tu tak pernah ditinggalnya. Hari hari dibaca.

Few events that occured recently have opened my eyes (maybe my heart too) indirectly. Dont judge a book by its cover, and i, dont have the single right to do that.

For me, for you.

Hot head, cold feet.

Kaki sejuk. Kepala panas.
Apa tandanya? Yes demam bakal melanda.

Ya Allah, tolong jauhkan demam itu please.

Lebih kurang lagi 8 kali putaran bumi, aku sampai ke satu destinasi hati. InsyaAllah. Nervous?

Yeap.

Kenapa?

Sebab itu semua pernah jadi satu mimpi,satu fantasi di malam hari. Masa menonton cinta antara benua, masa menonton letters to juliet masa menonton Lizzie McGuire.

Sesungguhnya, dari hati yang paling dalam saya sukakan kejutan. Really. Apa yang mulanya dirancang Disember, June datang menyapa dahulu. Subhanallah.

Belum lagi.

1. Capturing me jumping on helideck.
2. Watching sunrise and sunset, with vast big wide ocean in front of me. ( preferably with the ones that matter)
3. Wearing the yellow coverall, hands covered with muds, sweating.

For now, that is the list. I shall update you more.

Oh ya, doakan.

Something borrowed.

It's weird on thinking how you can miss something that is in front of you? How we can just let the time passes without fulfilling it with the worth thoughts or words or action.

Like now.

Having the presentation on economics, something about regulatory milestones; which my mind hard to absorb.

The thing is, i miss you. I miss the ideal dreams of catching sunset with you, strolling down the beach and cliff-jumping.

All in all, i just miss you.

Yellow.

Everything was yellow on that day. It was May 1st. I remember waking up with sore in my heart,thinking deeply "where would i go from here? How would i ever fall in love with anyone else but you?"
And right there and then, i already knew i asked myself the wrong question and i was about to repeat the same mistake i did not so long time ago. I was looping in the same scenario but only with different cool person.
So i got up from bed. I called my friend. I needed to get out from my shells. Instead of taking months like the first time, I prayed hard that i will pass this test with better grade than the last time. I prayed god will forgive all my mistakes and show me the path to see clearer and bigger picture of the situation. Eventually i did i still do. At this point, i realize that when god test us by taking off something or someone dear to our heart, He provide replacement with better ones. :))

Three points for you :)

1. Perkara yang kita perlu biasakan hari2 adalah zikir. Seriously, im teaching myself that now and it's actually so hard to do.

2. Spending habit. Its true that spending our money is therapy. However i have to say that it is not a very good one. If you compare between these two therapies of getting up during nights; performing tahajjud or shopping, the latter is easier to do but the former makes our heart grow fonder and promise more satisfaction. Being me, i think you can guess the answer. Lets together pray for a better me and you. InsyaAllah.

3. I pray everyday is like today which i am committed and happy. I woke up smiling like no one cares, singing in the shower and a cup of caffeine in the morning. I feel blessed.

Hows your day people. Be safe and good. :)

just a thought!

Sudut pandangan manusia terhadap sesuatu perkara memang berubah. kisahnya begini. 

lebih kurang 4 tahun lalu, aku ada membeli sebuah buku berkenaan hadis-hadis nabi. namun malangnya, buku tu tak pernah bersentuh atau dibaca since then! adalah beberapa page aku baca tapi pada waktu tu aku tak dapat nak terima huraian isi yang lebih kepada akhirat, dalam erti kata lain tak menyentuh sangat pasal dunia. itu pandangan aku pada waktu tu. hari ni, tergerak hati untuk capai atas saranan seorang teman. mulanya hanya untuk check hadis yang aku mahu tahu, tapi dari satu topik ke topik lain semakin menarik. mungkin penulisan tidak seberapa namun isinya ada. see, the way we see things do change! :) jadi memang benarlah, semua perkara yang ada di dunia ni tak ada yang kekal melainkan apa yang ada di sisi Allah sahaja. hmmm...

last week, aku ada discussion panjang dengan seorang kawan baik. funny, how people are actually not the way we think (judge). maksud aku, someone yang tak pernah strike to be close to you at the first glance can be someone you can rely on and exchange opinions. 

there's more than meets the eyes.

don't judge a book by its cover.

Umar bin Abdul Aziz berkata : “tiada ada sesuatu nikmat yang dikurniakan Allah SWT kepada seseorang, lalu diambil kembali nikmat tersebut sedangkan orang itu menerima takdir yang menimpa dirinya dengan sabar, melainkan Allah akan menggantikan yang lebih baik bagi dirinya.

Happy mothers day to all mothers in the world.

Anddddddddd, Happy Monday people!

pearls of the day

I talk to myself a lot now. I mean not like talking when no one is watching, but it's more like self-talk. let's recap good things i've learnt these past few days;

1. it's true. we don't need any shoulders to cry on once we cry alone to our Lord, preferably during we prostrate before Him in 5 times prayers and tahajjud.

2. Be patient. Be patient. because there's no limit to it. (Az-Zumar;10)

3. Read at least 5 sentences of quran translation each morning and reflect to our daily routine.

Rejab is here people. :)

daily work

It’s midnight.

It’s weekday.

And I’m still not sleeping, hence I can foresee at what time I’ll be waking up tomorrow. This is the only time I’ve got to blog after a long day at work.

I can barely functional at 5 PM, really. When I was in school, I wouldn’t study during that time because I had this mindset, telling me not to study after 5. Really. It’s the same when I started working and even to these days. So if you see me staring at my computer after 5, I am actually thinking on what to wear for my friend’s wedding that usually months away or which place to visit in Europe, or anything else but work. Hihi…

This has to stop. I mean wasting my time in front of the computer, so I decided to hit the gym or jog which mostly I only walk at the park. It’s very refreshing after a very long and tiring day. The clogged mind seems to lessen bit by bit and by the time I finish tawaf the park or do a bit of running, I definitely feel better. Alhamdulillah. Second option is to play squash. It’s good to have few colleagues that can play really well but now I’m left with none since one is pregnant, the other one is too busy and the rest seems less interested to play. Sob sob. “Dear Allah, please send me someone who can play squash really well so I can brush up my rusty skills and learn to play better. Amiiinn…”

the point to get stronger.

The sound of a breaking heart is almost loud as the screaming that is projected by the voice, but only can be heard by the owner of the heart.

Today was dull. I tried my best to stay awake to the reality, however there’s this one big space of emptiness and silence that seem so lurid for me to bear. I cried soundlessly inside and told myself every single thing will eventually get better. The broken heart will be fixed, the emptiness will be filled and the loud silence will fade away.

It’s worth it. If I could go through this alive, then I know I’d be a different person later on. insyaAllah. Allah will not burden us with something that we cannot handle, that’s what I’ve been telling myself. And as for now, I hold tightly Quran Al-Maidah;06.

.... Allah does not intend to make difficulty for you, but He intends to purify you and complete His favor upon you that you may be grateful.

This is a phase and this too shall pass.

As someone wise told me once;” Allah tengah ajar kau sabar and redha tu” very simple yet very deep.

Letting the balloon go away.

Weird how a stranger could give some meaning and way to look at your problems without you even realize it.

It was last Friday morning and I was ready getting ready for work. Then this one beautiful song was on air. It was Arabic and I couldn’t figure out the meaning when I started listening to it. I glanced through and its lyrics captured my heart right there and then. All the heavy burdens I was carrying for the whole week was gone vanished in a split of second. And my tears started rolling down my cheeks like waterfall.

Law Kana Bainana al-habeeb : if the beloved (Muhammad SAW) were among us.

Subhanallah. It is such a beautiful song.

I started to think how he would be saying if he knew my problem that burdens me was. I was very ashamed for the thought of it because that was not really a problem at all. Let me put this way. If I were to let go of that thing as of now, I won’t go for Jahannam for it. That problem was not part of my responsibilities at all. True, my heart is still aching every now and then due to it and this is a phase I have to endure. That too, shall pass. insyaAllah.

So friends, let’s prioritize our responsibilities and amanahs. J

Below is the translated lyrics:


Kalaulah Kekasih-Mu, masih berada bersama-sama kami,
Akan terlunaslah segala hutang dan semakin hampirlah
dengan haruman Baginda, sebelum hilangnya,
rasa yang meronta-ronta untuk berada hampir dengan Kekasih-Mu.

Berada berhampiran Baginda, jiwa turut menjadi harum
Dan apa jua yang kalian doakan kepada Allah, akan diperkenankan,
Cahaya Nabi Muhammad tidak akan pernah sirna,
Sempatkanlah kami bertemu dengan Baginda,
Wahai Tuhan yang Maha Memperkenankan doa hamba...

Hidayahmu kepada alam merata meluas,
Tanda hampirnya kasih sayang Tuhan pemberi hidayah,
Hadith-hadithmu ibarat sungai mengalir jernih,
Berada di sisimu bagaikan dahan yang tumbuh segar dan basah.

Kutebus diriku dengan dirimu, wahai Kekasihku,
Nabi Muhammad yang mulia, yang asing,
Berada berhampiranmu, jiwa menjadi harum,
Wahai yang diutuskan sebagai tanda kasih sayang Tuhan kepada seluruh alam....

Wahai Kekasihku, wahai Nabi Muhammad
Wahai doktor hatiku, wahai yang dipuji dipuja
Dirimu memiliki kelebihan yang diakui
Oleh Tuhan yang turut berselawat ke atasmu.

beautiful words describe me best of now ★♡★♡

Ramblings of A Random Mind: Looking Forward

Muse.

I guess Dan Humphrey was right. Any pertaining matters relate to art, muse is one important thing for an artist to possess. Be it writers, painters.

Between those miles from my hometown until now, i couldn't deny the fact that my thoughts shifted between different muses in my world.

My dreams to witness the beauty of Alps, my vision to have beaten you in sqush or anything equal that could make me laugh at you or laugh with you, images of us being friends and cracking jokes without my adrenaline rushing faster when you are around.

I pray i can completely leave you behind somewhere in the future if it's what meant to be. Or else, i pray for the bond that will bind us together in this world and hereafter. Which is which, I know Allah has the answer and that surely is the best for us.

In the meantime, He is teaching me patience. ♥♥ and i couldnt thank Him more for the lesson.

The airport scene.

She paced heavily. She almost running because the was only one hour left. She cursed the flight delay in silent. Of only she could drive the plane herself, she would. In a time like this, 5 minutes late meant a whole world to her. A whole world.

She almost cried when she saw the long line just to get the red book stamped. She felt like begging the elders in front of her to let her pass or the couple in front of them which she believed were in a hurry and argued about little things. She swore that sje would never wasted her time arguing about little things when there were much bigger things to talk about, dreams to share. She waited patiently for her time to come-for her passport to get stamped.

She was almost running now to collect the luggage. Her phone died, made it impossible to listen his voice earlier than she expected to. While putting her luggage on the trolley, her eyes was all watery and red. The little girl beside her who carried her little backpack smiled doubtly at her. She replied that smile and asked her name. Mabel. That was a beautiful name. She waived goodbye to the little girl and pushed her trolley as fast as she could. It seemed like forever to reach arrival hall.

..... and there he was standing, wearing the white shirt she bought him last month with a goofy smile on his face. The kind of smile she could only see when both of them were around. Tears were strolling down her cheeks by then. She was an hour late. That meant an hour worth of conversation and laughter and lessen the emptiness she felt for almost a month.

They spent the next 45 minutes chatting and laughing. He had this way of making funny stupid jokes that you couldn't not to laugh. Then the final call for him to board were announced. He winked at her said they would be seeing each other again. She offered her smile and nodded. He then kissed her forehead and left. She would hold to the goofy smile until his return.

Time, fly fast.
God, take care of him whereever he is.

Ovums.

" Kau boleh menyandar pada seribu bahu kalau kau mahu
Tapi kau memilih untuk yang satu itu Yang paling dungu
Yang buat kau bersandar sambil airmata kau jatuh bertalu dan hati kau pecah beribu. "-seksi ovari.

Sebuah buku yg kandungannya adalah puisi. Aku tak punya ini lagi. Aku tak mampu utk memberi masa kepada ruang utk membaca yang satu ini. Satu dua tiga empat lima buku masih tegak berdiri utk difahami.

Utk sekelumit pengalaman aku yang daif ni, sebaik-baik tempat bersandar adalah Allah taala. Sungguh.

milky nights

Tonight is one of those casual working nights. Besides the oozing urge to pour some thoughts in here, there is nothing less or more. It’s equal.

My mind rest in peace when I came back home and see my favourite blue comforter folded neatly on the bed, clothes are gracefully put in the wardrobe. All of sudden, my life means so much more. I guess the saying is true, take care of you belonging. Don’t live in mess!

There is always a first time for everything. Remember when we had our first walk while we were toddlers, the first time we waved good bye with teary eyes to our parents the day they sent us to boarding school? Or the first day at work? Well, last night was my first time drinking milk before sleep in one decade and half. Seriously! I was and still am excited about it until now! So people, lets add some calcium to our body and lets drink milk.

Good night!

Bubla bubbles

Truth is, self-discipline is so much important and that is one thing I don’t really possess. If only I could install it and pay monthly, then I could wave good bye to procrastination and value my time even more.

Hello world.

I woke up this morning, looking directly at the naked orange blue sky. It was so beautiful. That is the blessing I’ve been blessed with ever since I moved my bed to this side of the room with the curtain wide open. Hello wonderful weekends.

I’ve been telling myself lately that I should tidy up my room, put some make ups on it and lining my perfumes bottles accordingly. On the other note, I bought myself a brand new Hugo Boss which I absolutely in love with at the very first smell. So they say, first cut is the deepest here is the same with my selection of perfumes. First smell is very much important. Still, no perfume can beat my love towards Issey Miyake-Floral. Go get one dearies.

Scrolling down pictures in my gallery, I realized there was so much fun that I had not put them into words like how I caught sunset in Miri, teambuilding and such. Life can be so wonderful sometimes, if we look at it closely.

Hence, I will discipline myself to discuss good topic in here!

Till then.

Monday Blues

I always see myself as an optimist. I think I was wrong because the thing is, I’m not that optimistic towards a lot of things. so now, I consider myself as a fun girl and a bit emotional. There, I said it out loud.

Being in all-girls school actually shaped your character. The movies we watch while we were young kids, the songs we listen to and the endless conversation we had are the key factors that build our characters and attitudes. Frankly speaking, I’m blessed because I am surrounded by many types of characters. Really. Some of my friends are really rational and I can discuss with them problems which I see as irrelevant in the very first place, but soon the perspective changed once we talk. Then, there this certain kind who are sceptical which I believe trying their best to be realist in every aspect of their live. I won’t say that’s wrong but this type of people won’t entertain your emotional turmoil at all.

The point is, appreciate the friends that you have. They are not perfect. The have flaws here and there, so do you. So I wanna convey a huge and mountains of “thank-you”s to my friends who stick around during my ups and downs. This little thing is often neglected but actually plays a big important role in our lives; the culture of saying thanks.

the job, the book and the songs

The time stealer.

Let me brief you an example:

I was about to blog. Then, there comes this advertisement on Samsung application that can be installed for photo editing for my phone and there goes 10 minutes of figuring that out. In those 10 minutes, I could actually write a single short entry. I can’t imagine how much time wasted between the interval to do the things that I plan (suppose) to do in my daily routine. Let’s hope you and I can really use up our time well.

Hi hello.

This weekend had been spent nicely, I would say. Scratched the fact that my room is still in a medium-messy state, everything else seems to be normal. Suffice to say, this is all I need from a weekend. To rest and to read and do some thinking. Early this morning, I woke up with an anxious feeling regarding the undone presentation pack. It’s about my job. I know I haven’t rant much on my job. One, because I don’t like it that much, frankly speaking. Two; I don’t know why but recently I read about stagnant people and all of sudden I felt like one. I tried to conceal the negative thought and did some thinking on how I can actually improve given the proper time and training, but all I wanted to do now is stop lying to my own self. Firstly, I have to accept the fact that what I’m doing right now is not actually what I had in mind when I first started my semester in UTP 6 years back. Secondly, if this is what I got, for now, then don’t try to tell me it’s not worth it. Obviously I thought I’m worth more knowing I’m the planner of my life, but hey I forgot that there’s a hand guide me all this while. Live with what you have to the fullest and strive more. I read the saying somewhere, and I will try to apply it. We’ll see.

The Perks of Being A Wallflower is not that boring after all. It has this effect that grips you all along.  It does also tell me how different for each individual and made me realize the beautiful of friendship.

Funny, when I pause and look back and realize certain things. one: I couldn’t bring myself listening to Adele’s Someone Like You because it used to hurt that much and today I can actually laugh about it. Two: A Thousand Years so much more nicer these days. In conclusion, I think my heart is gradually open for the right reason to love and the hopefully to the right person. InsyaaAllah.

my dearest

"Fifth, to stare at a yellowish photo, a kind of yellow that only happen due to time effect and knowing that the person in the photo is no longer around"- ANO, 2013

Looking at this photo caused the lump in my throat and the post-effect after looking at it is the teary eyes. The picture is not yellowish, but the later sentence is true. To realize that the old man in the photo is no longer around somehow triggered a few thoughts.

There’s no such thing as perfect love or perfect man in this world except for Rasulullah SAW, but in the little world of my own, he was and his love is beyond perfect for me. Really.

I realized he must be very special in my life because even the sight of his baju melayu managed to make me cry until now. It’s been 10 years since the last time he kissed my forehead.

How can I ever give up teh ais when we used to spend evenings together with it.

Until now, I’m blessed to witness a few solemnization; be it friends or close relatives. And the first thought crossed my mind would be he wouldn’t be there when my dad hands me over to my future husband. I’d say that is the saddest thought ever.

There is graduation picture of me getting the scroll from Tun Mahathir on my wall. Sometimes, I wonder it’d be better if he could be there too. I long to see him alive in one of my graduation pictures. I know it’s not right to think such way.

I wonder how I can love that much and it saddens me to think that he loved me much more. I’m afraid if my prayers never reached him due to my weaknesses as a muslimah. If that so, how would I ever repay all, I mean all that he had done for me. hence, I’m trying to be a better muslimah. I’m taking baby steps towards it. Amiin.

I guess this is the genuine love we shared. Even though he’s not around, the thought of him itself pulls me up and move me forward.

I am blessed. Alhamdulillah.

Feeling sunday

Of today

Leisure. Bliss. Defines by this:
Esok kerja jadi hari ini kita bersuka ria ok? Eh silap. Esok kerja jadi hari ini kita kumpul semangat dan semua positive energy.

Pengalaman memang ajar kita banyak benda. Its our own right to choose. All of sudden i feel blessed to have this blog. Like seriously.

Esok hari penting. Lusa juga hari penting. Bring it on!

feb 6!

in whatever you do, be discipline! it'll bring you anywhere.
have dreams. have vision. know your purpose in life. and don't forget we're dying and we'll be truly  living when we wake up to be judged.

-today's advice from different occasions; the talk i attended, the conversations i had, and the book i read.

good night :)

my pearls of thoughts

I love reading. I love listening to the instrumental music; alone in my room, preferably raining outside. I’m not sure if people would call me a dork if they know about this fact, it is what it is. Since I am so much in love with reading, I can start reading 3 books all at the same time, well you know it’s quite long to finish ‘em. Actually, I do have my own reason for that. If you know me for quite some time, you will notice that I am not someone who can focus into one thing for a long time. I’m blessed with this fickle mind towards liking on something, but thank god, not a fickle heart.

If you know me a while longer, then you would notice that I talk quite a lot. I talk about silly things, not a very important stuffs I would say and I also laugh on average jokes or might be considered not in the same code of funny zone. Hopefully, I can improve on this matter. Maybe, start talking about serious stuffs. I don’t know. We’ll see how it goes.

A good friend of mine pointed out that I can get really emotional, at times. In my defence, I said I am not. I said that I could bear long distance relationship and I didn’t expect my future husband; whoever he is, to be with me all the time. Let’s face it. I lied to myself. That was my presumption for myself few years back when I was still a teenager who only weighed about 50 kgs and the most crucial thing to think about at that time was SPM. As I am evolving into more matured woman (hopefully!) with more responsibilities to carry on my shoulder, I do realize now that I need support. I foresee it’s not that easy to raise kids all alone because without proper time management, support and love situation can go whirlwind. It might be due to aging factor, I do feel tired most of the time after working hours now. I’ve been doing some reading on it, and I realized I might not fully utilize my energy into the right portion. Like, waking up early, sleep early, reading quran continuously and  such. I should experiment those activities before it’s too late to become habits. Amiin!

Oh my god! (read it loud with the highest tone!)

I NEVER EVER thought moving on/getting over someone would be this damn hard. The first time experience was not so much due to the fact we were in different continents with not so much things to worry about because I was still a student (young and dangerous, somemore). However, still, the first time taught me a lot and Alhamdulillah I managed to pull through. This time around is different scenario. The fact that I have to see the face that you want to get over every single day, it’s kinda hard. Alhamdulillah, I’m blessed with a few souls that I can trust and told me this is a phase that I will eventually get through. I know I will. All of sudden, one theory that I refused to take into consideration in the first place comes floating into my mind and I think his view is quite relevant.

His theory is like this: you’re not actually got over someone unless you find someone new.

It’s quite true, nay?

I’m not particularly sure about the detail of his point of view, but I think that someone new is not a replacement. That someone new is actually someone you think you can start a life with, someone who loves you back; someone who is meant to be with you for the rest of your life, to improve together. (that sounds sweet!) I do really need to do adjustment in my emotional department. so maybe this is my pursuit to happiness? Nope! I’m already happy. Maybe this is a challenge Allah puts me through to test and strengthen my heart and to prov one of the “ayats” in the quran that stated Allah knows best while we are not. J

daily crumbles!

"...Again, during the commonwealth Heads of government meeting in Edinburgh, Scotland, in 1997, I met Tony Blair, who had only just become Prime Minister of Britain. I explained the effect of currency trading to him at length and asked him to take it up with the IMF, but my efforts came to nothing." -Page 671 (Currency Crumble), A Doctor In The House.

" I went to work today. i dont understand about entitlement issues. I sorted out emails and realized there are two pending projects which the deadlines are next week. i did nothing/ haven't started anything about it. and there goes, my so-called ex crush; the one that i'm still struggling to move on from came and joked about funny stupid things." Me, of today January 30th.

I know. I shouldn't compare myself with our ex-prime minister but i hope you can see my point here. this is not about comparison but this is more about values that i hold onto, how i look on my responsibilities be it small or big. responsibility is a big word, really. it's never about the result, it's more the efforts. the kind of thing that i'm lacking. the one thing that i should be struggling more instead of struggling with the abovementioned.

that, makes me think; as a human/as a person/ as a muslim who believes that i'll be standing in front of Allah to be judged i really should prioritize my struggling on which responsibilities. shouldn't I? Shouldn't we?

i'll have a long way to learn. the point of perfection will never be reached, hopefully those points of betterment will be crossed from time to time. Insyaa Allah.

Good night! :)

Definitely maybe.

At this stage, it still is undefined. No. The right word would be uncertain.

#1
It was Thursday. Second day at work. I was still bored because I knew no one, I could not talk and stay silence for a long time. People who are dear to me know well how bad i am in dealing with silence.

An hour passed. Later that morning, the other newcomers told me there would be a class that i could join. Yeay! At least something to do! And i thought i was done with class after graduation. That seemed wrong. There were 5 or 6 of us. I could not remember then there he was; with that not so-friendly smile you could get from a stranger, the hairdo which was obviously nowhere to be defined to be my liking and the most opposite attribute of my usual term to be my crush - he was with a pair of glasses!

Right there and then, "ouch!!!"- my heart shrieked! I fell hard. For you.

#2
It was sunday. I was late and everyone including teachers were waiting for me at the jetty. I ran frantically to the counter, afraid if i might miss the ferry. My eyes sought after the familiar faces and no one could match. I nearly cried when i saw my friends waved at me. I was so relieved.

We reached Pulau Tuba about an hour later. We were divided into groups and mine was called chedar. I knew nothing what that was. Then right there he stood, with folded sleeve of maroon shirt. I blinked twice. I thought to myself "wow. This is the boyfriend material". Who could blame me? I was 16.

As much as i wanted to say they are the options, too bad because that would be a total lie. And i refuse to live in a lie.

My name is Ana. The abovementioned stories are non-fictional. But no! I didnt fall in love with 2 guys in the same time. #2 is definitely a history. #1 is teaching me life lessons.

I am just glad.

Maulidur rasul story

I hope the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is to say Alhamdulillah.

I hope the first person that will enter my mind will be Muhammad SAW.

recently, i've made one of the most important decision in my life thus far. and that actually hurts me a deeply. as much as i hate to portray feelings in my entries, i had to say this. whatever stupid/hurting phase that you're enduring, it shall pass and comes to an end. hence, usually each morning i would feel sad and the first thing entered my mind was the decision i made. that hurts me! so today, i woke up with the same feeling but mind you eventho the pain had subsided. then, i realized it's actually maulidur rasul and i feel so very very very much ashamed of myself and to Allah and Nabi Muhammad SAW. seriously syazana? the very first human being that should enter your mind is not the one who brings you suffering but the one should really be our prophet who loves his ummat unconditionally and pray for us even before we were born! subhanallah. and now, i feel so much much better.

alhamdulillah. 

and i know i made the right decision :)

Night talk

Today has been a rollercoater ride of emotion for me. With my current mood swing due to PMS, it's harder to keep focus in one piece, let alone to rationalize.

Anyways,

Have you ever felt so stupid that makes you wanna punch someone in the face? Well i did today. I dont know where was the strength coming from, but i did manage to lighten my mood later in the afternoon. And actually, laughed about the thing that i was stressed about.  Funny how hormones work.

So now before i drifting off into slumberland, i try to count my blessing. The things that attached most in my life now.

1. My bed. You have no idea how much i love my bed.
2. To have places called home.
3. To have a mom that understands my craziness.
4. To have a dad who loves you in silence without not much word but you know he prays for you. InsyaaAllah.
5.to have sisters that are close to you and love you.
6. To taste the sweetness of frienship
7.my laptopppp
8.time!!! To pray, to read.
9. Supplies of reading material.
10. Enough money to live as comfortably.
11. A job that translates into pahala if i do it sincerely.

And the list goes on.

So talking about being angry for not having that one thing? I dont think i wanna trade the abovementioned for it. After all, whats planned for us is always the best. Let me have the solid faith, o Allah.

Silver Lining

Inspired from Silver Lining Playbook.

Dear A,

thank you. I love(d) you since the first time I met you couple of years back. I'm sorry it took me so long to admit and put your chapter in this sanctuary before because I got stuck and I was in denial.

I thank you for you because through you I know I could fall in love again. You don't have to be sorry for you not having the mutual feeling towards me. I still will thank you, by the way. As much as I know how a heart could never be forced to love, that would be as much as I don't blame you for not loving me back. it's your right and I respect that.

I always believe prayers are the best thing ever we could offer to someone. So please, include me in yours and worries not, you're in mine. May the depth of our love towards Allah, our beloved prophet Muhammad saw and parents deepening each day for their love is incomparable and blessings to us. May we always remember that one day we'll stand before Allah and will be asked for every single deed that we do in this world. And I pray we find contentment and happiness in this world till jannah. insyaAllah.

-S-

so this is it :)

Ranting ranting kayu

Tadi,Anis ada sebut pasal masa yang dicuri. Tentang kita yang seringkali pandang belakang. Menyesal. Atau juga terlalu bimbang memikirkan masa depan. Yang nyata, itu semua pencuri masa. Tipu kalau aku bilang aku mampu menjaga masaku tanpa 1% pun dicuri. Tapi sekurang-kurangnya kalaupun terbazir aku harap bukan banyak jumlahnya.

Jam 1107 malam. Dan aku baru menapak kaki ke rumah. Dalam hati berdoa setahun dari sekarang jika berdua aku harapkan rutin sebegini tiada. Biar sesibuk mana pun. Biar kerja menimbun pun, aku doa-doa aku tahu tanggungjawab mana yang utama. Setiap kali aku fikir angan-angan untuk jadi isteri solehah, secara tak langsung ingatkan aku tentang tanggungjawab sebagai seorang baby kepada emak abah. Sudah cukup sempurnakah? Sempurna itu mustahil, utk diperbaiki lagi tentang role yang satu itu insyaaAllah.

Doalah utk kebahagiaan ibu bapa. InsyaAllah tak putus rezeki. Hehe..

Goodnight.

Happy New Year 2013!

This is a reflection. Not anticipation; that, I’ll save to myself first.

2012 is a year full of surprises.

I can barely remember how it started. I can’t remember where I was on January 1^st this year, but what I do remember is I wished you Happy New Year and you wished me back.

Looking back, there were a lot of things happened in my life. I took the experiences bit by bit and struggled hard to understand the hidden meaning for highlights of the year. Obviously I couldn’t put everything into words, all in one entry for what had been occurred the last 365 of earth rotation. One thing for sure, some events managed to turn my life upside down.

One:

For career-wise, it has been a wonderful year with wonderful those wonderful people around. You know, when you stuck to do something that obviously is not your first sight love it’s kinda hard. It takes a lot of struggles and reminders from your own-self to be sincere. Since sincerity comes from within, I do wish I’m sincere enough when my mind and lips agreed to it. I’m blessed to have people around who constantly harking to my whines, offering and sharing their opinions. I’m forever thankful and indebted. It just gets better.

Two:

Transition from student life to working life is not that scary. I find it a lot more fun because I’m handling my very own money. There are few adjustments needed, of course and also the way I think and such. All in all, at this current phase, I’m actually meeting a lot of new different people. my opinions towards certain issues changed gradually. I hope for more positive side. my spending habit is not in a good state. I mean, you cannot spend huge amount of money for different fragrances in 2 weeks. That; clearly need improvement.

Three:

I finally found a real replacement for the lost Iphone 4 last year. Alhamdulillah. It’s Samsung Galaxy Note 2, people! very nice! Like, really really really really nice and suits me the most. *to the moon and back*

Four:

I made a clean slate with someone from my past. I should’ve made it a long time ago but the teenage me couldn’t bear the thought opposite to what I wanted hence the delay. However, it’s a big achievement and I’m eternally thankful to Allah for all the lessons that came with it. That’s the thing about life. Sometimes, we are too afraid to face our own fear, afraid of what others might think of us, afraid to be different. I know I still have a lot to learn but one thing for sure, I refuse to lead the same pattern of life for the rest of my life.

Five:

Letting go is never easy. Thus, I’m praying hard that we all do possess the ability to let go things that are liabilities to us and focus more on something that is more beneficial for us to keep. Please be reminded that for every obstacle we have to endure, Allah knows. Never ever give up on Him because that’s the only way we will never ever give up on ourselves. Let’s strive to be better in every aspect of life eventho the changes might be slow. It’s okay as long as we’re not stagnant, right?

Last but not least, Happy New Year 2013!!!